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Chapter VI

BAD DREAMS

Mader looking on My, tall my what you see? Yes, I lost my mind!

I arrived at school. The whispers were still with me, but different. People were moving away from me. As if they were afraid of me. I was with Ramona. I didn't know she went to the same school. And suddenly I understood: They're afraid of Ramona, not me. Maybe they'll gain respect for me? The bright scars still glistened on her arm. The teachers' attitude, however, hadn't changed. And Kasia. She kept glancing at me. A tear rolled down her cheek a few times... A long pause. I thought I'd spend it alone. Suddenly, Bartek was coming closer. More thoughts of what he would do to humiliate me were forming in my head. He stood in front of me and said:

"You know, Adam, I want to apologize. I didn't think I could ruin your life like this." "Have Bartek developed any human feelings? And does the whole school know what happened to me?" Bartek turned and walked away. Something stirred inside me. A shiver. I realized. I'm not gay. I never was. The past in my head suddenly changed. All the bad memories turned to good. I couldn't think about it now, even though it was too strange. I love Kasia! I'll tell her." I ran to the yard. She always hangs out there. I see her. She's standing outside the school gate. But I don't understand what's happening. She's standing with some 25-year-old guy. I run toward her. Kasia is arguing. Why? What's her connection to this guy? The man grabbed her by the arm and stabbed her with his other hand. NO!! She's running away. Kasia collapsed to the ground. In a pool of blood.

"Kasia, don't leave me! Not YOU! Please!" I grabbed her hand. She was already dead. Her heart stopped beating. Her blood was on my hands. I stood up. I can't leave this like this. I ran toward the killer's escape. I see him!

"Stop! I'll kill you, you bastard!" I screamed. Only one thought dominated my mind: revenge. The man stopped. He turned toward me. He pulled out a gun and pulled the trigger....

I woke up. I was lying on the floor of the room. In the orphanage. Just like before. The dream hadn't changed, and my hand lay in a pool of blood...

Chapter VII:

THE CONFUSION OF THE NIGHT

I quickly got up from the floor. The dream was so strange and real, but it was ONLY a dream. I was still alone. I found bandages on Ramona's shelf. As if she knew what would happen. I carefully wrapped my hand in a bandage. It was almost dinner time. I felt weak. I must have lost a lot of blood. The floor was completely red, but I decided to deal with it later. I went to the dining room. Luckily, I was alone. I helped myself to a generous portion. Everyone here ate whenever they wanted... I regained my strength. I had to run a few errands. I slipped out of the den. I was free, and it was starting to scare me. What now? Who should I go to? Maciek! My only hope. I snuck through dark alleyways. And here I am. My moment. With a trembling hand, I rang the intercom.

"Hello?

" "Good evening, is Maciek?

" "Yes, sir.

" "So, Adam, will you let me in?" That was my only thought. I struggled with refusal. Suddenly, the door opened. Maciek stood in the doorway, wearing only his boxers.

"I was just going to bed.

" "And I have nowhere to go. They'll start looking for me tomorrow. Will you put me up for the night?" Silence fell. Maciek thought hard. Suddenly, he embraced me and led me inside.... It happened. In the morning, we woke up in bed together. Maciek turned to me.

"That was something." He tried to kiss me again, but I turned my back to him.

"What happened?"

"No, nothing. I'm tired after that night." Something inside me changed. As if someone had stolen a part of me. Maciek wrapped his arms around my waist and closed his eyes. I flew out of bed like a slingshot.

"What happened now?" he asked

. "I thought about your parents. They can't see me with you. Naked!" I quickly found my own clothes from the clothes scattered around the room. I dressed. Maciek just watched my struggles and, without getting up, laughed.

"You're great, you know?" Hahhahah.

"Why are you laughing? You probably don't want your parents to see us in the same bed.

" "My parents aren't coming back for another week. There's no need to worry." I sat down on a nearby chair. The excuse fell apart. I don't know why, but despite that night, I wanted to go.

"So, Adam, what happened at your place? We didn't talk much last night," he said, smiling mischievously. He was clearly enjoying this immensely. He got out of bed and started getting dressed.

"You know, nothing interesting. After our argument, I tried to kill myself. And then I ended up in the hospital..." I began recounting all the events of the past few weeks. After finishing the story, Maciek replied,

"Well, at least you weren't bored." And he went to the kitchen. I couldn't shake the nagging doubts. "Should I do this?" I threw on my jacket and put on my shoes.

"Maciek, I'm going out, I'll be back late." I didn't wait for an answer and left... I reached my destination – Sevastopolska Street. I won't deny that I feel like a man whore. I need to get this out, and only one person was listening. A slender girl emerged from the house.

"Uh, hi Kasia!" I shouted, and Kasia turned abruptly.

"Adam!? Come on, come inside!" I ran up to her, and we went inside. We sat on the couch. I didn't know how to begin. She took the initiative.

"I broke up with him.

" "What?!

" "Well, I broke up with him. With Jack. With my boyfriend. I wanted to forget about you.... But I already did!" She practically shouted. The room was quite dark. I couldn't see much in the darkness. Her gleaming eyes, her captivating smile, encouraged me. I kept wondering if she was being too casual. I desperately fought with myself. Suddenly, she embraced me. Her lips touched mine. I whispered

, "I can't, I just can't." Then I lifted my face and looked deep into her eyes. My wet lips touched hers. At first shyly, then more boldly and urgently. We simply gave in, surrendering completely to our kiss. We whispered and searched for each other's mouths.

"Now I have to tell you something. Remember that night? I'm scared. My period is late. And I'm vomiting. Too often. I think I'm pregnant.... WITH YOU" – I was afraid of this news. A gay man has a child? But is he really gay? Now I really feel like a man whore. A child, a lover, and a girl I just stopped kissing. Happy isn't someone who seems different, but someone who considers themselves different....

Chapter VIII

For you, my love

. A beautiful morning. Fortunately, or perhaps not, I returned to the orphanage. Of course, this carried many consequences. I was banned from leaving my room and had to do extra work like washing dishes or the floor. But who cares. I told Ramona everything.

"Well, then you're screwed, man," she concluded my confession.

"First you messed with the kid and then you screwed with your friend. Big shit." Ramona never paid attention to her language. At times, it became too vulgar for me.

"My fault? It all happened so fast. Now I'm at a dead end. And I don't know what to do." Those words were my last excuse.

"I did wrong. I know. But now I have to do something about it.

" "What are you supposed to do? It's obvious. You have two options. The first is to go to that friend...

" "Maćek," I said casually

. "Okay, you go to that Maciek and tell him it was great but you can't be together, and then you take care of the girl and the little brat.

" "And the second option?" "I knew it wouldn't be better than the first.

" "The second is to take care of the baby. You explain to the girl that you have this... well... Maciek and you'll be sharing a bed with the guy." After those words, Ramona sneered. I didn't like it. Somehow, her alternatives didn't appeal to me.

"Okay, I guess I'll play it out myself. But thanks for the good intentions.

" "You're welcome. Ramona's always at your service." She burst into laughter and left the room. I was left alone with my thoughts. Maciek... Kasia... Child... Love... Desire... Five threads I was thinking about. Maciek-Desire, Kasia-Child, and what about Love? What about Love?

"Stupid wordplay!" I threw myself on the bed.

"What am I supposed to do? "

Knock, knock, knock

. "What's that?" A distinct tapping of pebbles against the window. It could only be one person. I looked out the window.

"Maciek!?" "How did he find me? I know. I've already spilled the beans. Damn it, I didn't know it would turn out this way.

" "Hey, Adam. You didn't come back, so I thought you'd been taken. And I guess I was right. Can you come down?

" "Unfortunately not." They're keeping a close eye on me now. But you can go upstairs – I don't believe my own words. Upstairs? Why am I even inviting Him?!

"Okay, I'm coming!" I heard Maciek say, and I already knew it wasn't good. "Knock!" "Knock!" "

Come in.

" "Here I am." He sat down next to me on the bed and put his hand on my shoulder. I wanted to move away, but I still didn't have a strategy. Suddenly, Ramona entered the room.

"Oh, I see you have a guest. How sweet." Her tone didn't suggest flattery. But that's just her nature.

"Hi, I'm Maciek. Nice

to meet you." "Hi... Maciek... Oh, I remember!! You were the one who was fucking Adam." Ramona's face was filled with satisfaction. She's too direct. And I wanted to kill her. I looked at her with the eyes of a homicidal maniac. Maciek, however, wasn't fazed.

"Yes, it's me. And honestly, it's the first time I've experienced such pleasure in my life." I couldn't believe my ears! He simply talked about it as if it were a bike ride. Am I just a copulatory organ?!

"That's great. Maybe I'll leave you two alone. Everyone needs a moment of privacy." That smile again. Deep satisfaction. Ramona left the room again. My face clearly showed acute psychological shock, because Mack was alarmed.

"Are you okay? You're a bit vague.

" "No, no, I'm okay. I feel better now.

" "That's good. What your friend said isn't so stupid. I'd like to experience it again sometime. Okay, time for me to go. Anyway, you know where I live. For now." He practically threw himself at me. He gave me a deep kiss and, closing the door, said,

"I couldn't resist." "I don't know why, but I didn't feel any pleasure in it. Maybe it was the shock? And the feeling that von only wanted to know me so that, as Ramona put it, "he could 'fuck' me." And that wasn't a pleasant feeling. This presented me with a new choice... I threw myself at a nearby shelf.

"Where is it!? It was there somewhere! I have it!" I pulled a narrow piece of paper from under a book. On it was a nine-digit number and the signature "Kasia" with squiggly lines. A cell phone. I need a cell phone. I focused all my thoughts. Who has a cell phone? Paweł from room no. 2! But will he lend it to me? To some "Mad" boy? But that doesn't count. I have to try. I put the piece of paper in my pocket and left the room. I knocked on the door of room no. 2. Silence. Footsteps. A plump boy with glasses stood in the doorway.

"Hi Paweł.

" "Well, hello

." "I have a huge case. I need a cell phone. Or, to be more precise, one text message. It's really important. You'll forgive me if I don't fill you in." I held my breath and waited for the verdict.

"Exactly." I'll give you that text message. I breathed a sigh of relief. I entered the room, and Paweł handed me his cell phone. I texted: "Ul. Wykładowa 18, Children's Home. Safaga. Come, I'm waiting for you. Room no. 6." I entered the number and sent it.

"Thanks. You saved my life. See you later." I returned to my room and lay down on the bed. The minutes dragged by mercilessly. I fell asleep. I don't know how long I slept. A knock woke me up. Intrusive. I opened the door and knew who I would see: Kasia. I quickly grabbed her hand and wordlessly led her into the room. We sat down. Kasia watched me curiously, waiting for my first move. After all, it was I who "brought her here." Everything fell into place in my head. I got up and locked the door. Kasia must have understood because her eyes began to sparkle. I sat down on the bed again. At her side. I kissed her. I put my arm around her. We were still locked in the kiss. Her hands restlessly roamed my back. We sank onto the bed. Slowly and passionately, we took off each other's clothes, and our lips sought each other's, eager for a kiss. We did it quite consciously. In the rapture of love, I whispered:

"This is for you, my Love..."