Two halves... ...Two worlds!

 

It was autumn...a cool, cold, and gloomy evening, or so it seemed to me at the time. A meeting with friends and an 80-kilometer drive. We were standing in front of a disco to buy tickets. Moments before, I caught the eye of a handsome blond man who seemed to have been studying me intently for a while. Before I asked my friend who he was... he was already standing there, getting to know the others. "Jacek," he said, standing across from me, "I think we know each other; you've come here before." He seemed so small and inconspicuous then. Over four years have passed now, and those years must now be nothing but memories and those quiet, unanswered questions. He was kind, funny, and had something about him I'd never noticed in others before. We started having fun, and it was nice until I started to get annoyed that he was always by my side. I started thinking about how I could gently brush him off. I asked my friend to take away that "little guy" who was always getting under my feet. It worked, but not for long. Then my sister appeared, and I thought... you've fallen from the sky. She invited Jacek to the table, and I had a moment to breathe and be myself. Tired from dancing and fooling around, I decided to rest. I sat down at the table, and as luck would have it, the seat was next to Jacek. Grimacing, I sat down and joined the conversation. He smiled flirtatiously, and from time to time, he gently touched me with his hand. We started talking... and suddenly everything felt pleasant again, as if a certain warmth and peace radiated from him. Those eyes, I remember those beautiful blue eyes, and I think they were part of the reason why when he looked at me, it gave me chills. That evening was long, long, because we talked constantly. He talked about himself, and I couldn't stop listening. I felt enchanted. He talked so much, so much that I couldn't believe that someone you'd only known for a short time could reveal so much about themselves. I didn't know, I didn't understand why he was telling me all this, but I wanted to know, to know as much as possible. I thought these were two different worlds, and suddenly, as if reading my mind, he repeated, "Doll, you and your world, this beautiful environment. Mine, unfortunately, isn't as colorful, but maybe if we combined them... –combine...?" I thought with horror. But something drew me in. Jacek had a very difficult childhood, he was unhappy and perhaps a little lost. He grew up and was raised in poverty over which we have no control. They say you can't choose your parents, and he didn't have that choice either. Despite all the wrongs that befell him, he loved and respected them. You could say he was raised more by an orphanage, because that's where he spent most of his childhood. Deep down, he held a grudge, a grudge against his parents for not being able to change the situation. He moved in an environment that surrounded him and taught him to live that way. He wandered, wandered for a very long time before he realized what it meant to be truly happy.I don't know when it got light and the moment came when it was time to go home, and that was another surprise for both me and him. Suddenly, I felt terribly sad—I started crying! I didn't think he'd think I was some kind of idiot; it was just that in that moment, I felt like I'd been with him for a long time, like I'd already missed him. I didn't want to go back, but I knew I had to. Maybe it's not normal, but in that moment, I felt like it was stronger than me. He hugged me... I felt shivers run through me: "Don't cry, Kaczorek, I feel exactly the same way! It's not right for me to cry, but I'll try to see you as soon as possible. I was coming back... I was tired from a sleepless night, but I felt wonderful. I fell asleep... I don't know when I got home. A day passed, two, three. I had a moment to think. I thought he wouldn't call again, that it had just been a pleasant evening spent with people who had somehow inspired me. "Basia, the phone!" Mom called. "Hello, Princess! Sorry to delay, but I misplaced your number. I was stunned! I didn't know what to say... I felt faint, and my heart... I thought it would burst. "What are you doing? Maybe I could come over now? I'll tell you something, but don't laugh! I missed you! I can't stop thinking!" Without even considering the time, I agreed. He arrived... I didn't know what to do, how to behave, how I should...? I felt immense joy, yet an embarrassment I didn't know how to control. He approached... he kissed me gently, and I felt hot! Two of his friends arrived with him. I invited them for coffee... I felt happy. It was getting late, so we started looking for a motel so they could stay until the next day. Morning... I was already waiting for him to show up, to see him! When my eyes caught sight of him through the window, I thought—I'm going crazy! God, I'm going crazy! There came a moment when we were alone, a moment just for us! He looked at me and smiled so warmly. He hugged me, caressed me, and kissed me gently. I wanted this moment to last forever. I knew the time would come when we would have to part again, and I could already feel the longing. I missed his presence, his gaze, his smile, and his touch. I'd never felt this way before; I didn't know what was happening to me. For the first time, I felt bursting with energy and felt so happy! I felt good... I started thinking optimistically, something I hadn't done before! He kept talking about himself, and I listened, transfixed. I listened... and I couldn't believe it no longer scared me. I just wanted him to be there, to be close all the time... and then came the moment when they had to go back. The feeling of depression returned. I didn't want him to leave, because the very thought of being apart made me feel cold! Suddenly, something happened that filled my heart with immense joy. Someone suggested we all go on a trip.A trip to his hometown. They wanted to have fun, and I... I wanted to be with him. At first, the idea seemed stupid, crazy, and maybe out of place, but it was spontaneous. I knew it wouldn't happen again. I hesitated... common sense told me maybe I shouldn't, but something strongly pulled me! I couldn't resist... I agreed! I was afraid I might regret my thoughtless and ill-considered decision later, but... I never regretted it! It was quite late, and we were waiting at the bus station, checking for a bus. We missed the last one, but there was another one, maybe not quite to where we wanted to go, because we'd have to take another bus for 30 km. Nevertheless, we got on... When we got there, it turned out the last one had also left! "What now..." I thought. "Let's go for a bargain!" Jacek said. I was scared because I'd never driven with my feet, and I never would have imagined I'd be standing there waving at 10 p.m. Five minutes passed before the truck stopped. The kind man took our whole group, even though there were only a few of us. I felt a certain fear, but I loved it! It was an adventure I remember and still do. We arrived and found ourselves back at the disco, which made my heart skip a beat. Because of the road and the miles to our home, we were invited to a mutual friend's place. That night was mine; I was afraid Jacek might think the wrong thing about me, but I was pleasantly surprised. Maybe it was immoral and wrong, but we slept together! He lay next to me, and I felt safe. Without a second thought, I melted into his arms and heard, "I think I'm in love with you, Angel!" He was so tender and gentle, as if he didn't want to scare me away. And so, as he stroked, touched, and hugged me, I fell asleep! In the morning, I was awakened by a sweet kiss and the words: "Honey, it's already morning... did you sleep well?" He smiled warmly. For a moment, I was embarrassed, but I felt wonderful. I didn't know how to thank God for our paths crossing so unexpectedly. The time came, when I knew nothing would happen, that it was time to go home! We only had 13 km to the bus. A wonderful, or unlucky, 13 km walk...? That's what I thought then, because as we walked, hugging and gazing at each other, I received my first blow! "Basia, I have to tell you something else..." he said quietly. He grew sad, and I had the feeling he was about to cry. "I didn't say anything, I didn't know how, I didn't want to be involved with anyone at all. I promised myself I'd be alone... and suddenly you! Why...?" I stood, stunned. "But tell me, what's wrong?" I pressed. "I'm sorry... I know it shouldn't have happened, but I don't know why... I'm sorry!" "Will you finally tell me what's going on? What don't I know?" I was furious and heard: "I have a sentence to serve, I've been hiding for 6 months. I wanted to report for a long time, and now you... I don't want to... I know I have to pay for my mistakes,I've made mistakes in my life, but now that you've appeared... God, why...? I regret so terribly that I didn't have the chance to meet you earlier. I feel good with you, I want to be better for you, I'd like to experience a normal life... I didn't know what to say. Only one thought crossed my mind: "Is this some kind of test?" I thought, my legs buckling under me more and more. After all, everyone deserves a second life—a better one! After a moment of silence, I walked over, hugged him tightly, and whispered, "It's okay, I'll wait! I think the day will come when we'll be together. After all, everyone deserves a second chance in life!" He looked at me like I was an idiot and couldn't believe what I was saying. "Girl! It's been four years of waiting, are you kidding me?" he said louder. "No! I'll wait! I'm not joking, I want us to be together." He looked at me again, "Either you really are an Angel, or you're crazy!" I started laughing, "Let's go, I'm telling you, it'll be alright, you'll see!" I smiled as warmly as he smiled at me. After a moment, he embraced me, kissed me gently, and we set off toward the bus station. The bus was already stopped, and I thought—another separation! After our conversation and his confession, I didn't want to leave even more. I cried again, crying because I was starting to feel afraid. Afraid that I could lose him any day now. I admit, the separation terrified me, but I wanted to be with him. I knew he was unhappy, that all his life he'd wanted, dreamed of, having a normal family. He hadn't been able to do that until now. Back then, I didn't think about how foolish it would be to wait for someone you didn't really know. At that moment, I thought about what I was starting to feel, that I was starting to have feelings for him and truly wanted to be with him. I arrived home and felt my heart ache, I missed him... I was as happy as a little child with every sweet phone call, every meeting. We were happy, and that was all that mattered to us! However, this joy was short-lived, as reality set in, and what was bound to happen sooner or later. After moments of joy, came moments of tears and despair. After two weeks of dating, what I feared, what he feared, happened! I received the first letter... I cried for a long time before I could even read its contents. I couldn't believe it... I kept asking myself: Why me? Why him? Why us? Why did I meet him? Why did our paths cross? Why did he become so close to me so quickly? Maybe it was immature, adolescent love, but it was mine! I cried for a long time; every single night, every day for three months was a nightmare. Questions tormented me, and, ironically, I thought it would pass. I appreciated Jacek's never-pressuring nature; on the contrary, I was stubborn. He didn't want me to wait even with his first letter. He knew I was too young to ruin my life because of him. But I was adamant, I still believed,That we would be together. Over time, he also began to believe. I got used to his absence and lived with the thought that he was there, that he loved me, that one day we would be happy again. His absence and his sentence were very turbulent. Despite the separation, somewhere deep inside, I experienced all his hurts with him. While serving his sentence, his father died, and he didn't even get to say goodbye. I know how he felt then, because I don't think anyone wants to lose someone close to us. He experienced a personal tragedy, but life didn't spare him. After a year, his mother, whom he loved so much, to whom he was so closely connected, also passed away. He also didn't get to say goodbye to her. He lived because he knew I was there, that I was waiting! Even though it was hard for him, that he never came to terms with his parents' deaths, he wanted to live for me. Finally, the long-awaited day had arrived, the day we'd both been waiting for. Three years apart and finally together! Our first meeting... hmm... I felt happy again, and it was as if the world had come alive again. Everything suddenly became so clear and colorful, even though things were different in reality. I was proud, proud that I had changed him, that he had changed for me, for himself, for us! He started living a normal life, and I was happy that he liked it. Everything happened quickly; maybe we sped it up too. As if we were trying to make up for lost time. My first trips and long conversations at home. I tried for a long time to get my family to warm up to Jacek, even if just a little. Most people have a very negative view of people who grew up in the environment Jacek lived in. They distrust them and are somewhat afraid of them. My family was also afraid for me; I heard more than once: "Child, what are you getting yourself into? You should think twice! You'll be unhappy! He won't respect you!" But I persisted. I didn't feel unhappy, I loved... and I felt loved. I knew and was certain that our feelings were strong, because we both loved each other equally. I felt he was my other half. I still remember the moments we spent together and the words he repeated every day: "You truly are my little angel, the other half I've been looking for... I'll give you a star from heaven and do everything to make you happy." "I WILL LOVE YOU UNTIL I DIE!" He longed for a real family, and I wanted to give it to him, at least in part. Holidays together and moments spent with me. He dreamed... and often repeated: "We will be a married couple like your grandparents." He admired them for their patience, perseverance, the years they spent together, and the fact that they still love and respect each other. He was full of admiration for my attitude; sometimes it felt like a dream, and more than once he asked, "What did I do to deserve your love?" I remember the day I went to the house where he lived, the house where his parents used to live. He didn't know how to welcome me, and I think he was terribly ashamed. He went out to pick me up and didn't really know how to tell me.That his apartment wasn't a palace: "Honey, I don't know how to tell you this..." he began. I've never really talked about my family... because I was a little ashamed, but the conditions I live in now aren't the best. I looked at him and wondered why he was telling me this. "Excuse me, honey, but do you think I came to see and admire your apartment?!" "Well... I know I didn't, but you might not be happy because there's no bathroom or running water." I stood and tapped him on the head: "Jacek! I don't care about your living conditions! I came to see you! As far as I'm concerned, you could even live in a shack. Remember, there are people who truly don't have a home, and you should be happy with what you have and that you're not on the streets. For the few days I spent with Jacek, I felt good; it didn't bother me at all that it wasn't a palace. I didn't get to meet his parents, but I did meet his two older brothers and people who were kind to him. I remember moments that, after all, happen to others every day, but are still special to me. Even the simple laundry we did together brought us so much joy. Every morning we woke up next to each other was wonderful. We felt like we were finally together! It felt like nothing could tear us apart. We furnished our parents' apartment, and I started visiting more often. Over time, I felt like I was living there and only visiting occasionally. Weeks and months passed, and our relationship gained stability. Our dreams became shared, we had plans... our love grew stronger! We no longer wanted to live apart and tried to stay together. When I wanted to come home to my family, he came with me. He was learning about life, about my surroundings, and it might seem strange, but for him, it was something new, something that inspired him and gave him the will to live. I got to know life in his town, and even though it wasn't glamorous financially, I still felt happy. I loved that everything we did, we did together. I never wanted or expected him, or life, to shower me with gifts. Instead, I had his great love, which was completely sufficient and much more precious to me. I admired him, admired him for the fact that despite having been through so much and suffering so much in life, he lived a normal life! My greatest joy and pride was that he began to live honestly, and despite the truly difficult and difficult times, he laughed! He was always cheerful and cheerful! While living there, he wanted to improve his reputation with people who viewed him through the prism of his past. Today, I think I can say he succeeded because they began to perceive him as a completely different person. He had a way of winning people over with his personality, and it was impossible not to notice that he had a truly huge heart. He always wanted to live in harmony and have true friends. His friends would sometimes visit him.They also lived in this town and seemed completely normal to me. I didn't mind, because like every young man, I need some privacy, a male companionship. Even though I wasn't a fan of them, I didn't mind him going out with them or meeting them every now and then. I knew he needed it sometimes. I just asked my boyfriend not to trust them completely, because people are different, and I didn't want him to get carried away. I kept my distance from them and didn't trust them completely! That's how a beautiful year together passed, and we started planning... a wedding, maybe even expanding our family. I remember our last day in our shared home and I want to scream! I had to go home, and this time he was waiting for a response about a job. He made the dinner he promised, and in the afternoon we went for a walk. We visited my parents' grave and talked about maybe changing something there. The time came when my departure was approaching. We had also agreed that he would come to see me in five days, just in time for his name day. I was getting on the bus and I had this terrible feeling that maybe I should stay or maybe he should go with me... The phone was silent all weekend. I was worried, but I thought he had put it down to call with good news. Instead of a phone call, I got a visit from two police officers who asked me to report to the police station in his town. I was terrified, I thought... "God, was he involved in something?" Today I would rather it were that way, because he would still be with me. I went... I couldn't believe what had happened! Jacek was in the hospital with a gunshot wound to the head. I stood over his bed, and my heart almost broke.who asked me to report to the police station in his town. I was scared and thought... "God, was he involved in something?" Today I would prefer it that way, because he would still be with me. I went... I couldn't believe what happened! Jacek was in the hospital with a gunshot wound to the head. I stood over his bed and his heart almost broke.who asked me to report to the police station in his town. I was scared and thought... "God, was he involved in something?" Today I would prefer it that way, because he would still be with me. I went... I couldn't believe what happened! Jacek was in the hospital with a gunshot wound to the head. I stood over his bed and his heart almost broke.

My heart didn't explode with pain. He was unconscious, and instead, a machine was breathing. After talking to the doctor, I thought I was going crazy: "The patient is in critical condition, his brain is shot... please don't get your hopes up. Only a miracle can happen here, but that's beyond the control of medicine. I prayed, begged God not to take him away from me, that I didn't want to live without him! On the seventh day, Friday the 13th, they called from the hospital: "I'm sorry, but the patient died 20 minutes ago, his heart stopped beating." I wasn't usually superstitious, but that day terrified me! I couldn't believe it, not only was it Friday the 13th, but it was also 1:10 PM! The circumstances of Jacek's accident are still unexplained... even though his friends were with him at that very moment, and they didn't even call for help, leaving him to his fate! When I think of him lying there until morning, I wonder where their consciences were at that moment?! Today, I have to live with the knowledge that, because of human stupidity, I'll never see him again... I can't understand why they failed him so! I wake up every day and feel an emptiness, like someone has taken half of me... I know he wanted the best for me, he wanted me to move on. He left behind beautiful memories that still hurt. They hurt more... because I know they'll never come back... They say time heals all wounds... but will it heal mine? I know he'll be in my heart forever... God brought us together, and only he separated us, but today I ask the same questions again: Why me? Why him? Why us