Decision

My brother told me he would die tomorrow. I remember every word he said that evening. Earlier, he had been leaning against a tree, his head slightly raised. Perhaps he was gazing at the stars, or perhaps searching them for an answer to why this had to happen. War. That short word brought with it so much terrible news.

Not so long ago, I hadn't thought about it at all. I was proud to be a soldier, an archer in the king's service. I remember how I felt when I returned from my inauguration and showed my mother the silver leaf pin on the hood of my cloak. And she had tears in her eyes. Happiness? Now I'm not so sure. My brother Tom hugged me as only he could, and a smile spread across my father's always stern face. He came over to me, shook my hand, and patted me on the back. His second son had become a soldier; it seemed to me he had grown a little taller. I knew he was proud of me, though he never told me. He didn't make it. He died six months later. He had a weak heart. I remember the inscription on his gravestone: "Don't be afraid that your life will end—be afraid that it will never begin." When I asked Tom what that meant, he said my father had a good life, a wonderful wife, and sons he raised to be decent people. And I couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

The sudden crackle of burning wood interrupted my thoughts. Death can be cruel. I looked at the faces of the people gathered around the fire. So few of them were left. When we set out, my troop of archers numbered 30. I quickly counted the shadows around the fire. Thirteen. Death danced around us every day.

Tom slowly approached our group. He asked us to talk together that evening. As I looked at him, a question entered my mind: do I look like him? Dirty and tired. He had aged perhaps ten years in the last month. He sat quietly on the other side of the fire, directly across from me, having checked to make sure we were all together. We waited for him to say something. Or rather, we were hoping he'd say something to lift our spirits.

"I've been a soldier for eight years," he began. "It seems to me that I've known most of you forever. I treat you like family and..." he glanced at me, "I'm scared. I'm scared of tomorrow."

He paused for a moment and began poking at the slowly dying fire with a stick. Or maybe he was just collecting his thoughts.

"Everyone is thinking about this battle. They've been slowly pushing back our defenses day after day for a month. Our raids are inflicting losses on them, but we can't stop them. We're already too close to the Capital. The King has decided not to hide in his castle like a coward and will instead accept an open battle. Tomorrow everything will be decided. I don't know if we'll be able to win. I'll be honest, and I want you to understand this clearly. If the young Prince doesn't manage to gather reinforcements in the eastern lands and doesn't get here in time, we will lose. Absolutely.

We will lose." The word hung over us like a heavy axe. We knew it was still difficult, but until now, we hadn't allowed the thought to enter our minds. Tom was the oldest, the most experienced, and we trusted him. And now he was telling us he was afraid and that we would lose. No one moved. Everyone stared at my brother. Only young Terry stared blankly into the fire. I don't even know if he understood Tom's words. Two days ago, his twin brother died of wounds. They say when one of such siblings dies, something in the other half dies as well. Looking at Terry now, I could bet that was true.

"Tom, I respect you, as does everyone here, but what you're saying isn't helping us at all." It was David, the boy on my right, who spoke quietly. "What do you think we have left?

" "I know I'm not your commander and I can't give you orders. But I also know that you often rely on my judgment. If I say what I want, you might think me a coward, or even a traitor.

" "I don't understand..."

"Just listen to me, David. Tomorrow we could all die. Even if we win. I'll go further, it's very likely. As your friend, I'm offering you another path." Tom took a deep breath, as if gathering the courage to say what he wanted to say. "You can escape..."

A murmur spread around the campfire.

"Do you know what you're saying!!!" David spoke again, this time getting up from his seat

. "I asked you not to interrupt me.

" "But…"

"Let him finish," I said calmly, placing my hand on David's shoulder.

When he turned to me, I could clearly see signs of nervousness and incomprehension in his eyes. He stood there for a moment, but eventually calmed down and resumed his previous position. I, too, was surprised by what my brother had said. To run away equals to betraying. Himself, friends, the oath." I looked at Tom.

"What's the matter?" This time I was the one asking.

"For the sake of our lives. I repeat: most of us won't survive tomorrow. Even if we win, there will still be casualties. You know the latest reports and you've seen the strength of their army. They outnumber us seven to one. This will be a terrible battle. We've never fought in anything like this. Understand: this is open combat, not the small ambushes we've laid over the past month."

He spoke the truth. The words were cruel, yet so true. I thought with fear that I didn't know what awaited me tomorrow

. "You can save your own lives and start over," Tom continued. "Leave tonight. But live. I could tell you about my love for this land, about the oath you made. But we've lost too many good men, our friends, for me to be filled with pride and honor now. I see only death and suffering. And I don't want them to touch you too.

" "Too late for that!" Alex was the second oldest among us, after Tom. "They've already caught up with us." If we lose tomorrow, our families and loved ones in the Capital will also be captured. Nothing will protect them! Haven't you thought about that?

I thought about that. That's why I'm staying. But some of us have no one to return to. And they can stay alive if they leave.

You're staying?

Yes. I have a wife and a son, you know that. And don't tell me I haven't thought about it! I think about them all the time. I love them more than anything in the world. And I will defend them to the end. He paused briefly. "That's why I'll die tomorrow."

He said it as calmly as if he were bringing milk from the market. And me? My brother just told me he'd die tomorrow, and I just sat there, speechless. Tom stood up and adjusted his hood.

"Think about what I said. Tomorrow's the battle. Do you want to die or live? I won't blame anyone if I don't see you in the morning. Remember: I love you, my friends, and I don't want you to die

." He left.

"Let's not talk about it. Go to sleep." Alex was the calmest. "Tom's right. Think about it."

People started to get up. I got up too. Only Terry was still sitting there, staring into the fire as if he hadn't heard anything.

I haven't been able to sleep for two hours. I toss and turn, thinking about what Tom said. I want to live, that's for sure. But…

I know now. I won't leave. He was right, it's that simple. I love you, dearest Charis. That's why I'm going to die tomorrow.