King Eric Redbeard had a major problem that had been keeping him awake for months. The ruler had five children. He quickly married three of his sons to princesses from neighboring powers, and his older daughter was also easily married off to the heir to the throne of Grechland, a land south of Danwostan, which he ruled. Only the youngest, Milena, always had problems. None of his children were beautiful, and who could have been, since their father wasn't exactly a handsome man either, but to call Milena ugly would certainly be a gross understatement. Milena was so hideously hideous that everyone who saw her turned away in disgust, stared at the floor, or pretended to notice something interesting on the ceiling or outside the window. Even dogs fled with muffled howls the moment she appeared in the palace courtyard. That was probably why his youngest daughter was so mean and spiteful. He didn't blame her at all. After all, she had turned seventeen, and her lust was practically overwhelming. He knew perfectly well that she desperately wanted a man, but unfortunately, no man wanted her.
And therein lay Erik Redbeard's problem. No man wanted Milena, and nothing could be done about it. It was a pity, a great pity, because if young Antonius, like her—who, incidentally, was also not particularly handsome—had wanted her, Danwostan would have gained a powerful ally. The king was well aware that such a marriage could save the country from conquest. Szwargon, Danwostan's western neighbor, was rapidly growing in power, and preventative measures had to be taken, as it could end in war. And Erik didn't want that. Besides, Antony, damn you, the worst insult to Redbeard was that even lesser kings, dukes, and counts despised his daughter's hand, and yet he was no ordinary man—he was the king of a powerful, wealthy state, and it was others who should have been seeking an alliance with him through marriage, not the other way around, for God's sake! Yes, there were plenty of suitors for Milena's hand, arriving from all corners of the globe, but they fled in droves as soon as they saw the hideous face of his youngest offspring. Her large, bulging, fish-like eyes, crooked, rotten teeth, freckled complexion marred by acne sores regularly scratched with dirty fingernails and the scars of a severe bout of smallpox, her gigantic, aquiline nose, and protruding, donkey-like ears. King Eric spat in disgust as the image of his daughter came to mind.
He'd heard rumors about his daughter, which seemed highly plausible. He'd been told that Milena was walking around completely naked in front of the servants, hoping to provoke the young men working in the palace—cooks, tailors, shoemakers, and other young craftsmen. He was unsuccessful, as none of them were interested in her frail, frighteningly thin body, flat butt, and tiny breasts. He also heard that one day, or rather night, Milena had disguised herself as a prostitute and secretly slipped away to a district renowned for its prostitutes, hoping that some desperate man would be tempted by the minimal price for her services. Fortunately for the princess's honor, and above all, the king's, no man was so desperate as to fall for the ugly royal, though she lowered her prices so much that she was eventually even willing to give herself up for free. Erik Redbeard was ashamed of her and assigned a servant to discreetly watch over her and prevent similar excesses in the future. It was a good thing her late mother couldn't see this, or she would probably turn in her grave!
"Damn it!" he jumped to his feet and shouted. "Why didn't that monster die in childbirth instead of her mother!"
After a moment, he calmed down and sat down on the bed. Deep down, he loved his ugly daughter; she was his daughter, after all. A very ugly one, true, but still a daughter. It was just a shame that marrying her off was such a difficult task, and some kind of alliance with a powerful country, sealed by marriage, would have been very useful in making Danwstan even more powerful.
Princess Milena woke up in her usual foul mood. It was a good thing there was no mirror in the bedroom anymore, because the sight of that hideous face reflected in the mirror always made her feel even worse. As usual, she slept naked and, as usual, unconcerned about her lack of clothes, went to relieve herself. But once again, none of the guards standing in the corridor outside the chamber door even glanced at her, which, of course, only infuriated the princess further.
She grabbed a bell and used it. A moment later, two maids rushed into the chamber, ready to help with dressing. Milena looked at them with disapproving eyes. They were very pretty, far prettier than her. One of them, Dorota in particular, was absolutely gorgeous and had exactly the kind of breasts the princess had always dreamed of. Fortunately, the maids had grown accustomed to her ugliness and didn't stare at her with veiled disgust, like most of the courtiers.
"What's new in town?" the princess asked.
"The merchants from Arabikonia arrived yesterday," Dorota replied, buttoning the princess's shirt. "They have a whole host of all sorts of goods, the likes of which I've never seen here before. Beautiful dresses, shirts, bracelets, rings, perfumes, ointments, talismans—everything to choose from. One merchant even has a lamp that supposedly houses a genie who grants three wishes to whoever releases it. But no one is interested in buying it. Not only is it very expensive, but there's no telling whether it actually houses a genie or just some disgusting vermin.
" "A lamp with a genie, you say?" Princess Milena, lost in thought, scratched her thin, firm backside. "Bring me that merchant with the lamp here immediately!"
That same evening, the princess, dressed only in a thin nightgown, sat alone in her chamber, holding a lamp on her lap. Following the instructions she'd received from the merchant from Arabikonia, she rubbed it against her breasts a few times, then whispered a spell:
"Oramadagrada wysigada obrewydagada!"
Bluish smoke billowed from the lamp, which a moment later formed into the small figure of a dark-haired, bearded man sitting cross-legged.
"Oh, you're so ugly! You're a monstrous monster!" the bearded man exclaimed upon seeing Milena, whose face could have terrified the bravest knight.
"Shut up, little scoundrel!" Milena shouted, furious. "You're dealing with a princess, as if you hadn't seen it! It would have been appropriate to at least bow, greet her, and introduce yourself, wouldn't you think?
" "I'm sorry, princess, it slipped out unintentionally," the dark-haired man bowed with a serious expression. "Greetings, my lady. I am Virgovel the genie, and for letting me out of that stinking lamp, I will grant you one wish."
"What do you mean, one? You want to get hit, little man? There were supposed to be three!
" "I apologize profusely. Three was five centuries ago, now there's only one. Someone must have deceived you.
" "Then I'll have that fraudulent merchant castrated!
" "So what's your wish, madam?
" "I want to be a beautiful woman, with long, black hair, silky smooth skin, and large, beautiful breasts!
" "Madam! I can't fulfill that. I'm not that powerful, because in your case, too much would have to be changed...
" "Silence, simpleton! What kind of genie are you if you can't do anything?
" "Oh no, madam! I can do a lot! I can't make you a beautiful woman, but I can teach you all the secret love tricks, all the techniques and positions used by the best lovers of the Far East, and then no man will be able to resist you, princess!
" "Are there practical lessons besides theory?" she asked, her ugly face flushing.
"Yes, madam!" Of course, he replied with a sour face, guessing how this might end for him.
"Then I agree! Teach me all the positions and secret love tricks! We'll begin immediately!" The princess lay down on the bed, pulled her shirt up to her waist, and spread her frighteningly thin, crooked legs wide, exposing her womb to the genie's eyes.
The blue genie stifled the curse that had just escaped his lips. With a sour expression, he settled between Milena's thighs and began his training. With practical lessons.
A few weeks later, the King of Pepitonia himself arrived in the capital of Danwostan with an embassy, as war with the powerful Szwargon, a threat to both Danwostan and Pepitonia, loomed large. The heir to the throne, young Prince Arthur, also arrived with a several-hundred-strong embassy, as his father, the aged King Charles, had decided to begin instructing him in the intricacies of ruling a state.
Princess Milena saw the handsome, seventeen-year-old prince through the window. She liked him very much and decided that she would test on him what the genie had taught her during those long nights spent in her bedroom. However, she didn't want to show herself to him yet, lest he be put off by her, to put it mildly, very ugly face. Her plan was different.
The embassy was to stay at the royal palace for at least a week. The prince slept in another wing of the building, but that wasn't a major problem. She knew that young Arthur desired a woman as only a seventeen-year-old boy could desire, so that night she sent her most beautiful servant, Dorota, to his chamber. As she had expected, the prince not only didn't drive her away, but also took very good care of her, allowing her to escape from his bed only in the early morning hours. The following two nights were similar, and Dorota was so exhausted after her visits to the prince's bedroom that upon returning, she immediately collapsed into bed and fell sound asleep.
On the fourth night, Dorota didn't go to Arthur's bedroom again. Instead, under cover of darkness, Princess Milena herself slipped into the young man's chamber. Preventing him from lighting the candles, she stripped off her dress in the almost absolute darkness and slipped naked into his bed.
They made passionate love all night long, likely practicing every position the princess had learned from the genie. There were quite a few, and Milena was a very diligent and gifted student. The only thing she wouldn't allow the heir to the throne of Pepitonia to do was touch her breasts, and every time the young man tried to grab her breasts, she forestalled him and grabbed his hands – she had such a small bust that the prince would immediately realize it wasn't the buxom Dorothy who had come to his bed that night. Arthur was ecstatic, constantly exclaiming that he had never had such a good time in his life, that she was the best lover imaginable, and that he could make love to her day and night for the rest of his life.
The secret was revealed only early in the morning, when dawn began to break. The prince was utterly surprised upon seeing Milena, but he quickly recovered and, looking at her thin, naked body and face that could frighten children, said,
"Who are you and how did you get here? I don't know you! I thought it was Dorota who came to me again.
" "Are you disappointed it wasn't her?
" "You know, you're much uglier than her, but in the darkness of night, that doesn't bother me at all. I'll say more. You're such a wonderful girl in bed, you know such wonderful positions and tricks, that I'll repeat what I said last night – I've never had such a good fuck in my life, and I could make love to you day and night, for the rest of my life.
" "Really? You're not making fun of me?
" "Of course not! I only regret that you're just an ordinary servant girl, because I'd like to keep you with me. But I'm the heir to the throne and I can only marry a woman of royal descent."
"Then I have good news for you, my love!" she replied, lying on top of him and kissing him on the lips. "I am Princess Milena, daughter of Erik Redbeard.
A month later, Arthur of Pepitonia married Princess Milena. The wedding was so grand that people talked about it for years. But I wasn't there, I didn't drink mead or wine. I don't know why, but I wasn't invited.
King Erik Redbeard was finally happy. His dream had come true. He had given his youngest daughter in a good marriage, and thanks to that, Danwostan gained another powerful ally, Pepitonia. Now he no longer had to fear Szwargon's power; what's more, Szwargon feared his power.
Princess Milena was also very happy. She and her husband got along very well, especially at night." All the courtiers knew this, as they often couldn't sleep until dawn, hearing the moans, screams, and gasps of love echoing through the palace corridors every night, and the bed creaking so loudly as if a flock of devils were chasing each other in it.
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