Associate Professor

She met him when she was fifteen, her head full of dreams of love's ups and downs, spinning absurd fantasies about every boy she met. They met at language school when she was starting a preparatory course for the FCE, radiating skill and talent. For the first nine months of their acquaintance, nothing worth remembering happened. She breezed through the course, absorbing English like a sponge absorbs water. Without realizing it, she had turned it into the greatest passion of her short life.

June brought changes. On the last day of the course, the teacher took them out for a cola, celebrating their completed collaboration and the rapidly approaching exam. And on that warm June afternoon, they actually talked for the first time. And neither realized how important that conversation would become to them.

On the way home, walking along the sidewalk and feeling the warm sun on her face, she realized something had changed. She didn't yet know what it was, or how significant the change was, but she was certain that this day was no ordinary day in her life.

And then the problems began.

*

Natalia Stankiewicz, a twenty-two-year-old student, couldn't believe her eyes. She froze, bent over the shoe she'd just tied, her mouth half-open as someone she'd forgotten entered the hallway and as they casually chatted with her employer. Her chest pounded, her breath suddenly shortened and became ragged. "My God," she thought after a few long seconds, "the world really is so small."

Mrs. Nagły had two children – ten-year-old Anetka and twelve-year-old Dawid. Both were enrolled in private foreign language lessons. Natalia taught little Anetka the basics of French, while Dawid, reluctantly, learned English. And although she'd been working for Mrs. Nagły for a month and a half, she'd never seen teacher Dawid, who arrived every Thursday afternoon just minutes after she left. It had never occurred to her to question his identity.

It would never have occurred to her that he was her former teacher. The same one she'd been in love with for eight excruciatingly long months.

The man turned and gave her a strange look. She froze for a second time, feeling herself blushing. "This can't be happening!" she thought in panic. "I wasn't supposed to see him again! I'm over it! Whatever it was, I got over it a long time ago!" None of these thoughts prevented her from noticing how much he had changed. His blond hair, though still quite long and thick, no longer fell into his eyes like it used to. The goatee she'd never seen him with was flecked with gray, and the faint wrinkles around his eyes, which she remembered from six years ago, had deepened. The eyes themselves seemed completely different from those before—much older and less cheerful. But he was still thin and tall, his features still irregular, and the same crooked smile was still on his face.

Mrs. Nagły's voice snapped her out of her trance, quickly and politely introducing them to each other.

Natalia felt her tongue failing her. Unsure what to say, she simply bit her lower lip. Mateusz Sokołowski remained silent, his brow furrowed in thought.

"Nice to meet you," he said after a moment, still looking at her strangely.

And suddenly she realized he hadn't recognized her. For a brief moment, she felt hurt ("What do you mean, he doesn't remember me?"), but a moment later she pushed aside the negative feelings and almost burst under the onslaught of a thousand mischievous thoughts. Regardless, she emerged from her state of total surprise unscathed, having an advantage over her opponent. "Ha. Nothing like having control over the situation."

"The pleasure's all mine," she replied in fluent English, raising an eyebrow and offering him her hand. "It's just a shame we already know each other. My name is Natalie."

Her triumph, however, contrary to her expectations, was short-lived. She fell at the first glint in his eye, at his first attentive glance, at his enigmatic smile. And when he opened his mouth and spoke, she lay there, defeated, on the battlefield, with no prospect of compromise.

"Hello again, Natalie. You've changed."

*

The next month passed in constant mood swings and battles with her thoughts, the scales of victory swinging from one side to another, and even three. Her heart laughed and rejoiced, rejoicing in the fulfillment of a dream. She'd been thinking about meeting him when she was twenty since high school, fueling a long-lasting infatuation that lingered only on the memory of one brief conversation and various fantasies of a possible future together. She'd known then that she'd been too young and naive to expect anything, so her dreams were enough. And now, with one of them coming true, she didn't know what to do.

Her heart told her to subtly prolong Anetka's lessons so that she might accidentally, deliberately, stumble upon him again. Reason reminded her that right after her ten-year-old class, she had English with fourteen-year-old Karol, on the other side of town. Reason also dictated restraint. She remembered her infatuation well – it had lasted perhaps eight months, but during that time, she'd only seen him twice, and after the second time, the entire crush had died a tragic death, never having given any sign of returning to the world of the living. You idealized him, reason suggested, it seemed to you that you'd met a guy with whom you had something in common, with whom you had something in common. But then you grew up a bit and dismissed the whole story as a fairy tale. And she was right.

She partly agreed with her reason. Still hoping that by some miracle they would meet again, she regretfully gave up on her scheming. "Whatever will be, will be. I wash my hands of it." And then her wish came true.

He was waiting for her in the parking lot in front of the building, leaning back against his shiny Golf IV and drumming his fingers on the body. He spotted her wrapping a scarf around her neck as she emerged from the stairwell.

"Good evening, Natalie. Nice to see you.

" Her heart leaped, and she almost slipped in a frozen puddle. Feeling a growing tightness in her chest, she plastered on a broad smile and stood beside him, automatically switching to English. She couldn't remember ever speaking another language. Polish seemed terribly unnatural between Mateusz and her.

"Good evening. Why aren't you coming upstairs?

" "See, I've been waiting for you," he replied, shrugging. "For the past month, I've been trying to come as early as possible to see you again. To no avail. So today I decided to wait for you on purpose."

He had upset her again. She hated it. She hated the lack of control over her emotions and her behavior. She got it from her mother, who taught her to always keep her head held high and never give up. In every area of ​​her life, she'd always taken the initiative. When the tables were turned, she'd completely lost it.

"Is there any special reason you wanted to see me?" she finally managed, stumbling. Mateusz's smile widened.

"Of course. I wanted to talk to you.

" "Really?" she murmured. "What did you want to talk about?

" "About everything and nothing. Just to talk. We haven't seen each other in a while.

" "Yes..." she nodded quietly. And suddenly she felt more confident. "But you see, there's a slight problem. My bus leaves in two minutes, and if I don't take it, I'll be late for my second tutoring session.

Alternating between calling herself an idiot and praising herself for her control, she looked at him apologetically and was just about to head for the bus stop when he stopped her by grabbing her forearm. Her heart skipped a beat.

"Is it far? I can give you a ride if you want.

" "But... But you'll be late for David's," she objected, completely taken aback.

"I can always call and say I'll be there a few minutes later."

She gave up. She still had half a century to be assertive.

*

Iga Han, her best friend and recently also her roommate, was a bit unsettled by the whole incident. Sitting on her bed in their small apartment, looking at Natalia over the top of her black glasses, she tried to explain her point of view as delicately as possible.

"I don't know what to think about it," she said. "On the one hand, he's just a guy, and you shouldn't worry about him. Whatever happens, will happen." Either you'll get back together or you won't. You know perfectly well I don't have much experience in this area.

Natalia frowned, giving her a warning look. Iga liked to feel sorry for herself.

"But on the other hand," she continued, ignoring her friend. "You told me yourself that in all the time you haven't seen each other, he's already married and divorced, which, in my opinion, is worth considering. And besides, you don't know him at all. Now the question is whether you want to get to know him better, because I think that's what this is all about."

Natalia nodded silently, too occupied with the hope budding in her heart and the growing desire to learn everything she could about him to bother answering. During the ten-minute car ride, she'd learned that he was divorced, that he was pursuing a second degree in sociology, and that he still brought homemade cheese pancakes to work. She also managed to boast to him that two years ago she'd passed her CPE with an A and gotten into the English translation program at the University of Silesia. She didn't fail to inform him that she'd managed to master French at an advanced level and, in the meantime, had also casually started learning German. His satisfaction that she hadn't abandoned languages ​​practically glued wings to her back, and she barely managed to keep herself from flying into the air. She had to be careful.

Iga snapped her out

of her reverie. "But you see," she added, avoiding her gaze. "There's something important. I hope you won't take this personally, because it's nothing personal... But this Mateusz is thirty-five, right? And thirty-five-year-old guys quite often look at much younger skirts, right? How old are you? Thirteen? I really wouldn't want you to get carried away..." Ignored

, the wings fell off with a thud.

For the entire week, she functioned apathetically, from lecture to lecture, from tutoring to translation. She felt completely drained of energy, unattractive, uninteresting, boring, unimportant. Iga's kind words didn't help, nor did the steaming lemon balm, nor did the long, hot bath in her parents' apartment. She no longer even had the strength to reproach herself for her stupidity or to remind herself to control her emotions.

The following Thursday, she arrived at Anetka's early, finished early, and then calmly took the bus to Karol's. The lesson went without any significant changes; she collected her paycheck, dressed, and left, heading back to the bus stop.

She didn't get far. A graphite Golf IV surprised her on the sidewalk in front of the building, and Mateusz, emerging from the window, left her completely stunned.

"Hello!" he called, grinning. "Need a ride?"

"Ah..." she stammered, finally coming to her senses after a short while. "N-no, really, there's no need, I'll take the bus.

" "But I insist. Look how snowy it is. You can't ride buses in this weather.

" "Shouldn't you be at David's now?" she asked sharply, trying not to look him in the eye for too long, afraid that her entire breakdown would prove pointless.

"I left early," he replied simply. "Get in, don't freeze."

Against all logic, she got in. And immediately regretted it. He was looking at her so intensely, so strangely, like she'd never imagined anyone could look at her. A shiver ran down her spine.

Mateusz set off and, following her directions, led the way toward the town where he and Iga lived. For the first few minutes, the conversation was rather one-sided: Mateusz talked mostly about his work, while Natalia limited herself to occasional words and nods. Halfway there, she stopped talking altogether. And towards the end, when she was barely paying attention to him, his monologue exceeded her wildest expectations.

"Listen, Natalie... What are you doing on Sunday? You see... I have a free moment, one of my tutoring sessions has fallen through, and I'd love to go out for coffee. Would you like some?

"His tutoring sessions have fallen through!" she thought, indignant. "Doesn't he do anything else but work? He's always teaching at a language school in the afternoon, at a primary school in the morning, giving countless private lessons... No private life." Iga's words, echoing in her head, combined with the recurring doubts from six years ago, made her bristle. "That's exactly why I stopped crushing on him! I discovered he's a heartless careerist!"

"I'm so sorry," she said coldly. "But I'm busy this Sunday." She

glared at him so hard that he never mentioned it again.

For two days, it seemed to her that he was behind her and that nothing stood in her way of continuing her life as before. She spent the weekend with her parents and, treating the whole situation as just another amusing anecdote, told them about the entire abstract incident, turning it all into a joke. A strange unease gripped her as she noticed her mother's warning glances and her seemingly innocent negative comments about Mateusz. She even went so far as to casually mention that she wouldn't be thrilled if their Sunday meeting happened. Natalia merely laughed and assured her that it wasn't possible. Despite this, she felt uneasy inside.

The week at university had passed rather peacefully. The exam period was behind her, so she could devote herself to other activities. But instead of delving into the mysteries of German grammar, her thoughts increasingly wandered to Mateusz. Conflicting thoughts, visions, and feelings kept recurring in her mind. She didn't know if the feeling in her stomach was caused by longing or the awareness that she'd briefly considered something her normally unprejudiced mother considered immoral. On the other hand, her personal doubts weren't related to morality, but to his motives. Her mother's behavior had upset her and made her want to do something to spite her. "Why would she oppose it? Maybe I'd be happy with Mateusz, who knows. As a mother, she should want the best for me."

But she quickly reasoned with herself. "Getting upset won't change anything. I decided myself that dating him was pointless; I didn't need motherly advice at all," she thought, preparing for Thursday's classes. "I'm not going to change my mind just to oppose her."

He surprised her as she was leaving Anetka's that afternoon. He was standing in front of the building, his jacket open, his cheeks red, and a small bouquet of yellow roses in his hand. His car was nowhere to be seen.

As soon as he saw her, he smiled, somehow so sadly. Suddenly, he walked over and stood right next to her, taking her hands in his and placing the bouquet in them. Once again, she froze, her breathing becoming uneven.

"I'll be honest, because I've always been honest, and I'll be honest until the end of my life," he said quickly, looking at their joined hands. He took a deep breath and said nothing for a moment, still looking down. "It's damn hard to talk about these things, you know? But I really have nothing to lose. Remember that conversation we had at the end of the school year a few years ago?"

Her eyes widened, and she could only nod.

"Remember," he continued, "we talked about your future in English, right? It worked out." He smiled radiantly, looking up. "We also said we both preferred speaking English to Polish, remember? When you didn't show up for your fall course, I was disappointed. So much so that teaching the others stopped bringing me joy. And when you showed up at school, I felt revived... I didn't know what was happening then. Then you disappeared for good, and life went on as it did..." He stopped, taking a deep breath. "And then when I saw you again... It all came back. Only this time, I knew what it meant." He paused again. "I know you don't have time right now... But would you at least give me a chance? The invitation for coffee still stands."

Despite the protests of reason, she gave in. It was high time for reason to go on vacation.