From Sheina's diary... (51)

The Moment of Truth... (ninth month, third week, second day)

"Fate is ironic. I've said it many times and will keep repeating it. And people around me keep trying to convince me that I have control over my future and present. In moments like these, sitting in a tree for several hours, nervously looking around for Karik or my companions, I think it's nonsense. Fate has played a trick on me. Not for the first time and not for the last. And I'm starting to get really fed up with it!

This time I didn't have to beg the tree to let me climb it. I sat there, still listening. But the forest remained silent and unmoving. Once again I remembered the rule: when you realize you're lost, stay there. I stayed and waited. The next hours passed, and I simply became hungry and thirsty. Sitting almost motionless in a tree isn't pleasant either, in the long run. To tell the truth, my limbs simply started to ache. The feeling It felt like a swarm of ants were swarming over my feet. I jumped down from the tree, still looking around, and slowly moved forward. I knew where the nearest spring was. I could draw a map of the surrounding pools. I also knew that the humidity in the air had increased, and the gathering clouds only confirmed my premonitions. Rain was approaching. Rain that would erase all traces of anyone. In any case, I decided to find something to eat. What I had managed to take from the campsite was inedible. A bow, arrows, and... a map. I don't even know how it ended up in my hand. I stared at it, sitting in a tree, unable to read it. It had a few distinctive markings on it, like hills or distinctive-looking trees, but the map was wrong. I couldn't follow it. Besides, I didn't know how. It looked completely different from the maps people drew.

When I reached the spring, I started wondering what to do next. I remembered that a large river flowed near the Stronghold. A stream. I would have to find it. And quickly. When the downpour begins, my water-sensing abilities will be unreliable until the ground dries. Unfortunately, there was no stream nearby. So I set off. I was almost convinced the elves would manage, would find their way back. On the other hand, I hoped they would find me sooner. Perhaps we would meet on the way back, once I found that stream.

The forest was quiet and peaceful. You could say: the calm before the storm. Literally and figuratively. Clouds completely obscured the sky. With each passing minute, they grew darker. At that moment, I was no longer thinking about finding a stream, but rather about finding a safe haven from the downpour.

Actually, why was I panicking so much? What could have happened to me? For months, I wandered through various forests, facing various dangers, and I always managed. Ever since my Guardians "took care of me," I began to rely too much on others. I almost panicked if no one was around. I'd gotten lazy! I managed back then, when I was running away from them, and I can manage now, especially since I know more and can do more. It's just how it is: when we feel we can rely on someone, we become lazy, we start to think we can't handle anything on our own. But that's not true. I can't spend my whole life thinking someone will always be by my side, watching my back. Whatever will be, will be! If I have to die in this forest today, it will be. If I have to fight alone, I will. And I will win. I have a bow, I have arrows. I might catch something after the rain, I'll definitely try. Just like in the past. I'll manage.

Suddenly, an incredible exhaustion descended upon me. The effects of the Leganne were wearing off. I didn't have even half a leaf with me. Within minutes, I began to feel dizzy. My legs buckled under my weight. My strength began to rapidly decline. I stood under the nearest tree and slumped to the ground. I closed my eyes. A strange feeling. I couldn't even move my arm. True, for the past few days, I'd been functioning well, without sleep, thanks only to this herb. The body needs rest. Sleep. And now it demanded it abruptly. I'm taking it.

Darkness fell.

I don't know if it was a dream or if I'd lost consciousness. Nor do I know how long I'd been lying half-awake under that tree. The rain woke me. In fact, I was almost completely soaked. In the pouring rain, on unsteady legs, I searched for some shelter. I found it. Several large, solitary boulders, piled one on top of the other, had formed what could be called a cave. There was little room inside; I barely fit, but at least it was completely dry. I hoped the rain would end soon and the sun would come out. I was shivering from the cold. I could forget about a fire. Even if I somehow managed to light a fire, anything suitable for fuel would be wet. And I didn't even have anything to light the fire with. Admittedly, I'd faced similar problems before, but I always managed to find a suitable hiding place long before the rain. I smiled wryly to myself. Even if I caught a cold and got sick, I wouldn't die from it.

I think I'd fallen asleep. The constant patter of the rain seemed to be lulling me to sleep. A noise that rose above the sound woke me. I decided to look out and check.

Karik. He was standing right in front of me. He was watching intently, calmly. I held my breath.

What now?

"Run... run... Run!"

I threw myself forward, veering sharply to the side. I pushed against the trees with my hands. Everything was a blur, a constant stream of rain everywhere. My feet slid through the mud. What chance did I have of escaping this creature? Small... And what chance did I have of escaping three like this?

Two railways rose before me as if from nowhere. Or perhaps they were already standing there, perhaps waiting for their colleague to chase their prey into a dead end.

Time seemed to have stopped, frozen in place. Only the raindrops continued to fall at their usual pace. And only a faint rustle, fading with each passing moment. Pain. Suddenly, I fell to the ground. Something was tugging at my leg, dragging me along the ground. With my other foot, I kicked the source of the pain with all my might. It worked. The pain subsided. I saw nothing but raindrops and mud. I knew a new attack could come at any moment. Three of them could attack at once. My thoughts formed a chaotic image. When an ordinary body should be dead, I will witness my own death, torn to pieces by enormous teeth, crushing bones with a single snap. Devoured alive until my head is severed from my body. This isn't how it should be. This isn't how it should end! Where are my Guardians when I truly need them? They're gone, because it's always been this way, that I'm left to my own devices. All this care is just an illusion. I don't know why they try to keep me convinced I can rely on them when, in the first truly serious situation, I'm alone. Why has everything turned out this way? Why am I here? Why couldn't I die with my parents, why did they have to die? Why is no one here? Why has no one ever been able to answer this question? Why has no one ever even tried?

Why is everything becoming increasingly blurry? Fog? Cold. Darkness. Silence. I can't breathe, I can't catch my breath. It's cold, terribly cold here. Where am I? Have I lost consciousness? What happened?

I'm standing in the middle of an icy field. There's no rain—snow is falling from the sky. There's no water—everything is covered in ice. There are no trees—snow sculptures are rising from the ground. There are no Kariks. Two ice statues stand before me. As if caught in time at the moment of attack. Actually, they're not standing, but lying, as if something had knocked them over earlier. A few steps away, a third creature, what's left of it. The ice there has turned a dark red. Its head, separated from its body, still grinned menacingly at me. What happened here? I'm clutching something in my hand, something resembling a long spike of ice, sharpened on one end like a sword. It's covered in blood. My hands too. My clothes. Everything.

What happened here? What did I do…?

A sudden pain stabbed me in the lungs. What I held in my hand suddenly turned to mist and vanished. The pain intensified, making it impossible to stand. It quickly took over every inch of my body. It wouldn't let go. There was nothing but pain. And darkness."