Window

Winston jumped out of bed as if scalded and dashed toward the window.

His worst fears were coming true. This was the third windowpane since he'd moved into this

apartment. He peered through the empty frames and looked down. On the sidewalk, amidst

shards of glass, a woman lay in a pool of blood. Shopping bags were strewn around her

.

"This is definitely too much," Winston muttered. "Something must

be done about this..."

Letting out the morning breeze, he headed for the shelf. Farting sleepily,

he pulled out the phone book and hastily opened it.

"D...D...Exams, Executions...There it is!" he said enthusiastically to himself.

"Exorcists."

Winston quickly dialed the first number that came to mind and waited for someone

to answer.

"This is the exorcism office. Hello?" a pleasant, feminine voice said.

"Could I book an exorcist? I'm having a little problem with the window."

"I think you should go to the glazier then.

" "I don't think so. Please make an appointment with an exorcist.

" "As you wish. Can I be there this afternoon?"

"Sure. So, are we set?

" "Please wait. Someone from the agency will get in touch with you," the secretary replied coldly

, and hung up the phone.

Winston got dressed and went out for a breakfast at the "Mrs. K." bar. He kept

thinking about his window problem. As he hesitantly stepped over the threshold,

he saw Dick sitting at the bar. He waved and headed toward him.

"So you're saying this is the third window?" Dick asked, smothering his

Red & White in the ashtray.

"The stupidest part is that every time it falls on some woman

returning from the grocery store next door with her groceries, I have to pay them compensation.

" "Maybe you should call the glazier?

" "There's been four... Everyone says the window is as good as new."

"So I guess you have an enemy, man." Dick smiled.

"You know what, I'll tell you a secret, but promise you won't tell anyone."

Winston whispered in his ear.

"Sure, man, calm down. Have I ever blurted anything out?

" "I think that window is haunted."

Dick snorted with laughter.

"Man, are you kidding me...

" "Before me, some guy lived alone in this apartment. While he was washing the windows,

he slipped on the windowsill and fell out of that very window. I think he might have

possessed it or something...

" "You must be crazy, man...

" "...that's why I called an exorcist today," Winston replied with conviction. "

You know what I think about that?" Dick smiled indulgently. "That you should..."

Call a doctor.

"I've already been to a psychiatrist. I thought I was sleepwalking, but the doctor said

I was fine.

" "I wouldn't be so sure. And I advise you to be careful with those exorcists. They're all

crooks," Dick sighed and left the bar, "Mrs. K."

At the sound of the bell, Winston was as happy as a child. He opened

the door with a brisk movement to greet the exorcist.

"Give me a thousand dollars..." a beggar drooled outside his door.

Winston slammed the door and continued waiting for the exorcist. An hour later, there was

a knock. Winston jumped up from the couch and ran down the hall. As he opened

the door, he felt himself blushing.

Before him stood a middle-aged woman, generously endowed by nature.

A pointed tiara rested on her head, beneath which lush red hair peeked out. Winston's

gaze examined the two bulges that hugged the dark coat.

"Jadwiga Marianna, exorcist. At your service."

Winston mumbled that he was very pleased and motioned for her to come

inside.

"So what's troubling you? Ghosts, apparitions, witches..." Jadwiga asked.

"I have a problem with the window," he replied, staring at her heavily lipsticked lips.

"Maybe you should call a glazier?" Jadwiga smiled ironically.

"Not quite... The window is perfectly functional. The problem is that the pane keeps falling out

. Every time I put in a new one, it's gone within a few days.

What's strange is that it always lands on some woman coming back from

the grocery store.

" "Hmm... Do you know anything about the previous tenants?

" "The guy who lived here before me fell out of this window. That's why I called you."

The exorcist tapped the window carefully. She licked her finger and placed it against the frame,

then spoke in a thick, masculine voice:

"Eat! Give me something to eat or I'll go crazy!"

Jadwiga lifted her finger from the window and gasped loudly,

"Eureka!

" "What do you mean?" Winston asked, stunned.

"I mean, I found it. Didn't you learn Greek at school?

" "I mean the window," he asked nervously.

"If it's about that, then everything is clear. It seems

the ghost of the previous tenant is trapped inside.

" "So please get rid of him!

" "Don't panic. He's just hungry. That's why he was attacking those women to

get to the food they bought at the grocery store next door. Put

a piece of ham or a few slices of sausage on the windowsill every day. I guarantee

everything will return to normal.

" A happy Winston kissed Jadwiga and paid for the service.

He even added a generous tip. However, the situation remained unchanged. A few days after

the exorcist's visit, Winston was horrified to discover that the windowpane was missing.

A solid piece of dried sausage lying on the windowsill appeared intact.

Winston cautiously peered out the window and saw what he expected to see.

Two paramedics were carrying an elderly woman with a shard of glass embedded in her skull and

a slit throat into an ambulance. A pile of tomatoes, two

heads of lettuce, cabbage, and a sack of potatoes were scattered on the sidewalk. Devastated, Winston sat on the couch and

buried his face in his hands. He hadn't even heard Dick enter the apartment.

"Winston, old friend, you were right."

Winston looked up from his hands. The poor man was crying his eyes out.

"I admit, when you told me, I was very skeptical, but then

it got a little interesting. I asked your neighbors about the previous

tenant. It all adds up."

Winston sobbed softly.

"I'll give you my respect, old man. But you have to admit I'm right about one thing.

" "What?" Winston asked, swallowing snot.

"These exorcists are crooks. That previous tenant was a vegetarian!"