"Uuaaaaaaaaa..." Sergei yawned and stretched. The lesson had only just begun, but just reading the attendance list had overcome his firm resolve to improve and focus on the lesson. Mindlessly listening to each name, he tried to find some funny ones that could be mocked in a sophisticated way. The last name was Jan Sałata-Wągier. Hmm... It wasn't that strange, but Sergei wondered why Janek never showed up at school. In fact, as far as he could remember, he'd never seen him at all...
"You Jurgen," he tapped his friend on the shoulder. "Who is this Jan Wągier?
" "Doesn't **** know..." his sleepy friend replied. "Who is that?
" "Well, the one written at the end of the class register is never at school, and he always gets the best grades," Sergei explained.
"I don't know, man, but he's settled in pretty well," Jurgen whispered, and fell back into a doze.
"Well... well, actually..." he gave up for now, but the problem of the 33rd student in the class still nagged at him... ...until suddenly the teacher's voice rang out:
"You from the other desk by the window"—the description perfectly matched the surprised Sergei—"take this journal and take it to the math classroom."
Of course, the order had to be carried out immediately. Without thinking, he immediately got to work. As he left the classroom with the journal under his arm, a strange feeling came over him. Something was calling to him from within the mysterious document. Its surface shimmered faintly, reflecting the sunlight, which broke into beautiful compositions. His feet marched towards the math classroom, as his entire attention was focused on the strange object. Sergei couldn't control himself; his fingers opened the cover of their own accord, and...
He was inside. Everything was blazing with fire, the pages crackled, the light radiated in all directions. A new reality enveloped him from all sides. From the wave of red-and-gold tongues, a hideous figure, dressed in terrifying clothing, slowly emerged. It turned its murderous face directly on the terrified Sergei and said,
"I see you... I'm in the chamber of secrets..." The poor boy began to tremble and finally emerged from the other reality. He was back in the corridor, his diary in his hands. He didn't dare even look at it and ran off to find the math classroom.
* * *
The men's room was busy during the long break, as usual. One by one, new men appeared, smoking cigarettes of various brands, depending on their taste and financial status. After 10 minutes, the smoke was a mixture of various tobaccos. Sergei immediately noticed the delicate scent of Marlboro mixed with the stinking Men's.
"Don't drag it out, mate!" Jurgen, irritated, snatched a cigarette from his friend. "Did you f*** yourself today?! You're on your third smoke today, man, and it's still not enough!
" "Because I'm having a bad day," Sergei muttered. "You don't even know how bad it is...
" Jurgen waved his hand. "Don't smoke so many blunts, you won't see the newspapers talking...
" "It wasn't a schizo!" he exclaimed. "It really happened!
" "Yeah, right," Jurgen said and left the smoking room.
Sergei pulled out another cigarette. This whole situation was bothering him. Surely someone has to know what this is all about... Suddenly, it dawned on him. Oh yes! Ziemek knows for sure! He's been going to this school since around the time of Bolesław the Brave and still can't pass the second grade. He knows almost everything...
" * * *
Ziemek, as usual, was at the duty desk. He had a very good relationship with the janitors, having known most of them since childhood (due to his advanced age). He enjoyed a number of privileges as a result. He could take the locker room key whenever he wanted (the average student spends 25 minutes filling out forms), go into the electric locker room for tea (the average student could only bring tea and stick his fingers in the socket), and had the option of leaving school at any time without any hindrance (which he probably used most often).
This time, however, he remained at school, and soon his peace was disturbed by a certain first-grader...
"Good morning, Mr. Ziemowit," Sergei bowed low, "may I have a moment?" At first, the interlocutor ignored the first-grader. Only when the latter pulled a pack of Marlboros from his pants pocket did Ziemek turn his gaze to him.
"What's hot?" he asked. "I see you've been working hard. Your father never smoked anything better than Club Smoke.
" "I basically wanted to ask one question... What's the Chamber of Secrets?" Silence fell. All the students fell silent. Even a fly flying past, struck itself against the student council display case in amazement. Ziemek jerked the young man aside.
"How do you know about the chamber?! It's not something we talk about out loud..." he hissed.
"I... I..." Sergei couldn't breathe a single sentence. "I... I saw... the diary and there...
" "You opened it outside the classroom?? I knew someone would eventually..." he let go of the flustered first-year and fell into a reverie. "I knew...
" "But what? What will happen to me?" Sergei almost had tears in his eyes. "I don't want to die!"
"You opened it, so he saw you... Now he'll be looking for you. He knows what class you're in... It's only a matter of time...
" "But what am I supposed to do now!!!" the first-year was already terrified to the bone.
"Let's not talk about it here. We'll meet tomorrow during the long break in Moaning Fred's bathroom."
"But at the beginning of the year, we were warned not to go there!
" "That's precisely why it'll be safest there..." Ziemek replied, selecting three Marlboros from Sergei's pack, and heading up the stairs.
* * *
Today, nothing had kept him awake. First, his father was watching the game on TV, then his mother hadn't turned on the tap, and finally, furious, he had to take care of it himself, and finally, the clock ticked so loudly that evening. It was all maddening. Questions raced through his cramped head, and the answers were nowhere to be seen. Who had he seen in that accursed diary? What the hell was this chamber of secrets? Why had Ziemek brought three cigarettes? These questions haunted him until the early morning, even in his sleep...
* * *
The next day, everything was somehow unsettling. The morning tea tasted different, the sandwiches were tomato instead of the standard cucumber, and his morning cigarette wasn't as refreshing as usual. Sergei spent the walk to school deep in thought.
Just as he reached the school grounds, he heard terrible news. Apparently, Jurgen had appeared in the building for a moment, and then literally disappeared. His backpack was still lying outside the German classroom. Sergei found this suspiciously odd. He immediately searched through it and found a pack of cigarettes inside. Jurgen undoubtedly wouldn't have escaped school without cigarettes. This ultimately convinced Sergei that it had something to do with the Chamber of Secrets. All he could do was wait patiently until the long break...
* * *
When the bell rang, Sergei immediately rushed to the second floor of the school, while the rest of the crowd decided to take advantage of the fresh air. He walked slowly down the corridor to avoid being noticed, finally standing in front of the door to Moaning Fred's restroom. He examined the door carefully, then cautiously stepped inside.
Ziemowit was already waiting inside. He shifted from foot to foot and nervously inhaled from his cigarette.
"Oh, good, you're here," he said when he saw Sergei. "Let's get this over with quickly, before Moaning Fred wakes up." Sergei nodded obediently and lit his own cigarette.
"The situation is as follows..." Ziemek began officially. "You've dug up one of this school's most closely guarded secrets, young one. I know a thing or two about it, because I've been studying here for a long time. First, let me explain what the chambers of secrets are.
" "There are several of them?!" Sergei couldn't hide his surprise.
"Yes, there are a lot of them. Everything hidden from the students in this school is kept in the chambers. It's all sorts of things: tests, decisions, grades, alcohol, porn, literally everything. Not only are there school-wide secrets, but every teacher has their own. Unfortunately, only they have the keys to them. The one you discovered is the headmaster's secret." There was silence. Discovering the secrets of the bosses never bodes well, and this stank especially. "But you can't back out now. The chambers work in such a way that if a student gets a lead, the doors open. The owner will realize something like this has happened and will search for the culprit. When he catches him, there's usually only one verdict..." Sergei swallowed hard, but Ziemek paid no attention. "That's why you have to find this chamber first, learn its secret, blackmail the headmaster, and then you can escape with your life.
" "And how do you know what this secret is?" "The first-year asked curiously.
"Hmm..." Ziemek fell into a moment of contemplation. "I saw this chamber being created. I was drunk at the time and got lost in the basement.
" "If you're so well-informed, why can't you just tell me?" Sergei asked nervously.
"Those are the unwritten laws. You have to find it yourself. I can only help you a little." He stubbed out his cigarette on the wall and delicately spat on the ground. "Now, listen to the details. The entrance to the part of the basement where the chambers are located is guarded. As you well know, in front of the school stands the head of our patron, Gabriel. You've probably noticed that this is no ordinary head. In fact, it's a bit different from all the patron heads in this country. It guards access to secrets. To enter, you have to approach it from behind and press a metal button. A small door will then open, and you will enter. To your left, halfway down the corridor, is the chamber in question. You have to remember a few things: you can't try to get into other rooms, you can't show the uninitiated the way to the rooms, you can't talk to the uninitiated about the rooms, and most importantly, you can't reveal to the teachers that you were there. Now you have to go. Take care of yourself." He finally finished and pulled out another cigarette.
"Aren't you going? I thought you'd help me..." Sergei replied, confused. Ziemek pulled up his trouser leg and showed the swelling on his leg. "Man, I'd go, but my leg's hurt..."
Before he could finish saying this, there was the sound of a zipper being unzipped, followed by a sound like smacking. After a moment, it was joined by moans, hisses, and cries of euphoria before the impending nocturnal emission.
"Okay, I'm out of here. Moaning Fred's woken up. What a pig..." Ziemek said, and they left the restroom
.
Sergei's heart beat faster than ever as he crept up behind the patron's head to press the secret button. He tried to do it as quietly as possible, carefully taking each step forward. Finally, he reached the monument and pressed the metal button firmly. The concrete platform trembled slightly, and a small door opened a crack. Sergei, despite his great fear, stepped through the threshold.
Everything inside looked strange. Strange Gothic-style walls, enigmatic ornamentation, unusual torches, various unique doors. Each element contributed to the eerie atmosphere of this place. Each footstep echoed faintly down the corridor. As Sergei walked forward, he didn't even look to the sides, lest his curiosity get him into trouble again. He simply stared at the faint mist seeping from behind one of the open doors. As he drew closer to discovering the secret, his terror grew. His legs were flexing like noodles, his heart was beating furiously, and his body was shedding gallons of icy sweat. Standing in front of the slightly open door, his hand reached for the handle and...
Inside was a metal tube, on which Professor Molotov was flexing, decked out in leather accessories, pets, and the like. Ich Troje's hit "And All This Because I Love You" played in the background. The professor was also muttering something along the lines of, "Slap me, Michas. Slap me where I like..." Sergei was terrified. However, he had to follow Ziemek's advice and never mention it again. He hurried to the next slightly open door. This time, his hunch was right. This was here...
Suddenly, the same feeling he'd felt when he'd opened the diary came over him. The same smell, the same bitter taste in his mouth, the same dizziness. Slightly dazed, he stepped into the center of the dimly lit room. In fact, the only source of light came from heart-shaped candles scattered on the floor, and in the center of the entire love pattern lay...
"Jurgen!" a cry escaped his lips at the sight of his friend.
He didn't look so good, indeed. He was all red, his face was flushed, he was stripped to the waist, and his penis rippled beyond his zipper. Frankly, it was a rather sour sight. Sergei was about to approach his friend and do something with him, but...
But just then, he entered the room. A terrifying face, a hideous smell, hideous clothes, simply a nightmare. He was a boy of average height (about Sergei's age) with auburn hair. The figure held a journal under his arm. Sergei immediately recognized it as the same journal that had first revealed this monstrosity to him.
"Ha ha ha," the ugly man laughed (he's the second one, Sergei is even handsome). "I knew you'd come. Now you won't bother me anymore, ha ha ha. I have a journal, so I have the power!!! You probably don't understand any of this, right?" He was absolutely right. Sergei didn't understand a word. "I can tell you this, because you'll die soon anyway. When my master came to power, he decided to make us a powerful army. He sent us to various regions of Poland to gain education, new followers, and the information necessary to take over the Republic. I'm here to pass my final exams..." Sergei still didn't understand. He stood pale as a sheet in front of the hideous monster, wondering what was going on. A moment later, the monster scrawled the words JAN SAŁATA-WĄGIER in the air, which lingered there in the form of a gray mist.
"Ha ha ha. I'm the 33rd student. It's me you were looking for!" But you don't know everything yet – after these words, the letters began to fly through the air, change places, bounce off each other, wander and undulate, until finally they formed a new word: JESTEN AAŁAA WĄGIR (Is that Hungarian?) – the monster looked at the inscription – **** wrong! My wand is stuck again – then she waved something that looked like a broken pointer from the geography classroom, and only now the terrifying words: I AM RENATA B***R (Is it RENATA B***R) flashed. Renata transformed into a middle-aged woman with phalluses in her eyes. Now Sergei howled with terror, and the monster finished – "All my grades are recorded in this journal. I bribed the principal to give me only good grades, which will guarantee me admission to the final exams! Ha ha ha. But you and your friend won't live to see that happen." Renia glared menacingly at the frightened boy.
"Let's settle this between us! Leave Jurgen alone. And what exactly do you need him for?" Under the influence of adrenaline, Sergei began to acquire traits of courage, irony, and cool-headedness.
"I had to feed myself something! And let's just say his hmm... "juice" was very rich in protein... even better than oats for a horse, if you know what I mean, ha ha ha." Sergei didn't even have time to wince at the thought of what had happened between that monster and Jurgen when the enraged monster had lunged at him. Fortunately, he'd once taken karate classes, which had given him quite good reflexes. As a result of the intense work of his gray matter, he came up with the idea of destroying the diary. It all happened in a split second...
When Renia was almost at Sergei's side, he quickly dodged and landed a well-aimed kick on her cellulite-covered rump, causing her to lose her balance. Before she fell, she dropped the diary. Sergei immediately rushed after him, and before she knew it, the result of her intrigues was burning on a pile of candles.
"Noooooo!!!! It's all over!!!" Renata exclaimed and fled into the darkness of the corridor. The barely alive victor, she picked up her friend from the ground and also left the unpleasant underground.
* * *
The next day in the principal's office.
"Hmm... I see, I see... hmm, you have it on tape... well..." the principal said, having listened to Sergei's demands. "So be it. In exchange for your secrecy, when we play back the grades from the burned gradebook, we'll raise them to the level you requested."
The principal's expression showed he wasn't too pleased, but he had to agree to these terms anyway. Sergei, happy with the good deal, left the office and headed for the cafeteria. On the way, he met Jurgen, who truly didn't remember anything from yesterday.
"You old man, yesterday I dreamed about this amazing girl who did this to me several times in a row...
" "Don't finish!!!" Sergei interrupted his friend, passed him by, and continued on his way. Jurgen called after him:
- Hey, aren't you writing your chemistry exam today?
- No - he hesitated for a moment - You could say I've already passed... hee hee.
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