I open my eyes

I open my eyes... So it was just a dream... I'm tired... This is just the beginning, I can't be tired anymore...

I jump out of bed... Sudden dizziness... damn, I got up too quickly again. I should have remembered that... I cling to the wall. Wait it out... it should calm down soon... I'm unconscious... I grope my way to the kitchen...

I touch the kettle, feel the smooth plastic surface... I slide my hand down.

I search. There it is. A tiny button... I press it. It's the first of many successes that day...

I pour coffee into the cup... This requires more precision and concentration... My hands are shaking... I always spill the coffee... I always spill the sugar...

A walk to the bathroom, a quick morning routine... I emerge... with my eyes open.

I see the kettle button, boil the water again... I pour it into the cup... spilling a little, of course.

I drink and get drunk... alternately... damn... it's late...

I'm leaving...

I'm running. I'm still in a hurry. Something's driving me... something keeps pushing me forward. I can't name it. I just... I feel it... This something gives me strength. But... This something is also taking a lot from me... I'm trapped.

I can't stop. I haven't been able to for a long time... The image around me is blurring... reality is blurred like the views from a car window when driving very fast. It's no longer enough for me... too little is happening... I'm too slow... I need excitement... I need more... I need... no... I need this.

I have to show myself what I'm capable of... I have to speed up...

I run. The people around me... successively add their burdens to my heavy backpack... I don't even look back... tiny people...

I can handle everything. I keep running.

Exhaustion is creeping up on me. I have a proven solution for this. I speed up.

I pass the halfway point without a trace of a smile or joy.

As I run, I effortlessly brush past people walking by... a few even fall... well... it happens... they can't catch my attention... I'm gone... I'm running... I'm already far away...

I've already achieved my plan... I only have to deliver the small weights of the people who toss them to others...

A small thing...

I'm running...

I'm halfway through tomorrow's race... damn... I think I've gotten a bit carried away...

The end. For today, of course...

I'm slowing down. Reluctantly... very reluctantly. I see the boredom of this world. Slow time dragging on with the creaking of long seconds passing by. People wandering almost aimlessly... stopping every few steps... I wonder why?

Maybe to make sure they're going the right way... In the right direction...?

Anyway... I don't care about them... they just get in the way... sometimes I can't get up to speed... because of one or the other ram I lose speed... and consequently I lose valuable time.

Somewhere towards evening... thoughts return to me... strange thoughts...

completely uncontrolled by me... as if not mine...

Or maybe mine? But I simply haven't tamed them yet... they haven't yet submitted to me...

I feel like something is escaping me... that something has already escaped me... and the strangest thing is... a lot is missing in this balance... that something... only I don't know what it is.

I feel a momentary emptiness within myself... it's as if I've robbed myself of something... voluntarily.

I shouldn't let myself be dominated by this; it could be dangerous... it could interfere with my running...

I fall asleep.

I'm so tired that I have a lot of difficulty...

But I manage... everything works out... you just have to try again and again...

Sleep.

I fall. Those bastards have thrown me off again.

I feel the overload. The rush of air rips through my lungs.

Impact. First, I hear the dull thud of impact with the ground, accompanied by the crack of breaking bones... then a sudden flash of excruciating pain.

And another curse... I'm conscious... unfortunately...

I know it's a dream.

I get up. I keep running. I know it's not over.

I have no control over what's happening... I only have a faint awareness...

This repeats itself over and over again... only the scenarios change...

Only the pain... nor my animal fear...

I open my eyes... So it was just a dream... I'm tired... This is just the beginning, I can't be tired anymore...

I jump out of bed... A sudden rush of dizziness...

It's time to start a new race...

I run...