Love

:

I entered the house and immediately smelled the sharp scent of alcohol. I was so allergic to it that I almost choked. I heard a scream. I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. Moans of pain… Glass shattering… Another scream…

I took one step toward the kitchen door. I didn't have the courage. A scream… I took off like a slingshot, opening the door, and saw my mother on her knees, and my father above her with his hand raised.

"Leave her!" I screamed, tears in my eyes and a hoarseness in my voice. "She's your wife! You should love her! For fuck's sake, we're your family!

" "Dorothy, go to your room," I heard my mother's soft voice, still staring at the attacker.

Suddenly, his fist landed on my mother's cheek, and she fell to the ground. In my helplessness, I jumped at my father and started punching him with all my strength. He grabbed me by the hair and threw me. I felt a sharp pain in my head. I looked again at my mother and the blood pouring from her mouth. Pain again, and everything began to blur…

I looked into the distance. I saw only lit streetlights, tall skyscrapers. People below. Happy, unaware that a girl was about to end her life by jumping from the 40th floor of some crappy office building. There were so many stars in the sky. Maybe tonight they were shining just for me? I felt the wind in my hair. This was the last time she could do whatever she wanted with them. Soon, those long black hairs would lie on a white pillow in a padded coffin. If there was anything left of me at all… If my mother even buried me… If there was anything left to scrape off… I wanted to think it all over one last time. I was standing right at the gates of death, looking at how close it was to infinity. I saw the silhouette of my last friend. Death. She would take care of me… One last, calm breath and…

"Don't do this!" I heard a voice. "Please don't jump."

I took a step forward. I didn't care that someone wanted to save me.

"If you jump, I'll have to too.

No. I won't cause my death, someone else's." I slowly and gently turned around. A boy stood about 15 meters away.

"I promise you, I'll jump too...

" "Why?" I whispered quietly, but HE heard me.

"Because you can't kill yourself.

" "It's my life, so I decide whether I can kill myself or not," I said with anger in my voice.

"But God gave it to you, so only He can decide when He takes it away from you.

Maybe he was right."

I turned around and saw the city at night again. I looked up at the stars. I took two steps back and knew I wouldn't have the courage to jump. I headed downstairs, feeling HIS eyes on me.

I entered the house; it was well after midnight. I was walking upstairs and heard my mother calling me.

"Dothy!" I entered the kitchen, slowly regretting that the boy had ever shown up. "Where were you?"

"At a friend's... we were studying...

" "Okay, go to sleep.

Stupid... doesn't she know her daughter doesn't have any friends? None..."

I sat curled up in the corner next to the radiator and stared out the window of the school building. I heard all sorts of voices because it was break time. And all I felt was pain and sadness. I could have easily left yesterday... Why had HE shown up? This would have been the third and last time I tried to end myself, but no... Stupid human emotions surged through my soul and heart.

I felt someone's gaze on me. I lifted my head and, as if through a fog, I saw a girl staring at me with her dark eyes. She was slim, with shoulder-length brown hair. I didn't know her. I tried to remember her face. Maybe she had slipped through the crowd of people passing me every day. No, I didn't know her. I was afraid of her eyes; they were like two flames that never went out. I got up quickly and, fearing the girl would approach me, went to class.

I was a loner in class. My classmates tolerated me, but not in large numbers. I didn't tolerate them at all; I simply didn't want to have anything to do with them. Some even called me a freak or simply "different." "Different" was their favorite nickname for me. But I learned to be ignorant of everyone around me. Throughout that entire year, I learned to live a new life. Ignorance was my best bet. I didn't love and I didn't want to be loved. I wanted to be a quiet person who had experienced something once, in a different place and time. After all, I was supposed to start a new life. Away from all the memories and what had happened. But I couldn't...

As I was leaving school, I felt eyes on me again. I didn't turn around. I simply zipped up my jacket and walked straight ahead. The strange feeling didn't go away. Someone was still watching me.

"Dothy!"

I turned and saw Lucy. The only person in the class I tolerated because she listened to what I was saying. We were similar in clothing, but certainly not in our experiences. The wind whipped my hair as I waited for the girl to approach me.

"Dothy, what's wrong with you? You're terribly strange.

" "Me? I just have bad days." I tried to smile, but it didn't work. Instead, a grimace spread across my face.

"Your bad days have been going on since the first day we met.

" "You know, Lucy? It's best not to be interested in me," I said, turning on one leg and walking away.

I hate it when people pretend to be good and pity me. I don't want pity; it's only for the weak, and I want to be strong.

When I got home, I realized I didn't have any interesting books to read. I unpacked all the books from my closet and headed for the library. Just as I was leaving, my mother called out to me.

"Dorothy!

" "I'm coming now."

"Where are you going?

" "To the library.

" "Just don't come back too late." She looked at me with concern in her eyes. "Damn, you've lost weight.

" "I think so, Mom..."

I left the kitchen, feeling tears welling up in my eyes. During this entire, terrible year, I'd lost 15 kilograms. Let's say I was fat. At 176 cm tall, I weighed 68 kilograms, and now I'm between 53 and 54... No, Mom, I've lost AT ALL weight...

I walked, humming to myself because I didn't want to be alone with myself. I'm afraid of myself.

The library, which I'd walked to in half an hour because I'd taken a sneaky shortcut, was quite warm, but after an hour I had to leave. I'd borrowed three books.

When I stood in the library courtyard, I felt raindrops falling on my face. After ten steps, it was already raining, and after another ten, it was pouring. I walked through the rain, thinking only about keeping the books dry. After five minutes, I was completely soaked: my hair, my sneakers, my pants, even my jacket. Everything was wet. I felt like the rain was no longer falling on me. I looked up and saw an umbrella. The same guy who had saved my life was standing beside me.

"Hello again.

" "Hey.

" "You're still alive.

" "It shouldn't matter to you.

" "And yet, somehow, you're close to me."

I looked at him like he was crazy and moved on. The wind whipped my wet hair. I stepped onto the street. I never crossed a street. I heard a car honking its horn. I closed my eyes, feeling that this was the end. The end of me. I felt someone grab me around the waist, and a moment later I was on the ground. I opened my eyes and looked into the boy's brown eyes.

"I'm your Guardian Angel.

" "I don't need such important people," I stood up.

I looked at my clothes, which were in a ruined state. It wasn't that I was completely wet, but one side of me was completely covered in mud.

"Thanks," I said sarcastically.

"I guess it's better than death," the boy said, also getting up, wincing in pain.

"How would you know?

" "I just know." He stood visibly hunched over.

The boy was also covered in mud, and he was probably bruised. The rain continued to fall, washing the mud off me. I stared at the boy, who was trying to straighten up. Our eyes met.

"You're completely soaked.

" "No way. Thanks to you, I'm still covered in mud.

" "Well, really, forgive me for saving your life.

" "Maybe I wanted to die!" I shouted, turning and walking back.

I couldn't stand people meddling in other people's lives. I turned around to see if the boy was following me. He wasn't. He was sitting hunched over, and the rain seemed to be falling on him more than on me. I felt human emotion in my heart again. I walked up to him.

"Are you in pain?

" "No. I can walk home easily.

" "Then get up and show me." I looked down at him, but he didn't even look up.

He stood up like a knight. It didn't matter that everything hurt and he was definitely dying. He must be a man.

"Where do you live?" I asked, even though I wanted to turn around and go home now.

"Not far.

" "So I'm going..." I turned back.

I was a complete ungrateful person. The boy had saved my life twice, and I hadn't even thanked him or helped him. I had my back to him, but I couldn't take a single step. I felt a warm hand gently grasp mine. He turned me around to face him. The boy was still slightly bent.

"Why aren't you going home?

" "Because you're holding me."

He let go of my hand.

"Not anymore."

This pointless exchange was actually kind of strange. I couldn't just leave. I didn't want to. He was the first person in this world I couldn't just walk past.

"Do you have tea at home?"

"Sure. Come on."

I sat in the cozy living room, waiting for my tea. The guy gave me a towel and told me to take a bath. Then he gave me his T-shirt, which was a little too big, but it was good that it had long sleeves. I allowed myself to put my feet up on the couch. I sat staring at the storm that had been raging outside for two hours.

"Here's your tea."

"Thank you."

I wrapped my arms around the warm mug and basked in its warmth. I fell silent, staring out the window.

"What are you thinking about?" his question snapped me out of my reverie.

"Nothing." I took a sip of tea, still staring.

I didn't want to meet his eyes. I knew he was sitting across from me, his eyes fixed on me.

"What's your name?"

"Dorothy, actually, it's Dothy," I answered automatically.

"Coby," he said, and I forced my gaze to look at him.

He had these unusually brown eyes. His hair was still wet, but they seemed as dark as the sky today. He was tall, really tall. When our eyes met again, he smiled. His warm smile eased my uncertainty. I felt strange. I looked down at the cup of liquid. His eyes were piercing, but at the same time, there was kindness in them.

"Does your side still hurt?" I asked, wanting to start a conversation.

"Better now. Uh... How old are you?

" "Actually, I'm 18, but I keep saying I'm 17. And you?

" "I turned 21 in March.

" "Uh...

Such a stupid conversation and stupid answers… But something kept me convinced I had to have it with him.

“Do you have any siblings… er…

” “Coby.” He smiled. “I have an older sister and a younger brother.

” “Such a happy family?

” “Sure, except for my father.

” “I understand the sticky subject. Same with me. But I don’t have any siblings, it’s just me and my mother.”

Silence again. A piercing, strange silence.

“Dothy…

” “I’m listening.

” “Why did you want to kill yourself?

” “I want… I still want Coby.” He looked at me with pain, concern. I didn’t want it, but despite my stubbornness, he gave me all these feelings akin to pity. “Once upon a time… everything was normal. An ordinary girl, ordinary problems, an ordinary world, and yet everything went sour on one wonderful day… That day happened to be my parents’ 21st wedding anniversary. My father came and told us we wouldn’t be living off his money anymore because he’d lost his job. Of course, first the depression, then the drinking, and finally his family. In his mind, family were just two pieces of trash on which he could vent his anger at the whole damn world… believe me, he was doing well. Until a while… A year and a half ago… I think so… when I came home, another argument was taking place in the kitchen, with my father dominating. Of course, I defended my mother, because she was never to blame, but my father was so drunk he couldn't control himself anymore. He hit her so hard that she fell to the ground, and as a superhero, I started hitting him with everything I could find. Then he grabbed me by the hair and threw me. I don't remember what happened next, but I think I was in the hospital… Then the usual. A court case, and my father was convicted, he was in prison. Only then did he realize what he had done and commit suicide. Coward…

I didn't wait for anything from him. I got up and went to the window, watching as the rain lashed the glass and limited visibility even under the streetlight. I stared at the blurred view, because it was better than looking Joel in the eye as if my words hadn't even been spoken.

"We started life over. In a different place and a different time... only I still remember it.

" "I'm sorry, Dothy..."

"I know, but that's not all..." I turned away for a moment, curious to see her expression. Would it be contempt or pain? "Just as this horror was unfolding, I met a girl... Will. She knew my soul, my heart, my dreams, my fears, my life... She knew me better than I knew myself. She was my soulmate, my sister, someone I loved because she was always there for me and understood every problem, even the most hopeless ones. She was so intelligent and brilliant that sometimes I loved listening to her for hours. She always had something to say that would enchant me. She, too, had numerous problems... Unloved, unwanted, hopeless, and pathetic... she always called herself that. When my father was on trial for domestic abuse, she..." my voice faltered, unable to speak about it normally. "... she ended it. She jumped from the 15th floor... I haven't forgiven her for that, and I have no intention of doing so." She left me when I needed her most… but the worst part is that I was the one who found her, lying on the concrete… I can't understand it…

I fell silent and tried to hold back the tears welling up in my eyes. Now, as if through a haze, I saw everything outside the window. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I sank to the floor, feeling as helpless and abandoned as ever. I had just bared my soul to a strange boy. But that wasn't the most painful part. It was the memories…

I felt him grab me in his arms and try to help me up.

"Dothy, you can't give up.

" "How do you know that?" I asked through tears. "You don't understand anything! You don't know what it's like to have such a shitty childhood and lose the person closest to you in the world!"

"I may not know what it's like to lose a friend, but I know what it's like to have a father beat you."

I looked into his eyes, because I simply couldn't believe what he was saying. Despite the obvious pain, there was a smile in his brown eyes…

"I'm sorry, Coby…"

"You didn't know."

"But I could have...

" "No, Dothy... Really, nothing happened." He smiled even wider, which made me feel the same way. "You laugh beautifully... I just wonder why you laugh so rarely..."

We were sitting together on the sofa watching "Friday the 13th." It was my first time watching that movie, so Coby let me hold his hand. I felt... perfect with him. His presence soothed my frayed nerves, his eyes showed me an endless sea of ​​hope for a better tomorrow, his lips constantly whispering that things would get better.

It was 12:00 a.m., and I was still sitting next to him, staring at the TV.

"Do you want to sleep, Dothy?" he asked as I yawned.

"No, thanks. I'll sit with you and watch that movie some more."

After five minutes, I felt my head fall onto his shoulder, and then I fell asleep.

A sudden clap of thunder woke me, making me jump. I saw, groggily, that everything was pitch black.

"What happened?

" "They just turned off the lights.

" "Uh-huh..." I whispered.

We sat there, staring into the darkness, until suddenly another lightning bolt struck, and I jumped again.

"Don't be afraid, little one..." I felt him lightly embrace me and pull me closer.

"I'm not afraid...

" "So why do you jump every time thunder?

" "It's a reflex.

" "Uh-huh, right..."

I tried to glare at him, but the darkness prevented me. Instead, in the flash of another lightning bolt, I saw his face, very close to mine.

"What..."

I managed to whisper, maybe I wanted to deny his actions, maybe I wanted to do something else, but when he brought his lips to mine, all thoughts flew out of my mind. He kissed me so gently; I didn't even know kissing felt so good. I never let men near me because I thought they were just like my father. Coby was different. Gentle, kind, friendly, and he saved my life. When he pulled away from me, lightning streaked across the sky again. He smiled and wrapped his arm around me, and I snuggled into his body and fell back asleep.

A loud bang woke me up. I quickly got up from the couch and saw Coby picking up shards of glass from the floor.

"What are you doing?" I blurted out.

He groaned softly and looked at me.

"I'm collecting your tea, and I also cut myself."

I walked over to him with a smile and told him to sit down. Following his brief instructions, I found the first aid kit, and within moments, his cut finger was under my meticulous bandage.

"You're a good nurse," he said, grabbing my hand. "

It's been useful to me before," I said, snatching it away.

I turned to him and went to the bathroom to put on my clothes.

When I left, Coby was sitting in the living room, staring at the TV.

"I'll go," I said loudly, going to get my jacket.

Before I knew it, he was right next to me.

"Where are you going?

" "Home." He looked at me longingly.

"But...

" "Please don't say anything you'll regret. I'm just an illusion, I'll disappear sooner than you think.

" "Don't even try," he said angrily.

"That's my reason for living.

" "Dothy..."

I kissed him gently on the lips and left. My current task is to face my mother.

That same day, only in the afternoon, I trudged through the pouring rain toward his house. When I got back, my mother lashed out at me for being gone all night and not even telling her. Now she was hitting me. I simply didn't know what to do with myself, and my only support was Coby.

I stood at his door, wondering whether to knock. I knocked…

"I'm coming!" I heard a voice piercing through everything in the world.

A moment later, he stood in front of me.

"Hi…" I whispered, shoving my hands into my trouser pockets.

"Come on," he said, grabbing one of my hands.

He made me tea this time without cutting myself and told me to tell him what had happened. So I did, and what's more, I told him everything that was on my heart. And he just hugged me.

"You're such a wonderful girl, and you must be suffering so much.

" "Don't feel sorry for me." "

I'm not doing this."

I got up quickly and went to the bathroom. What was I looking for in the cabinets? Something to save me. I found a razor blade.

"Wonderful," I whispered with a smile.

I was debating whether to do this to Coby or kill myself in his house. This was about the life I'd decided to lose again. I sat down dustily on the bathtub and placed the razor blade on my wrist. I had just barely managed to cut myself when I heard someone enter. I closed my eyes, but didn't take it.

"Put it down, Dorothy," he said menacingly, but I didn't react. "Put it down, damn it!" he shouted.

I threw it aside and stood up. I wanted to walk past him and leave the house, to finish what I'd started. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me closer.

"Don't even try to do that again, do you understand?" he whispered angrily.

"Let go of me, Coby!" I screamed through my tears.

"If you promise me...

" "I won't promise you a fucking thing!" I pulled away from his embrace and looked at him. "This is my fucking life, and I decide about it, not some god! Understand this, damn it!"

I saw the pain in his eyes and honestly didn't know what was causing it. I ran to him and hugged him. I knew only he would help me. The boy who saved my life every time I tried to get rid of him. I looked into his brown eyes.

"Don't cry anymore, little one," he said, wiping the tears from my face with his warm fingers.

"I'll go now, okay?

" "Okay." He grabbed my face and kissed me gently.

"I want you to know that you've given me a glimmer of something beautiful since the day I first met you."

"Okay, honey, and I'll tell you, you're extraordinary."

I kissed his lips again, knowing this would be the last kiss of my life.

I was right...