Schizophrenic Tale

I

"Deep inside somewhere..."

This singing woke Karol from his sleep.

"Shut your mouth!" he said to Jarek.

"What, you don't like Brodka? She sings really well.

"She might, but you're off-key like Grandpa Adam's transformer!" Karol yelled, but he was actually glad his friend had woken him up. "We finally came here fishing, and I fell asleep," he muttered to himself like a lunatic.

He'd noticed that lately he'd been talking to himself more and more often, conversing, and conducting profound scientific arguments, just like now. He had no idea what was causing this condition. He suspected delirium. He even seriously considered quitting drinking.

"I'm only 19," he declared, observing the float, "and I'm definitely not delirious! And besides, it probably manifests itself differently!

" "Who are you talking to?" –Jarek asked, although lately he seemed to have gotten used to his best friend going completely crazy. –If you want to cheer yourself up, look at that woman across the pond, she's hooked her fishing rod on a tree for the third time, idiot, hehe.

Jarek croaked like a frog and then shouted at the top of his voice to the woman he was watching:

– Are they biting? What are you fishing with for ticks? – he shouted, still croaking.

– Fucker! – Karol announced to him. – We're going home, it's as boring as mass!

– Okay, man, I'll take you, but is tonight on?

– You mean our ambitious plan to get drunk and wake up in an unknown place? Of course it is on!

– Well, that's sweet. –Jarek was still croaking, but he rubbed his hands together at the thought of another drunken evening.

II

Entering the house, Karol had only one thought in his mind, in fact, that was all he'd been thinking about lately: suicide. This act had planted its seed in his head after his girlfriend's death, and recently, that seed had begun to grow. His entire life had been a room, empty because he lived alone. He'd moved out of his parents' house last year; they'd sent him money, most of which he'd spent drinking anyway.

He loved being alone, like now; there was no better moment for him than the moments spent alone. He imagined the door, always taking a long time to open it, but when he finally did, he found himself in a different world, happy again with Kasia, as alive as when they'd first met, before she'd taken drugs. They'd spent the most beautiful moments together, holding her hands and smiling... He'd give anything for one of her smiles... But then he'd open his eyes and find himself back in that same dark room.

He reached for a cigarette. He couldn't even remember when he'd started smoking, but lately, nothing had cheered him up like a Pall Mall in his mouth. He inhaled so deeply that he felt dizzy. He cried, as he did every day.

With every drag, he remembered Kasia. He'd never loved anyone so much in his life. He remembered when they'd met – he was a party animal, a sixteen-year-old, an ordinary boy, a typical average guy. She was beautiful, intelligent, and could have anyone. They'd met at Jarek's party, and Karol was making bets with his friends. Who could drink the most? As he put it, "a fucking drunken party." Kasia just watched. He looked at her, their eyes met, and that was all he thought. He'd had a crush on her for a long time, and all his friends knew it; back then, he couldn't hide his thoughts. After that very ambitious competition ended (that is, after he'd puked), he returned to the others and, he doesn't even know when, he started talking to her. It happened; it was probably the chemistry Karol never believed in. They became inseparable, and probably, as Kasia's friend Ania used to say, "They would have a nice, shitty house and a slew of insufferable brats." If it weren't for THIS!

His depressing thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing, but instead of answering,

Karol lit a second cigarette.

He would remember this day forever.

They were supposed to meet as usual—in front of her apartment building. He'd arrived full of hope. He was ashamed to admit it to his friends, but she hadn't given him one yet. Karol saw Jarek coming out of her apartment building. "What the hell is he doing here?" he asked himself, but he didn't really care. Kasia was late, in fact, she'd been late for the first time. A few months later, he wondered what had happened that day, because it had never really sunk in. Someone called. He couldn't remember who. All he said was, "Kasia's dead, she'd been high." He felt awful, he felt it was because of him. The funeral, the rest of the time he had left after her death—all of it seemed like an illusion. But it wasn't, he was sure of that.

Now he sat in this empty room and felt terrible. He lit a cigarette and ran out of the apartment.

Five minutes later, Jarek knocked on his door. "

The shepherds have arrived in Bethlehem! Open up, the bars are waiting for us!"

Jarek yanked the doorknob, and to his surprise, the door was open. He burst into the apartment, looked around.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed, and flew out into the street.

By this time, Karol was already in the park and had no idea that his entire life was about to change... Karol sat down on a park bench. At

that

moment, even the best psychiatrists and psychologists wouldn't know why he had done it. Why he had even come here. Sitting with a cigarette in his mouth, he looked like a bum—in fact, he had looked like one lately, hadn't shaved, and had completely lost all self-care. Someone who didn't know Karol might have said he was crazy, and truth be told, they wouldn't have been far wrong.

"What am I going to do now?" he asked himself aloud.

"With what?" he heard a slightly drunk male voice. Karol shot out like a slingshot.

"Who's here?!?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry I scared you," Karol said, dumbfounded. He was faced with a tall, dirty man with an axe in his hand. "My name is Jasiek Tomicki," the man continued. Karol shook his hand but continued to stare at him with those eyes he always considered pretty. That was until a certain girl he was trying to pick up said she had "eyes like insulators from poles." "

Do you have any fire?" Karol heard, then tossed the matches to the guy he'd just met, who had already sat down on the bench next to him. "

Excuse me for asking," Karol began. "But what do you need that axe for?"

"Well, you see... I'm a lumberjack. " "A

lumberjack?" Karol said in disbelief. "Why are you wandering around here with an axe when there are no forests here?"

The lumberjack glanced at him, and Karol noticed that the man he was talking to had a funny-looking nervous tic—his jaw was shifting slightly to the right.

"And how is it possible that half of Poles don't realize they constitute 50% of the population?" the lumberjack asked, his jaw dropping open.

"I have no idea," Karol replied, surprised

. "So don't ask me such stupid things!" the lumberjack shouted. "Tell me, why are you sitting in the park in the dark? Do you want some psycho to attack you? You can't be sure of anyone these days, Mr. Lumberjack, you know!" the lumberjack informed him like a teacher. "

I'm sitting here because my life is shit!" Karol announced . "

An axe!" the lumberjack shouted, making an incredibly stupid face.

"What? What axe?

" "I said an axe?" Jasiek added, making another stupid face. "Why would I say that when we're talking about something else? But talk about your problems, you know, sometimes strangers can help each other a lot," the lumberjack declared, his jaw dropping to the right.

"I've been thinking about death all the time since Kasia, that's my girlfriend, she...

" "Shut up, you idiot!! Axe!" Jasiek roared like a fool.

"Hey! What's wrong with you roaring like that?" Karol asked, but he began to seriously wonder if his interlocutor was completely sober.

"Am I roaring? Did you mishear something?" the Drwal announced. "But tell me what happened after your girlfriend died of a drug overdose."

"After Kasia's death, I started... Wait! I haven't said that Kasia died yet?

" "What do you mean not?" the Drwal asked, then screamed, "AXE!!"

"Sir! Are you normal?" Karol couldn't take it anymore, "because you're acting like a lunatic!

" "And you know what, dear?" the Drwal said, and his jaw snapped to the right. "I feel great, look how beautiful these trees are, don't you think?" "

I've got your trees somewhere!" – Karol was becoming more and more irritated by the conversation with Jasek.

"What?? AXE! How can anyone care less about trees!" The lumberjack was making increasingly stupid faces and, on top of that, was shaking his head strangely from side to side. "Trees are our greatest treasure!"

"Yeah? So why are you cutting them down when they're so lovely?

" "Shut up!" The lumberjack's face twitched . "

Get out of here, I want to be alone, you lunatic! You idiot!" hissed Karol

, now very angry. "Possibly AXE! But I'm not the one sitting in the park and AXE! I'm trying to kill myself because some AXE bitch got high!" Jasiek screamed, then his jaw dropped to the right. "You know what I'm telling you? AXE! You're not suicidal, and why did you forget about tonight with Jarek? You could have a drink and it would go away! What a mess!

" "How do you know about Jarek?" How do you know so much about my life?!" Karol roared, then grabbed the Lumberjack by the shirt and started shaking him. "Who are you?!? Talk to me!"

"You want to know who I am? Really? " "

YES," Karol roared

. "So," the lumberjack named Jasiek began, "if you want to know the story of my life, imagine a faraway country, so far away that you can't even get there in a Mercedes with the word 'Missile' on the hood," the Lumberjack said, and his jaw dropped to the right. "In that country, people live happy, they have everything they want, they love each other, and they adore their leader. That country is North Korea," the Lumberjack announced, and then he made a stupid face, and his jaw dropped to the right.

"What nonsense are you talking about Korea, and what does it have to do with the whole story?" Karol asked, even more irritated.

"Exactly as much as you do with common sense, he he," Jasiek laughed, and his jaw dropped to the right. "You know what, my dear?" I'm just an ordinary, stupid lumberjack, but I know one thing, you're not normal, I'll say even more: You're a complete lunatic! – the Lumberjack announced, then his jaw dropped to the right. – And finally, I'll say one more thing: AXE!

Karol stood there, unable to believe his ears. How could this Lumberjack know so much about my life? And how dare he speak to me like that?

– Karol! Karol! You're here – he heard Jarek's voice – we've been looking for you everywhere!

– We're following you around town and you're sitting alone in the park like a lunatic! – another familiar voice, this time a woman's, announced to him. – Jaruś called me and told me what happened, we were very worried about you!

Karol turned around and saw her face; it was Kasia, alive as ever!

– Kasia! You're alive! – Karol roared.

– And why should I be dead? We're worried about you, what's happening to you again!?

– Let's go home, man! – Jarek announced – and tomorrow I'll call your parents and have them admit you back to the hospital for a while until you get better, okay?

- What?? What hospital?? And where is that lumberjack? Jasiek!! Where are you? – Karol was roaring like crazy.

"Dude! There wasn't any lumberjack here, you were sitting on the bench talking to yourself!" Jarek told him, then added, "Let's go home."

And indeed, there wasn't any lumberjack, although listening closely, you could hear a strange, almost mad laughter.

IV

After walking Karol home, Jarek and Kasia walked back hand in hand.

"Do you still think," Kasia asked, "that it was because of me? Because I broke up with him and chose you? That he went crazy because of it?

" "Do you regret that decision?" Jarek asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"No!" Kasia replied, then hugged Jarek tighter.

"It wasn't because of you. I think in his situation, it was only a matter of time," Jarek said, and finally added, "I love you!"

"I love you too, very much," came Kasia's words.

"Answer me a question," Jarek's words echoed strangely on the empty street. "Why were you with him?"

"He was funny, but you're different.

" "What? Is it because I have money?" Jarek seemed strangely nervous.

"It's true that he didn't have any—but I've had the feeling for a while now that Karol had started taking drugs. But that's not important.

" "True," Jarek replied. "You did the right thing. You're happy with me, aren't

you?" "Very happy!" Kasia replied, and they walked away, nestled in the darkness of the night.

That night, more people noticed the strange man with the axe.