I exist only in a certain time and space. Not necessarily yours. Not necessarily the same, not necessarily different. I am just a cluster of words. Behind me stands the little man I ran away from. I am both the cold feet, the twitching eyelid, and that damned all-day fatigue that torments my eyes, staring at the screen. But I have my time, my pyramids on mountaintops where I squeeze through clogged corridors. It is I who the controllers wake up with a mere glance and ID. Don't be afraid of me - I won't do you any harm here. I won't violate you or your several dozen cubic centimeters of brain tissue. I am just a cluster of words existing in a certain space. Erase me, forget me, leave me, change me. I am just darkening the white background of the page here, and sometimes I rub my cold feet.
Imagine the universe so distant in time that it's impossible to imagine its size. It will be winter. All the stars have burned out. Most of it will be emptiness. Emptiness and cold are the perfect associations for creating an image in your head. And darkness. Wonderful darkness—nothingness. And, of course, silence, although this association is rather metaphorical in the case of emptiness. If it's already quite cold, quite dark, and quite quiet, proceed further. Fly a few times through this endless space full of black cosmic dust, dull and rough to the touch. And somewhere, somewhere, a spaceship. But a destroyed one. A huge, destroyed spaceship in a vast wasteland and cold. Some remnant of a powerful civilization. So powerful and so old that when anyone else existed, it could easily have destroyed it in the blink of an eye. Which, by the way, it did. Admire the scale of this structure, its indescribable massiveness and size. It floats through space slowly but majestically. Some enormous force must have propelled this ship centuries ago, and now it flies only out of habit. Think of the dark, cold corridors within. Think of the cold, motionless, and endless steel. And within, some movement—slight. Swim closer. You see slow, languid movement. Dark figures wander about like mythical apparitions. You recognize them; they are cold and slow. The languid remnants of beings whose ancestors created this ship. But one of them is different, different. The glow in its eyes is different. You are within it—you feel it. She dreams of the former glory of her race. She dreams of light, of life, of a true chasm of warm air. He has heard stories from the Elder Days, when his ancestors were strong and brave. He looks at the faint skeletons around him—looks at his weak hands, despising his sluggishness and powerlessness. You feel him wanting to do something—something crazy. You see the tension grow, growing stronger, growing into hatred. You feel him crushing the bodies of his former companions in his strong hands. You see him grow stronger, asserting himself with each death he inflicts. He crushes those he once feared, their soft bodies crushed by his fingers. Until finally, silence—He alone on the endless ship. You feel his heavy breath of triumph. Finally, he has enough strength to launch the capsule, to take the remaining energy and fuel with him. You see the capsule tearing itself away from the frosty ship. You're with it as it flies through the vastness of blackness in an unknown direction. The last living creature in the world breathes heavily. You sense it has a plan. It wants to rekindle the sun! It wants light to flow from a star again, not from synthetic limbs. It wants the Old Order of Things to reign again. You see the capsule approaching the burned-out star. You see the machines controlled by it melting energy charges into the interior of the burned-out star. Everything is ready. You gaze upon the darkness of the world and its coldness for the last time. You feel cold drops of sweat. It has begun. The charges awaken the star. First, a red plume of fire engulfs it. It gives light—beautiful, pure, warm light!! More and more!!Until suddenly it begins to pulsate dangerously like a wandering lantern. Faster and faster. What's happening? Brighter and brighter... You feel the heat of the rays, but you stare with delight. You feel the heat, but you don't turn away. Your eyes—His eyes are burning out. The last star, in one last enormous flash, burns out the eyes of the last living creature in the entire universe—you. You don't know if it's already fading. You don't know if it's the darkness of the world or just the darkness in your head? Is this cold just an illusion? Is there even a ray of light left in this world? Is there anything else in this world? Why is it so cold?
And this is where I am, with the sun, flowers, and trees all around. But no sun, no flowers, and no damn trees, no greenery. And I'm supposedly walking through meadows, and the tips of my fingers touch fresh buds. But there are no buds, where buds spend all day at the computer. Under an IV drip that sucks me dry instead of feeding me. So I'm in this light, transparent world without the all-day headache, without this stuffiness in the room. Please, come to me, like this. We're already here. Touch the buds. See how the golden sirens sing in them. How the trees create a glow of warmth and joy. Are you here already? It's good, nice here. Every movement in the grass mixes the colors of the paints. It's blue, roses, and purple again. Do you hear that music? Where is it coming from? We're here now. Feel the softness under your feet, feel the wonderful warmth of the petals. Let it bloom! Let it radiate!! Let it burn!! Let the fire engulf the wood!! Let the buds crackle and the grass fade!! We are in paradise!! The smell of burnt skin!! Can you feel it charring? Can you feel the flame engulfing us!! Wonderful sizzling buds!! Wonderful mermaids with hoarse voices!! Cry, cry! Feel the hatred for the world!! Feel the heat consuming you!! Throw, thrash!! It burns, it hurts, it blinds!! Wonderful unity, wonderful annihilation!! Rise with the dust, boil with the fire, along with the burned remains of yourself. Feel how pure your singing is, how beautiful your voice is. Fill the space with it—become it!! And fall. And slow down. And then fall silent with the last burnt blade of grass...
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