Forever Love

I went to bed a loner, and six hours later, I was no longer one. If death could be defined as part of a cycle leading to a change in a person's personality, I certainly died that night. Moments later, I was born a completely different person.

On November 4th—exactly 19 years and 23 days ago—I appeared—the man from 1984. The fact that I have survived to this day makes me special. A while ago, I tried to wall myself off from the world, but today, I'd love to hit it with a heavy hammer, wanting to punch a hole in it and escape. I wanted to make my world bigger. I wanted to make room for her in it, because I believed I could create a space just for the two of us.

Lying in bed, I saw Red Fish hovering above me. I knew it was because of her that long-dormant feelings began to awaken, swimming in schools above my head.

Yesterday, she was sitting alone on a bench. It was then that I realized I wanted to offer her eternity. Today, however, I'm afraid to approach her. Fear paralyzes my muscles – LEAVE ME! – I long to approach her, but something holds me – HELP! – I crave closeness – I BEG…

…And suddenly the fear vanished. She, too, vanished. And I dissolved into it all and became nothing but a shadow, searching for its owner. The Red Fish that had led me here, sensing my doubt, were beginning to rot, revealing their white skeletons. HELP! – I once again longed to surround myself with a wall, lock myself in a can, and cease to exist. And then she touched my hand.

November 5th – exactly 19 years and 24 days ago, I appeared – the man from 1984. I am tested every day. The fact that I have survived to this day makes me proud of myself. Some situations and behaviors may contradict this, but it doesn't matter, bad or good, I have to make the decisions myself.

That day, I sat down next to her. I don't know her name yet, but maybe in time I'll discover her story. Perhaps one day we'll walk the Red Fish together and swim with them through green meadows. But for now, I want to sit on the bench with her. I want her because...

Sometimes, the touch of a hand, that other hand, is enough. A girl's hand. A woman's hand. Hand in hand. Sometimes that's enough.