Commission of Inquiry

"Is something wrong?" Wacek asked.

Wacek always asked this question, and it wouldn't have been strange if he hadn't asked it in a tone that could only have meant an inquiry.

"You never ask questions," Marek asked, surprised. "Is something wrong with you?

" "My head hurts."

They walked and walked down the street together, holding hands. No, they weren't gays, they simply loved each other the way friends love. They pretended to be gays because they wanted to piss off the priest.

The new priest had arrived from paraffin, probably created in a Balkan cauldron full of filth. Witches gathered at midnight on New Year's Eve and threw all sorts of things into the cauldron.

Into the first cauldron they threw orders, a purple robe, a crown, money, and a young boy's hair. The cauldron bubbled, and out emerged Father Henryk Jankowski, in short, a wonderful man. A brave man who fought the Jews who killed Jesus and the prophets. He was also a version of a truly wealthy priest, something he made no secret of when compared to other priests and higher-ranking officials. A wonderful man who wanted to be richer than the church and rule the world, but unfortunately, the repulsive Bishop-Mason (let me remind you that our hero fights the Masons, because Masons are Jews and faggots, but what can you do when your boss is a Mason) Gocłowski thwarted the Grand Master's plan with some moral and amber scandal.

The witches stirred the water in another cauldron, added Satan's tail, added snake venom, and a red cloth. The explosion caused two faggots to emerge: one large (Aleksander Kwaśniwski) and the other small (Leszek Miller).

In the third cauldron, they threw in a birch tree and a goat, a receiver that only received Radio Mary, several pictures of saints, and the Pope's white cap. Out came none other than Roman Giertych – the great leader of the savage Christians.

In the fourth pot, they stirred up some shit, some shoe straw, a tractor wheel, and the Polish coat of arms. Out came an activist of two fronts (the Whites and the Reds), or rather (an opponent of the Reds, enriching himself on the Whites) Andrzej (maybe not Gołota, but a parliamentary consolation) Lepper!

The fifth pot was empty when suddenly a miracle appeared. It was Kulczyk. Bravo, rich as fuck. And it all turned out that he had stirred all the pots except the first one ("The fire of God must have been at work in the first one," Kulczyk states) (and he was probably right). On the fourth day, Kulczuk rose from the dead and walked out of the investigative committee.

This beginning is not a parody of the Divine Comedy, nor is it a divine comedy. He doesn't take anyone's life away, he doesn't parody anyone, and in the cauldrons, besides the traitors, there also arose the master of the new order of saints (Brigidines) of the Insurgent Brigades of Capitalized Poland.

Scene 1

"Let's be at the place where the debates and hearings are taking place. Mr. Celiński went to the toilet (the poet suffers for millions) at 11:20. He couldn't stand Różański being compared to his great idol from his youth, who had the same surname as the MP (a donkey). They returned after 10 minutes. The journalists don't know what he was doing in the toilet for so long. As Gruszka later joked: "

He was probably pounding...

" "A block," Gertych finished, to prevent a political misalliance. "Mr. Gruszka was pounding a block.

" "Gentlemen, that's disgusting," Celiński's homosexual partner, Mr. Różański, took umbrage.

"I'm calling a recess," Miodowicz stated. (He needs a drink of mead).

The committee meets after 20 minutes, an hour late.

"You're so handsome, Mr. MP," murmurs can be heard over the loudspeakers, and it's unclear who's saying what.

"Thank you very much, Mr. MP."

"Oh, please, Mr. Deputy.

" "Thank you very much, Mr. Deputy.

" "No, no, I'm the one thanking you.

" "Maybe," Miodowicz shouted, "we'll all thank you. "

Everyone stands up and thanks each other.

"Give each other the sign of peace!" Gertych shouted, waving his paws like shovels.

Everyone shakes hands, hands, dirty hands, hands, hands. Hands, hands, hands everywhere, and inside, thank you, thank you, thank you. The Lord is with you!" (and with us)

. They sit down. The fun begins again. Now Celiński, having found no peace, begins:

"There's a leak in the committee, someone wants to prevent Mr. Kulczyk from being questioned.

" "So they're already on you?" someone said quietly.

"A great discovery, Mr. Celiński," some right-winger scolded him.

"You're behaving like children!" Miodowicz shouted.

"To honey, honey!" someone incited the argument.

"This is vulgar, vulgar rudeness, how can that be, Mr. Deputy!" Celiński yells at the top of his voice.

"Silence!" Gertych yells. "It's 12 o'clock, we're praying the Angelus. Perhaps one of the experts will pray the Angelus?

" "But the experts won't lie!

" "They won't!

" "There are no volunteers. No, no, Mr. Kulczyk, the Masons will not desecrate our prayer, Poles.

The Angelus.

" "I'm calling for another recess," MP Miodowicz said.

After a recess that had accumulated after 40 minutes.

"At least one decade, Mr. Deputy!" Gertych pleads. "It's noon, Poles are praying the rosary with the Holy Father at home.

" "Poles are watching the investigative committee because Kulczyk is on the program today," some idiot said.

"Can you calm down! You're behaving, I'll tell you how awful and vulgar you are, I'll tell you how awful you are. Forgive me for using such language, but unfortunately, that's how it is. Behave, unfortunately, I'll say it vulgarly." - said the second moron

- "Jesus Christ!" - Gruszka

- "It's a sin," yelled Gertych - "as punishment, you have to say 10 Hail Marys, and right here. We're waiting.

After the 10 Hail Marys.

" - "Can I too?" - said Celiński

- "Fucking commie!" - someone said quietly.

A few minutes later, he recalled his relationship with Miller Aumiller.

"It was an experience. Miller is a thriller. That's how I feel about him.

" - "But we don't want to know the details," said Wassermann (the famous comic book character Watermen replacing Captain Żbik).

"Details are important!" said Celiński.

"Hold me, or I won't stand it," said some uneducated boor because he started a sentence with a lowercase letter.

And what is MP Bujak doing?" Well, they're rocking. Boom, boom, you stupid idiot! Rocking, but how? But how? Back to sleep, boom, boom, boom.

Macierewicz rubs his beard with his right hand for the 77th time; journalists pick up on this symbolic number and other television stations take note.

Mr. Celiński has been speaking for 50 minutes, and it's unclear what he's talking about. One of the experts yawns, but it's so long and drawn out that everyone catches the bug and yawns constantly.

The proceedings drag on until the next day, where an assassination attempt on Kwaśniewski is planned. To protect the right from the left, they use the pseudonym Auganov instead of Kwaśniewski.

"Ałganov? Who's Alganov?" shouted Aumiller, drunk from the meetings (he clearly hadn't slept with him).

Grzesiuk sins, the rest rejoice.

The next day, it turns out Orlen is an eagle, and everyone sings a very Polish song in honor of the Polish eagle: "Hey, falcons!

" "This way we unite with Ukraine!" Gertych stated in an interview.

The next day, they reached the point of setting another date: to appear before Kulczyk's commission.

"Be glad you're not appearing before a military commission, because you'd have to stand naked," said Gruszka, known for his perverted lyrics, a former admirer of Ms. Beger until he learned of her failed high school exams.

"And you have whores in your eyes, Mr. Gruszka!" Cieliński said, getting back at the peasants.

"But colleagues!" Miodowicz said stupidly

. "Not colleagues! Not colleagues!" Everyone started shouting, only the Kaczyński brothers were missing...

"I don't hang out with the Reds."

Then Carpenter's Something ate them. It was jelly.

The next day there was no meeting due to the impossibility of setting a convenient date, everyone has a tight schedule.

They finally establish that it's St. Nicholas Day (what a revelation) and plan to meet after St. Nicholas Day.

Meanwhile, the St. Nicholas have taken to the streets, striking against the holiday and demanding gifts for themselves.

Kulczyk decides to help the poor St. Nicholas. The grateful St. Nicholas join the All-Polish Freemasons.

To be continued in the second scene.