Worthless - the fourth kiss of death

Nothing. Darkness. Emptiness. Cold. Sadness.

Nothing, absolutely nothing. Darkness enveloping the senses. Emptiness coiling around thoughts.

Cold permeating the ravaged body. Sadness seeping into the soul.

Nothing. Brightness. Daze. Overflow. Warmth. Laughter.

Nothing, absolutely nothing. Brightness that couldn't be hidden. Overflow that made thinking impossible.

Heat that burned the aching skin. Laughter filling the mind.

**

The room was large. Very large. Alternately bright, illuminated, and plunged into darkness. And all because of one stupid fluorescent light that wouldn't work, but sometimes hiccupped and turned on in defiance of one of the occupants. Brick walls and that grate, or rather fence. Or maybe just part of it. Steel bars, decorated with small grooves. They fit here. They really did. If it weren't for the fact that they completely sealed it off from the world. Besides, they didn't want to leave this place anymore. There was no ceiling. It seemed like there was sky above them . But it never got light. It was always raining. Drops of water ran down the walls. There was no trace of themselves on them either. But that suited them . They both liked the rain. They didn't get sick. Why would they?

She sat in the corner. Practically completely hidden in the darkness, even when the fluorescent light deigned to shine… Usually she kept her eyes closed, thinking. Sometimes, though, she opened them and looked at the drops falling from above, or at those extraordinary people. Frightened or indifferent. She didn't know if they were afraid of the darkness she was hiding in or of herself . Or maybe the other one?

The other one, on the other hand, didn't open her eyes. When she did, it was only for a few seconds. She listened. She listened to what people were saying, she listened to her own strange thoughts. She listened to the quiet music of the rain. Finally, she also listened to that damned fluorescent light trying to stay on. She opened her eyes to make sure what she heard was possible.

The gaze of one of them, from behind the curtain of bars, rested on neither one nor the other, staring at the bricks. Bricks, like bricks, were red, rectangular, joined with cement. But he saw something. Many strange thoughts and ideas flashed through his mind. Many of them he later implemented. However, the rest he kept forever as a warning. In his eyes, they would read fear mixed with joy and confusion. Yet none of them looked. As he walked away, he felt someone's cold gaze upon him. He didn't turn around. His dreams were coming true, he preferred this one not to. The last dream he remembered. From childhood. The

woman sitting in the darkness moved, a twitch of a hand, imperceptible to those watching, yet risky for her.She herself. Was it a reaction to a memory? Did she have any memories?

She had memories, just like the others. But they were blurred memories, not by something or someone. Perhaps she even blurred them herself. She couldn't destroy them, and she would never believe it was possible.

The other woman, on the other hand, was capable of forgetting. She forgot a year of her life. But she cemented the rest in her memory so as not to forget. She also destroyed the regret and curiosity about the forgotten year. Before she could do that, however, she remembered one detail: laughter. She didn't know whose, she didn't know from where, and from what. And she didn't want to know.

She stood up. If it weren't for the wall, she probably would have fallen immediately. However, she managed to regain her balance, and after a while, she even took a few steps without needing support. She didn't look at the people. They all looked alike. Hidden under umbrellas or hoods. She looked toward where the last wall should have been. There was nothing there. At least, that's what it looked like. Everything was lost in the darkness there.

Entering the darkness, she didn't notice the curious gaze of a little girl, who had probably broken away from her mother and was now following her , only on the other side of the fence. Soon, however, the child gave up. Her eyesight wasn't very good; it was getting darker, and the wall the other girl was walking next to and the one the girl was leaning against were diverging.

Hidden in the darkness, she allowed herself to follow the other girl with her gaze. It didn't make much difference to her whether the other girl was closer or not at all . Besides... she'd be back soon. Even if there was a passage there. She wouldn't leave this place. She wouldn't want to. The people standing behind the fence were now showing more surprise. Apparently, a wave of people with poor eyesight had arrived. She wondered what they were looking for... What did they see in them ? Who were they? Who are they?

She didn't want to think about it. She fell asleep, though she wasn't really tired.

She dreamed of a desolate valley, full of boulders jutting out of the ground. Yet there was something beautiful about this scene. She managed to understand it before she woke up. On one of the large shards, she noticed two living creatures. Quite different from each other. One was a blue rose, the other a white butterfly. Neither had the right to live here. And yet they existed. And they looked quite good.

The second one returned. She stretched her legs, though she didn't really need to. She had seen a lot during her journey, but there was one thing she preferred not to see, and yet she did. A way out. It wasn't that she was now tempted to leave this place. No. She really felt good.It was here. But exit also meant entrance. And she didn't want anyone else to join them . This mysterious figure shrouded in darkness suited her

. On the other hand, she subconsciously knew they were, had been, and would always be the only ones in this place. Unless they desired otherwise. The old grandmother walked up to one of the carved copper bars and ran her hand along it. She smiled slightly. She looked toward the wall. Right where the other woman stood. She nodded. Then she whispered the words silently. "I'm not a ghost in my house. But I can scare people, just as much as these sad living people." Then she left, and in her place came another person.

Oh no. Neither she nor they were definitely ghosts. They were flesh and blood. I don't know about this grandmother, but the other one definitely felt pain. And besides the pain, she also felt as if her body was burning from the inside. Not always. Usually when she decided to get up or sit down. When

she woke up, the first thing she saw was the dog. She'd never seen any animal here before. A dog, or rather, a small, long-haired puppy. It stared expectantly at its master, who, in turn, was staring at the wall. It was clear it was deep in thought. It wore no hood, no umbrella. It was soaking wet, just like them.

She remembered how, a while ago, they had both said a single word at the same time. One word, the only one they'd ever spoken together. One word. Each with a different meaning. And neither could understand the meaning of the other's words. The word was "tandem," which in Latin means "finally." And no wonder. One had said it when she remembered the last word she remembered from "the other world," and the other had quietly uttered a phrase she often used. "Tandem"... that was also the name of the goddess of death in one of Enveros's stories. But neither of them knew that .

In these people's eyes, she saw sadness, disappointment, fear, anger. She also saw happiness and love. There was no shortage of fatigue or even signs of enslavement.

She didn't feel imprisoned. She knew that if she wanted to, she could get out of this place. Besides, she could see from the other woman's face that it was possible to leave peacefully without much effort. But she felt good here. She had memories, but they seemed to be from another world,

a distant, forgotten one. Here, she wasn't tired, she didn't eat because she wasn't hungry. She was enveloped in her beloved darkness, and trickles of water ran down her aching arm. Clearly, she was needed here. Someone, though it might not seem like it, cared for her , or rather, for them .

Among the people, both of them had often noticed their doppelgangers, or figures resembling their friends or their past selves. Once, they appeared on the other side together. They both looked like good friends. They were still children. They were allowed to reach the curtain itself. They looked calmly, now at the wall, now at it . At one point, they simply began whispering among themselves. The closest person scolded them with a finger. They didn't think much of it. They continued talking to each other. They even spoke louder.

Both recognized the words. The one hidden in the darkness had tears streaming down her cheeks. But with the rain, they weren't visible. The other smiled and looked at the girls curiously from under closed eyes.

Soon, the girls emerged. Silence reigned again. The tears were washed away by clear water, and the smiles gave way to solemnity once again. However, the girls also left a more invisible mark, yet perfectly tangible through the two supposedly closed ones.

They restored the life they truly still had. The life they were subconsciously losing actually allowed them to gain new life.

***

Through silence you will gain life,

Through silence you will see the invisible,

But you will not achieve perfection through silence.

When you pay for silence with your life,

you will understand these obscured truths.

If you gain life through silence,

you will forget about the existence of the world.