After all, Mr. Majewski was supposed to have individual therapy on Sunday! Zosia was undoubtedly an important, if not the most important, part of Majewski's life; it's impossible that he won't tell me about her.
I don't know what's happening to me.
"I'm a doctor," I said to myself.
"I'm a respected psychiatrist, and my job is to help Michał Majewski."
I repeated this sentence several times.
I have to get a grip, this little one can't control me, she belongs to someone else...
I had tears in my eyes.
Even if Zosieńka were no one's, she couldn't be mine. I'm 33 years old, married, with a child on the way. Zosia is still a child too. My little Zofijka, my angel, my nymphet...
Not mine.
Someone was knocking. I hastily wiped away a few stray tears that had inadvertently escaped, a testament to my weakness, my submissiveness to a fragile, delicate creature.
"Doctor, patient Narutowicz is refusing to take his medication..." Nurse Emilia, impatient with the wait, finally pulled me back down to earth.
"Ahem... I'm coming... sorry for the delay..." I replied, avoiding her gaze. I was afraid. No one could discover my fascination with Zosieńka.
I walked, quite unconscious. The corridor seemed incredibly long; I was sure it had been two hours before I reached the nurses' window where the medications were dispensed. I looked around. Narutowicz, held down by two tall orderlies, was flexing his muscles, thrashing about, and hurling insults. Blue veins pulsated at his temples, contrasting with his flushed face. I was so irritated! This jerk was completely out of my league. What am I doing here? Angels have descended to earth, and I'm stuck among the crazies.
I ordered the orderlies to take the patient to room 12. Everyone knew what that meant. I'd sentenced Narutowicz to a series of electric shocks, which would put the entire ward off him for at least a few days.
I knew it wasn't necessary in this particular case, but damn it, I had more important things to worry about than Narutowicz's fears and paranoia!
The entire staff watched me warily. The hysterical man had caused a commotion, and patients had emerged from their rooms and the common room to watch the scene. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary for anyone, let alone anything exciting, but neither Nurse Emilia nor any of the patients would miss the spectacle for anything. Perhaps it was simple boredom, or perhaps it was the same thing that compels one to look at a corpse mangled in a car accident...
I returned to the office with the intention of clearing away the papers. I fought the intrusive thoughts with all my might, but my senses wouldn't let me rest; I saw Zosia's flowing hair, smelled her delicate scent, heard the girl's footsteps... Oh Zosia! You little thief, I'm already yours!
I made a few hurried calls and returned home, where nothing was the same.
I spent the next few days strolling the paths of the hospital park. The weather had warmed up, so we decided to make it available to the patients. In his free time, Majewski lounged on the grass, paying no attention to anything. No one would ever think he was a lunatic.
I was passing by the fountain when Michał ran up to me.
"Good morning, sir," he greeted
. "Good morning," I replied, raising my eyebrows. Patients rarely speak to me.
"I... I mean... you remember the girl... the white skirt, the dark hair... the one who visits me...?
Do I remember?! Isn't that white skirt, like a heavy curtain, separating me from dreamland every night?! Isn't she the one I dream about every cool morning, and the one I long for on hot afternoons?"
I frowned.
"Hmm... let's say I remember her?" "I asked, trying to sound serious and matter-of-fact.
"Because, you know... she... she's very busy, and... couldn't she come here on another day? Let's say on Monday?
In my opinion, Zosieńka could come every day. In my opinion, Zosieńka could stay here overnight.
" "I'm sorry," I replied. "According to the regulations, patients can only receive visitors on Tuesdays.
" "Oh, come on, one little girl won't bother anyone," Michał said angrily.
"Those are the rules..."
He looked at me reproachfully and walked away. And I... I was damn pleased with myself.
The nights were strange. Just before falling asleep, when I was about to drift off, something strong would yank me awake. I would sit on the edge of the bed, looking around fearfully. I felt as if she were right there, a curtain billowing in the summer breeze, reminding me of a flowing skirt. I would then come closer, letting the delicate fabric envelop me. I would close my eyes, conjuring up Zosia's face... Opening them, I saw stars. Millions of tiny, shimmering dots, millions of little impostors, cleverly imitating the eyes of my princess, lulled me into a trance.
I could have deceived my senses this way forever, but I feared for Zosia. Playing with nature didn't satisfy me; quite the opposite. My appetite grew.
Brak komentarzy:
Prześlij komentarz