From Sheina's diary... (46)

Warm arms... (seventh month, second week, fifth day)

"- How are you feeling?"

The meaning of this question only dawned on me after a moment. The words seemed so distant, floating as if from somewhere beyond the fog. After a moment, I remembered recent events. Or rather, fragments of them.

- Like a punching bag...

- So good. See you soon.

The sound of a door opening and closing, also as if from very far away. She was left alone. I quickly fell back into sleep. It wasn't a peaceful one. I was haunted by visions from the past. Or the future. I remember it vaguely, but from then on I began to Dream. Regularly, every night, the same apparitions haunted me. At first, I didn't remember anything after waking up... But over time, even that changed. More than once, I was afraid to fall asleep. More than once, I longed for the times when I could sleep peacefully.

That day was one of the last peaceful, dreamless ones. After waking up, I stared at the ceiling. I wondered about it. Everything that's happened lately. I've come to one, yet absolutely correct, conclusion: I'm a useless burden. I don't just get hit, but others are putting themselves in danger for me. Because of my total helplessness, someone might die someday! Someone... I don't want to be a burden or a nuisance to anyone. Run away again...? It's pointless. Both my Guardians and all these troubles will come after me anyway. I'd have to be able to defend myself, be able to do more than just shoot a bow.

I wanted to leave the room unnoticed, walk unnoticed through this beautiful city, think in peace, listening to the birdsong and the rustle of the trees, inhaling the beautiful floral scent. So I got dressed and went out... through the window. Later, I regretted it terribly. Not only was I sore and weak, but the window was quite high above the ground. But that's how I chose; I wanted to leave the room unnoticed. Beating my chest doesn't help when you're hanging a few meters above the ground. Landing wasn't Too successful and not very pleasant. Honestly, it hurt like hell!

"Sneaking out again?"

His voice was tired, but also a little amused. Shae. He stood across from me, waiting for an answer. I could only sigh. So much for a solitary stroll. I picked myself up and brushed myself off carelessly. He was still staring at me, but somehow strangely.

"Honestly, I'm surprised you have the strength to leave the room at all. But to do it this way."

He glanced up at the window I'd left the room through, as if gauging the height.

"I'm fine, and I'll be fine as long as I have a head on my shoulders."

It irritated me that I'd most likely have to go back to bed and rest soon. Why else would he be here?

"I just wanted to take a walk, stretch my legs.

"That's not such a bad idea, but you could have used the door," he smiled ironically.

"Yes, yes," I sighed, "and one of you would have brought me back to my room.

" "Riviln hasn't returned yet. And I'd still like to talk to you in private.

" A shiver ran down my spine. "For God's sake, about what!?" His voice was calm, deep, his eyes serious. My heart started pounding. I'd never heard anything like this before! In private... I had a very bad feeling about this conversation.

"Fine," I grumbled.

So we set off, down a paved path, between flowering trees and bushes. That intoxicating scent was everywhere. I even felt like it was somehow calming me. We walked in silence. Eventually, the path ended, and before us stretched the view of a waterfall and a rainbow. The water sparkled around it. Beautiful..."

Shae stood behind me. Still, he didn't say anything. The silence was too telling, and it had to be broken. Besides, that wasn't his style.

"What did you want to talk about?

Or was he planning another lecture? No, not this time..." He sighed deeply. And that was it. His arms pulled me to him. His arms enfolded me in an embrace. I felt his hair brush my face. And that familiar warmth, pleasant, soothing. And that scent. What's going on?! Panic-stricken and shocked, I wanted to pull away, but... I didn't do anything. I didn't even move. I wanted to ask what was going on, but I couldn't utter a single word. I also wanted to turn around, look him in the face.

"Please don't turn around," I heard him whisper directly in my ear.

The tone of his voice terrified me. He was quiet, calm, and so... tender! My heart was beating faster and faster, and I felt suddenly hot. The seconds of silence stretched unnaturally long.

"I want to apologize. What happened yesterday shouldn't have happened. I messed up."

His voice was still calm, quiet. Words whispered close to my ear. Their warm breezes lingered on my neck, sending a pleasant tingle across my skin. I didn't even realize I'd been holding my breath.

"Two seconds of inattention and a tragedy could have happened. The Guardian shouldn't have let this happen. I hope you'll forgive me..."

The words hung in the air. I closed my eyes.

"Nothing happened..."

It came out more as a clumsy croak than words of forgiveness. My throat was so dry I couldn't say anything more.

"Really... and considering how difficult my lives are for you with these escapes... it's fine."

I heard a soft laugh.

"Yes, it's true. But this time you didn't run away, and yet I messed up, and there's no excuse for me..."

I was surprised by how seriously he took his duty. Or is that what people do? Every time a Keeper messes up, he has to ask the Keeper for forgiveness? They hug her…? Probably not really. I smiled at the thought.

“I won’t tell anyone if you promise it won’t happen again.”

His arms tightened slightly, hugging me even closer. Another wave of pleasant warmth spread through my body, starting from my heart.

“I promise…

I wanted to see his face, I wanted this moment to last forever. Nothing like this had ever happened before, and I didn’t know if it ever would. His gentle words were etched deep in my memory, and I know I’ll never forget that day.

Suddenly, we heard calls.

“They’re looking for us,” he said in his normal voice.

I sighed softly. “Oh well… nothing can last forever.

” “I’d better go, before the Zavierzhiniers get interested in me. Come back soon.”

The embrace loosened, vanishing completely. I felt cold. I turned around immediately, but Shae was already on his way back. He glanced back for a moment, not breaking stride. He smiled faintly. A second later, he was gone. My legs gave out, and I collapsed to the ground, just as I stood.

What was that? How am I supposed to behave towards him now? Why did he do that? It felt good, too good to forget, too good to not want it more…

What did you do to me…?