Hidden Secret

My brother disappeared suddenly. My mother said he was sick and in a sanatorium. She forbade us from asking about him. Us, that is, me and my other brother, Arnold. There were four of us at home—Kornelia, Arnold, Zbyszek, and me, the youngest. Zbyszek was born while my parents were still at university. My grandmother took care of my brother's upbringing. Our parents didn't know what it meant to be parents. When Zbyszek was five, Kornelia was born. My father created the illusion of a happy family. No one knew what was happening in our home. If something bad happened, Zbyszek was always to blame. Kornelia became the apple of my father's eye.

When Kornelia was 16, she became pregnant. My father never said a bad word to her, although he wasn't thrilled about her becoming a grandfather. My mother said that Kornelia had to make her own decision. She didn't bring the subject up again. Kornelia did what she thought was right. She was gone for two days. After she returned home, she hid in her room. That evening, I went to her. I was having trouble with math at school. Kornelia helped me with my homework when I asked her. Zbyszek wasn't very good at it. So he couldn't help me. I saw Kornelia bleeding. I started screaming. My mother told Arnold to take me out of the room. I guessed why Kornelia had been taken to the hospital. My parents wouldn't talk to us about it. They told us Kornelia had made a mistake and had to face the consequences. The next time I saw Kornelia, she looked 10 years older. She talked to Zbyszek often, and I felt jealous.

When I didn't receive any letters from Zbyszek for a long time, I asked my mother when he would return. My mother said she didn't understand my longing for my brother. Zbyszek was often away. He played guitar in a band. His group performed in many countries around the world. He always sent me postcards and even brought me gifts. I once received a beautiful bracelet. From Greece. My mother said I was too young to wear jewelry. So she took it away from me. Zbyszek sneaked in at night and took it for me. My mother doesn't know about it. I keep it in a secret compartment, along with other souvenirs from Zbyszek. I have postcards from Paris, Rome, and even Thailand.

Our parents argued often. The first time was after I was born. That's what Kornelia said. Dad was angry with me. I cried at night. And he wanted peace. When I got older, my parents couldn't talk to each other anymore. Zbyszek didn't want me to hear my parents' screams. He took me to his room and told me stories. At Christmas, when my parents were fighting again, Zbyszek told me a story about the stars. Everyone who misses someone close should choose one star. Each twinkle of it is like a kiss from that person. Ever since Zbyszek disappeared, I looked at the stars and talked to them.{br}{br}Our parents' arguments were getting louder and louder. Zbyszek tried to calm them down more and more often. Once, I saw a split lip on his lip. He said he'd tripped and fallen into a door. I believed him. I always believed him. Zbyszek had more and more wounds all over his body. He even broke his arm. At Arnold's birthday party, I saw my father hit Zbyszek for the first time. My father never touched me, Cornelia, or Arnold. Arnold and I often caused problems. We were the youngest. Arnold was born two years after Cornelia, and I was born four years later. There was a big age difference between Zbyszek and me. That might have been the reason we loved each other so much. Zbyszek was an example to me. He was always there for me when I needed him.

After the New Year, Mom was fired from her job. Because of Arnold. He was a sickly child. He often had to stay home. And Mom with him. Her employer didn't want to hire an employee who couldn't come to work regularly. Mom couldn't cope with the boredom. She started drinking. Zbyszek would constantly find her drunk. In a bar across the street from our house. He couldn't stand it anymore. Zbyszek moved out. I spent every afternoon and weekend with him. Zbyszek wanted all of us—that is, Cornelia, Arnold, and I—to live together. That became my dream. I knew Dad wouldn't agree to Cornelia moving out. He would gladly get rid of Arnold and me. But Kornelia left home. She was fed up with her mother's addiction. My father begged her on his knees not to. Kornelia moved in with Zbyszek. My father was constantly furious. He believed Zbyszek was entirely to blame for the situation. Then Zbyszek disappeared, and Kornelia returned home. I didn't know why she was so upset. She wouldn't talk to anyone. I assumed she knew where Zbyszek was. I suspected my parents were lying about Zbyszek being in a sanatorium. For a month, I didn't hear from my brother. On Zbyszek's 23rd birthday, two policemen came to our house. Dad was arrested. Kornelia said she had reported her father for what he had done. She explained that she felt responsible for her father's actions. If she had stayed home, Zbyszek would be alive now. Dad murdered him because Zbyszek had taken Kornelia from him. Mom had a mental breakdown. Kornelia found work abroad and soon left. Arnold and I live with my grandmother. Dad did wrong. Despite this, we visit him every Sunday in prison. Later, we go to Mom's. To the psychiatric hospital. And in the evenings, to the cemetery.