I won't forget

....

I remember you... and you, do you still remember me? Our moments together, the smiles, the jokes, the squabbles, the word games, the fun at breakfast and after dinner? The touches, the kisses, the quiet declarations of love, the whispers by candlelight and those in the glow of the setting sun... Friendship, hugs, the gentle brush of your hand against my cheek... moist eyes, tears slowly rolling down your face and mine, single drops settling for a split second at the corner of your mouth... falling silently to the ground... they shattered as they hit the hard ground... silent, mute, unable to express their grief, they soaked into the dry, black soil. They vanished irrevocably, leaving nothing behind but a wet mark on my cheek, which disappeared after a few seconds. Dried by the wind, the sun, sometimes only by the incredibly dry air...

I'm suffocating without you. I can't breathe. Life is hard, but I must live. I have to believe that everything will be alright, that it will all fall into place. That I can cope, without anyone's help—pity, mercy, or whatever people call it, compassion. They want to help me, but I can't accept help, thank them for it... when I get it, I feel guilty for causing problems for others, as if they didn't have enough already. I don't like it when someone takes up my time, so I've always tried not to. Although there are people who love to "help" others. They convince them that they have problems, troubles, that they need their support and advice. But not you... You act differently, more thoughtfully, more humanely, and humanely. You always say, "You have to be yourself, you can't change, for that I respect and love you..."—words I will never forget, I won't want to, I intend to cherish them in my mind, to hear you say them. To remember our shared moments, the ups and downs. Tears, smiles, jokes, teasing, minor unnecessary mishaps, serious events, dangerous situations.

When you're close, I feel alive. Nothing matters but you and me. When you hug me, I feel the warmth of your body, its softness. I could snuggle into it and fall asleep. Treat it like a pillow. Smell your body, so sweet and pleasant. Soothing. In every situation. The scent of safety. The grip of your hand on mine – a guarantee of safety. Nothing can scare me when you're near. A pride of lions won't scare me when you're by my side – you'll protect me, tell me how to survive. You'll solve everything with a kind word. You'll lift my spirits, improve my mood, give me courage... Someone like you is a treasure. But why aren't you with me anymore? You're far beyond my reach. And I can't bear this separation. It's destroying me. Day by day, it takes a piece of my soul, my body becomes increasingly empty, barren. Colors fade, nature withers, I'm left alone in the middle of the world. People want to help, but I reject them. I can't stand pity, compassion. I despise them, their help, their outstretched hands. I sink deeper and deeper into my hopelessness. Days and nights blur into one. I no longer care about anything. What I look like, how I feel, how others look at me. I'm slowly sinking into madness. And you're gone...

Around me, emptiness, nothingness. No response, no people, no friends. Everyone has drifted away. Maybe it's my fault, but not only that. Part of it is yours too. You appear in my dreams. You destroy me piece by piece. I wake up screaming, sweaty, in the middle of a dark, hostile night. Alone. Among the stars, the universe. Millions of people – I'm alone. Among them, in isolation. Gray, light. Black, white. That's all I have left. I guess nothing more; no one calls, no one wants anything from me. Maybe tonight I'll fall asleep peacefully. Maybe you won't come back to me in my dreams, bringing me another wave of happy, yet painful memories. I want to sleep peacefully for just one night... I want it to be this one, eternal one. We're not meant to die in this world, so maybe we'll make up for it in the afterlife. Where time and surroundings don't matter. Where only you and I would be, yet surrounded by thousands of other souls... I put down the paper, the pen, turn off the lamp, put my head on the pillow, and close my eyes. My eyelids are heavy, but sleep won't come... I wait, I fight for it, I desire it, I long for it. I know you'll be there and you'll take me to you. I want you so much. You are my fulfillment, everything I need, my salvation from the torments of everyday life. From the drudgery of work, the heat, and the scorching sun. From the wind and rain, snow, and hail. You are eternal peace, the rising dawn. Perfection, and I am imperfection. We complement each other; we cannot exist without each other. Chaos and order, happiness and sadness, hunger and satiety. We are whole, we don't exist without each other. We must complement each other... I slowly begin to drift away... to sink into the recesses of my mind. I hear your warm voice, calling me... I walk towards you... You stand in the light. You look beautiful – as always. You hold out your hand. What I've been waiting for. My haven, my refuge. I approach you, I take your hand. You clench it tightly in yours, letting me know that now we'll be together forever. I no longer have sadness, there's joy and fulfillment... We are together – whole, one, perfect, and now nothing will tear us apart, and I won't forget you