A gloomy castle towered against the black sky. Stars, here and there, twinkled with a faint light (invisible, if you prefer) illuminating the road. A miserable road. Full of bumps, potholes, and who knows what else.
Well, the road was passable, but no one intended to take it. Although there were some brave souls (or idiots, it all comes down to it) who chose this path.
Ha! It's just a shame they ended up miserable. Either as a stew in its own gravy, or cowardly, taking a shortcut to glory, they fled (there were still cases that weren't stew, but in the process they hit a wall. Well, stew).
Because they had reason to flee. At the end of the road, in a terrible castle, lived a terrifyingly terrible and drastically dangerous dragon. Long are the stories about its huge teeth, blind fury, and the princess at the top of the tower. Of course, everyone wanted the princess. Nobody wanted to kill the dragon there. Long may it live. But the princess was a real collector's item. The dragon thought so too, and that's why for two years it was a moot point. The dragon won. And usually through inattention. A few times he blew too hard, and then there was nothing left to collect. It happens. Nobody's perfect.
And it was precisely the dragon's perfection that Alexander was thinking about as he walked that path. He absolutely didn't want to go down that path. He preferred other, prettier ones, but this time he had to go down this one. Otherwise, he would lose not only the last vestiges of his dignity (which he probably didn't even possess), but also a pair of fingers and something he valued very highly. Just like every man. His personality. And it was all because of Lorek the Vanishing Claws. If it weren't for him, the world would be a more beautiful place. Or at least on par. And now, Alexander, for his numerous debts, had to go down there, kill the dragon, and take the princess. A complete failure. "The world is like a carrot—red
and hard," Alexander thought with a sigh. He hadn't brought any specialized equipment. He hadn't even brought a toothpick to stick in the dragon's eye as his only hope. In fact, he could have stuck it in his own eye as well. He probably wouldn't need it later anyway. But he decided not to do that for now. He didn't have a toothpick anyway. So for now, he walked
and reveled in the terror.
The journey ended when he reached a huge door. At the sight of it, his mouth fell open, and all his fleas fled in terror to their new owner. Alexander scratched his head and, without waiting any longer, grabbed one of the door leaves with all ten fingers
. He managed to move it just enough to squeeze himself in. Inside, he was greeted by cold, a vast, high ceiling, and darkness. In fact, what greeted him first was darkness and an echo. The echo of two voices. This surprised the not-so-clever Alexander. But don't think Alexander never heard voices! Yes, he did! He even heard them in his head.
and tried to knock them out. But after a few times, he decided it would probably be better to leave it alone. Better a clean head than a sparrow on the roof. Now he stood, staring at the glow, the reflection of light from another room. As he moved briskly in that direction, he sank to the ground and slammed face first into the dirty floor. The cause of such a painful fall was a piece of rag that had decided to hang from Alexander's underwear. The boy rubbed his scratched beard, dusted off his knees, and continued on, trying to move quietly. Truth be told, an angry mouse, bouncing from wall to wall, would have made less noise than Alexander. But finally, he reached the door
and the light streaming from it. In fact, it had definitely once been a door. Now it was more like an apartment for an impoverished bark beekeeper's family and hundreds of splinters. Alexander deftly maneuvered himself into the protruding remains of the door's boards. He was already contemplating his cunning and cunning when a gust of wind blew gently and the door pushed Alexander forward, leaving a small surprise on his trunk. A two-inch splinter lodged itself squarely in the center of his left buttock. Alexander howled like a loving werewolf
and clutched the aching part of his body. He twisted his neck so he could see the large wound. He slowly began to pull out the protruding splinter, and when he was free, he joyfully held it up to the light that filled the room. Overjoyed, he failed to notice the two figures watching him intently.
"Arvik, did you order a peasant for dinner?
" "No." Alexander lowered his hand with the splinter and looked in horror at the girl with fiery red hair and the large blue dragon, which was eyeing the newcomer with curiosity.
"What are you doing here, good man?" the blue dragon, also known as Arvik, said calmly. Alexander stood frozen, staring mercilessly at the dragon. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
"You, maybe he got lost?" the dragon suggested kindly. "
What, did you fall from the rocks, Arvik? You, maybe he had an appointment? Check
the calendar," the girl replied.
Alexander regained a modicum of control and began to look anxiously from right to left, shifting his focus from the dragon to the girl. Arvik put down the cards he had been holding in his lizard paws. He reached for the glasses lying on the table and put them on. Then he stood up
and walked over to Alexander. He was making a tremendous amount of noise, and his footsteps echoed against the walls.
"Arvik, where the fuck are you going? You're scattering everything!" Standing in front of Alexander, Arvik turned to the girl.
"Quiet." Curb your vulgar language, woman! We have a guest." The girl leaned out of her chair and looked behind the dragon. Then,
with a grimace, she looked at Arvik.
"What are you kidding me with? How funny. Sit down and play cards, or you'll lose again. You're dealing with that peasant jerk for goodness knows why. For the love of a dead troll, think about yourself." The dragon sighed
and turned to the guy, who, by the way, was still standing with his mouth open.
"Please forgive her behavior. She's not used to the company of others. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Arveiaturace Nahaunglaroth Ogórkorusszupuzhersz III."
"Say that again, only faster," she interjected. Arvik extended his dragon paw to Alexander. Alexander was still gaping, but at least with a mental effort, he lightly shook the outstretched paw. At this, the girl just snorted.
"Make him repeat it. I wonder if he can handle it.
" "You'd better come here and say hello. That's rude of you!"
"Fuck culture and my side. And that jontek without a pitchfork. He doesn't even have a fucking sword! What the hell did he come here with?! What is this?!
"Could you tell me your honorable name?" Aleksander marveled at the dragon's size. Arvik was twice his height, and the dragon's shadow obscured everything else. "Come here. You see, you're nervous." The girl huffed, but stood up. She approached the dragon and, like him, stood opposite Aleksander. Her red hair glowed with a strange light. It changed color every few moments. Green, black, even pink. Aleksander's mouth widened even further. The girl looked first at her dress,
then at her hair.
"Arvik, stop!" She elbowed him in the scales. The dragon let out a stifled chuckle. The hair color turned a uniform red. Her gray eyes scrutinized the newcomer. Aleksander looked down, confused. What he encountered wasn't ordinary either. The girl's blue dress had shortened to her knees, and on her feet were the remains of some knight's armor. These were probably meant to serve as comfortable shoes. "
Arvik, look, he hasn't peed his pants yet. You seem to be losing your authority," the girl whispered. "Okay, I'm Errin. It would be great if you could say your name, although it's basically hanging and flapping around. But please hurry, I still wanted to beat the ass of that guy next to me. So...?"
"Ah... Alexander," the boy choked out. Errin whistled, and the dragon once again expressed how pleased he was to meet him. Alexander nodded. Errin, tapping her boots, took her seat back at the table. "
Sorry, but I have to end this game. Sit with us." The dragon, wagging its tail, returned to the table and sat down on a boulder that was probably meant to be a chair for it. He took the cards and threw one away.
"Olek, dig it up here. Why are you just standing there?" Errin said. "Arvik, what the hell are you throwing?! Is it supposed to be a spade? Man, you've got fucking sclerosis."
"Sorry, just a quick one." Alexander hesitantly dragged a chair over and sat down. He winced slightly, feeling the remnants of a splinter.
"What, does your butt hurt? That's what happens when you try to have sex with a door. Be careful with that, or you'll have an ass like a sieve!
" "Errin! Get a grip!" Gray eyes glared at the dragon. "You're a princess after all! "
"Like a goat's ass has a trumpet!
" "Are you a princess?" Alexander spoke again. The shock slowly subsided, and brain impulses could now bounce freely in his empty skull.
"Well, that's how it is. Heart, queen. What? Do you mind?
" "No." Errin crossed one leg over the other in a truly manly manner, giving Alexander a brief glimpse of her underwear. He blushed mercilessly and turned his head away.
"If I may ask, what are you doing here, Alexander?" You didn't come here to hunt me, did you? The dragon asked. "
Oh no!" the boy denied vehemently.
"Don't you see he's only here for his own amusement? How else can I explain this shaking?"
"But I shake so naturally," Alexander lied.
"Five. Yes, of course. And I'm the lovely Brunhilda. Daughter! Arvik! You've completely outplayed me! Oh, I wish the forge could hit you hard! You little shorty! Again!" The dragon chuckled gleefully. "
Are you playing with us, Alexander?
" "No, I think I'll hold back." "
You can hold your urine. This time, it's me, Arvik, who's dealing! You're cheating.
" "Old dragons like me don't cheat!"
"And how old are you?" The dragon scratched his chin.
"Well, it's over... well, it's been a while."
"She has to brag to everyone, and then she can't remember her age anyway," she whispered to Alexander. "
I heard! Spades."
"You're a spade. Always just spades and spades. You're cheating again!"
"Excuse me, but if she's a princess, why isn't she in a tower playing cards?
" "Well, it was like this..."
"Arvik, in short!"
"Oh, you ate a baron once, destroyed a few castles... " "
Don't forget the catapult!"
"Well, you ate some weapons..."
"And don't forget Sir Calahann of the Golden Cow coat of arms!"
"And you ate the prince and a few other people. As punishment, they sent Errin to me. She functions as a prisoner in a tower, and a swarm of knights constantly wants to rescue her, and I have to drive them away, etc. But I don't like this job!
" "So why don't you just give her to a knight?"
"You think I haven't tried?" This one smashes the culprit's head with some heavy instrument.
"No one will mistake me for a rag. What am I, a sack of hay?! Give yourself to them, you smartass! But what are we going to do with you, Alexei? I see you're a sensible fellow, but you always talk like a madman at the beginning of a relationship? Do something about it, or you'll never find a wife."
-Errin!
-What?! Arvik, come on, let's make him our lackey? Jontek, do it? Only at meals, no nose picking, or your brains will fall out. Arvik, play the damn sheep!..."
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