BUTCH, HERO OF THE GALAXY.

The C-class intergalactic fighter, aptly named "Balbina," glided with characteristic grace toward the constellation Beta D. The unassuming craft, shaped like a Coca-Cola bottle with the neck cut off, moved through the vastness of the universe with incredible grace. Inside the fighter, in a somewhat cramped cabin, sat a rather young, tall man with expressive features and a thick shock of black curls. The man was busily typing something on a computer, perhaps to sweeten the task while sipping a glass of whiskey.

"Come on! Get the hell out of there, old geezer!" his irritated voice could be heard.

As if to spite his words, the computer screen still displayed the message: "

I'm sorry, Butch, the selected operation is impossible to complete."

Already deeply frustrated, he threw a glass of whiskey with all his might at the metal door behind which lay the Balbina's mess hall. With a resounding crash, the glass shattered into thousands of tiny pieces, creating an extraordinary mosaic of colors and sounds. Butch frowned for a moment, lost in thought, then reached for the whiskey bottle lying next to him and took a long swig.

"Where the hell is the problem!" he exclaimed to himself. Then, knowing full well that silence was not good for him, he activated the audio device with the pilot's help. In an instant, the fighter's deck was overrun by a storm of heavy sounds and riffs.

-Kill the Ants! Kill the fucking Ants! - the hoarse voice of the leader of the cult punk rock band Gnojniki penetrated Butch's ears with incredible energy.

The song "Kill the Ants" had an interesting origin. For exactly two years, it occupied the number one spot on the TGZ (Global Reach Television) charts. This was due to several rather unusual circumstances. In 2034 AD, Polish scientist Ksawery Paczyński discovered the Qurth hyperspace technology. In the blink of an eye, it revolutionized Earth's space industry. Humanity finally managed to break free from the shackles of its own galaxy, boldly and fiercely conquering and exploring new planets. It quickly became clear that life in the universe was a common phenomenon. However, the intelligence of these beings was not. Some of the discovered creatures turned out to be bacteria barely capable of reproducing, while others themselves challenged the logical reasoning of the Earthling race, claiming it was impossible for bipedal, poorly coordinated, shaved apes to be capable of interstellar travel. As you might imagine, the first intergalactic war quickly broke out. Earthlings' opponents were the strange, ant-like race of Augustines (named so because of their discovery in September 2034). The cause of the war was simply a translation error. That unfortunate translator, whose infamous name has gone down in galactic history, was Dirx van Grooben, a Dutch inventive theorist. He became famous for discovering the universal galactic translator UTG (later DUREX named their new line of condoms this way, using the advertising slogan "UTG failed, we will never fail"). Unfortunately, due to numerous errors in the UTG software, it translated the Augustines' message, the glorious "Welcome, Intergalactic Brothers," as "You have 10 minutes to surrender." Unfortunately, the head of the Earth's admiralty happened to be the hard-headed Romanian general Ionel Matenscu Cavegaci. Very upset by the Augustines' demands, he decided to show them the "good" side of human nature by sending an Earth armada towards their Beta D colony. Out of nowhere, the elite of Earth's soldiers pounced on the unsuspecting insects. After a firefight lasting no more than 10 minutes, the Augustine colony ceased to exist, and the Earth's "veterans" returned in glory to the third planet from the sun. Many of them brought with them severed Augustine heads, which made perfect ashtrays. As you might imagine, this event led to a fierce conflict lasting 12 years, with approximately 3 billion casualties on both sides. The underestimated Augustines dealt us a massive blow, rendering Earth uninhabitable and forcing 12 billion human beings to evacuate their homeworld. We became space nomads, often derogatorily referred to as "dogs of the universe." Beyond the noble goal of finding a new home for our exiled civilization, there was now only one goal – revenge. It was quickly discovered that the Augustines,They are genetically linked to their planet, can live on others and peacefully exploit them, but can only reproduce on their homeworld of Augustia. Thousands of attempts were soon made to destroy the planets of these ant-like creatures, but to no avail. The Augustines, possessing significantly more modern technology, must surely have looked with condescension upon Earth's attempts to bypass their security measures and destroy their homeworld. Until then! After many years of testing, our most distinguished scientist, Ksawer Paczyński, announced that he had found the final solution to bypass Augustine's security measures. However, to carry out the plan, an excellent, experienced pilot with nothing to lose was needed. After a short search, the choice fell on Butch Kowalski, a veteran of the Augustine Wars, a brilliant and courageous pilot. For several years, he had been struggling with depression and alcoholism, stemming from a significant loss in his not-so-long life. While exploring the asteroid belt around the planet Arkona, an Augustinian patrol attacked and subsequently destroyed the Earth colonists' ship, the Aurora. On board the Aurora were Butch's entire family, including his beloved wife, Nita, and two-year-old daughter, Nicaa. Butch, who was on a routine patrol at the time of the attack, was the only colonist to survive. This misfortune radically changed his life. His joy in life faded, and he became an embittered man eager to die as quickly as possible. He engaged in numerous brawls and fights, even attempting to take his own life. After one such outburst, he landed in a "jail," where the Earth admiralty presented him with an offer he couldn't refuse. Butch eagerly accepted (as if he had any other option). However, he set one condition, which after long discussions and numerous protests he decided to fulfill, wanting to resolve the Augustyns' problem as quickly as possible.While exploring the asteroid belt around the planet Arkona, an Augustinian patrol attacked and then destroyed the Earth colonists' ship, the Aurora. Butch's entire family was on board the Aurora, including his beloved wife, Nita, and two-year-old daughter, Nicaa. Butch, who was on a routine patrol at the time of the attack, was the only colonist to survive. This misfortune radically changed his life. His joy in life faded, and he became an embittered man eager to die as quickly as possible. He engaged in numerous brawls and fights, even attempting to take his own life. After one such outburst, he landed in a "jail," where the Earth admiralty presented him with an offer he couldn't refuse. Butch eagerly accepted (as if he had any other option). However, he set one condition, which after long discussions and numerous protests he decided to fulfill, wanting to resolve the Augustyns' problem as quickly as possible.While exploring the asteroid belt around the planet Arkona, an Augustinian patrol attacked and then destroyed the Earth colonists' ship, the Aurora. Butch's entire family was on board the Aurora, including his beloved wife, Nita, and two-year-old daughter, Nicaa. Butch, who was on a routine patrol at the time of the attack, was the only colonist to survive. This misfortune radically changed his life. His joy in life faded, and he became an embittered man eager to die as quickly as possible. He engaged in numerous brawls and fights, even attempting to take his own life. After one such outburst, he landed in a "jail," where the Earth admiralty presented him with an offer he couldn't refuse. Butch eagerly accepted (as if he had any other option). However, he set one condition, which after long discussions and numerous protests he decided to fulfill, wanting to resolve the Augustyns' problem as quickly as possible.

"The fucking Antsss"—the last line of the song and the dead silence on board snapped Butch out of his reverie. He put down the bottle and immediately returned to the computer. "Balbina" was just entering the Augustinian zone. He again typed the sequence assigned to him by Professor Paczyński, this time skipping the penultimate line, and froze, waiting for the result. After a moment, a message appeared before his eyes: "

Operation successful, cloaking activated ."

Delighted with the results of his actions, Butch howled with delight.

"Finally, damn it!" could be heard.

In an instant, the intergalactic fighter "Balbina" took the form of a standard Augustinian CDR cruiser. Full of excitement, Butch flew into the enemy zone. After a few minutes, the Augustinians began transmitting standard signals to him, requesting codes.

"I'm counting on you, Professor," Butch said, then sent a pre-prepared sound track toward Augustynów.

A moment later, the computer screen displayed a response: "

The selected codes are correct, welcome!

" "The destruction will be complete in a moment," Butch said to himself, a hint of frantic fever in his voice, and set off toward Augustia. Just before entering the atmosphere, Butch fired two holocameras from the deck of Balbina (a condition to which the Earth's admiralty had so reluctantly agreed) and began a cautious dive toward the planet. A kilometer from Augustynów's lithosphere, Butch activated the holocameras. A massive human fist appeared above the vast world of Augustynów. Some of the creatures looked at it with admiration, others, sensing the threat, with fear and anticipation. Suddenly, to the general consternation of the Augustines, a human middle finger shot up from the image of a human fist, creating a familiar insulting gesture on Earth. If it were possible, all the Augustines would have completely dropped their jaws. For a moment, a smile could be seen on Butch's face. A hundred meters from the lithosphere, Butch took out a photo of his wife and daughter, took one last look, and hugged it tightly to his heart. After a moment, he released the shield, armed the machine, and headed straight for Augustia's core at high speed. "Balbina" ripped apart the planet's core with tremendous force. A massive explosion, like a tsunami, spread across the universe. Billions of lives ceased to exist. Catharsis had occurred. Butch fell into the darkness of death, but not into the darkness of oblivion. A man died, but a hero was born. Butch, the hero of the galaxy.