June 26, 2004
Vacation at last!!!!!! I just got back from graduation. I have a red ribbon, so I'm going to a summer camp in the mountains. I love being there. I get to meet interesting people. Just like last year, I met my friend Ida. She lives in Poznań, so our only contact is through letters, sometimes by phone. Unfortunately, we won't meet this year. Ida is going to horseback riding camp. She has her own stud farm. She recently sent me a photo of herself and her horses. I think my parents will let me accept her invitation, and I'll be able to visit her for a few days. For now, I have to pack for the trip; I'm leaving tomorrow morning. I'll finally stop listening to my parents argue. Sometimes I wonder if they still love me...they're more busy arguing with each other than with me.
June 27, 2004
People. Unfamiliar faces everywhere. The rays of the June sun illuminate the dusty train cars. All I hear is the noise. I can't concentrate. I'm sitting on a bench. I'm writing. I can barely make out the letters. They're blurry, illuminated by the sun.... It's a shame you're not here, Ido. I feel like a stranger somehow.... I can't enjoy the trip. I feel bad. Maybe it's because my parents are arguing? God, please make up with them. I've had enough!
15 minutes ago, the train left. I said goodbye to my parents, who were even arguing at the station. I'm in a compartment with strange people. Completely unproblematic. They're chatting completely carefree. They probably don't care about school, their parents, or anyone else. It's a shame they didn't introduce themselves. There are five of them. Four boys and one girl. Two skaters, two metalheads. And the girl is also metalhead. I accidentally heard her nickname, Zmora. I'm going to stop writing because they're not paying any attention to me. I'll stop writing. I want to talk to them!
June 28, 2004.
It's four in the morning and I've welcomed a new day. I'm happy. I've met them. Their names are Łukasz, Michał (two skaters), Olek, Marcin, Zmora (metalheads). They just went out for a smoke. Łukasz wanted me to go with them, but the others said I couldn't yet. God, I love this company!! Talking with them made me forget about my family problems. Ida, it's a shame you're not here. They live in the moment... I think you'd like this way of life, my friend...
"Because only moments are beautiful in life."
Hurray!!!! I'm in a group with them!!! In the room with Zmora. The boys have the room next door. The other girls in our room are friends. They always stick together, ignoring me and Zmora... but we don't care, we have boys... Our teacher is nice, or as Michał said, "spox." Olek says she'll let us do whatever we want... but it's nice! I'll write all this to Ida!!! She'll probably regret not being here...
It's afternoon, I'm already unpacked, and my first trip is over. It was only for two hours to get a better look at the area. But the most important thing about this trip is that I talked to Łukasz... well, it was only a few sentences, but it was always something... he's handsome... almost all the girls at the summer camp look at him with sweet eyes... when I was talking to him alone, the girls in our room looked at me with envy... And it served them right... they didn't have to ignore me... So, here's that few-minute conversation...:
"Hey, girl! What are you doing? Sitting by the lake by yourself? Where are your friends... everyone's probably into you, right?
" "Oh, what are you doing... me?
" "Well, how about you?" I know a few guys who like you, I swear. "Stop it
!"
- Hey, baby, don't get so upset... I'm serious...
- Yeah, sure....
- Well, if you don't believe me, that's fine, but I'm telling you... be careful, because someone will snatch you away and you'll break away from our group... and I don't want that...
- No one will snatch me away, and I won't break away from your group... unless you kick me out...
- What are you talking about!!! We never!! I was talking to all of them about you just now... they like you too! We decided you're cool . -
Seriously?
- Well... I especially think you're cool... in terms of personality and more...
- You don't know me well, you don't know what my personality is like... and what do you mean by that, not only that??
- Like what? About your looks... Long curly desert hair, sea-blue eyes, tall, fair complexion, charming smile... What more could you want... as far as I'm concerned, you're a nice "ass."
And at that moment, our conversation was interrupted by Marcin and Olek, who joined us, and we were chatting about some unimportant things.... Only now did I see that Zmora was hanging out with Michał... they're a couple. Olek said they'd been together for a few years... maybe two, three... that's a long time... I don't think I could last that long with one guy... unless he was Łukasz's type... then who knows... Maybe I have a chance with him... I have to ask Zmora about him... find out a thing or two...
June 29, 2004
In the evening, I talked to Zmora about Łukasz... to be honest, I didn't really find out anything specific about him
- Zmora... er... Łukasz has a girlfriend?
- What?
-Nothing, I'm just asking...
-Łukasz...what are you doing...he's as changeable as the weather in the mountains...half the girls in this resort fall for him...but he just can't seem to settle down...if he had a girlfriend, it would only be for a few days...a week at most...He's selling everyone a goodie...and then he can't seem to get rid of the girls who are constantly after him...
-Aha...
-What, baby, do you like her?
-No, what are you doing to me?
Oh, Kalka, Kalka, you're so silly...(and she started laughing at me)
I'm surprised... she thinks she really likes me... and then she let me off like such a jerk...
Well, today we're going to the city with the summer camp... The boys said I should go clothes shopping... apparently I dress like a good girl from a school for good girls... The nightmare is supposed to help me change my wardrobe... And in the evening we're going to celebrate my arrival at the summer camp... I'm scared because I've never had a drink before... but they keep talking about the first time... Well... it's worth a try... as Łukasz says...
Now my wardrobe is dominated by dark colors. Mainly dark green and black. Łukasz likes my change of style... he said it's just about picking up guys now... Well, I'm going out drinking in a minute... they bought a lot for six people... I hope everything goes well and no one catches us...
June 29, 2004
I only now have the strength to write. I keep throwing up. I didn't go to the mountains. The lady thinks I'm poisoned by something. I don't remember how much I drank... Zmora claims it wasn't much and laughs at me... and she's not the only one. Everyone except Łukasz... he thinks I'll learn... well, I hope so. As for the party itself... from what I remember, it was the usual relaxed atmosphere... even the always calm Olek started talking... he was arguing with Łukasz about something... from what I remember and what I overheard, they were arguing about some girl... it went something like this:
"Oh. Listen, Łukasz, if you do the same to that girl as you did to the others, I'll kill you with my own hands..."
"Ł. Calm down, Olek, relax... I don't care about her...
" "Oh." Well, nothing about Kaśka either... what did you do with her?... I told you to leave her... she was a hottie... but of course you had to turn her into... a common slut... I'm not joking this time... keep your hands to yourself, away from her, or you'll regret it....
-Ł. Ok, I'm just talking to her... and as for Kaśka, she wanted it herself... nothing forced... besides, they all want it... I'm not forcing anyone...
-O. Be careful I don't force you to do anything here...
And Olek was probably even holding a clenched fist, but Michał and Zmora ran up and pushed them away... I wonder what Olek was up to... I hope he doesn't do anything to Łukasz... he's probably jealous that they're all after him... Well, Olek should try his best and not threaten others...
Everyone returned from the trip. I'm feeling much better now... Marcin suggested to the whole group that I go for a cigarette with them, or a "smoke", everyone agreed... only Olek had a "but"... he said something about me being too cool to be addicted to or something... in response to his complaints he heard peals of laughter from the others... gosh, Olek is starting to get on my nerves, first he has a thing for Łukasz, now for me... let him look at himself... And by the way, the girls in our room are starting to be nice... I think they see the company I keep... they're probably jealous... and they have something to say...
30,06,2004
Phew... I'm choking... I think it will be difficult for me to adjust to cigarettes... but Zmora says it will be fine... I talked to her yesterday... she asked about Ida... what she's like, what she likes, how long I've known her... after a while she said I shouldn't hang out with her... she's too good for me. Polite... I personally think Ida is nice... but if Zmora says otherwise... maybe she's right... Ida is completely different from me now... I'll write her a letter... but only when I get back from the mountains because we're leaving soon... I have to look for a gift for my mom... I don't know what I'll buy her yet... we'll see when we have some free time in a mountain town... I hope I'll see something inexpensive, nice... and universal...
So I bought a nice gift... Łukasz helped me choose it... we went shopping together all the time... well, me and Olek... he was clinging to us like a burr on a dog's tail... we couldn't be alone even for a moment... Zmora, Marcin, and Michał were getting alcohol for today, and we were wandering around the shops looking for a gift for my mom... I bought her a sewing kit... it contains thread, a set of needles, a razor blade for cutting thread, a few sewing patterns, and a guide "How to sew quickly and well." Łukasz said his old lady would definitely be thrilled with such a gift and would even gladly buy it for her if he didn't have the money to waste on booze... well... Łukasz said that if I don't have enough for alcoholic beverages, I should sell them.... But I think I'll have enough... after all, I've been denying myself everything all year so I could have a blast at summer camp... I'm so happy we're going drinking soon!!!!!! And tomorrow I absolutely have to start writing a letter for Ida... even though it's hard, I have to...
01, 07, 2004
Well, I'm coping with drinking much better today than last time... I'm going to the mountains soon... and I drank more than last time... I talked to Łukasz yesterday... alone... Everyone stayed in the room drinking, and Łukasz said he wasn't feeling well and left. I had nothing to do there because Zmora and Michał were either drinking together or kissing, Marcin and Olek were talking and arguing about which metal bands were better... I was sitting alone. I thought Łukasz was probably sitting alone in his room, so I went there. I slipped away from them all. No one even noticed. I went into Łukasz's room... he was sitting alone.
"Hey, kid, what are you doing here?"
"I just happened to stumble in." It's boring there...
- Well, yes... actually, I wanted you to come over... I was bored too, and I didn't feel like going back there...
- I understand... when you were leaving, you could have called me.
I could have, but you know, I didn't know if you wanted to..., and I didn't want to push it....
- Stop with you, I'm always happy to go out...
- Well, thanks, honey... such words coming from you are the sweetest compliment....
- Don't exaggerate....
- I'm not exaggerating... you're cool, you know?
- Uh...
- Seriously. I have a question for you
. - What?
- Can you kiss?
- No, I haven't had a boyfriend yet
. - No??
- No
- So you can't do that??
- No... I've never done this before...
- Well, if you want, I'll show you how...
- Well, I don't know...
- Oh, don't be upset, little one... you'll do it for the first time with a professional...
- Well, if you want, you can show me...
Łukasz leaned in and started... kissing me... it was wonderful, wonderful... he really knew how to do it... at least I think so, because it was my first kiss... I'm so glad it was him... that he kissed me first... I don't know how my first kiss went... Łukasz said it wasn't bad... just a little longer and you'll be a master kisser... After he tore his lips from mine, I felt incredibly warm... it was nice... it's a shame I had to go back to my room. I hope he kisses me again today...
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