"
"Oh! Look, Kamil! It's that girl!" I started nervously whispering to my best friend.
"Who?
" "Yeah, the blonde one. In a skirt.
" "Oh yeah! Well... she's actually pretty
," I said. "I have to get to know her somehow
." "Then approach her."
"Are you kidding?! She probably doesn't even know someone like me is at this school, and I'm supposed to just approach her like that? No way." "
You know what, Artur? You're acting like a girl." "Oh no! My love is coming! What am I going to do now?!" Kamil started mocking me. "
That's not funny at all. And not that loud. I don't need everyone to know that I like her.
" "Dude, how do you know what she's like? Maybe she's some conceited girl from under the streetlight?"
"That's a good combination... That's why I have to get to know her. To find out what she's like.
" "Okay, let's finish. Wieleś
Wieleś is coming. He's our PE teacher. Mr. Wielechowski." We had PE last class. My name is Artur and I'm in the second year of middle school. Kamil is my friend from kindergarten. He's always been more successful. I'm not surprised, actually. Girls prefer tall, well-built guys, not someone like me. It's not that I'm some skinny guy, no. When I was younger, I had back problems. Luckily, it's gone, but I still have a little hump. And no one really likes that. But it's really not that big. It's just small.
-Artur Jelonek
-I'm exercising.
The girl I mentioned a moment ago is a charming first-grader. She's been at our school for six months. One day, as I was walking down the hall, I noticed her surrounded by a group of friends. She was standing, laughing and joking. She had beautiful, golden, curly hair. She wasn't tall enough. She was slim. She had these funny freckles on her nose. I immediately thought, "I have to meet this girl." But I don't know how?
-Here's a ball, let's play. Just please, no fighting or anything like that. Got it?
All my friends nodded in agreement.
"Jelonek, what about you? Are you going to fight?
" "No, sir." "Well
... then speak up," he said, and walked off to the office, leaving us outside with the ball.
"Why is he so keen on fighting?" Szymon asked me.
"Don't you know?" Kamil said. "Apparently, two years ago, before we arrived, when he left the boys on the pitch like that, two of them got into such a fight that one of them is now in a wheelchair. The other one's in juvenile detention. They didn't fire him, but his conscience has been bothering him ever since. Well, that's what they said, but I don't know for sure if it's true.
" "Okay, guys, let's play
. We split into teams. I was in goal. We won. 4-0. " "
Artur! Not bad, as usual! We always want you on the team!
" "You guys... you'd have scored without me anyway."
I didn't like it when someone praised me.
"What's the score?" asked Wieluś, approaching.
"4-0." "Okay
... the whole team gets fives, and the goalkeeper gets an six, for not conceding a single goal. Who was the goalkeeper? Rodzyn?
" "No, Jelonek
. Jelonek?" He sighed heavily.
He never liked me. I don't know why. Michał Rodzyn, on the other hand, was his favorite. It was always Rodzyn this, Rodzyn that. It sometimes made me sick.
In the locker room, as usual, the guys were commenting on the match. I didn't really participate in those conversations. No one ever asked me for my opinion, and I didn't like to contribute.
"Artur, are we going to the library now to hang out?" asked Marcin
. "What for? The lessons are over
." "But we're revising for physics, remember? We have to wait this hour for those stupid consultations
. Revision? Oh, gosh... I completely forgot. I have to study now." I just wonder how I'll fare with the biggest talker and clown I've ever met. And if Staszewski, who keeps order in the library, joins the mix, it'll be a tragedy in four acts.
"Oh yes... let's go," I replied.
We entered the reading room. Marcin immediately started a so-called "chat" with the teacher, and they laughed like crazy. I was just beginning to think that an hour like this would be a complete disaster for me when suddenly someone knocked on the door.
"Come in," Staszewski said theatrically.
In walked... that girl! With a friend.
"Sir, can we sit here while we wait for physics?" she asked. "God... what a beautiful voice she has... so velvety. Hey, wait! What strange thoughts I'm having! I don't even know her. Now's my chance. I can talk to her. I was about to say something lighthearted when Staszewski cut in.
"Sure, girls." Sit down at the table.
They sat down. They both took out their notebooks. Probably from physics. Her friend had eaten a sandwich. Now I couldn't concentrate at all. Unfortunately, she sat with her back to me. She was staring at her notebook.
"Artur, remember that?" Marcin asked me with a laugh.
"Uh... what?
" "Well, when we gave Milak a can of Coke and water and he spat on it?
" "Oh... yes, yes," I replied dispassionately. I have to talk her into it somehow. But how? Think, think...
" "And you know what? Artur and I agreed to go to the cinema once. And we went. And he gave me his money because he didn't want to wait in line. And he gave me 20 złoty. And I lost that 20 złoty. And he wanted me to give it back!" He spoke in an indignant tone. I looked at the beautiful girl. She was listening with interest. She clearly hadn't understood the punch line.
"Well... I guess it's good that he wanted you to give them back. After all, you should, right?" Staszewski said.
"Well, how am I supposed to give them back to him if I lost them?!" he replied, concerned.
Staszewski and both girls burst out laughing. I smiled weakly. I remember that situation. I lost two dozen then.
"But you finally went to see that movie?" SHE asked, looking at me. I froze. I just shook my head.
"No, how? We didn't have any money! We went to KFC with my two dozen," Marcin interjected. "
What a jerk I am! I could have spoken to her! Started a conversation! I had a chance! An idiot!
When Marcin had told all his stories, sometimes even the completely nonsensical ones, everyone ran out of ideas.
"Little girl, what a pretty notebook you have. Can I see it?" Staszewski said to HER. "Gosh, this one is so dull. He couldn't think of anything else. Now he'll be admiring the notebook with the giant ladybug on the cover.
" "Nice, nice... Karolina," he read.
YES! Hurray! At least I know her name. Karolina. From now on, it's my favorite name.
"Are you Mrs. Marzenka's daughter?" Staszewski asked, interested.
"No, her niece," she replied, smiling.
"Then say hello to her when you see her ."
"Well, that won't be difficult, because I live next door to her.
" "Then tell her Mr. Adam says hello!
" "Okay, I'll tell
her." I didn't even realize I was constantly staring at her. I probably look like an idiot. Karolina… her name kept ringing in my head. I'm crazy. I don't even know this girl!
The bell rang. Great. And I still don't know anything about physics.
Of course, I failed that test. Next time, I think I'll write it on my forehead. Besides, I may have missed my last chance to get to know Karolina. I walked into the house.
"You're awful! I don't know why I ever married you!!!" I heard my mother scream. Then I saw her running out of the living room with tears in her eyes. It had been like this for weeks. Sometimes I couldn't keep up. How could two people who loved each other argue so constantly? Mom didn't even notice me. All the better for me. I already had too many problems. And they weren't helping me at all. I ran up the stairs to my room. I slammed the door. I turned on my computer. After a moment, I turned it back off. I didn't know what I wanted. I threw myself on the bed. I'd had enough. Maybe I'd better check if there was a test tomorrow, because if this continued, it wouldn't be much fun at the end of the year. While I was examining my schedule for tomorrow with half-interest, Mom came into my room.
"She's knocking," I said dryly
. "I'm in my own house and I can come and go wherever I want!" she shouted.
"If you fought with your father, don't take it out on me, okay?"
"Sure," she replied quickly, "I just wanted to let you know that Aunt Mila and Kinga are coming tomorrow. Goodbye,
Kinga? No, not her. Kinga is my cousin, five years younger than me. She's in third grade, and she acts like she's some kind of lady. What's more, she's terribly spoiled. She gets everything she wants. It's going to be awful. I hope they leave here as soon as possible." A moment later, I heard the sound of breaking glass downstairs. Terrified, I ran downstairs. My parents were sitting in the living room, a broken vase between them. They're going to kill each other. I can't stay here any longer. I hurriedly grabbed my jacket and ran out of the house.
I wandered here and there, unable to find a place to sit. I went to the park. I sat on a bench by the pond. I tried not to think about all these things. But it was stronger than me. It was all closing in on me, as if it wouldn't go away and leave me alone. I was afraid my parents would split up, which was a certainty. For the past few days, I'd been expecting a sentence like, "Artur, we need to have a serious talk," or simply, "Artur, your dad and I have decided to divorce." I was afraid that neither Mom nor Dad would ever use the term "we" again, only "your dad and I" or "your mom and I." Of all this, that terrified me the most. "
Please, please... who do we have here... are you waiting for your girlfriend?" I heard an ironic voice behind me. I turned around sharply. The sight of Sebastian didn't surprise me at all. He'd been teasing me since we were kids. He was a year older, and for some reason I couldn't understand, I'd always annoyed him. The worst part was that he was stronger and always picked on me when I was alone. When we were younger, his teasing had been limited to words, but lately, he'd started taking action.
"Get up, you bastard! This is my desk ."
I didn't move.
"Signed?"
He glared at me. I guess I hadn't acted wisely. I don't stand a chance against him. He threw me off the bench and onto the ground. He delivered a powerful kick to my stomach. Then he punched me in the head. I hissed in pain.
"Are you going to talk back?"
"SEBESTIAN?! What are you doing, you idiot?"
I stared ahead, dazed. I couldn't believe my eyes. Karolina was approaching us! What was she doing here? I'd made a fool of myself. Now she definitely wouldn't want to talk to a weakling like me. To my surprise, she came over and helped me up. It was impossible! I was still dizzy from my tormentor's hard blow.
"Sit down," she said carefully, gesturing to the bench.
I obediently sat down. Meanwhile, Sebastian was looking at her, a look of... terror on his face!
"Ka... Karolina... h-hello. Uh... what are you doing here?" he began to stammer.
"I went for a walk. You can't stop me." What interesting things do you do? – she asked ironically
. – You know… I… well…
"You don't want Mom and Dad to find out again that you're beating up weaker kids. You know you'll end up at another school then, right?
" "Well... but you're not going to tell on me, are you? "
"I'll let you off the hook for the last time. And you're supposed to leave him alone, okay? " "And
how do you know each other?
" "From school," she said evasively, "now, go back to your friends .
" Sebastian, no doubt pretty pissed, hurried toward the small hill, the second "attraction" in this park after the pond.
"Are you okay?"
I gasped. She, she was asking me if I was okay and talking to me! I could only nod.
"He's my brother. A complete jerk. Sometimes I wonder if he's adopted," she laughed. "But don't worry, he shouldn't bother you anymore. He's afraid I'll tell on him to his parents. Well... I'll be going now, I won't bother you anymore." Bye.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell her to stay. That I wanted to talk to her. I couldn't get anything out. And she left. At the last moment, I came to.
"Hey!" I shouted. She turned around. "Thanks!"
She smiled.
"That's awful. I came across as a wimp and a loner. And yet, it was the most beautiful few minutes of my life.
I returned home after 8 p.m. It was strangely quiet. I went into the kitchen. I was terribly hungry. Karolina's smiling face still flashed before my eyes. Something beautiful... I looked in the fridge. I took out the milk. I searched for some cereal in the cupboard. Suddenly, I noticed a note on the counter. "
Artur!
I went to Grandma's for the night. I don't know where your dad is. Go to school tomorrow. Don't be late. Make yourself breakfast.
Mom .
And next to her, another
Artur!
I went to Grandma Danka's for the night. Make yourself something to eat. I don't know if I'll be back tomorrow. If your mother still isn't home, invite Aunt Mila over." There's money in the cupboard. Order yourself a pizza or something.
Hang in there, son.
Dad.
I stared at those two notes, so similar yet so different, and couldn't believe my eyes. All my happiness shattered. So it had already started? "...your mother..." "...your father..." And they left me alone like this?! Have they lost their minds?! Maybe tomorrow my mother will come; at least I won't have to spend more than five minutes in the same room with my aunt.
I immediately lost my appetite.
I ran upstairs to my room. I threw myself on the bed and fell asleep immediately.
I woke up at five to eight. Great. And Mom had written me not to be late. I hurriedly changed and packed. I ran out of the house. Unfortunately for me, the first lesson was geography. Geography was one of the worst teachers in school. I braced myself for the worst. I knocked on the door and went in.
"Sorry I'm late," I muttered. "
You kindly showed up half an hour after the bell. We're very curious what you were doing during that half hour when you should have been in class?
" "Uh... I... overslept
." "Yes? Maybe to get your energy back and stop you from sleeping in my class, you could stand where you are now until the end of the lesson. And you won't be late again, okay?"
I didn't answer her. She pissed me off. Being late doesn't mean the end of the world. I could have just not come to that lesson at all. I was furious. When the geography bell rang, she added,
"Mr. Jelonek has to be prepared for the next lesson, okay?" and smiled maliciously.
I hate her. How can you be such a horrible person?!
"Hey, Artur, what happened that you were late?" Kamil asked me.
"Nothing... I just overslept," I said quietly.
At one point, I felt like telling him everything. To share my problems with someone who would understand. To get them out and feel better. But after a while, I gave up. One question kept reverberating in my head: Would he understand me? And I didn't. I didn't tell him anything. Not even about yesterday's situation with Karolina. Maybe I didn't feel good about it, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him that. Besides, if he found out that a GIRL had saved me from a difficult situation yesterday, I'm sure he'd laugh at me.
"Hey guys! Turek's having a party!" we heard Darek shout behind us.
"Party? When? And where? Because we feel invited, of course," Kamil said immediately.
"At my house," Krzysiek, whom everyone called Turk, said, "on Friday, tomorrow. From 8 p.m. until morning. Are you coming?
" "I definitely am. And you, Artur?
" "I 'll see."
Everyone looked at me strangely. The bell rang. We entered the math class.
The math teacher was a kind, elderly man. We liked him. Partly because all we had to do was talk to him and the whole lesson would fly by. Like today. The girls asked him if he knew anything about the school disco, and he immediately started gushing about how much fun it used to be, "not like this." Kamil seized the moment perfectly, asking a question I was sure he'd ask sooner or later.
"Why don't you want to go to the party?"
"Because... I...
won't your parents let you?
" "Yes!" – phew… he saved me from the trouble of answering – "yes, my parents won't let me."
"It's no problem. You'll convince them somehow. Besides, they've never really cared about you, so it probably won't be much of a problem…" he began, then trailed off. Oh yes… they didn't care. You have no idea how much they didn't care. I looked at the flustered Kamil. I didn't reply. I just nodded.
"It wasn't supposed to go like this…" he tried to explain.
"Sure, no problem," I cut him off.
I didn't say anything else for the rest of the lesson. I returned home. Luckily, Mom was already there.
"Auntie's coming in an hour. Clean up your room," she said dryly.
Right after that, Dad spoke up, standing across the room, dusting.
"Auntie Mila will be here in an hour. Could you clean up yours?"
I gasped. They both acted as if the other wasn't in the room.
"Is that all you have to say to me?" I began calmly. I didn't like shouting, but I felt like I was about to explode. "You both left me alone, completely disregarding me, and went off somewhere, who knows where, and now you're telling me to clean my room?! The worst of it all!!!" I screamed and ran to my room. I had no intention of cleaning at all. I wouldn't let anyone into my room anyway. Especially not that little brat, Kinga. Besides, maybe I would have if my parents, who should have been setting an example for me, hadn't been acting like children!
After a few moments, I heard my aunt chattering from downstairs,
"Oh, Agniesia, you've grown so much! Jareczek, how are you? Is everything okay?"
And then my mother's overly cheerful reply,
"Thank you, thank you! Everything's okay, come into the living room." Oh, Kinia, you've grown so much. Unbelievable. You're a big girl already, aren't you?"
Then Kinga's conceited tone.
"Not a girl, but a girl, auntie."
"Yes, indeed. Artur is upstairs in his room, do you want to go see him?"
A moment later, I heard her footsteps on the stairs. Without knocking, she entered my room.
"Hi, Artur!" she said in an exaggeratedly pleasant voice.
"Hi," I replied reluctantly.
She clearly felt at home. She lay down on my bed.
"Can I sleep here tonight?
" "No way ."
"Why? "
"Because I sleep here.
" "Maaaaaaaa!" She screamed. "Let her go and complain. She definitely won't sleep in my room." I locked the door behind her. No one came to see me again. All the better. Finally, I fell asleep, exhausted from the day.
I woke up in the morning. Luckily, this time, I didn't oversleep. I slowly got dressed, ate breakfast, and left for school. There, Kamil greeted me with a dubious expression.
"Hey... are you still nervous?
" "What for?" I decided to play dumb.
"You know... for that stupid line." It slipped out. I didn't mean to say that at all. "Okay
, there's nothing to talk about.
" "Okay," he replied happily, "so are you going to the party?"
"I forgot to ask... when is it?"
"Today, of course!
" "Actually...
" "So?"
I shrugged. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to go. I didn't really feel like doing anything anymore. Especially not chemistry, which was my first lesson today. Luckily, it passed calmly and without any major incidents. Unfortunately, recess was a disaster for me. We had it right next to Karolina's class. I kept stealing glances at her. She probably thinks I'm a wimp.
"And what about that girl? Did you strike up a conversation with her?
" "Uh... actually... it's like...
" "I mean?"
I told him about the incident from two days ago.
"Oh man... that came off as embarrassing ." "I
know, you don't have to tell me that.
" "But there's a way to fix it," he replied mysteriously.
"How?
" "You know... Karolina's going to that party tonight because she's some friend of a friend, you know... and while she's going, I could... pretend to attack her... you know, I'll put on a balaclava, she won't recognize me. And then you'll just show up and save her.
" "No way. Have you completely lost your mind?
" "You know, if you don't want to, then no, but you'd make her look better."
"Yes, especially if she found out
." "She won't find out. No way.
" "There is an option. And I'm not going for it. What kind of weird idea is this anyway? You've been watching too many TV shows.
Will Karolina be at the party? That's my next chance... I can talk to her somehow. All I have to do is tell her about the all-nighter at Krzysiek's and that'll be it. They definitely won't bother me." They'll be glad I won't disturb them. It doesn't make a difference at night anyway. They already sleep in different rooms. Dad in the living room, Mom in the bedroom. I looked at Karolina again. She was fooling around with her classmates. I felt a slight twinge of jealousy. Jealousy that I wasn't the one fooling around with her now. I have to go to this party. I have to get to know her better. I have to. If not today, then never.
After finishing classes, I returned home. I immediately went to Dad.
"Can I sleep over at Krzysiek's tonight?"
"Yes, yes, go ahead..." he replied, waving his hand as if I were a pesky fly he wanted to swat away.
Just in case, I went into the other room, to Mom.
"Mom, can I sleep over at Krzysiek's tonight?"
"Artur, don't disturb me, you see I'm busy."
I headed for my room. Tears welled up in my eyes. I rarely cried. But now… Kamil was right. They don't care about me at all… is there anyone who cares about me anymore? I'm honestly starting to doubt it. Until now, whenever I've had a bad day, I could rely on my dad. And now what? I'm bothering him. The same goes for my mom… although I could never ask more of her than "How was school?" that was important to me. I knew they were interested in me and I wasn't an outcast.
Around 7 p.m., I left the house. I stopped by the park. I was walking down the alley when I suddenly heard a girl scream. I ran, searching for the source and cause of the scream. I could have sworn I could hear fear in it. Around the corner, I saw a young girl trying to wrestle her purse from a guy wearing a black ski mask. Without thinking, I ran up and punched him in the face. He ran away, clearly dazed.
"Are you okay?" I asked the girl, and after a moment I realized I'd seen her somewhere before... but where?
"If it weren't for you, I don't know how this would have ended. Thank you. My name is Malwina," she said, offering me her hand.
"Artur," I replied.
"I think we go to the same school?" she asked uncertainly.
I already know! It's the girl who was with Karolina in the library that time! She must be her best friend, because I see her with her almost constantly.
"Oh yeah ." "
Are you going to that party?
" "
Yes." "Me too," she smiled. "Come on, let's go together
." We talked about everything and nothing. Or rather, she talked, and I listened. I didn't really feel like talking. But it didn't seem to bother her. She told me probably half of her life story. She couldn't stop talking. Luckily, we reached Krzysiek's house fairly quickly. I already knew she had four boyfriends, three brothers, where her dad worked, that her mom lived abroad… I only regretted knowing so much about her and not about her friend.
"Hey guys! The party's just getting started! Can I have an invitation from the esteemed ladies and gentlemen?" Kamil greeted us, amused. Malwina started giggling.
"Stop fooling around," I said tiredly.
I headed for the large, green couch. I planned to sit there all night. I wasn't in the mood for any fun. My gaze wandered over the smiling faces, sometimes familiar, sometimes not. I searched for the most beautiful face in the crowd, but I couldn't see her anywhere. She was probably flirting with some handsome guys right now…
"Hi, is there a free time here?" I heard.
I looked to the side and… I couldn't believe my eyes. It's HER!
"Sure," I choked out.
"I heard you helped my friend, Malwina..." she began. Did everyone here already know about it?
"Oh... it's nothing
." "I don't know. She had very important things in her purse. If it weren't for you, I don't know what would have happened.
I can already see they're true friends. They even have the same lyrics. My heart was beating like crazy.
"Karolina," she said, offering me her hand.
"Artur," I replied hoarsely.
And we did! We started talking. This time it wasn't like with Malwina. Karolina and I had a lot in common. We had a wonderful conversation. I wanted this moment to last forever. At one point, a slow song came on the stereo speakers. I was about to ask if she'd like to dance with me when Malwina approached me.
"Shall we dance?" she asked.
I cursed the moment I agreed to that hopeless dance. Fortunately, it didn't last very long. I returned to the couch… but she was gone. She was partying with the others, listening to dance music.
I couldn't find my place in this company. I felt like a stranger. It was already two in the morning. I decided to go home. My aunt had already left, so no one would be surprised by my return at this hour. I quietly turned the doorknob. I tiptoed in so as not to wake anyone. After a moment, however, it proved unnecessary. "
You've gone completely crazy!" I heard my father shout.
I stood in the living room door. No one noticed me.
"Yes! I was already crazy when I married you! "
"I'm sorry! I should have thought about it before!
" "YES?! I shouldn't have had a child! If only I hadn't been pregnant at the time, I would never have married you!"
My heart sank. So… so that's why they were arguing so much… They never loved each other. Well, maybe they were infatuated with each other. But they never needed me. And I was the one who ruined their lives.
"This child, Arthur, is the only reason I didn't abandon you, my dear. I loved him, and I still do. He's my son. And I live for him," Dad said calmly.
Suddenly, I felt a great, thick thread of sympathy for him. And suddenly I understood that Dad had always been on my side. He was always nicer. He was very interested in me. And Mom? Mom wasn't interested in the house much. She was interested in her career. And I ruined her life.
"You're lucky! I hate that child! It ruined my life! If it weren't for you and him, I would be happy now with those I love!
I felt as if lightning had struck me. No... I felt as if someone was hurling lightning bolts at me one by one. My whole family... all my previous happiness had turned out to be... an illusion?"
Dad walked up to Mom and slapped her across the face.
"You have no right to say that? Do you understand? Remember that night? You were one of those thrill-seekers. I'm not saying I'm blameless. I could have reacted. However, as you later admitted, you slipped something into my drink. You were the one who ruined your life. Not us.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My mother was… the girl under the streetlight… She never loved me. To her, I was just her biological son. This must be a dream. This can't be true.
I felt dizzy. Suddenly, my father noticed me.
"Artur… we… you're back so early?"
He was clearly hoping I hadn't heard anything. That I'd just arrived a moment ago.
"Er… maybe… you want something to eat?
" "Don't delude yourselves. I heard everything," I said quietly and ran to my room.
I threw myself on the bed. One sentence was racing through my head. "I'm useless. I'm an accidental child. I ruined two people's lives." I'm an outcast. I'm superfluous, useless. Tears fell onto the pillow. I heard someone enter my room.
"Artur..." it was my father's voice. "Your mom and I," he began, but I immediately interrupted him.
"She's not my mom," I said hoarsely.
"You can't say that... despite everything you've heard, she's your mom." He paused as if considering something. "Your mom and I," he repeated, "have decided to divorce."
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