True illusions

Sometimes life hurts so much. The pain is intense, but it only momentarily reminds us that we still exist. It makes us aware of the misery of our lives. Because, in reality, most of our time is spent on dreams, expectations, hopes... And when we're too happy, too far from the here and now, in yet another dream of something special, reality suddenly arrives and knocks on our minds, then enters uninvited and stinks up the safe corner we've just carved out for ourselves. That's why it's dangerous to fall asleep; it's better to constantly observe everyday life soberly, to surrender to it, and not try to change anything. Sure, when an opportunity arises, you can move your hand, but it's better not to struggle too much. Why? We need to have enough energy for a little longer, and knife and fork will turn out that we have a long life ahead of us, and then what?

And that's how you can discreetly observe. Turn off your thinking. Jolka learned this too late. She was young and foolish, she believed in luck, believed that if she tried hard and wanted something badly enough, it would come true. She used magic every day, sending positive vibrations into the universe because she'd read somewhere that they would return to her stronger. She cast runes, read horoscopes, practiced affirmations, burned incense, and practiced visualization. She was the happiest person on Earth because she knew that only through this would all bad things pass her by. She avoided misfortune. Until one day, she decided she was going to fall in love. She orchestrated everything. She found her target, and right after the full moon, she began to love. She felt her heart beat faster, her blood pulsing through her veins, and waves of heat. Whenever he appeared beside her, her legs would buckle beneath her, and she would practically float. It was like something out of a movie. She easily played the role of a seductress, and after a short time, she realized she really enjoyed it. Slowly, she began to appreciate the magic at work. She knew no man could resist her. She unleashed all her powers and barely controlled them. Until the day came. A day that culminated in a night filled with sighs, moans, and wetness. Exactly as she had wanted. Exactly as a witch should experience this moment, without undue sentimentality, but with her whole being. With every cell of her body, every muscle, hair, nerve, her entire being. Nature itself...

She greeted the morning with a smile, her pupils dilated, her cheeks flushed, and her breathing quickened. The magic of the night lingered, even in the full light of day. Without regret, she said goodbye to her lover, who tried to explain, rather vacantly, that it was just a one-off incident and that he was sorry because she was so wonderful, but it didn't matter much to him. She didn't listen, because she knew better. She nodded understandingly, told him warmly not to worry, and assured him she'd had a wonderful time too. Then, gently pinching his buttock, she said goodbye decisively. Her power was growing. She stretched standing by the open window and went to prepare a herbal decoction.

Three months passed. Three, wasn't that the magic number? It was her number. Watching over her from the day she was born. Every major event in her life was connected to that number. On her birthday, March 3, 1983, her family was struck with incredible happiness. Besides being blessed with the opportunity to have such a special child, her father quit drinking, her grandmother, who had been secretly ravaged by cancer, miraculously recovered, and a series of small miracles occurred, long forgotten by everyone, because from the moment she took her first steps, they had become as common as lines at the grocery store back then. Of course, they didn't talk about it openly. Her parents didn't want her to lose her mind. She understood their indifference. They couldn't cope with this uniqueness. It was good that she was understanding and used the freedom they gave her wisely. They never asked where she came from at the oddest hours or why she missed so many days of school. They trusted her implicitly. They didn't punish her and let her raise herself. They respected her need for freedom by not interfering in matters they didn't understand. That's why she'd long ago moved out and studied independently, working as a bartender and supplementing her income by reading cards. She wanted to finish her Feng Shui studies because she had an artistic flair and could help many people this way. But for now, she was getting ready to celebrate her birthday. She was turning twenty. No, she wasn't planning a party; she was too serious for that, and besides, she didn't want to waste this wonderful day. As soon as he showed up, she knew she had to seize the opportunity. Besides, she felt sorry for him. Of course, he was fighting with himself. They were so far apart, and he couldn't help but fall into her trap. He was so tormented. He was pathetic, hiding behind such a trivial excuse. Couldn't she just lend him a few złoty? And what good would he need that money if he was so rich he'd recently opened his own pub? After a few grateful smiles, she decided the sum was quite substantial and that they needed to discuss it, preferably over a beer tonight, as she was busy right now. Good strategy. This way, she only whetted his appetite and had all day to prepare. After all, it was her birthday. This evening had to be special. And the night...

She waited, finding it hard to bear, only smiling, but not wanting him to be scared. The beer warmed her pleasantly from the inside. He spoke of his plans, used a lot of harsh words, and treated her like a little girl. She imagined tearing his clothes off and softening in her hands. She felt an almost physical advantage over him, even though he was much taller and stronger than her. He was also much older than her, which only excited her even more. It was exactly as she wanted it to be. She didn't want a spotty boy like her friends, a boy the same age. She didn't dream of starting a family. She wanted a high life, and she knew she'd get what she wanted, because she always got what she wanted. She'd never wanted a boyfriend who talked about love. She wanted a determined man who wouldn't poison her life with his constant presence, his boundless love, and his constant jealousy. She couldn't stand that... Just like poverty. It wasn't meant to be.

Success again. He lay next to her, breathing heavily. They were both exhausted. They talked for a while longer. He said he had a wonderful body. Isn't that adorable? As she drifted off to sleep, she planned their future together. It was the perfect situation for both of them. He had told her repeatedly that he didn't believe in love and dreamed of selfless sex. She understood him perfectly; she wouldn't give up her freedom and wanted a man who wouldn't interfere in her life. They could live together, each in a different place. Only they truly understood each other...

She woke up with a headache. Yes, she'd overdone it yesterday. But it was worth it. She gently talked him out of breakfast again. She was in charge here and didn't want him to misunderstand her. Because, after all, she "didn't care." Another brilliant move. She drew her cards. They told her what she'd already known. Another wonderful day in her perfect life. The evil of the world threatened her.

Another three months passed, and she was beginning to wonder about meeting him. It was supposed to be decisive. Third time's the charm, and she wanted to hear from him what she'd already decided. He's Valmont, and she's the Marquise de Merteuil. Only the ending will be different. Her thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell. He had unexpectedly appeared with a proposal to meet. A few people, wine, and good music. Of course, she wanted to spend a pleasant evening in an intimate setting. Especially since he had a pleasant surprise for her. Sweet anticipation again. Not as exciting as before, but just as pleasant. She knew exactly what awaited her today, and without much enthusiasm, yet with complete professionalism, she prepared. Sexy lingerie, intoxicating perfume, discreet jewelry, stunning makeup, and elegant black.

A little late, she entered his apartment, where their close and distant acquaintances sat in clouds of cigarette smoke. Her entrance caused a small commotion and a volley of compliments, which she dismissed with a studied wave of her hand, demonstrating her modesty and unawareness of the charm she radiated. After a moment, she realized she didn't know everyone. He, taking his time, introduced her to a rounded girl with the old-fashioned name of Klara. A moment later, a decadent character with a twinkle in his eye. She barely noticed him, picking up on the signs of a blissful night ahead. The decadent man never left her side, entertaining her with quotes of turpistic poetry. Every now and then, she caught his gaze following her. His gaze. He, in turn, amused Klara, winking at her every now and then. She enjoyed this game until he disappeared with Klara. After a while, she began to grow bored. She was momentarily awakened by the Decadent's fervent confession. Apparently, the alcohol was already taking effect. She gave him a sympathetic smile and heated things up, brushing her whole body against his as she placed the glass on the table. She casually asked about Klara. She learned that she was his new girlfriend. He was deeply in love with her, and even though they'd only known each other for a few months, they planned to marry.

Decadent poured another drink and commented on her sudden pallor. She blinked quickly and flirtatiously suggested they go somewhere quieter. She felt her charm was working. The full moon was approaching, and she always got what she wanted...