Colorful Crows.

 

When you sometimes look up, you see the sky, and clouds float gently across it. You always notice what's beautiful and necessary. Somewhere behind lies what no one admires, what's ugly and black. And only those who see this can understand it.

On May 15, 1994, Julka was born. Her parents chose this name when Anna was six months pregnant. Anna and Krzysztof came from wealthy families, so they already had a large house with a beautiful garden, where Krzysztof's father installed a yellow swing for their granddaughter, as everyone had a hunch it would be a girl. A fortune teller she met right after their wedding predicted a happy fate and four children, the first of whom would be artistically talented. The little girl was to become a painter, like her grandmother, Anna's mother. Anna and Krzysztof wanted their daughter to be special. She was to have her father's eyes, her mother's blond hair, and a pert nose. She was to be a little princess to her grandfather.

The day Julka was born was beautiful. The sun was shining, its bright rays falling on meadows full of blooming flowers. But night would always fall for the child. Night fell for the parents too when they learned that their "perfect" daughter would never see the light. They likely still loved their child, but less now than before her birth. When they spoke of their daughter, they used the word "never." She would never see toys, colorful clothes, me, you. Their ideal world vanished with Julka's birth. They didn't finish painting the walls blue in the little girl's room because... why?

Anna's mother, Zuzanna, moved in with them permanently because they, young, modern, and busy with work, couldn't care for the child. And yet, they had agreed earlier that Anna would quit her job and stay home. Zuzanna still loved the child just as much. Only her presence could sense Julka. Grandma Zuzanna decided to show the little girl the world. The girl stayed with her all day. She fell asleep to the sound of her grandmother's lullaby and woke to the rustle of her skirt. Anna spent only the first few months with the child, and after that, she rarely saw him. Before leaving for work, Anna and Krzysztof would stand in the doorway and watch the little one sleep. Sometimes they would approach to kiss her on her upturned nose, but they were afraid Julka would wake up and try to contact them. They both longed to be closer to their daughter, but they were afraid. Anna only hugged her when Krzysztof wasn't looking, and he did the same. They both ran away from the child, from each other.

Zuzanna felt like Julka's mother. Every day, when she walked with the little girl, she felt proud that she would be the one to show the child the world. She would place pebbles and leaves in her hands and tell her about them. She was overjoyed when she saw Julka smile for the first time when she began to respond to familiar voices. Her granddaughter wasn't afraid to take her first steps because she knew someone was watching over her. Zuzanna was captivated by how this little person found joy in completely insignificant objects.

One winter night, Julka fell ill with severe pneumonia. Anna and Krzysztof spent the entire time with the child in the hospital. It was then that they fell in love with Julka again, cured of their fear of her. They understood that the little girl was a part of them. By running away from her, they were running away from each other. They decided to create a home together once again. However, they forgot that the girl's life had begun two years earlier, and they owed their chance for a second try to Zuzanna. Grandma had to leave her second home, leaving behind "two daughters." Julka, however, could never find her mother in Anna, or her father in Krzysztof. She couldn't sleep next to her mother, whose presence she didn't feel. She couldn't smile at her father, whose hand was always cold. They blamed themselves, blamed the whole world.

They gave up a second time. Real parents wouldn't forget that they once dreamed of their daughter becoming a painter. Zuzanna didn't. She taught Julka to paint her world. She said it was special because only a child could put whatever they wanted into it. The girl felt important to her grandmother.

At four, Julka had beautiful blond hair and a snub nose. The only difference was that she couldn't imagine colorful birds, but she could perfectly imagine crows. Black birds that no one admires, no one loves, no one knows where they fly.

Zuzanna settled back into her home, 200 kilometers away. Julka was left alone. She rarely saw her beloved. Her parents wanted her to realize she was "different." They didn't let her go out onto the balcony or into the garden alone.

On November 21, 1999, Zuzanna died. Julka was left with only a yellow swing and the memory of her departed grandmother. The girl pictured this swing vividly in her mind. She associated it with her grandmother, who, in her mind, wore a long yellow skirt and always carried a candle; it was always bright and warm around her. Julka swung all day long. She wanted to soar up to the sun, to touch even a single ray.

On May 15, 2000, on her sixth birthday, Julka longed to soar as high as possible, to the sun, to show that she knew how to live. She climbed onto a yellow swing and tried to swing with the wind. She wanted to feel like a crow, only a colorful one. In her imagination, she felt like one, that she could see her parents from above, but her grandmother was trying to take her with her. Suddenly, she began to fall, somehow peacefully, slowly, only her parents were strangely anxious, running, shouting. Too late. Julka was already with her grandmother. Where there were a thousand suns and a thousand colorful crows. Where it was warm and bright. Grandma, why are they crying? Put out the candle, it's bright. Will I stay here with you? And she stayed there forever.

Anna and Krzysztof would often stand together in their arms at the window and watch the "colorful crows," the ones no one notices, no one admires, no one loves, and no one cares where they fly.