Forget-me-nots

 

So much time has passed, so many lonely days and nights, so many tears shed. Despite all this, I still harbor those painful memories in my head. I don't know if I should let it all go, and even if I did... If I could. Many people said I shouldn't think about it so much, that time heals wounds, but why do I still smell the forget-me-nots she loved so much, why do I still see her rosy cheeks and sparkling green eyes smiling at me? She was everything to me, she made life easier, more colorful... A wonderful angel full of joy and compassion for others.

I met her right after graduating from high school, on a gray, rainy afternoon. I was on my way to another grueling practice... I don't know why I did it; hockey had long since ceased to be special to me, yet twice a week I would pack my bag, sling it over my shoulder, and head to the rink, pretending everything was fine, that I was doing what I wanted, what I loved.

I crossed the half-full parking lot toward the main entrance, pushed the heavy metal door open with my shoulder as usual, and it swung inward. I took a step forward and saw her... She was sitting on the ground, rubbing her right elbow, tears welling in her eyes. I immediately knew it was my fault; I'd hit her with the door! I tossed my bag aside and helped the stranger up from the cold concrete. She groaned softly and muttered, "Thank you."

I wanted to apologize, but the words stuck in my throat and wouldn't come out. The stranger looked at me, and for the first time, I was lost in the emerald of her eyes. She smiled gently at me and, holding her bruised elbow, reached for a small backpack. I anticipated her and picked it up first. She smiled again and took her belongings from me, then turned and walked away. I stood there for a long moment, completely speechless.

Two days later, I met the same girl at the ice rink. When I entered the audience to watch my clubmates, she was spinning a pirouette in the middle of the rink. Her long auburn hair was braided, with only a few stray strands tickling her nose. Even though she was wearing baggy sweatpants and a loose T-shirt, she still looked like a true princess to me, surrounded by swans... The other girls from the skating section.

She circled the rink again, then stopped, resting her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. Her cheeks were bright pink, but instead of being unattractive, this only added to her charm.

I couldn't resist, I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked over to the rink. She noticed me... Instead of saying "hi," she gave me a warm smile, and I returned the kind gesture.

She pushed off with her right skate and slowly approached me.

"We meet again," she said in a quiet, yet confident voice.

"Listen... I'm sorry about last time. I really didn't think anyone would try to open that damn door from the other side." I tried to explain, but she clearly didn't care, because she laughed softly and interrupted my argument.

"Believe me, thinking has never been a strong suit for tough guys like you."

Hearing those words made me feel awkward, as if someone had punched me in the face...

"I'm not who you think I am."

"I don't know you, so I probably shouldn't judge you.

" "Exactly," I muttered. "

It's nice talking to you, but I have to get back to practice. As you can see, I'm fine, which makes me happy. Well, for now." That note of ignorance disappeared from her voice, and at the very end, that warm smile reappeared. I still

remember that conversation perfectly. I don't know why, maybe she said something that hurt? Or maybe it was because we exchanged words and smiles for the first time.

A few days later, I learned who this mysterious and incredibly sarcastic girl was. She'd moved to our small town because of one of the coaches, she skated with the seniors, and rumors circulated that she was the third female figure skater in the country to qualify for the Olympics. Winter sports were something we could connect with, so I started arriving at training sessions earlier and earlier to admire the skaters in action. Even though there were usually about fifteen girls on the ice, I could easily spot my angel. She was quite a petite person, seemingly frail and delicate, but only on the surface. There was an extraordinary power within this girl... Someone once asked me if it was love at first sight, and I replied no. At first, I was captivated by her; she was so beautiful, but only when I got to know her better did my heart skip a beat...

It was a warm April afternoon, spring had finally arrived in our town, and I was so excited to be alive. Like every Thursday, I lazily glided through the park with a heavy bag over my shoulder. On sunny days like these, I lost any last vestiges of my desire to sweat in my heavy hockey gear. I wanted to sit on a bench and enjoy the scent of flowers, the birdsong, and the blue sky... And then, passing a small playground, I spotted her. She was sitting on a swing, gripping the vertical poles with both hands, her gaze fixed on her sneakers. Her auburn hair fell across her face, almost obscuring it completely. Right next to her, leaning against a wooden beam, was a small backpack. At first, I wanted to walk past her indifferently, fearing more foolish remarks directed at me, but something inside me snapped, and I simply couldn't avoid her. I stopped, but she clearly hadn't noticed me. I walked a little closer and murmured,

"Hi."

She lifted her head slightly, revealing her face; her eyes were so sad... I didn't get a closer look, because a moment later she lowered her head again, her gaze fixed on the dark sand beneath her feet.

"You're going to practice, right?" she asked uncertainly. "

Actually, I was going to practice until I saw you with such a gloomy expression. "

I sat down on the swing next to her.

"Shouldn't you be practicing your triple axel right now?" I added ironically.

"I probably should... I just don't feel like it." She sighed quietly. "Sometimes I wish life were less complicated."

"Who wouldn't? With fewer problems to deal with, more smiles on your face.

" "Yeah... There must be something to it.

" "Can I ask what's bothering you?" I asked timidly. "

Not only is he a tough guy, he's also a nosy one!" The ironic smile appeared on her pretty face again.

"Why do you think I'm some brainless musclehead?! I already told you I'm not one of those types, you must have been watching all those American movies!" I jumped to my feet and practically screamed, my face burning with anger. I wanted to be nice to her, and she... She retaliated with something like this.

"If I remember correctly, I also told you I didn't know you, so I guess it's not up to me to judge you." She replied calmly.

"If it wasn't about you, then why are you saying such things?

" "I don't know, maybe just for fun." She got up from the swing, laughing like a little child. "Well, since we've both had the day off, let's say you're inviting me for ice cream!"

She grabbed my arm and dragged me to the café. My excuses about having no money were in vain; it probably only dawned on her when the bill arrived, which she was forced to pay herself. I felt like an idiot showing her my empty wallet, but she turned out to be a true lady and paid without comment.

We talked for a long time, and I learned that she hadn't come here for the coach, but for her sick mother, who needed peace and quiet, tired of the city noise, which wasn't helping her fragile health. Her father had left them when she was only five, but she didn't consider him mean, couldn't say a bad word about him, perhaps because in her mother's eyes he had always been considered a good man...

I didn't think you could get to know someone so well after spending just one afternoon with them... Had I fallen in love? No... It wasn't love yet, just the beginning of a true friendship.

Another day at university, seemingly a typical Tuesday with boring lectures, but in all of it, in all the monotony, there was something that filled me with optimism. An afternoon training session, a visit to the ice rink, and the opportunity to meet her, to exchange even a few words with her. I needed so little to be completely happy...

We hit it off; you could say a true friendship was born between us. She told me about her problems, about her mother, her arguments with her coach... the Olympics, and I... Well, I wanted to be honest, but I lacked the self-confidence she possessed. I told her many things, but I presented them less graphically than she usually did. It didn't bother her; she was happy to spend her free time with me. She laughed so sincerely and heartily then. When I saw her running through the meadow with a bouquet of forget-me-nots, I wondered if it was all just a dream... If I would soon hear the shrill shriek of the alarm clock, bringing me back to earth, to a gray reality where she would no longer be there. To my immense joy, this didn't happen; the sweet idyll persisted, and there was no sign of it ending anytime soon.

One summer day, she called me early in the morning and asked me to meet her. It was lovely to hear her cheerful voice on the phone. I agreed without hesitation and quickly got ready to leave.

The park was still completely deserted due to the early hour, so I crossed the lawn toward the playground. There, on one of the swings, she sat, dressed in a loose, knee-length white dress. Although the sun wasn't yet shining brightly, she wore a large hat with a blue-purple ribbon. In her hands, she held a small bouquet of forget-me-nots in the same color. When she spotted me, she ran over with a smile.

"Thank you for coming. I wanted to take you to a special place today... A friend showed it to me once, and I thought it must be truly beautiful there at this time of year."

She lifted the small bouquet to her face and dipped her tiny nose in it.

"You like forget-me-nots, don't you?" I asked as we climbed the hill she'd taken me to that day.

"I love these flowers; I always have them with me when I want beautiful moments to become memories..."

"I don't quite understand..."

"You don't know? Forget-me-nots symbolize the lasting power of memories, and I want you to always remember me... Always... Do you understand?" - She looked at me so strangely that it sent shivers down my spine...

When we arrived, the sun was starting to get hotter and hotter, but she didn't mind, she kept laughing and dancing, staring at the blue sky.

I lay down on the green grass, still slightly damp with dewdrops. She sat down next to me, holding forget-me-nots in one hand and her hat with the other, as the malicious breeze kept trying to snatch it away. "

I wish moments like these would last forever; I don't want the gray and dullness of everyday life..." I said.

"Life isn't gray and dull, you shouldn't say that. " "

Sometimes I feel like saying goodbye and giving up on it all; some problems are simply too much for me."

"And you're always talking about problems. Life isn't just about obligations to yourself and others; you have to learn to enjoy what you have." "

I wish I had as much optimism as you... I can't enjoy what I have; I wish I could close my eyes and never open them again."

"Don't talk about death!" She rose from the ground and let the wind carry her bouquet of forget-me-nots away. "I love life; I don't want to die! I want to enjoy what I have, not worry about anything." Besides, I have no reason to be sad, I have you... I have skates... What more could I need? She leaned over me, blocking the sun so I could open my eyes and look at her. "

Promise me you'll never leave me, that even if the world falls apart, you'll be there, spreading your optimism." I sat down on the grass and took her delicate hand.

"I promise..." She gave me that beautiful smile again...

That day I realized what this girl meant to me. She gave me joy, taught me to enjoy the moment and not think about my problems. With her, I truly felt alive... I fell in love, and I didn't want anything to come between us.

Soon after that summer day on the hill, she...

It wasn't a typical warm summer day; the sky was covered in a thick layer of clouds, preventing the sun from breaking through. I probably would have slept through this awful weather if it weren't for her call... she asked me to meet her... She had such a sad voice... I agreed without hesitation... She was waiting for me, as usual, in the park by the swing set. I recognized her easily, even though her face was obscured by a large violet umbrella. She turned towards me, and that's when I saw those tearful green eyes. I approached, but I didn't have the courage to ask what was wrong. She threw the umbrella aside and hugged me. "Mom... she died last night..." she whispered, her small hands clutching my jacket.

Hearing those words, I hugged her tighter. "I don't know what to tell you," I whispered in her ear.

-Don't say anything...Just stay with me...Please... - She looked at me with sadness in her eyes, I couldn't refuse her, I couldn't and I didn't want to...

When suddenly a woman stood next to us... Dressed in black... She had such an unpleasant face, I was scared, and she was even more scared... She pulled away from my embrace and took a few steps back.

"Don't be afraid of me," said the red-haired woman. She looked like some kind of clerk... Dark suit, tight skirt... Flat shoes... "

Leave me alone, I don't want to go anywhere with you... Leave me alone." She sobbed. "

What's going on here?" I dared to ask, but the woman brushed me off, saying it was none of my business. My princess stood staring at me... She looked pathetic, soaked and crying...

"You have to come with me, we'll help you... You'll see, one day you'll return to what you love so much..." The red-haired woman spoke calmly.

"I don't want to, I don't want to go back there! I don't want to be alone anymore, never again! You'll never lock me up again, I won't let you!" She screamed, her voice echoing far away.... At one point, she turned and ran.... Only after a moment did I regain my composure and follow her....

The street was empty.... When she ran into her... and then suddenly... Out of nowhere, that car pulled out... The screech of tires... The sound of shattered windows... Her scream.... When I reached the street, she was lying in a pool of blood... Her eyes were half-closed and she was mumbling something barely audible.... I knelt down beside her and, with a trembling hand, brushed the hair from her pale face...

"I'm sorry..." she whispered. "I'm sorry I didn't keep my word... I wanted you to be happy so much..."

"Shh, don't say anything, the ambulance will be here soon." I don't know why I said that, if I really wanted her to conserve her strength or if I just didn't want to hear it... I knew what she wanted to say, but it wasn't the time for goodbyes! We were supposed to go for a walk more than once, to enjoy the scent of forget-me-nots more than once!

"Thank you... Thank you for being the only one who didn't remind me of my illness..." Those were the last words she spoke.... She died in the middle of the street, and I was afraid to hug her one last time. I sat next to her, watching her body grow colder and colder.... I don't remember how I ended up at the police station... I don't remember what happened after... She passed away... I forgot... Or maybe I just didn't want to remember.

A few days later, the woman I met in the park visited me... She was a doctor... A psychiatrist from the hospital where she was treated... I never imagined that someone so warm, open to people... Friendly could be so seriously ill. Her mother died that day... But she was to blame for her death, she slit her throat and left a letter next to her... She wrote that she was tired of being a slave, that she wanted to be free from the drugs, that she wanted to live like others...

I didn't know what to think about all this. I knew her as a wonderful girl, a friend I could always rely on... but on the other hand... She turned out to be a psychopath who could even hurt me.... No... She couldn't... We were so close... I didn't know who to believe...

There was no funeral... at least not in my town. The doctor took her body and returned to the city. I didn't have the courage to call her... I didn't want to hear all those awful things about her anymore...

I left... I started college in another city, but it didn't help at all. I saw her smiling face at every turn, her eyes reflected in every windowpane... Forget-me-nots... Was it really their magic? I don't know, or maybe my feelings for her were that strong? Maybe... I regret that fate took her away from me so quickly, no matter how seriously ill she was... I loved her, I loved everything she did... My lady... I will forever hold her image in my heart... A wonderful girl with a bouquet of forget-me-nots in her hand, smiling at me so joyfull