Sadness

A party. The usual good time in good company... They disappear. Without a goodbye. Without a word. And I'm dancing alone... in a room full of people, there's no one interested in me. I'm not ugly. At least that's what my friends tell me... I have blond hair, blue eyes... A good figure. But she always has the One I'd die for. She's a year younger than me. We were friends for about three years. That is, until she appeared. Her new best friend. She no longer picked me up every day. She didn't talk. She didn't text. I faded into the background. I became just a neighbor next door. Maybe a good acquaintance. But no longer a friend. And so it was for over six months.

Then something changed. But she wasn't the same as before. She simply became more mature. But one thing hasn't changed and never will. She's the one boys approach. She's the one they ask to dance at the disco. She always has the prettiest, kindest, and most handsome guy in the room! Why? I ask, why?? And I answer that question myself: I'm ugly. I'm different. I'm unattractive. WHY?? WHY?? Because that's how it was supposed to be...

They came back. A slow song. He approaches her and whispers something in her ear. She offers him her hand with one of those smiles that express incomprehensible and unadulterated joy. They walk out into the middle of the room, hugging. She throws her arm around his neck and he puts his arm around her waist. They dance, and I'm standing alone against the wall... They kiss, and I'm still alone against that damn wall... So lonely... So hopeless at love... Lonely as that tear, slowly rolling down my cheek. But I still look at them. I still stare. She looks at me. She gives me a joyful smile. I smile slightly, so she doesn't notice my suffering... and I look at her happiness in His arms. I feel my hope slipping into the abyss. Yet I don't stop looking. The longer I look, the greater the despair overwhelms me. But is it despair? Or maybe I'm simply jealous of her? Perhaps I, too, am destined to meet someone who will be like Him? Thus, my torn soul is cut by the red-hot knives of extremely different emotions... Is it wrong that I want someone to dance with? Someone to hold my hand? Someone to care for me? Or maybe this is how it's supposed to be... Maybe I have to live in misery and wait? What if He doesn't come? What will become of me then? Will I accept my fate? Will I take justice for myself?

And they dance. More and more tears flow down my mask, worn to conceal my identity... They mix with the paint. Colorful streaks appear on my face. And they dance. My soul is dying. My body is growing cold.

They're kissing... Another blow. Right into the deepest recess of my soul. The one where Hope had been hiding until now. But it's gone. It's gone.

I run out of the room. I'm running, I don't know where, I don't know how far... My legs carry me of their own accord. I've arrived. I'm walking forward now, slowly... At a snail's pace. I hear footsteps behind me. Two people are running. I know who it is. I can't turn around. I have to do what I planned. They're getting closer. They're calling me. I ignore them. They're shouting. I don't react. I keep walking. They're catching up. She grabs my hand. I pull away. Now I can't hide my despair anymore. I walk, leaving teardrops behind me. I stand. I've reached my destination. I hear her scream. But is it genuine? I jump. I can no longer hear anything but her shrieks. For a split second, the wind carries me as if on wings, and then nothing. I'll never smile at her again. I'll never see the smile on her face again. I'll never experience the happiness that is so abundant within her.

The song has just ended...