In September, Stanisław returned to work [teaching at a middle school] and picked up extra hours at another school and some tutoring. Unfortunately, this meant Stanisław had little, or rather no, free time. He didn't have it to the point of not even cleaning.
But what was the nice old lady living next door for? She was elderly, wrinkled, had a lot of free time, and you didn't have to pay her much. She was simply the perfect workforce. Of
course, there was the problem of Fred, or rather, his head living in a jar... but old people have a tendency to be visually impaired, so a head standing on a table in a jar might as well be a goldfish...
And this collaboration would probably have worked well if it weren't for the cabbage. You might ask how cabbage can harm a talking head... the answer is nothing... but if we add a blind old lady to the mix... but let's start from the beginning.
Stanisław was going to school in the morning as usual, having promised the old lady he'd leave her some of his wonderful sauerkraut. Surprisingly, the vegetables from the garden tasted a whole lot better since he'd found a couple of corpses there...* Of course, he had to forget about it, or rather, remind himself just before leaving for work. So, with extreme speed, he stuffed the cabbage into a jar and placed it next to the jar with Fred's head...
As you might imagine, the old lady mixed up the jars... However, Fred was watching.
"Madam, can you put me on the table?" he grumbled, because he had a headache that day...
"Oh my God!" the old lady cried.
"Not my God, it's Sergei, and now..."
"Satan!" Satan is in this house! – and then she ran out of the house, taking the jar of "cabbage" with her.
A few hours later, Stanisław returned home from work and the first thing he did was go to greet Fred, who was getting grumpy when he was forgotten.
He looked at the table where the jar of cabbage was. He sat down in a chair. He looked at the table. He fainted. He woke up and looked at the table. He fainted again. He woke up a second time and looked at the table. He rushed to the old woman's house.
The old woman ran towards him, screaming,
"Satan, Mr. Stanisław! Satan is in the house!"
Stanisław was already planning to kill the old woman, who might spill the beans to the police, but there was no longer any space on his property for such "accidents." However, since the old woman was running towards him, clutching the jar, she probably didn't notice.... Except that now she was running through the neighborhood with her head in the jar, screaming at the sky...
Without thinking, Stanisław ran up to her and snatched the jar from her, then put it under his coat, grabbed the old woman's hand and led her to his house.
There was a problem... What to do with her? Knowing life, she'd start telling all the neighbors about Satan, and they'd start sniffing and eventually sniff something out... And a head in a jar kept in the house tends to lead to problems.
But there was also... The armchair! The good old armchair!
He grabbed the old woman's hand and began leading her to the basement.
"Come downstairs, I'll make some tea in a moment, and you can tell me all about it! Make yourself comfortable..." Downstairs, there's a very comfortable tartan armchair..."
And so Stanisław's problems were solved once again... Well, except now he has to clean the house himself..."
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