4

As I walked into the forest, I held a tiny vase of sand and a necklace on a string – a gift from my boyfriend at the time. I walked about 600-700 meters along the road into the forest. I climbed a hill and came to a small clearing, a fork in the road. Then I looked around and realized something was wrong. I thought I heard thunder, but even though the sky was covered in white milk, there was no sign of an approaching storm. A strange feeling of unease came over me, and I also noticed that I couldn't hear the birds singing and that the leaves on the trees were stirring.

I fell into a kind of lethargy, feeling like I was drifting off. And when I came to, I saw the vase smashed on the ground. I didn't think twice about it and ran home. For a long time, I couldn't control myself, even though theoretically nothing could have frightened me. I didn't meet anyone along the way, nothing happened. The "time freeze" effect and that terrible silence have accompanied me many times since, and they are the most terrifying thing to me, because I know something is about to happen over which I have no control.

From that moment on, throughout high school (1991-1996), the most exhausting and tormenting experiences began to unfold. I remember being afraid to fall asleep because I was afraid something would drag me out of my room—and certainly not ghosts or criminals. So I'd stay up late at night, trying to stay awake so I could control what was happening around me. Because of this, I started skipping school and coming to classes later because I was constantly sleep-deprived. Sometimes I could sense when visits would come. From the very evening, I simply felt something was wrong. I called it "just not today"—this growing anxiety, telling myself, "Please, just not today. Another time, but not today."

Back then, I organized my surroundings. I slept so I could see doors and windows, with my back to the wall, but never facing that direction. The windows were uncovered so I could monitor what was happening behind them. All drawers and wardrobe doors were closed. Whenever I was conscious, it always began similarly. First, there was a truly terrifying silence (a "time freeze" effect, as I later learned during a hypnosis session). At this stage, it was impossible to wake my parents—no screams reached them. Then came deafening silence, silence, and a slight buzzing in my head. I compare it to the sensations of fainting—a slight squeal and buzzing in my head before losing consciousness.Next, there was a gentle pressure around the nose, as if someone had placed two fingers on either side and pressed lightly. Simultaneously, there was a slight pressure between the eyebrows and on the forehead (though I'd never seen any of my visitors physically do this with their hands). Then came a great, uncontrollable drowsiness, accompanied by a slight tingling sensation in the tips of my fingers and toes. This trembling spread further along my body, followed by numbness, which eventually turned into complete paralysis, while consciousness remained. The area above the lip and jaw were the last to go numb. This was also the area where the numbness lasted longest after "waking up." Eventually, all I could do was move my eyes. I had never been blinded.

The panic and fear at this stage are uncontrollable. A sense of helplessness, impotence, fear of the unknown, and at the same time, despair that no one will be able to help, even if you're in the same room with someone. Because time has stopped for these people (and everyone else), they're in lethargy, while I'm in a kind of "timelessness." Then comes the internal struggle with a progressive feeling of drowsiness, which, as you know, is followed by complete enslavement and subsequent loss of memory of what happened. Sometimes the memory loss occurred gradually, as if I were gently falling asleep, and sometimes it happened suddenly.

I had a dog at the time, but it never barked. What's more, it started moving into my grandparents' room at night and coming to my place during the day. I also had a cat, but I didn't notice anything happening to it. I don't remember seeing any lights during that time. I'd black out, and that was it. I'd wake up exhausted in the morning. I started writing down my experiences and the alien dreams I had at the time because they were so vivid.