Hearing

 

"Greetings to the distinguished group of those co-deciding on the fate of the world. Today's conference will determine the fate of Europe, from the beginning of the 21st century to the 23rd. This is a very compelling matter, considering the level of involvement of the participants in its future. Please complete the attendance list with greater zeal than before. We have introduced criminal penalties for refusing to participate in the conference. At the very beginning of the meeting, I would like to raise a rather important issue: the deities of war deserve reprimand. Prolonging life to maintain a state of chaos was a reprehensible move. I would ask that such situations not occur again. We remember the antics of our brethren very well; they have already suffered the consequences for the aggressive territorial policies of ancient Rome. I would like to emphasize once again that interfering—ahem... excuse me, significantly interfering—in the spontaneous development of object no. 14 will have disastrous consequences for our enterprise. All analyses and predictions prove unrealistic." Additionally, I propose a vote on the issue of healings; their limit has already been reached in the Middle East. People are beginning to believe in miracles; surprisingly, the word "miracle" has recently acquired a strictly pejorative meaning. I therefore propose a vote to change the names of the deities responsible for miracles. "

I wish to point out that interfering in the supernatural life of the main nexus of a conflict that is partly global, though intended to be solely European, is not a matter for which blame should be placed on us, the innocent deities and gods of war, but rather on the department of miraculous healings. Hopeless cases, of which this one was, are referred there. Our intervention was limited to submitting a petition, along with a form of "absolute protection," to the agency for temporary immortality. We also request a closer look at the actions of the deities of abundance and misery, as they have divided their duties in a completely illogical way. Thus, if an object falls under the purview of the deity of abundance, it can become richer or poorer. However, in my humble opinion, the complete imbalance is that, by falling under the "protection" of the deity of poverty, an object can only become poorer. This is a significant violation of the regulations. I would request that this sentence be noted in bold, and I will repeat it. A significant violation of the regulations...

- I apologize for interrupting. Deity of science, it is my pleasure. This issue was not resolved at the previous conference, and I still don't know what to allow them to discover and what...

- Did you really not notice that I'm interrupting?

We are now discussing the most important matters: death, disease, war, etc.

"Silence! Silence! Calm down! Because of your absurd arguments, we're facing yet another unforeseen circumstance, which is a disaster for the project! The god of childcare! Why did the god of care sit on an elementary school?! It's a disaster! Who can predict the consequences?!

"Can I, please, press the chairman's motions? As a divine prophet, I must admit that we have an exceptionally good job here.

" "And I, as the deity of protecting good property, the processing industry, and home inventory, I apologize for such impertinence."

"Last century, you were in the department of protecting biologically uncontaminated areas.

" "Yes, but they closed us down because of environmental degradation. Now I'm a substitute in inventory, plus an additional position in natural disasters."

"You could have guessed that the flood thing was your job. If you're going to do something, at least do it properly."

The chairman takes the floor again.

"Getting back on topic, I declare a punishment for the deities of war, indirect conflicts, direct conflicts, and prosperity.

The deity of war."

"I protest! Veto, veto, a huge, huge veto!

" "Peace, I say! I declare a decade of peace! Understood?"

"I declare a monstrous veto; it's impossible. I disagree, we have unions, we'll demand ours! A decade!?

Burial gods."

"In that case, half of us will go on welfare."

"Easy, war or no war, they'll kill each other anyway."

The Chairman once again, with clear, though carefully concealed, bitterness. "

The end of this damn rut. I declare two decades of peace from the beginning of the 23rd century. Please plan your work now so you don't complain later about it being boring. Starting tomorrow, I'll be collecting applications regarding the leader of the conflict; this time, please mark the shape and structure of the jaw." Applications will be considered until the end of the 22nd century. Complaints will not be accepted. Each deity may submit one proposal. I'm referring primarily to those who participated in the previous discussion. If I may call it that. We will continue our deliberations on the issue of free will, but I must raise another pressing issue. Last Saturday, someone sneaked into my personal office and, from what we could see, interfered with the economic development shrine. The consequences of this act are not yet known, however, the appropriate services are already on the trail of the perpetrator. Voluntary surrender and a show of remorse would be appreciated. Oh yes, I almost forgot about the warehouses. The warehouse of guilt is practically empty. Meanwhile, deliveries of frauds had to be stopped because there is no longer room for them. The state of affairs is appalling. Repentance, could I ask for a proper explanation?

Repentance and assistants.

- We will not do this.

"What am I listening to?"

"We won't do it, and that's it. We're not calves, we won't push ourselves into the pot, they don't want us, so no, no mercy." "

I understand it's not easy to influence consciences, but it's important for the project. So what will it be like?"

"We won't, period. We don't have the equipment; those science guys have such gadgets that it makes my soul sizzle, and we've been doing the same thing for centuries, either with a shovel in the ribs or with a kindness. If someone throws a cat out, you meow in its ear, you always put something somewhere and it somehow comes back, but we won't crush politicians. We tried everything, all our shovels were wasted, and nothing happened. When we last went after some politician's machine with shovels, not only is it still bothering us, but he's in a wheelchair, he's limping around a bit. We wouldn't do it for pennies and without equipment."

Chairman:

"Yes, fine, we'll take care of it. I refer it for reconsideration. It's time to address the issue of free will. Lisander, can you speak?"

Lisander:

"We believe this is a misguided idea. Any interference with human will could result in the premature demise of another project. I think we all remember how research on project eight ended. I almost couldn't discuss any of the topics with you today. We must remember that the issue of faith and submission is paramount to us; without it, we would be nothing. If we allow them a greater margin of "freedom" than before, we can now sit back with a popcorn in one hand and a Coke in the other, and watch the decline of structures as refined as our organization. To approach this issue with greater precision, I'll cite the example of Errata, the goddess of the wind. With the advancement of the gods of science, the goddess of wind began to fade before our eyes. Few believe that wind is an attribute of deity; it has become an element of nature, so there was no point in praying, believing, ehh. Errata claimed she wouldn't force people to believe; she wanted to leave everything to the normal course of events, thinking that one day a sentimental whirlwind would carry her back to the places from which she fell. She was wrong; now we can only wait for more examples of this kind. We are afraid, yes, dear brothers, the tentacles of fear grip each of us, but let's see, let's see what the deity truly fears. The deity fears such a feeble being as man, and where does man's strength lie? Man's strength lies in ignorance. This is the true weapon against heroes, against the powerful. Each of them expects obedience, yet people quickly change their approach to values. We, ancient beings, cannot afford to always be what they want us to be, and as a result, we fade away. It's people who shape faith, not people who shape faith. But what solution do we see?

Someone in front:

"We don't see it."

Lisander:

"That's it! We don't see it. And why is that? Because we're blinded by the desire to motivate them to action, because we want to bring them to a stage of development that will give us the opportunity to interact with them. The time has come to say it loud and clear. We're ending, we'll expire soon, so who will take our places? People? I disagree, we still have time to complete several other projects. I propose we end work on project number 14, which was absurd from the very beginning.

Lexus:

"Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to return to organizational matters once again. Where's the list?! Can I have the list, please?"

(gives him the list) "Oh! Yes, thank you." Hmm, yes, yes. Would anyone like to speak?"

A commotion breaks out in one of the back rows.

"Objection!"

The chairman looks confused.

"Who is that?"

(voice from behind)

"Oportunis."

"Ah, and what exactly are you objecting to, Mr. Oportunis?"

"Objection, I oppose globalization."

"Globalization of what?"

Oportunis emphatically:

"I oppose the globalization of non-globalized areas!"

"Ah yes. Fascinating. Lead him out!"

Two hairy bruisers in pink dresses rush into the room, jumping to the rhythm of a tune known only to them, take Oportunis by the arms, and lead him towards the door. Before leaving, all three perform a half-turn with incredible grace and leave. The chairman speaks again:

"The attendance list shows your commitment to the proceedings. Cases such as Metron have demonstrated exceptional zeal. Dear Metron, would you be so kind as to explain to the audience your congested attendance? Is Metron present?

" (silence)

"I understand. Then who, with the foresight of a piglet, entered him on the list? Triple...?"

(silence, that is, ho, ho) "

I understand."

Lexus made a sweeping motion with his hand along the rows and glared ominously at the hall. Three individuals jumped unnaturally from their chairs. Immediately, thugs appeared on the platform, this time in green dresses, and with equally dance-like gait, they prepared to escort the esteemed troublemakers out of the hall. Before this could happen, however, a device consisting of a large window frame filled with translucent glass was introduced. Then the machine was directed at the first gentleman, and a fancy hat resembling the picnic basket of a large family was placed on it. A squeal sounded, and the delinquent's face appeared on the glass, contorted in a grimace of half-shame, half-regret, and a quarter-surprise. The frame quickly adorned the main hall.

The presiding judge pronounced his verdict:

"A decade of embarrassment."

The procedure was repeated quite efficiently for the remaining culprits. The proceedings returned to their previous routine.

Lexus:

"Where is the god of health?! Where is Medicament?"

"On sick leave.

" "I'm going crazy."

He makes a silly face, signaling that he's about to go crazy, and then a wave of noise echoes through the room. A light flashes above the heads of those in session.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Please be quiet!" The command center would like to speak.

A large, irregularly shaped hole appears in the ceiling, accompanied by the sound of tearing material. A hen jumps out of the hole.

"Howk!

" said the hen.

"Howk! " the hen

chorused.

The hen:

"I call a recess."

Joyful shouts come from the room. The hen spreads its wings, each bearing three long crimson feathers. The hen takes to the air, soaring for a moment, hovering just above the heads of those gathered. It soars even higher, disappearing through the hole. The hole closes over, and the deliberators disperse.

Lexus:

"I remind you that only those with a valid membership card are entitled to refreshments. However, intoxicating substances are available only to those who have paid their membership dues for the current decade."

The chairman retires to his office. A lively discussion can be heard near the intoxicating substances distribution and bottling area.

Alkofil:

"In the 1960s and 1970s, burning bushes were running low, so we decided to light them on hemp bushes. The effect was astonishing, even for us; now everyone wants to be close to God."

Antiphobe:

"Don't you think these methods are a bit too sophisticated? In some regions of the world, all you have to do is sit on a slice of bread or a bottle of vodka, and a group of believers grows like well-fertilized tomatoes.

" Alkofil: "

The method with a slice of bread would have worked during the flood. And they'll believe anything for vodka. Besides, it's too common a tactic."

They both grabbed their glasses of drink, downed them, then jumped out of their shoes and landed on the other side of the room. They repeated this feat four more times, delighting the audience. A few meters away from the alcoholic beverage stand, a misunderstanding erupts at one of the poker tables.

Rozgródiasz (the god of order):

"You cheated! You disgusting, two-faced bastard, you cheated!"

Lacius:

"Me!? That's outrageous! Where did this incredibly erroneous conclusion come from? How can you, dear Rozgródiasz, so blatantly cast such a disgusting and difficult-to-wash-off piece of mud on my pristine attitude to life?"

Rozgródiasz:

"I can, I can. I'll say more, it's a highly justified accusation. You lying cheater with a jelly-like gaze. You bundle of disgust, you sack of bile!"

Lacius:

"Dear friend, what grounds do you have for slandering me in such an uncivilized and..."

Rozrudiasz (interrupting):

"I do, and you should know that I do!"

Gidasz (trying to restore order):

"Gentlemen. Let us behave as befits persons of such a high socio-political standing. Dearest Rozrudiasz, you have been proven. So, let us know what cards you hold.

" "Full house. Kings on aces. More precisely, three kings on two aces. And that gambler?"

Lacius:

"Me too, full house. Aces on queens. Three aces on two queens."

Rozrudiasz:

"Have you seen the scoundrel?! Three aces says, three aces! And I ask, how is it possible?

" "Miracles do happen, my friend."

"The miracle is that you're still on the ground. "

Gidasz:

"Let's calm down. It's possible that someone accidentally added an ace to the deck." Let's not make a scene. Let's forget about this incident. There's no point in accusing each other; it's ridiculous and exceptionally human. Apologize, kiss goodbye, and let's get back to the game.

Lacius:

"I apologize, Rozgardiasz, for daring to have stronger cards than you."

Rozgardiasz:

"I apologize, Lacius, that my honesty and correctness of reasoning led me to conclude that you're a cheater.

" Gidasz:

"Great, let's play. My pot. Four of a kind aces. Trace, friends, trace."

Lacius and Rozgardiasz together:

"You slimy reptile!"

The door to Lexus's office opens. The moderator approaches the lectern and announces.

"Okay. Break's over. "

Shouts from the audience:

"Ouch, the judge's rubber boots!"

"Cheap labor is in Taiwan!"

The chairman:

"Stop this peasantry and sit down." And as for the rest..., I ask the following people to remain and take their seats at the front; the rest can leave. Ruin something, cause a ruckus, the usual. Rozrudiasz, Lacius, Gidasz, Namysł, and bring Oportunis here. The rest of you, leave! What's being said?! "

Thank you, Mr. Manager!"

They leave. Oportunis appears in the doorway, smiling, and sits in the front row.

PART III "A DISSERTATION ON IMPORTANT MATTER"

The last of the deliberators leave, closing the door behind them. Only the appointed people and the moderator remain in the room.

Lexus:

"Our goal is to select from among the submitted proposals the most important and worthy of implementation. "

(He leaves the lectern and sits down right in front of the audience.)

"Each of you has received a portion of the documents, which you were to carefully consider and, more importantly, submit to those present for discussion of their validity and a possible implementation plan." So let's begin without wasting any more valuable time. Opportunis, I give you the floor.

Opportunis:

"I was ordered to remain silent. "

Opportunis, don't behave like a scolded calf. We will discuss personal grievances in the office. Now, I request that you present the motions you consider admissible.

"I do not qualify any."

"You must qualify at least one."

"Neither is justified. "

"Once again, I request that you present at least one motion to us gathered here.

" Lacius:

"Let them draw."

Lexus casts a contemptuous glance at both of them.

Opportunis draws and then reads.

"So, dear brothers, I wish to present to you a motion submitted by the house elves and imps. This motion concerns airtight vessels. The elves request their removal from human life, as it blocks or significantly narrows their scope of action regarding food spoilage." They justify their request with utter helplessness, writing, and I quote: "We survived the refrigerators, but these dishes and containers are an open war against us dwarves." They write that they still want to sour milk and snack on jam. Personally, I am in favor of rejecting the motion. Against.

Rozgardiasz:

- Against.

Gidasz: - Against

.

Lacius:

- Against.

Namysł:

- Hmm... Against.

Lexus:

- The motion was rejected. I ask Rozgardiasz to speak.

Rozgardiasz (seriously):

- Gentlemen, from the numerous motions submitted to me, I found one that deserves consideration. Namely, the motion regarding the complete withdrawal, removal of all memories, knowledge, and consciousness of humans regarding their native planet. The motion also calls for the removal of information about teleportation methods, maps, and general information about space that extends beyond the solar system. The author argues that this knowledge can drive people into an imperialistic frenzy. Just like with the ability to teleport quickly, they've used the ability to teleport for centuries, though acquiring it wasn't easy, and they've decided to try. However, they're becoming increasingly bold. One of them teleported thirty thousand kilometers. Therefore, along with the author, I support the motion. I assure you that I've devoted a lot of time to considering it and believe it's justified. For.

Gidasz:

-For.

Lacius:

-Against.

Napowiedz:

-For.

Lexus:

-Dear Lacius, why are you rejecting the motion?

Lacius:

-I'm convinced that they can always be subdued in their rage, and they'll eventually come to the knowledge they possess, which you want to take away from them. Therefore, removing these facts and knowledge from their lives, world, minds, and consciousness isn't a one-time process. I therefore maintain that it's unjustified.

Lexus:

"Consider, dear Lacius, that if we truly want to stop them and save what they believe remains of the universe, it may already be too late.

" Rumble:

"Lacius, are you really against it, or did you simply want to oppose my opinion?"

Lacius:

"You cheated!

" Rumble:

"Everything is clear.

" Lexus:

"Lacius, I ask for a final decision."

Lacius (under his breath):

"For..."

"We didn't hear you, my dear friend."

Lacius (louder, spitting over his shoulder):

"For!

" Lexus:

"The motion has been accepted. To be implemented within fourteen days. Ladies and gentlemen, in two weeks from now, there will be no human aware of their telekinetic abilities. And certainly, none of them will be further than their solar system. Gidasz, I surrender my vote to you."

Gidasz:

"Well, I'd like to present a motion that surprised me primarily with its brevity and directness of expression. So I'll quote it in full:

'Let all you idiots, slackers, and important people comb you. We won't clean up after you. If you've weighed in, drink up, you filthy things. We don't want you here; we won't be feeding you government food because it'll just throw up on us anyway.'"

Lexus: "

Outrageous! "

Rumble:

"What exactly are they requesting?"...

Thoughts:

"I think they want to overthrow us. This looks like a union to me. This won't end well. This stinks of a coup. " Lexus: "Bring them in and bring them in!" A quarter of an hour of frantic thinking and uninterrupted silence follows. At one point, two cleaning ladies enter, accompanied by a bruiser. Lexus:

" Names!" (cleaning ladies) "Darietta. " "Marcetta." (muscle) -Kobotut. PART IV "ABOUT ORDER" Marcetta: -We're not stupid, we have something to think about and something to sit on, we know our rights. And here's just muck and filth. Darietta: -Exactly! Kobotut: -Well! Marcetta: -You must be such great gentlemen that you think you are. Here's "for" and "against" and everything seems to be running like clockwork. And we're working our asses off to clean up your order. Darietta: -Exactly! Kobotut: -Well! Marcetta: -Everywhere you turn, they look at you like you're trying to blow up a balloon. And we're not stupid, we have something to think about and something to sit on! Darietta: -Exactly! Kobotut: -Well!

Lexus:

- Wait a minute, wait a minute! I have the impression that in this torrent, this avalanche of words, the meaning of your statement has been lost. If there was any...

Darietta:

- Are you pretending that we don't know what we're talking about?

Marcetta:

- Are you pretending?!

Kobotut:

- Well!

Lexus:

- I'm not suggesting anything, ladies and gentlemen. I'm trying to get out of this impasse and understand what's going on.

Marcetta:

- It's about money!

Darietta:

- Oh! A fig! I wouldn't do it for free!

Kobotut:

- Well!

Rumble:

- And you, Mr. Kobotut, about what?

Darietta:

- We came here for justice!

Kobotut:

- Well!

Lexus:

- Ladies, allow Mr. Kobotut to speak for himself.

Kobotut (over the moon):

- Well!

He gets an elbow in the ribs from Marcetta and comes to his senses.

Lexus (again, leniently):

- I asked Mr. Kobotut why you were visiting us.

Kobotut:

- Hmm... Well...

Lexus (impatient):

- What!?

Thoughts (irritated):

- Let him think.

Rozrudiasz:

- Mr. Kobotut, this isn't a special needs meeting, you say, or leave.

Kobotut (With tears in his eyes, sobbing and sniffing):

- Well... (sniff), but (slurp)..., well...

Rozrudiasz (irony):

- Dear colleagues, notice how, under the influence of a discussion subject to the rules of good manners, the simpleton's vocabulary evolves. No longer just "well," now also "but."

Kobotut bursts into sobs and runs out of the room, wailing, rubbing his eyes with clenched hands. The door slams. General consternation.

Lexus:

- You mess, you've definitely overdone it.

Thoughts:

- I think you've caused an unnecessary stir.

Darietta:

- You filthy creatures! Degenerates! Is this how you treat your own?

Marcetta:

- Is this how you treat your own?!

Lexus : -

Ladies, let's remain calm. Everything can still be resolved rationally. Let's not get carried away by emotions.

Lacius: - That's right

. Let's talk calmly.

(A calm conversation ensues.)

Marcetta:

- We agree.

Darietta:

- Yes, we agree.

Lexus:

- Well, then, what are your expectations?

(Silence.)

- What do you expect from us, ladies?

(Silence.)

- Get an interpreter!

(The interpreter enters, a lanky man in blue overalls and a straw hat.)

Interpreter:

- He will be praised.

Darietta and Marcetta in unison:

"Forever and ever.

" Lexus:

"Would you be so kind as to ask, ladies, what your expectations are of us?"

Translator (to Marcetta and Darietta):

"He's asking what you want?

" Marcetta:

"Ah! You should have done it right away!"

Darietta:

"Less milk, more cream."

Marcetta:

"And caviar!

" Translator:

"Ladies and gentlemen, we would be grateful if your policy towards the overworked staff of the seat of wisdom and enlightenment were more focused on cooperation and less on profit, the basis of which is the downright titanic work of this staff, who endure all inconveniences and bear the direct consequences of your mistakes."

Gentlemen in chorus:

"Ah!"

Lexus:

"So, am I to understand: a raise and less responsibility, in exchange for mutual respect and devotion?"

Translator to Marcetta and Darietta:

"He says there will be no mess, that cabbage will yield cream, and there will be peace between them.

" Marcetta:

"Agreed!"

Darietta:

- Agreed!

Gentlemen: -

Agreed!

Translator:

- 80 zlotys.

Lexus: -

Rip-off!

Translator:

- No. Overtime.

Lexus:

- Room no. 27, cashier no. 14. Receipt no. 0042881.

Translator: - God

bless you.

Lexus:

- I'm paying!

Translator;

- Oh, I'm sorry. Professional perversion. I meant to say, thank you.

They say goodbye and leave. Lexus and the rest of the gathered people, with a sense of duty well done, fall into a momentary daze, from which they are roused by the sound of a circular saw.

PART V EPILOGUE

Circular saw:

- Grrr! Grrr! Screech!

Lexus:

- What's this all about again?

Circular saw:

- Everything's broken, we've lost control of the facility.

Lexus:

- What?!

Circular saw:

- Normal, I tripped and bang.

Rozrudiasz:

- Calm down, my dears, let's think about it. After all, we never really had control.

Lexus:

- True.

Voice from above:

- Slanderers and losers! Lead them out!

The sarcastic thugs rush in again and lead the delightful group out of the room, making silly faces as they do so. As soon as the room is empty, the curtains in the ceiling part, the commission jumps out of the idol and sits on the podium.

Kuba Wojewódzki:

- I'm against it.

Ela Zapędowska:

- I'm against it.

Cygan:

- I'm against it.

Robert Leszczyński:

- I'm against it.

Voice from above:

- The end of the world has been voted down.