And the rain falls and falls...

And the rain falls and falls... I look out the window and feel an overwhelming depression. Piles of notebooks, books, and notes pile up before me. I can't seem to get started on my studies; I'm indifferent to everything. Lately, I've been catching myself staring blankly out the window for hours. I feel a certain emptiness, a sadness. My mother comes into the room and, seeing my absent gaze, anxiously asks if everything is alright. "Yes, everything's okay, Mommy." But where does this hypocrisy in her voice come from? Since my last outburst, everyone in the house has been treating me like a child. In short, the atmosphere is unbearable! What did I do? It's nothing, really, I just ran away from home. Now I don't even know why. I probably thought that when I left, everything would change, my life would have some meaning. But it didn't. And everything became even more hopeless... But enough of dwelling on what had happened. Maybe I'll turn on the TV. Oh, such wonderful commercials..."Show her how much you love her, give her a Raffaello, it will express more than words..." Hmm, maybe a movie would be better? Here you go. Upbeat, typically American. The father has no time for the family, his wife is cheating on him, their children are on drugs. It doesn't matter, there's a solution to everything. After a while, everyone realizes their mistakes. The family (now happy) embraces each other and assures each other of their great love. I'd better go check my email. My online inbox is filled with advertisements: "Chat and meet your soulmate", "Sympatia.pl - don't wait any longer, fall in love with someone else!" Well, it's just wonderful. The media has made the word "I love you" slowly become worn out. I need to breathe some fresh air.

At least it's stopped raining. I headed towards the park. An elderly man with a wrinkled face and immense sadness in his eyes walked past. I smiled reflexively, trying to reassure him, but he looked at me suspiciously and quickened his pace. I sat down on a bench next to a woman struggling with two unruly children. I smiled again, and she shouted: "Is it so funny that I can't cope with two brats?!" I got scared and walked away.

On the way back, I started to wonder why we react to simple kindness with aggression and resentment. What makes us so mean to each other? alien? Is this due to the media, lack of time, complete resignation, or distrust?

The next day, we celebrated Spring Day at school. To mark the occasion, a contest was organized based on the television show "Blind Date." One of the questions for the girls was: "What would you change about yourself to be happier?" The most frequently mentioned things were plastic surgery and a change in financial situation. A girl who was born missing one arm participated in the contest. Her answer surprised me greatly: "I wouldn't change anything about myself because I accept myself as I am and I feel happy with that." Maybe we're all searching for happiness too far? And it's right there, waiting for us? What if all we have to do is take the right path and, by following it, achieve complete happiness?

"We are a generation without a future," I heard on TV today. A psychologist sat in the studio, reclining with dignity (which appeared at the bottom of the screen), speaking in a grave tone about today's youth. "They have no shame, they're vulgar, they don't develop emotionally, and if they do strive for something, it's over dead bodies. Their only entertainment is sex, vandalism, alcohol, and drugs. In short, for them, ma'am, there's no hope anymore."

I know this gentleman's statement will bear fruit. He forgot to add that teenagers are very stubborn and perverse. Most will want to prove how wrong this scholar is. Incidentally, it's interesting that we so delight in judging others. We play fortune tellers, predicting a bleak future for another person. Or quite the opposite. We revisit the past, reopen old wounds, and remind ourselves and others of past mistakes. We love to utter "golden words," often without even considering their metaphorical meaning.

And the rain keeps falling. I look at the gray sky, but I'm not depressed. Something has changed. These seemingly small and insignificant events have made me feel differently. There's still a void left, but it's slowly being filled with strong motivation. I know I'm only at the beginning of my journey, but I will stubbornly pursue it. I need to prove to myself and others that I'm capable of more!