Salai

I stood on the steep seashore, the wind ruffling my hair; I stared into the dark expanse of water. The breeze whipped at my face, tears streaming from my eyes… It was harder than ever before… but I knew I had to turn around and leave. To start a new life. Could one start a new, different life in such a situation?

Darkness reigned around me, already dispelled by the first glimmers of daylight.

I glanced down again. In my mind's eye, I saw Saloy's shattered body. Poor Saloy… It didn't have to end this way. It didn't have to…

I jumped on my horse and forced it to gallop. We rode forward, uninhibited… free from all the boundaries of the world.

The only ones living… true life.

***

It all began two months earlier at the court of Prince Voys.

We were sitting with several other "cousins" of the prince, and as was often the case, we were drinking. I suppose I should explain what this cousinship thing is all about. We were truly—more or less—thugs, hired to protect the prince. Heraldists had added our family histories back five generations to prove our "true" descent (in a direct or slightly crooked line) from Voys's ancestors.

There was a custom in the Okan kingdom that the prince couldn't go out armed or with guards; yet he had to go out (even to visit friendly ladies, whom, for obvious reasons, he couldn't entertain in his own alcove). Then we, armed of course, would go with him.

Back to the topic. We were sitting comfortably sprawled under the trees, Kurt was talking, when I saw her. Saloy.

She looked about 24 or 25, tall, and beautiful. A cascade of blond hair flowed over her shoulders, wisps dancing around her face. She looked beautiful in a dark yellow dress, low-necked in the latest fashion.

She was accompanied by several well-born young ladies. I could hear her sparkling laughter from afar, even though it almost blended with the rustle of the linden trees under which we sat. Suddenly, she turned her head and, for a moment, looked directly at me.

The world slowed, everything stopped. It was just us! The only place on earth where truth lived! The truth of a first glance, which, in its innocence and unconsciousness, foreshadows so many future, extraordinary moments. Spent together.

***

That same evening, I was able to meet her. Prince Voys was throwing a ball, to which Saloy's husband, Count Henry Ganrow, was also invited. I already knew then that the lady of my heart was married, but it made little difference.

You can't fight fate. And mine was... Sweet Saloy.

She sat next to her husband, Henryk, her guardian, and watched the guests with interest. She must have been bored by her old husband's side. Count Henryk was a stately man, about 65 years old, possessing enough vigor to eat a chicken, defecate, and kiss his young wife on the forehead in the evening. I read it in both their attitudes. He was slightly bored, or perhaps rather exhausted by all the fuss? She tried to talk to him, but in reality, she was observing everything intently.

I sat across the table, almost opposite the count, and entertained one of Princess Lydia's many ladies-in-waiting with a conversational banter. My interlocutor, a dull creature who seemed to know no more than two words – "oh" and "ah," gazed at me dreamily. I was talking about something or other. Suddenly, our gazes – Saloy's and mine, of course – locked. A moment full of mystery and a subtle hint of eroticism emanating from her. How could anyone miss it?

It was like a sign, a cry for help. I saw it in her eyes, her facial expression, her gestures… A gentle invitation.

As soon as the guests were invited into the ballroom, I approached her and, bowing slightly toward the old man, asked for a dance. She agreed; without waiting for her husband's response, she placed her hand on my outstretched one. I led her to the center of the still empty room, so that, in full view of everyone gathered, we could get to know each other, build a relationship so different from the ones expected of us.

"Madam… I saw you this morning, and I can't forget you," I whispered softly, in a warm voice. She looked into my eyes, a little shyly, having until then been staring at the ruffle of my shirt. I could see she was a little embarrassed, but not so much that I had to back out of the plans I'd been making all morning.

"What did you see that made you waste time thinking about me?"

"If you're a waste of time, what isn't?" I said, looking into her hazel eyes. I strongly emphasized the word "you."

"But... you embarrass me..." She was acting, she definitely was, too long a pause between "but" and "embarrassing." You can feel things like that...

" "That wasn't my intention. But tell me, madam...

" Yes, a little clumsily, our first exchange of thoughts was taking place, an intimate meeting of two souls.

Seeing her to her seat, I whispered quietly in a practiced voice.

"May I know your name?

" "Saloy... and you...

" "Federic..."

We danced three more times that evening, getting to know each other. Hazel eyes, raspberry lips, still fresh complexion. Intelligent and yet sensual... Wonderful.

At the end of the ball, she gave me a delicate smile that meant so much.

My suspicions quickly came true; the very next day I received a note written in Countess Saloy Ganrow's own hand. My hunch was right; she needed something more than just an old husband at a ball.

She set a time and place for us to meet. We spent the entire afternoon together, galloping around the area on horseback.

For the next month, we met often and so eagerly. We craved each other's company, getting to know each other, savoring each other's energy. Every other or third day, we arranged trysts.

She was wonderful, unfulfilled in her marriage, yet with me she blossomed, full of joy and vibrancy. It's amazing what a pinch of love can do to a woman...

Only her husband disturbed our complete happiness, until he finally crept into our lives and ruined everything. But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

***

That day, we had arranged to meet in the castle chapel. I had already been waiting for several minutes, contemplating the beauty of her body by heart when she entered. I saw the nervousness on Saloy's face, her hair tousled, her dress slightly disheveled. I watched as she knelt and, in a pose suggesting deep prayer, waited a few minutes before approaching me. She sat down beside me, smiling faintly.

"Federic," she whispered sadly, "Henryk has learned about us." She looked at me expectantly. She looked so defenseless, leaving me to decide what to do next.

"What happened?" I whispered in her ear, moving a little lower, caressing her neck. There was no one else in the chapel, so I could allow myself such a gesture; however, she pushed me away slightly, and only when she looked around impatiently (as if someone might overhear us) did she begin to speak.

"When I was on my way here, he burst in and started calling me names... shouting... Oh, Federic..." She snuggled closer to me.

"Shh... hush..." I stroked her face, looked into her eyes. So poor, defenseless. "... go on," I said after a long moment.

"He... found out, probably from my maid. I don't know when or why, but... What should I do? This can't be revealed, I won't have a life..."

I thought. Thousands of thoughts flashed through my head, not necessarily related to the main problem. Finally, I expressed what seemed to me the only solution. The best.

"We have to get rid of him. It's the only way," I said soothingly, seeing the fear in her eyes. "We want to be together, and it's the only way. We'll kill him and everything will be alright. Don't worry, I'll handle it."

I closed her mouth with a kiss and hugged her to me. She was so defenseless, I could do anything to her at that moment.

"I love you, Saloy..." A woman needs to hear such words. It's simply easier that way. I knew it not yesterday...

" "Do you? Really?" "A sweet creature.

" ***

Two days later, Count Henryk unfortunately fell from his horse. Well, at that age, a gallop could end in tragedy… No one noticed the deep wound on his left temple. Too deep for a fall from a horse…

Only Saloy and I knew the truth. And Henryk, too, but he became merely a lifeless witness to that event.

The funeral and the beginning of Saloy's mourning period damaged our relationship somewhat. Meetings became more difficult, even more difficult than during Henry's lifetime.

Although I must admit, the black dress only subtly emphasized the beauty of my beloved. I endured the first week without close contact with her, though it felt like the worst of penances. I couldn't wait any longer; I didn't want to wait; fortunately, in keeping with good manners, I was able to visit the grieving widow and offer her my sincere condolences.

She received me in the drawing room where the coffin containing the Count's body had stood so recently. Dressed in black, with her hair elaborately pinned up, her cheeks slightly flushed, she looked captivating. Divine. My goddess.

She smiled delicately, gesturing to the chair. I loved all these conventions, simultaneously dividing and uniting us. When I saw her look at me with an indifferent expression and say something she could say to anyone. And at the same time, that heat in her eyes, the expressive glances, the barely perceptible gestures… I burned with love for her, suffering the sweet pain of adoration. Soon, I was sitting next to Saloy and, as befits a close family friend concerned for the poor widow, I comforted her in her moment of distress.

Those first days after Henry's death, forgetting the difficulties of meeting, were an incredible time. Free, full of unparalleled subtlety, love, uncertainty.

It was just us and the rest of the world – the least important part of our existence. We breathed the fullness and unrestrictedness of life.

Suddenly, a feeling of helplessness invaded this happiness, a chaos that prevented logical thought. Saloy began to be haunted by nightmares. Gods! The chosen one of my heart turned out to be a terribly sentimental creature. She regretted…

Whether the stability Henryk provided was gone, or whether the truth of his death had reached her, I don't know. In any case, the spell was broken. The humdrum of life began. Despite this, I still desired her, her, or her body? It didn't matter, it was one and the same. I desired her… I desired to be with her.

***

"Federic…" She whispered one evening, nestled against my arm. "Federic, I'm afraid.

" "What, my love?" I asked in a calm voice, thinking about the party planned for the following evening.

"Life.

" "What?" I looked surprised. What was there to be afraid of?

"I'm afraid that what happened… with Henry… is separating us.

" "Silly… it's bringing us closer together." It was supposed to bring me closer – I smiled at the memories.

"Yes, but can we build a future on misfortune? On death?

" "Honey," I kissed her forehead. "It was necessary. Look at it this way, he paved the way for us to happiness. Don't think about it anymore."

I played with a strand of her hair. I loved her hair. She was so beautiful.

"Federico, what if someone finds out about this...?

" "Where?...Saloy..." I said in the tone of a frightened child trying to calm down. "

People are starting to sniff. I hear some understatements; I'm afraid. If they find out, they'll lose us.

" "The death of romantic lovers... They'll bury us next to each other," I smiled, joking at her fears, "and the same flowers will grow on our graves.

" "But..." I placed a finger on her lips.

"Life is for staying with each other. If we're still together after death... we'll live. So we're not losing anything.

" "What are you talking about?!

I gave up, but she probably couldn't understand the tracks my thoughts were racing. Unfortunately, with each passing day, I understood Saloy less and less. She began to claim that killing Henry was an immoral, evil act. Unworthy of me – a nobleman, much less of my wife, who had sworn to love him until death. Indeed – until death – so what was the further problem? I don't know. A woman is a strange creature. You think you know her when suddenly she surprises you completely.

***

But Saloy was right – someone did. The circle around us was growing tighter and tighter. Fortunately, Daren, my cousin, had warned me of the impending disaster. I packed my essentials and dropped in to pick up Saloy.

My lady took the news surprisingly well, and within an hour we were off into the unknown. I planned to go to Galen and then straight to my brother Breyt's manor. We were supposed to wait there for a few months, maybe weeks… Then I would think about what to do next… Why think about something that wasn't there?

After a day of riding, Saloy began to feel afraid again. She kept crying that Henry was haunting her dreams. What nonsense… She wanted to go back, then she'd snuggle up to me again and beg for protection… I didn't know what to think anymore…

That evening, we set up camp in a tiny clearing; I breathed in the crisp sea air and feasted my eyes on the beauty of nature. Saloy, enchanted by the landscape, sat quietly by the fire. She looked beautiful. Shadows played in her hair, and the fire gave it fantastic reflections. I closed my eyes… Like a nymph. The sea roared in the distance. The sea breeze had a soothing effect on me.

It was well after midnight when Saloy suggested we walk to the seashore. She wanted to see it at night. Yes, it was a breathtaking sight. I found a beautiful spot, rough waves crashing against the rocks. We stood on a steep bank, the rocks below, the wind blowing our hair and Saloy's dress…

I hugged my beautiful one and we stood gazing at the barely visible horizon.

"Federico...it's beautiful...

" "Yes..." I whispered thoughtfully.

"You know, I think we should go back..."

"What are you doing? We've already come so far...Besides, if you want, go back." I laughed.

"But you don't understand me. I can't live like this, it's killing me. The knowledge of what happened. The fact that we're together...This shouldn't be.

And that was my most beautiful one saying. How is it possible that I knew her so little? I looked at her in surprise.

"We did wrong," she said, tears streaming from her eyes. "I have to go.

" "Where? Saloy, I love you. I want to be with you." I hugged her. "I won't let you go," I said and kissed her passionately but tenderly.

She stood with her back to the edge, and for a long moment, I stared into the water above her head.

"I...I can't be with you. Not after this." She raised her head and looked into my eyes. She whispered it so quietly I barely heard it. I seethed. Not after this?! I did it for her; at her urging, in fact! To save our love, so it could grow, so we could be happy, Henryk died. And she was ruining it all. I wanted to howl, but I just kissed her again. I knew that if Saloy put it this way, there was only one thing I could do.

"Federic... no," she pleaded, pulling away slightly, "we need to talk."

I looked deep into her eyes.

"Saloy, my love... I felt good with you..."

She looked at me uncertainly, not understanding what I meant. She hadn't expected me to say such a thing. One last kiss, and still feeling the sweetness on my lips, I took a step forward, forcing Saloy back. She didn't sense the trick.

"But you're not angry? I have to be.

" "I know," I whispered, "me too..." With that, I pushed the surprised girl into the abyss. She stared at me, still uncomprehending, as she lost her footing. She reached out to hold me, but I stepped back from the edge.

My dress fluttered, my hair fell in a cascade…

Farewell… my sweet Saloy…