She was a little girl and was afraid of the world. She was afraid she would lose faith in the beautiful land of life if something disappointing happened. Through the windows of her house, she loved to look at the sun, the stars, the moon... She loved to look at them, even though they were so far away, separated from her by the house's walls, the glass, and the fence...
Sometimes the girl felt very sad. She wanted to be close to all these beautiful things, but she was afraid that if she touched something, it would shatter into a thousand pieces and never be the same again...
Despite her childlike appearance and young age, the girl knew what it meant to lose and suffer. She desperately wanted something to love, but to truly love, not from afar. She longed for it to love her with that same love.
Once, the girl had looked out her window at the moon, but it... it was cold and distant, often hiding behind clouds, and the girl could only recall its round, gleaming face... One night, in her lonely room, the girl once again looked out the window, searching for the lost moon. She no longer had any hope of seeing him. She waited. She waited until she finally fell asleep. The girl dreamed of the moon, but in that dream, another source of light began to appear... With the moonlight still beneath her eyelids, she suddenly opened her eyes and gazed, unable to savour the sight... And the sun rose in the sky. It enchanted her with its multiplicity of colours, seduced her with its golden glow spreading to the horizon. Then the girl ceased being a child of the night, became a child of the day, and loved the sun the moment she saw it. But she was convinced that during the day, all other creatures gazed at the golden sun, and therefore surely loved it in the same way. She thought she had no right to enjoy its rays, especially since her friend, a potted flower, was so eager to stretch her leaves towards the sun... It's true that when you love the sun, you shouldn't look at the stars and fireflies like the flower did... The girl was hurt by the behavior of the flower living in her favorite pot, so she hid inside her house, but she couldn't resist and, despite everything, she secretly watched the sun, especially since, despite the closed windows, it sent its rays to the girl...
Almost against her will, the sun became the girl's friend, understanding her and giving her the warmth she so desperately needed. It became the meaning of her life. She woke up, and her first thought was the desire to see the sun. Suddenly, the girl's remorse for the flower vanished; she renounced her friend in the name of her love for the sun. The daily warmth and rays that reached her through the window brought her great happiness. The girl thought she needed nothing more... But difficult times came, so she stretched her arms out to the sun, yearning for even more of its warmth, yet remained hidden in the tiny house that offered safety but also distanced her from the sun.
One day, the girl gently opened the shutters and sat on the old wooden windowsill—she wanted to be as close to the sun as possible. After a while, she felt a burning sensation on her hands—the sun's rays had burned her delicate skin. The girl didn't immediately feel angry; only after a moment did she realize that her beloved sun had harmed her. A great anger gripped her. She began to cry, because what she had loved with all her heart, instead of bringing warmth and joy, brought pain. The girl was alternately angry and sad. A great misfortune had befallen her, yet she blamed herself. Surely the sun hadn't done it consciously. "It would never hurt me," she thought...
Meanwhile, autumn had arrived, and the sun seemed ever further away and increasingly obscured by clouds. The girl was very sad. She had lost hope that the sun would ever shine for her again. When the girl had accepted the sun's departure, it suddenly rose for her once more, but the girl no longer knew the sun's motives... Was it mocking her? Was it joking in such a cruel way? The girl felt very bad; she didn't want to be one of the sun's playthings, so she decided she no longer needed its rays. She pretended to the sun, and to herself, that she had never cared for it and didn't need its light to live. Then the girl became an adult, deciding she no longer wanted to be naive, to be hurt, to feel disappointed...
But it couldn't end this way. After all, the sun shone through the girl's windows every day with astonishing punctuality, but in a different way, the miraculous source of light was hidden behind the clouds, distant and alien. The sun the girl loved so much disappeared, and so did she...
Cold weather descended, and winter gripped the girl's heart. Life became like a dream, empty, purposeless, and meaningless. The girl, locked in her house, wandered mournfully through the rooms, often crying and regretting that she had abandoned the sun, that she didn't want to wait for its next ray. She didn't know what to do or what to think, and the sun looked at her with cold eyes. She already knew that what had passed would never return, that time couldn't be undone, and bad events couldn't be erased. She lived with memories, remembered the warmth the sun had given her, but she also remembered the searing burns. She didn't know if she wanted the sun to return. And beyond the walls of the house, it was still winter. Occasionally, the sun would emerge from behind the clouds and tell the girl that she was locked behind the walls of her home, and true freedom lay beyond. It told her she was afraid, but she didn't know if the sun was saying this maliciously or truly wanted the girl's well-being. She feared him and yet trusted him, doubted his words, yet sought safety in him and longed for his rays. She knew there was no turning back; she was no longer the joyful girl it had once shone upon. She wondered if she would ever see her warm, beloved sun again.
Sometimes she was certain she wanted him back, she reached out to him, and it didn't come, she passed, and so did the certainty, and the unfulfilled desire. The girl decided to wait. She believed in fate, thinking that if the sun was meant to be with her, it would be no matter what, and if this feeling was fleeting, it wasn't worth striving for. She lived with the thought of what had been and dreamed of what might have been...
The day came when something changed in the girl's life. Her angel came and said, "Never wait until tomorrow to tell someone you love them." Then the girl felt that she loved the sun. She felt she was no longer afraid of anything, that she could withstand the burns, that she wanted to fight for her love. Then the wall crumbled, the walls that separated the girl from the sun fell! The girl was free! Free, but also defenseless, yet she wasn't afraid, she loved the sun, and nothing else mattered... She reached out to him with hands that were once again childlike, her eyes once again naive and full of hope... She reached out to him with immense trust, a trust that could only be engendered by the kind of love the girl felt, and yet the sun didn't shine for her like it once did. Perhaps it was suffering too? Perhaps its golden heart bore the scars of pain? Now the sun didn't trust the girl... The tables were turned. However, the wall around the girl had crumbled, and her love was so great that she was able to wait patiently and still hope. She no longer expects the sun's warm rays, nor its daily penetration through the wall that once surrounded her. That wall is gone! The girl will wait for the sun; the gate to her heart will always remain open. Her thoughts may be naive... and her words banal, even childish, but what good is that when she's happy, sometimes yearning so much, so much that it hurts, but she can't and won't forget. She keeps waiting and will continue to wait. I believe the sun will shine for her with all its splendor. I believe it will shine for her again and burn forever. The sun won't be the same, but it can be warmer... The girl isn't afraid, she trusts the sun, she knows it won't hurt her. That powerful fear has vanished, fallen with the wall, and revealed the path to her heart. I hope the sun will notice and appreciate it, and the girl will live to see the light that will come to her from the sun... From the sun she loved so much....
To Łukasz,
although I would like to write so much, even though you will never read these words, I will write relatively briefly:
I have always trusted you, and whatever happens, you will always be important to me, you will always have a place in my heart...
The gate will always remain open...
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