Only now? It was a long time ago. I was just bothering you anyway, so why did you bother me?
"And... we only have one question for you.
Just one? Great. I have at least three for you.
" "Would you rather go with your mom to grandma's... or stay here with me?"
I looked at him. Even though it was dark, in the moonlight I saw exhaustion and suffering, and at the same time, concern on his face.
"Dad, don't ask me about such things. I'm staying with you
." A look of relief crossed my dad's face .
"Sleep well, son ."
The next day I woke up well after noon. I didn't want to get up, but at the same time, I didn't want to stay in bed any longer. I felt like I needed to talk to my dad. I got dressed and went downstairs. Dad was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping coffee and reading the morning newspaper. As if nothing had happened.
"Hi," I said.
"Oh, you're up already. I didn't want to wake you." "Here's your breakfast," he replied, pointing to the toast with jam. I sat down across from him. I felt awkward. I wanted to ask him... so many things. But I didn't know if I should...
"Dad... I..."
"Artur, I know you have a lot of questions for me and Mom right now, and since Mom's gone... ask me..."
Well, the introduction was easier than I expected.
"How... how did it come about that... that you two became close? I mean... maybe I shouldn't ask, but... for now, it seems to me that Mom was... was..."
"That she was just an ordinary girl looking for thrills? That she was a prostitute, as Grandma would call her?" He smiled knowingly at me. "Well... you might not be satisfied with this answer, but yes. Your mom was one of those. But that was 15 years ago. She doesn't do that anymore.
" "Was it at the club?" "
Yes ."
"What were you doing there?
" "Me? I had problems then..." he trailed off. I started to doubt whether I was being too nosy – I'd come there with my friends. We wanted to get away from ordinary life and everyday life. I wasn't planning on... having sex, is that what they call it now?
I was surprised to hear such words from my dad. On the other hand, I was partly glad he wasn't treating me like a child, but as a serious person with whom I could have a normal conversation.
"Dad... why... why didn't Mom..." I couldn't bring myself to say it. "Why didn't Mom have an abortion?" I blurted out in one breath.
My father looked at me intently.
"I forbade her. You're my child. I would never let any harm come to you. I thought that was obvious..."
I felt a strange warmth in my heart.
"And yet..." I said, "I did ruin both of your lives...
" "Don't ever say that. It was us, through our own stupidity, who ruined ours. Not you. Only us. No one else."
I stood up abruptly, knocking over the milk. I didn't care. I went to my father and hugged him.
"I'm glad you're my dad," I said quietly.
I cleaned up the spilled milk.
"Dad... but what happens next?
" "What do you mean?
" "Will we live here? Will we move? "
Dad fell silent for a moment. Then, worried, he said,
"I'm afraid, son, that this will be more difficult than we think.
" "What do you mean?" I asked, frightened
. "I suspect Mom won't give you up that easily
." "What do you mean? She said she didn't want me!" I felt strange saying it aloud.
"Yes, but you see... she wants to get back at me... not just me, but you too... she can fight for you in court. For custody. And above all, she'll fight for this house. We bought it together, so basically, she has the same rights to it as I do."
I felt as if someone had dropped a heavy rock on me. And deep down, I knew it wouldn't be taken off anytime soon.
"Are you going out today?" Dad asked me.
"Yes. I'm on my way.
" "What time will you be back?"
"I don't know...
" "Okay... just take care of yourself and be careful. Do you have your keys?
" "I do
." "That's good, because I might be gone when you get back."
I left the house and wandered aimlessly. I liked these walks. They allowed me to organize my thoughts, and I'd had too many of them lately. I felt terrible. I knew that if it weren't for me, two people would have a happy life. I didn't know what to think. Dad had said it wasn't my fault, but then again, he wouldn't have told me directly that I was bothering him, like Mom had. Even though... Dad had said he loved me...
I sat down on the bench. I felt like Dad was the only person who cared about me and loved me at that moment. I felt so useless. And then there was Mom, who would fight for me, just to spite Dad and me. I'm not some object to be done with as everyone pleases!
Suddenly, across the pond, I saw Karolina. Her beautiful, curly blonde hair fell freely around her shoulders, and her lips were smiling as usual. Wait… she's smiling at me! I tried to make a pretty croissant of my lips, but I felt it wasn't working out so well. She approached me.
"Hi, Artur! What are you doing here all by yourself?" she asked cheerfully.
"Nothing… I'm just sitting here thinking.
" "I'll sit with you, not necessarily think," she laughed.
I wanted to, but I wasn't really getting the hang of her mood.
"Are you always this cheerful?" I asked
. "Well, maybe not always, but I try.
" "Why?"
"What do you mean, why? Artur, carpe diem, my dear! Life's too short to be sad and worry about trivial things. Even if I have a problem, I blurt it out. I have one trusted friend, and I know she'll always listen, no matter what. And that's why I value her so much. And I'm telling you, if you tell someone all your problems, it really will feel easier.
" "You're trying to get me to tell you what's bothering me. Did I guess?" I asked teasingly.
"You know... if you don't want to," she said, smiling flirtatiously.
She extended a helping hand. I think I'd be really stupid to refuse her now. I wanted to tell her that the mere fact that she was talking to me was already comforting me, but I didn't know how she'd take it, so I remained silent.
"Well... maybe you want to go to our mall?"
"To the mall? Why?
" "Because I was just going there... I need to buy some new pants." You can help me choose—she smiled again—and then we'll grab a pizza or McDonald's, what do you think?
"Sure, come on
." We walked to the bus stop, chatting casually. Our bus arrived. We boarded. Suddenly, I realized I didn't have a ticket. Luckily, the bus stop didn't catch us. I was already on the blacklist and had been trying to get a ticket ever since. Admittedly, I didn't always manage to get one, but oh well...
We went into the mall.
"Come to Reserved. They always have nice clothes there. If nothing happens there, we can go to House
." We entered Re. I followed Karolina without looking around. My eyes were focused on her.
"What do you think about these?" she said, holding the camouflage pants up to her shapely legs.
"Well... they're fine by me. But you better try them on.
" "I know, I know. For now, I'll grab a few pairs and then try them on."
I looked at her face, brimming with optimism, at her shining eyes.
I followed her into the dressing room. As she stepped behind the curtain, I waited patiently.
I thanked God for sending her to me. She was like my angel… not entirely, though. I didn't know why I was so drawn to her when I didn't know her yet… but now I know why I am. Now that I've met her, I see only good qualities in her. That endless optimism, that smiling face, that constant joy… Even that alone made Karolina seem like a special person.
"Here," she said, extending her hand and handing me a pair of blue fishnet trousers with cuffs. "These don't fit. I look like nothing."
I wanted to tell her that she looks good in anything, even if it's a bag. One by one, she handed me increasingly fancier trousers.
"Oh! That's it! Look!" she said, pleased, drawing back the curtain. She showed me the same camouflage hipsters she'd picked out at the beginning.
"Perfect," I said, staring at her like a picture.
"Don't exaggerate," she said, embarrassed. "I'll take them off right away and see how much they cost. I wonder if I can afford them
." She covered herself again. I was still staring at the curtain behind which she stood. She looked gorgeous in those low-rise jeans.
"I only have as much as these pants cost. That's what I call luck," she smiled.
We went to the cash register. She paid for the pants.
"Well, I guess we'll have to give up fast food then. I'm broke ." "
Not necessarily. " "What do
you mean
?" "What am I here for? Where do you want to go? Pizza? Or McDonald's?
" "Come on... you're not going to buy me..."
"You bet I will?" I grinned. I felt strange. I hadn't smiled in so long.
"Well, if you put it that way... let's go to Mc Donald's
." We headed for the stairs, since it was upstairs. The best part was that we had a lot to talk about. It turned out we had a lot in common. We listened to the same music, liked the same movies, rooted for the same athletes...
We ordered food. Actually, I wasn't hungry at all. I grabbed a french fry and started dipping it in ketchup.
"Okay... so maybe we should start a counseling session?
" "What do you mean?
" "You know." "
Yeah..."
"I'm listening. What's bothering you so much, and has it been bothering you for so long?
" "How do you know it's been a long time?" "
I saw it.
" "It's so obvious?" I replied, resigned
. "No... just look. So go ahead."
I looked at her. I felt like I wanted to. That I would tell her. I was about to open my mouth when we suddenly heard Malwina's voice.
"Hello. What are you doing here alone? Can I join you?"
"Sure, sit down," Karolina said. "
Oh no... she always has to cut in. She always ruins everything. I've only just met her and I already feel like I hate her." We sat for a while. The girls chatted, and I sat and listened with half-interest.
"Will you go to Sephora with me again? I need to buy some new perfume," Malwina asked Karolina. Karolina looked at me. I don't really know why. If she wants to, let her go. "
You know... actually, I... I don't know if... Because I'll leave Artur like this?" she stammered .
"No problem, I have to go anyway," I said quickly.
"Oh, well, that's a shame... I thought the three of us were still going out, but if you have to go, then it's too bad," Malwina interrupted again. "I can't stand that girl."
I got up from the table.
"Thanks," Karolina said.
"For what?" I asked, surprised
. "For helping me choose pants and for the food." She smiled.
And then she did something I'll never forget. She kissed me on the cheek.
"You deserve it ." "
Thanks.
" "For what?" she said and laughed. "Hi
." "Hi.
" I walked downstairs as if under the spell. She'd just given me a kiss. I couldn't believe it. Nothing mattered anymore. Only that moment when her soft lips touched my cheek.
A few minutes later, I was home. It was already after 7 p.m. Dad was sitting in an armchair, watching TV.
"Hi! Where were you?
" "Oh… downtown
." "Downtown?" "Why? You could have bought bread… but how could you have known? There's nothing for dinner. Shall we order pizza?"
"You know… I'm not hungry.
" "Phew… that's good, because neither am I, and we'll save some money along the way."
I was already heading for the stairs when Dad said,
"Artur… Your mom and I filed divorce papers today."
He said it as if every parent in the world did it every day, as if it were the most normal thing. It infuriated me.
"And?" I replied, irritated.
"Your mom… she wants this house, half the furniture, and…" He stopped. My heart skipped a beat. I felt he probably didn't need to tell me what else my biological mother would have wanted.
"And complete rights over you .
" "What do you mean, complete rights?" I asked, surprised.
"That means you'd be with her all the time, and I'd only be able to visit you
." My head was spinning. It's unacceptable. I won't agree to something like that. Never in my life!
"I won't agree to something like that.
" "No one will ask you for your opinion anyway. Don't get me wrong… but in court, they might question you. They won't ask whether you'd prefer me or your mom."
I buried my face in my hands. I felt like I was about to explode.
"If Mom wants this house... then where are we going to live?"
"I don't know, I don't know... we have to hire a lawyer, buy a new apartment... and besides, I don't know how we're going to settle down with half this furniture..."
Dad looked at me. He clearly saw the worry and fear written all over my face. So he said as cheerfully as he could. Actually, a little too cheerfully
, "Don't worry, we'll manage."
I know he didn't mean it that way. He only said it to comfort me. He didn't quite succeed.
The next day, I went to church at 11:00. I sat on a bench in front of the church. I didn't really know why I was still coming here. I'd stopped believing in church... after all, it's just an institution; I don't have to believe in it. People come here, repeat the same words over and over, and I bet half of them don't understand a word of the prayers. To pray, I don't need a whole church community full of easygoing old ladies, playful yet very nice children, and their parents, who either followed their children around or didn't care at all what their child was doing at that moment. It was late April, so it was quite warm. Around this time, there are always tons of children outside. Loudspeakers are attached to the tall cross, so all the priest's words can be heard perfectly, not only inside but also here, outside. There were three pews. Two were side by side, and the third was perpendicular to one of the pews. It was on this third pew, when Mass had already begun, that I saw Karolina. She was acting strangely, though. When she looked at me, she quickly averted her gaze and didn't look in my direction for the rest of the mass. When the priest finally uttered my favorite words, "Go in peace," I boldly walked toward Karolina. However, she quickly curled up and, shouting, "Auntie! Auntie, wait!" she disappeared from my sight. I couldn't understand her behavior. Just yesterday she was so effusive, and today she's completely ignoring me? Something's not right here… maybe I did something wrong yesterday?
"Artur? Howdy, man! Are you coming with us to Zielona for a waffle?"
"With us, you mean?
" "Well, with me and Lidka
." "Oh… no thanks… I don't have any money on me – well, yeah… I spent it all yesterday.
" "It's okay, we have it, we'll lend it to you. Come on .
" Actually, I didn't feel like going home at all. So I walked slowly behind Kamil and Lidka, who were holding hands.
Zielona is a small bar serving ice cream, waffles, and whipped cream rolls. We often came here after church, when it was warmer. A few tables and chairs were set up around a low booth. I sat down at one of them.
"What flavor do you want?" Kamil asked me
. "It doesn't matter..." I replied. And indeed, it didn't matter. I could even have eaten pepper-flavored ice cream. I suspect I wouldn't have even realized I was eating it.
"Here. Creamy. Can I have it?" Lidka asked me.
"Yes
." "What, are you so off-color?" Kamil asked this time.
"Me? No, no way..."
I think they understood and didn't ask me any more questions. They talked, and I sometimes agreed, sometimes disagreed. But I still pictured Karolina's embarrassed face. Why? It looked as if she'd run away from me. What was going on? I didn't do anything wrong yesterday, and neither did she. I don't understand any of this.
I ate some ice cream and went home. Sunday passed peacefully. Dad didn't return until evening. I didn't ask him where he'd been. He doesn't have to explain himself to me. That evening, when I turned on my computer, I received a strange text message. An unknown number.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I look at you again?
What? I think someone got the wrong numbers. Yes, definitely. I deleted the message. I turned on Gadu-Gadu. As usual, the list was full, and I wasn't talking to anyone anyway. Then I received a second text message from the same number.
Let this poem remind you that there's someone who won't forget you
. What's going on? Maybe this will die down soon and someone will realize they got the wrong numbers. By the way, how many can you get? Never mind most. The message arrived. This time, thankfully, it was on Gadu-Gadu.
Kamil 20:12
Hi mate
Me 20:12
Hey
Kamil 20:12
So tell me, what's going on?
Me 20:13
No, come on... there's no point in talking. Nothing important.
Kamil 20:13
Are you sure?
Me 20:13
Yes
Kamil 20:14
Because you know... if anything, you know that you have me, your friend. You can always tell me anything.
Me 20:15
Oh, I'm going to cry ;-)
Kamil 20:16
Don't get carried away, it wasn't me who wrote it anyway, my sister told me to write it like that
Me 20:16
Jaaaassssneeee. Listen, don't you know this number? 507893123
Kamil 20:17
No, why?
Me 20:17
Someone keeps sending me texts! And it's so... amorous at that :-P
Kamil 20:18
Ooo... Artur, do you have a secret admirer? Hehe
Me 20:19
Come on, stop it altogether
Kamil 20:20
By the way, how's Karolina doing?
Me 20:21
Uhm.... Maybe...
Kamil 20:21
I mean?
Me 20:22
I have to go now, see you tomorrow
Kamil 20:23
Hi
Actually, I didn't have to go at all. I didn't want to start a conversation about it. Until now, I couldn't understand why Karolina avoided me in church today. Oh, here you go, another text message.
In a strange way, I met you, then I fell in love, when your heart forgets me, let this text remind you, Artur!
So no one made a mistake. Some crazy girl decided she'd torment me a bit. She definitely didn't have a crush on me, no way. It's probably one of the girls in my class. They like to make fun of me. Just because, apparently, one of them once tried to "hit me," as they put it. And I simply didn't like her. She was weird. She transferred to another school. Sometimes I felt like it might be because of me... but it's ridiculous to change schools because of a guy. It's like I'm going to school fifteen now because of Karolina. Idiocy.
I made my bed and went to the shower. When I came back, my phone showed two new messages and three missed calls. Of course, all from the same, unknown number. This girl is crazy.
I love only you, I only want to be with you, only your happiness can be mine. Sorry,
honey, but if my happiness is supposed to be yours, you won't be laughing too much. And you're definitely not helping me with that.
How quietly the water roars, how quietly the forest rustles—so quietly our love has entered between us.
Ours? Something seems off here.
I just wonder if she called or sent signals? Never mind. I'm too tired to think about it… especially since my parents have a court date tomorrow after school. I only know that Dad got us a lawyer today. I hope everything goes well. I don't want to move out of here, nor do I ever want to see my mother again. I know that for sure. I hate her. Just like she hates me. After a few minutes, I fell asleep.
The sound of my cell phone woke me up. I rubbed my sleepy eyes. Three new messages and one missed call. I already know they're just signals. What time is it? Two in the morning? Has she completely lost her mind?!
Look at the stars in the sky. You love them all, and I love you.
Right? I can't see. I think there are clouds in the sky!
On the other side, against the gray background, is the person who loves you.
I think I'm going to go completely crazy too. Doesn't she have anything to do?!
Love is a beautiful and tender word, love lasts forever in the world, love is a commandment of lovers, but can you give it to me?
Maybe not now. First, I need to get some sleep. I turned off my phone and fell asleep immediately.
Dad woke me up.
"Artur! Artur, get up, you're going to be late!
" "What???" I asked, yawning. "What time is it?"
"Seven o'clock!"
Okay, I have to get up. Morning toilet, breakfast, packing for school… the usual, of course, the daily realization that I haven't done any homework and… new messages! No… this is a nightmare. Was she awake and constantly texting me? That's insane! Her nastiness knows no bounds! I'll show those texts to the boys. At least they'll have something to laugh about. Because I'm not laughing at all.
"Artur, I'll excuse you from your last two classes today.
" "Why?" I asked pleadingly. The last two classes today were PE.
"We have to go to court .
" "Me too? " "Too.
" "
Why?
" "Don't ask. You just have to, that's all. I'll pick you up.
" "Okay…
" "By the way, I can give you a ride to school now, because I'm leaving soon. Do you want that?
Let's see, I can drive comfortably, be on time and take my time, or I can take the bus, where Karolina can get on at the second-to-last stop…" " I want
to. " Of course I want to.
Somehow I couldn't bring myself to meet Karolina. I guess I was afraid she'd act weird again like yesterday. That she'd ignore me, for no reason at all.
In the car, I received a flood of text messages.
"Who's texting you so passionately?" my dad asked.
"The problem is, I don't know.
" "What do you mean?"
"Someone's texting me some nonsense, and I don't know the number
." "Oh, well... when I was young, I didn't have these problems because I didn't have a phone
." We arrived at school.
"I'll be there at 12. Bye!
" "Well, bye..."
I went into the locker room. Kamil was already standing there, surrounded by a group of his friends. I decided to keep quiet for now. If Kamil wanted something, he'd ask himself, and with so many witnesses, why start a conversation? I stood close to them and started changing my shoes.
"Do you know where Artur is?" Maciek asked.
"That hunchbacked idiot? He'll definitely be late, as usual. He probably dreamed about his beloved for too long... a complete idiot." "You know, I think he's probably a fag..." I heard.
I couldn't believe it. Those words were spoken by my best friend! It was KAMIL's voice! My head was spinning. But I decided to keep quiet. Listen to what else my supposedly best friend, to whom I can always tell everything, had to say.
"What? You two were always friends..."
"That was a lie! He always had a lot of money. My father gave him money. I ripped him off, sometimes for a movie, sometimes for pizza. You know, and it was all free. Full service. And this idiot was fooling me into thinking I actually liked him," he said and started laughing.
I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I walked up to him. His face fell at the sight of me.
"Oh...uh...hi Artur. How are you?"
Instead of answering, I slammed my fist into his face. I couldn't take it anymore.
"You vile, lousy, two-faced idiot!" I poured out my anger. He stood up, having fallen under the force of my blow.
"Don't delude yourself, hunchback! Everyone will follow me anyway! You're alone!
" "Are you sure?" Maciek said from behind me.
"Exactly?" Krzysiek agreed.
After a moment, a few more voices of approval were heard. Only a handful of boys stood behind Kamil. I was immensely grateful to those who stood behind me. And just like that, Kamil and I split the male section of the class.
Kamil slowly walked out of the locker room, followed by the remnants who preferred such a two-faced liar.
"Hey, Artur, don't worry about him. I've disliked him for a long time," Krzysiek said.
"Well... it's not worth the effort," Jarek confirmed.
"Thanks, guys," I replied, and headed to the biology classroom.
I spent my breaks alone. It felt strange. Until now, for six years, I'd always spent them with Kamil. Getting up to mischief, or just talking. And now... now I'd learned what a jerk my former friend was.
I was waiting for chemistry, sitting by the windowsill, when four teenagers from third grade approached me.
"Are you Jelonek?
" I didn't answer. I looked at them. I tried to keep the fear and terror from showing in my eyes. I was afraid. I recognized them as Kamil's friends. One of them grabbed me firmly by the neck. I felt shivers run through my body.
"You answer, brat," he hissed quietly. "
Listen, you can't treat our friends like that. You'll get in big trouble later," the other began. He spoke slowly and clearly, as if addressing someone with a disability.
"And dude, you're already screwed here," the guy with the red visor interjected bluntly.
"Well... if I were you, I'd get out of here, far, far away..." added the one still gripping my neck tightly. "
As long as we're here, you're not going to have a life, okay?"
I remained silent again. The guy with the red visor punched me in the stomach. I curled into a ball. I thought I was going to throw up. I heard triumphant laughter. Then my newest tormentors left. Great. I just feel like I'm in heaven. Irony is probably going to be my new friend. The only one I'll ever have. I stood up and looked ahead. As if that wasn't enough, Karolina and Malwina were standing in front of me. The latter ran up to me.
"Oh, Artur, are you okay? What did they want from you?" she asked with exaggerated concern. I didn't look at her. I looked at Karolina. She looked like she didn't even want to look at me. She stood with her hands in her pockets, looking away. I wanted her to look at me so badly. Just once. I wanted to see that optimism in her eyes again. I wanted to see those dancing sparks in her eyes. But she clearly didn't want to show them to me. I was just afraid she'd never want to see them again. Meanwhile, Malwina, as usual, was still broadcasting.
"Listen, there's a party at my house on Saturday. My parents won't be there. Will you come over?"
I mentally begged Karolina to look at me. Then I'd have some certainty whether she wanted me there or not. But she was now fiddling with the belt loop of the camouflage jeans she'd recently bought with my help.
"Artur? Are you here?" Malwina said, waving her hand in front of my eyes.
"What?" Oh yes… yes, I'll come over.
"That's great! I'll be waiting," she said happily, and they both headed for the stairs. Still clutching my stomach, I looked longingly after Karolina.
I couldn't wait for Dad to come pick me up and dismiss me from this school. I had had enough of this building and everyone in it. At 12 o'clock, Dad knocked on the door of the Polish classroom.
We drove to the courthouse. Dad was clearly very upset. When he almost ran over a dog that had gotten loose from a little boy's leash, he let out a torrent of obscenities. Finally, we arrived at the courthouse. Dad got out of the car without a word. I followed him.
"Dad, don't be in such a hurry, I can't keep up!" I gasped, as my father practically ran. "Are you in such a hurry to divorce your mother?"
"Yes… I mean, no… I don't know… Gosh… I'm sorry, I'm so upset
." "Relax, it's no big deal." You'll come, the matter will be resolved, and we'll leave here. Together. I spoke to him as if I were confident about our future. Meanwhile, I was afraid… where would we live if the court ruled that the house belonged to my mother? I wasn't worried about myself. I was certain they wouldn't take me away from my father. I didn't know the rules of this procedure yet, but I hoped it wouldn't take long. I felt strange in this building. So many people rushing somewhere, often with huge stacks of papers under their arms. The constant rush and that steely silence… Horrible.
The hearing dragged on mercilessly. Finally, the most awaited moment arrived. Will I stay with my father or my mother?
"My son, Artur Jelonek, is asked to approach," I heard the judge's voice as if from afar.
"According to the law, a child over 13 can choose which parent they want to stay with in the event of a divorce. So, let's listen." Would you rather stay with your mother, Agnieszka Karniewicka, or with your father, Jarosław Jelonek?
"With dad," I replied quietly, yet firmly, as if it were obvious.
"So, the son stays with dad.
" The judge, as if tired of all these divorces, skipped the formalities and hurried on.
"You can sit down. All that's left is the matter of the house."
And that's where the carnage began. Mom and Dad's lawyers fought fiercely for their clients' well-being. When everyone had run out of arguments, the judge declared,
"The court will hear this case. Please appear tomorrow at the same time."
Then he tapped his gavel and uttered a few formalities ending the case for today. I left the courtroom and waited for dad. Suddenly, my mom opened the door. She walked past me. Our eyes met. There was so much hatred in them, so much... resentment. I felt strange. After all, it was my own mother..." She didn't say a word. As if I were a stranger, a complete stranger to her. Behind mom was dad.
"Artur, come on. I'm tired."
"And you see, Dad, it wasn't so bad.
" "Yes...
" A small part of me was happy. It turned out Mom couldn't fight for me. That one, single thing would go my way.
"Just... where will we live?" Dad finished. He said it more to himself than to me.
And that completely devastated me. We still have a place to live today, but tomorrow? Who knows if we'll still have one...
We returned home. Dad grabbed his laptop and started looking for apartments, either to rent or buy, "just in case." Not knowing what to do with myself, I decided to do my homework. For once, I wouldn't have to write them down... or report another missed assignment. I was slowly getting ready for my first biology assignment when I realized there might already be a thousand messages on my cell phone and even more missed calls. I silenced it for the lesson, then forgot about it. I quickly dug through my backpack. Oh yeah... 6 new messages and 8 missed calls. All from the same number, of course. I think I'll finally call this girl and tell her something. If she doesn't calm down in the next few days. I've had enough. Instead of asking if I'd like to meet up and get to know her... she pulls these kinds of stunts on me.
After writing a single sentence in biology, I had absolutely no desire to study. I threw myself on my bed, hoping that happiness would soon knock on my door. What else would happen in my life? My parents' divorce, the girl I loved stopped paying attention to me, some persistent girl would keep me in peace, it turned out my mother didn't love me at all and never had, I had new stalkers, and I bet Sebastian is even more aggressive towards me than before, and if that wasn't enough, my best friend turned out to be a total pig. I think that list is long enough to completely break me down. What if I ended up together? My room is quite high up. Why shouldn't I relieve myself? If I jumped straight up, I could break my back. And breaking my back doesn't always result in a disability. Sometimes it's just the end. The end of the whole adventure that is life. I slowly walked to the window. I opened it wide and looked out. Then again, it's not that high again. And I don't want to be a disability. That would be an additional problem. And what if… I think I still have a pocket knife in my drawer. I definitely do. I once heard from a friend that if you cut horizontally, you could survive, but if you cut vertically, you'd be dead… if you ran the blade across your hands… There it is! I found it. Red, with multiple functions. I wonder if the manufacturers had intended it for suicide? I sat down on the bed. I tried it on. But some force still held me back. It was as if two voices were arguing in my head, one saying, "Yes, yes, do it. You don't need life anymore," and the other, "Stop! You can't! I won't allow it! Why are you doing this?!"… It was as if one of those voices were my mother, the other my father. I tried it on again. Should I listen to my mother who didn't love me, or the father who wasted his life for me? Suddenly, someone knocked on my door. I hurriedly hid the pocket knife under my pillow, shouting, "Please!"
"Artur, are you hungry?" Dad asked
. "Uh... no, not really
. "Son, you're not eating anything. Maybe we should order pizza, huh? There's nothing in the fridge
." "Okay, order it then. Pepperoni with double cheese for me.
" "Okay, come down in half an hour. What are you doing?" he asked casually
. "Oh, nothing, I'm just sitting here..." I lied innocently.
Dad smiled kindly and closed the door behind him.
I took my pocketknife from under my pillow. "No. I won't do that. Dad has sacrificed too much for me for me to waste all that sacrifice now.
I quickly went downstairs. I cleared the table. I sat down in Dad's favorite armchair.
"Oh, are you here yet?
" "Well... I'm bored upstairs
." Dad sat down next to me on the couch.
"How are you doing in school?
" "Uh... you know... it could be better.
" "But you'll pass, right?"
"Well... I think so. If I get a D in physics
..." "Oh yes, physics, you've always struggled with it, but don't worry, I've had trouble with it too. You'll manage. After all, knowing the theory alone is probably enough to get a D, right?" I knew why Dad hadn't reacted the way he would have a few months ago. Besides... I wouldn't have worried about it if I were him. He had too many problems... and I was giving him more.
"I think so. And if I think correctly, I'll easily pass." I smiled. And again, that strange feeling. As if I'd never laughed before and didn't know how to do it.
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