Cinema

 

One fine morning, stretching in my warm sheets, I decided to go to the cinema. The last time I was there was as a teenager. After all, I deserved a little pleasure. After finishing my day's work, I briskly walked to the nearby cinema. When I reached the ticket office, I realized it was closed today. No line... Well, suspicious, I thought to myself, scratching my beard. I approached the ticket office and bought a ticket. I glanced at the title of the film. Hmm... Something psychological, okay, I guess," I whispered, and headed towards the cinema. Inside, another surprise awaited me; the cinema was almost empty. Only a few couples were seated there.

"Sir, how's the screening going?" I asked the ticket collector. He nodded with a smile and tore up my ticket. I took my seat in what I must admit was a rather comfortable armchair. I had to wait for the film to start. Then I remembered they'd show a newsreel first. Honestly, I was quite happy. I'd forgotten how it used to be: black-and-white footage of construction sites, party meetings, and so on. It would be nice to reminisce about the good old days. After a few minutes, the lights began to dim. With a shiver of excitement, I shifted in my seat to find a comfortable position. The enormous curtains moved to the sides, revealing an impressive screen. I'd forgotten it was such a large screen. I was getting more and more excited, practically rubbing my hands with glee. And suddenly, boom... the commercials started. I was a little nervous, but what could I do? The first one was a shampoo company. I instinctively ran my hand through my hair to calm myself; it was clean. I figured if I wanted to watch commercials, I'd turn on the TV; I wouldn't have to go all the way here. But I liked the women in the sanitary pad commercials. I supposed I don't need that kind of information, but these women... Ads like these make it impossible for me to find a girlfriend. Seriously, they all look like muppets compared to them. When a guy built like a Greek god popped out and started shaving, I involuntarily touched my stomach. Well, it wasn't that flat, but I thought to myself, you have to have a little self-compassion. Looking at the huge hamburger made me hungry. And then, as if to spite me, a Pizza Hut ad came on, and as if that weren't enough, KFC. My stomach started growling. Good grief, I can't sit through the whole thing in these conditions. Finally, the movie started. At first glance, it's not bad. The main character is quite a pretty woman. I'll wait a bit longer, maybe the guy will take her to the bedroom. But suddenly... the phone rings. I look around the room nervously; a guy answers the phone and is simply having a conversation. I was so surprised I didn't know how to react. Suddenly, another one rings, someone else receives a text message. I look around again, seeing the faint glow of cellphone lights in the darkness. Only ten minutes into the movie, the auditorium has become a veritable conference call. On the one hand, I think to myself, it's outrageous to talk on the phone in the cinema. On the other, I think... Maybe it would be good to have one. Since everyone has one, and everyone calls... I actually felt a bit lonely. And then it hit me. I was sidelined, right into solitude, because I couldn't keep up with technology. You could say cellphones have alienated me from my social life. Because who would want to call my landline if they weren't sure I'd be home? Man... I got a little frantic. If I lived in the States, I'd sue the operators. But I probably won't get anywhere here. It's not that I don't believe in our justice system, but...Why strain my credibility? I'd lost track of the screen. I guess I wasn't the only one, because suddenly I looked up and a guy was walking out. Behind him, from the other side of the room, a silhouette was also heading for the exit. What a jerk, I thought. Give them a little psychology, and they'd immediately lose it. I looked at the screen with a focused expression. Let them see I'm better. After a moment, the door opened, and the dark figures returned to their seats. I didn't understand what was happening. This screening was strange. It took me a moment to understand. First, I heard a rustling. Damn, and I was already starting to focus on the movie. I couldn't believe my eyes, but people scattered throughout the room, as if on command, reached for chips. One rustled his bag, another munched them for the entire theater. It reminded me that I was hungry. I felt a painful knot in my stomach. But anger took over. First, they had a conference call, and now they were turning the room into a milk bar. And did they all conspire to come in pairs? It was as if they were trying to tell me I was inferior. I decided that nothing would distract me from the movie. After all, it had been running for almost an hour. I stared at the screen, my eyelids growing heavier and heavier. Today had been such a hard day at work. The subtitles were starting to blur, I couldn't keep up with the reading. Finally, there was silence.

When a song came on at the top of my lungs, I jumped. Man, I dozed off. The credits were already rolling on the screen. Fifteen złoty down the drain. I left the cinema disgusted. What was that movie about, anyway? It's important that I remember the title. If I tell it at work, people will immediately know what a brainiac I am. Outside, a terrible brightness struck me. As I walked, I squinted. When I opened them, I happened to catch sight of a huge billboard. And on it was a huge hamburger. I knew I couldn't resist. I ran to the nearest McDonald's. While finishing my Big Mac, I had a brilliant idea. I ran to the nearest cell phone store. I signed the contract, and fifteen minutes later I emerged a full-fledged citizen of the world. Now all that was left was to go and show everyone that I was on the course. I ran to the same ticket office in the same cinema. And there was a terrible line. Oh well, I thought to myself, I'll just wait. I bought my ticket after about thirty minutes. The theater was swarming with people. It's actually good that there are so many of them, I thought. Before the lights dimmed, I glanced at my ticket. Because I hadn't noticed what I'd signed up for. I read what it said: The Passion of the Christ, by Mel Gibson. Great, I thought, because I've always liked Mel Gibson. The lights dimmed, and the movie started. Then I cautiously reached into my pocket for my phone...