He didn't know why he chose her... she looked so ordinary, or rather so extraordinary... She didn't remind him of the faces in advertising, or even those around him... Beautiful, painted girls in super-tight trousers, striped blouses from expensive boutiques in the city center, with pretty, smooth faces, deprived of all the disgusting pimples by branded elixirs, with lips drawn with shine and color, high-heeled shoes, with the graceful gait of catwalk stars... She wore bell-bottoms as if taken from a hippie rebellion, floral blouses, and rainbow scarves on her head, characterizing her with some other atmosphere that attracted him... her face was quite pleasantly youthful, maybe a little too natural, and her smile... it was unusual, those moods of hers that he sensed...
... or satisfaction with a smile that never left her lips, as he watched her in the PKS, she smiled at Mr. who asked if she was free, to the ticket inspector who handed her a marked ticket, and she smiled most to herself, or maybe to someone only she knew about... she would throw such smiles into space at the sight of a child waving at the window and admiring "such a big apartment block" and at the sight of some old lady talking about an episode of a popular soap opera and saying "goodbye" to the driver...
... the second mood... she always sat by the window and cried... and so tears flowed down her cheeks, preceded by a thought that caused pain and resignation... she let the tears fall, not wiping them away with the nervous movement of someone afraid of the curious eyes of others... she acted as if there was no one around... she looked so far away that it seemed illogical to wake her and ask about her watch, and she probably wouldn't even know if she had one... I don't know what she was thinking about... what she was doing in this world to which no one had access... maybe she was in love with someone, maybe she missed them, maybe she was fantasizing about the future to escape from what hurt...
When I first approached her, she was in one of those nostalgic moods... I asked if she would let me take her out for coffee... she said that if I wanted to feel down, then yes... we went for coffee, talked about trivial things, then there was some movie at the cinema and 6... we found ourselves in front of my house, I asked if she would go out... she said yes... tea... some overly romantic mood... her eyes glazed over again... I went to hug her, this time she wiped away the tears... we looked at each other for a long moment... an expression of indifference crossed her face. "Do you want to make love?" she asked. "Why not, it's just my first time, I haven't met someone like that in a long time..." She gave herself to me with all her being... as if she loved me... in the morning she left without saying goodbye, returning to OUR PKS...
... I didn't even know she smoked... because maybe she hadn't smoked before... but when I saw her again, her hands were shaking as she took out a cigarette and tried to light it... strange that after THAT day we didn't talk to each other...
A few weeks later she stopped driving... every day I got in my car looking for her, but she was gone...
When she reappeared, she was no longer the girl I loved... her eyes were sunken, she wasn't smiling anymore... I approached her to ask what was up... she looked at me with contempt and cynicism said "I've tried everything, it's time to go"... I started to say something about the meaning, about inviting her to dinner, but she just whispered "not anymore" and walked off into the alley...
I still regret that I didn't follow her then... because that was the last day I saw her...
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