Expire

For a moment, I wondered what she meant. It was New Year's Eve, after all, with waist-deep snow, a strong wind, and cold, and she wanted to go for a walk. Or rather, she didn't want to, she was just going for a walk. Only I noticed her leaving the room; she quickly slipped through 20 people sipping drinks and waiting for the New Year. I caught up with her in the hallway, where she was putting on another sweater and jacket. She looked so pretty...

She noticed me and seemed a little scared.

"I'm going... I'll be back soon," she said, tying her shoes. I looked at her with both curiosity and fear. An unfamiliar village, high in the mountains, dark, empty, and she was walking...? ALONE?

She stopped in the doorway, turned around, and asked quickly,

"Do you want to go?"

I didn't want to. But I went. As I feared, the wind was relentless, the snow was soft, and it quickly melted on my warm boots, soaking them unpleasantly. My warm woolen gloves couldn't keep my hands warm enough. But I followed her, curious to see what she'd come up with.

"Sometimes I like silence. Maybe I don't look it, but I do, walking on air when everyone's somewhere else, and I should be somewhere else too. But I want to be here and now." She turned to me and smiled.

Now I knew for sure they weren't exaggerating when they talked about her madness.

"Do you really eat spaghetti for breakfast?" I asked, wanting to show her I knew a thing or two.

"Sometimes it happens. But I love pierogi for dinner.

" "Tell me something else..." I wanted to hear about something other than parties, drinking, smoking, easy girls, drinking... She didn't fit in at all, as if too far removed from reality. So why had she tried to get me into bed from the start? No, I'm not exaggerating. She told me this directly, during one of our first conversations. It's another matter that we'd already seen each other several times, and she knew a lot about me from our mutual friends.

"About herself?" "I like walking around the estate in high heels. Echo gives me a sense of freedom and power over the world, even though I'm so tiny..." She bent down and threw a snowball at me. Of course, I immediately hit her back. "I always turn off the stairwell light in the morning, because that's how I come home from the club, and then when I go out, I turn it back on myself.

" "Do you party that much?

" "No, I work in a pub." She hit me squarely in the head. With a snowball, of course. I started chasing her through the trees. The knee-deep snow and wet trousers no longer bothered me. "And what do you do when no one sees you?

" "Nothing. I'm normal..." I answered truthfully. At least that's what I thought.

"You must have some secrets no one knows..." She looked at me, as she had done before... Wait a minute... when and how was that? I remember now. I was sitting in a bar near one of the gathering points in the city. Through the window, I could see the place where everyone always meets. And I saw her. She was leaning against the wall of a building with headphones in. She held them in her hands and listened closely to the melodies with her eyes closed. After a moment, to my surprise, she began to move her hips. She was dancing. In the middle of the street. At first, I thought she was strange and pitying the man who was supposed to meet her. But then I thought it was quite the opposite! I wish, like her, I could dance to music only I knew! Or that my woman... And so... subtly, but at the same time, so passionately... It didn't last long, maybe three minutes, before four friends surrounded her, greeting each other, laughing, and heading towards the center. And then something I hadn't expected happened: she turned and looked into my eyes, exactly as she had moments before. As if she'd known from the start that I was watching her. And yet, we didn't know each other that well yet, just a few meetings with a bunch of other people, not a single word exchanged… It had never occurred to me to ask her if she'd really seen me back then. Besides, I'm not sure I wanted to know.

"I probably have," I replied quietly, approaching her. An invisible spark had formed between our bodies, something hard to resist, a mutual attraction.

Our lips touched, in the middle of the mountain forest, near a wooden hut, on New Year's Eve. So why couldn't I enjoy that moment? I remembered the words of Grzesiek, the man who had introduced us—my good friend and her longtime acquaintance: "You know I wouldn't say that if I didn't have to. And you know I'm completely serious: if you hurt her…" The expression on his face finished the sentence for him.

I pushed her away. I wasn't sure I wanted to start a relationship, and the bed itself was exactly what our mutual friend had been talking about.

"I should love you. And you love me too. I mean..." I looked down, but I still felt his dark eyes piercing me. "I can't do that, even though I really want to. I'd lose respect for you. And you don't deserve disrespect.

" "If anything, I'm waiting for you here," she smiled. She turned around and... threw a snowball at me.

I was thinking, drinking champagne in my room, that I was probably a bit of a loser. A girl like that climbs into my bed, asking for it, and she's an adult... so maybe she knows what she's doing and it's not harmful? It's a shame Grzesiek hasn't been in touch anymore, because maybe he could tell me what to do. I settled into my bed, not in the mood for any fun.

Around 4 a.m., a friend of hers came over, turned on the light, and successfully woke me up.

"Haven't you seen her?!

What's going on...?

" "Nothing, she didn't pick up her phone wherever she went. And now we have to move on...

" "It's 4 a.m...." I groaned, covering myself with a pillow. "You don't have to go anywhere!"

"Thanks for your help..." she said ironically, and closed the door without turning off the light.

She stood looking at the moon, which was slowly disappearing behind the trees. I walked carefully so she wouldn't get too scared.

I stood beside her. She smiled as if she knew I'd be back.

"They're looking for you..."

"Shh..." she whispered and grabbed my hand. We stood together now, memorizing every moment. I didn't understand much. I'd never been a romantic, let alone in love with someone I barely knew.

Maybe we could make it work.