Caramel cake

PROLOGUE:

To make our cake wonderful and truly fantastic, we must put a lot of heart into it. We'll start by preparing the base. We knead it very carefully by hand. We must do our best to make it truly fantastic. Then we place it in the preheated oven. Now all that's left is to wait for our wonderful base to become fantastic. After a suitable wait, we remove it from the oven and place it on a cold windowsill to cool. Now we're ready to make the caramel. It requires even more care and deliciousness than the cake core! We need two cups of sugar, access to boiling water, some gruel, and a lot of youthful enthusiasm. Mix all these ingredients in a beautiful pot, which can be the same as the one full of gold at the end of the rainbow. We add four ounces of water (whatever that means). Now we have to listen to a TV newscast and four hits on MTV to make our caramel delicious and fantastic. The highlight of the program (or recipe) is the combination of the base and caramel. Of course, no one can do it as perfectly as I do, but it's worth a try. Remove the previously cooled core and compare it with the cake's quintessence – the caramel. The finished product is a wonderful, fantastic, and delicious cake!

CHAPTER I

WHO WILL LIKE MY CAKES?

Motto: "I'd like to finally sing the Skaldowie song from the commercial."

Many people enjoy my cakes. They know I put a lot of effort into making them truly fantastic. But the problem is that not everyone wants to eat them =(. The worst thing is when someone starts and suddenly says brazenly: "I don't like your cakes anymore." Then I feel like a huge piece of my baked goods is stuck between my throat and jaw. So much preparation, so much effort, so many ingredients in one second just go #@$*! Hmmm, at such moments in my life I wonder: "should I add more spices to this cake to make it better and taste better, make a new one – better, or give up and concentrate on winter jams?" If you are a hermit from the Sahara or a relative of Captain Kloss, I would be happy to hear your advice on this matter! However you look at it, the worst thing (maybe not the worst, but perfidious and unstable) is when I start making two fantastic cakes for two people at once, and it's not like one is better than the other and the other is worse than the other. Only the same! Possessing the same range of decadence. Then I'm faced with a conundrum that even Pankracy, Bolek, and Lolek couldn't have concocted. Who should I give the cake to, and will the person I give it to find their destiny in it? Will one cake or two be wasted? More questions arise in my head than in the Chance of a Lifetime.

I still know I make fantastic cakes, so the reality I'm being asked to face—someone saying my cake is unappetizing—deadens me! Every respectable cake maker has only one thing in mind: for everyone to eat their products. Ideally, they should gather together and enjoy them for as long as possible. Then the Master of Baking is 100% fulfilled. This is our utopia. I've learned from my own cakes that this is difficult to achieve and very easy to lose.

Sometimes someone likes our cake without us even realizing it! They don't admit it, but when they do, they might find they don't like it very much. Unfortunately, that's the case most of the time. We don't want to offer them our baked goods. This can cause them to have fits of resentment. But that's life, and we shouldn't worry about it so much. We have to hope that someone we expect will finally like our cake, and the person we don't want to treat will find someone with an equally fantastic cake.

Back to the beginning: if we want to treat someone with a wonderful baked good, and if it's someone we really want to treat, we have to put in a lot of effort. First, we should use oral persuasion to find out from our "victim" what kind of cake they would like best. We might find ones with strawberries, raspberries, and caramel. It's also been said that some people like shrimp. And that's where the yeast poetry lies. It all depends on how we prepare our wonderful cake. We should gather the ingredients ourselves. Then (hopefully), it should be just like a cake. Unfortunately, that's not the case for me, but I still put my precious time into perfecting my fantastic cakes! A tip: If you're treating a virgin to a cake, it's best to pour the warm figment of your imagination over it before serving!

With cake greetings!

Maestro Cake

CHAPTER II

THROUGH THE VEIN TO THE HEART

It starts off quite normally. It seems like an ordinary party. The children are, and some are adults (physically). The party, it would seem, is at 102. But so far, it's only at 2. 100 "They" keep in their pockets. It's getting numb somehow =(. The bags under "Her" eyes have fallen over her upper lips, the chills don't allow "He" to keep his own conscience in his head. The cable on his hands needs electricity. "Happiness" is slowly leaving them. They're becoming normal, becoming themselves, everyday life is returning, and they don't want that. The wait is over! This can't be prolonged! "They" have already started. They're hitting hard. Today, more than the daily dose. If you go crazy, you go crazy, "someone" said. "She" is sitting against the wall. She's long ago prepared her hand for salvation. Today, she's also going over the limit. A long syringe is approaching the door. At its end, a miracle-working needle!

It's so beautiful =) In an instant, everything became so simple. No problems! I wish it could always be like this! I raise my hand and become a god. I raise the other, then my legs, and I'm looking down on you! Now I remember my first hit :O Weed and amphetamines couldn't bear the weight of my suffering. I had to save myself quickly. "They" helped. Now there's no more school, meaning a ton of trouble and bad grades, learning difficulties, arguments with teachers. Now there's no more family, meaning the annoying brother who stole our pocket money, the dog we never liked, the father who made everything unimportant hell, the mother with whom we never agreed. Now there are no more friends and acquaintances, meaning constant arguments and jealousy. Now there are "They." They love us as we love "Them." They bring us happiness. It's obvious that each of us strives for it at all costs. "We" don't have to anymore =). It's within reach, you just have to look carefully. Sometimes it'll be gone, but that only lasts a moment. It's wonderful. It's the best it can be. "One" of "us" probably didn't take enough... "They" will help him soon! There's enough for everyone, and you just need to take it often, and you'll always get it. And that's the best part! Today is truly exceptional. My happiness seems to be on a completely different plane! Great! We'll hit it off tomorrow too! Did you think tomorrow would be for you?????

CHAPTER III

IN MIĘTUSIA PSEŁĘCA

What a treat, people!

This is none other than the shepherd himself speaking, who's always squeezing it! I'll tell you today about the truly magnificent creatures that are hunting dogs, hey! Every decent shepherd has at least one beautiful hunting dog in his kennel! And we all know that you should take care of her! Every day, we should let our hunting dog out into the pasture, so she can run around properly! It's also good, even wonderful, to brush her fur a few times a year so we don't get bored too quickly!

The hunting dog should also be kept short, gentlemen! Because if she gets wild, it won't be good. It's best to set her bell to her dog and not let her go more than 200 meters from the shepherd's hut! One of the worst shepherds, and maybe even the worst, is when some sheep doesn't have a go at our beautiful hunting dog! The oldest shepherds' method for dealing with such situations is very simple and effective: rush to the shepherd's hut for a scavenger hunt and make the sheep's bones croak so quickly that it rushes across the mountain pasture like a thunderbolt! This method is the best, because even the most untargeted sheep never returned to the hunting grounds.

Now let's make sure our hunting dog's only entertainment isn't jumping hurdles! It's best to take her with us, preferably with a wolfhound, and look straight from the meadow to the moon. She won't mind if we take her for a long walk after the hunt. She'll definitely like it and understand that she's a good and caring shepherd. And with her, we'll forget our worries! The hunting dog, which may seem suspicious, likes a glass of vodka, oh yes! And every shepherd also knows that everyone loves it, from the Tatra Mountains, from Slovakia, and even the Karkonosze Mountains! So let's spend time with our beautiful hunting dog! It will both improve our mood and lift her spirits, hey!

If we take care of all this carefully, we can be sure that we'll be together with the hunter for a long time! Remember, too, that until the hunter turns 18, she must sleep in the yard, not in the shepherd's hut with her.

The most wonderful shepherd's hut under the mountain sun is, as everyone knows, the inn! As the old saying goes, "The inn is the shepherd's second home." However, remember one important thing: you must train the hunter so that when we return, she won't even bleat. And when we whistle loudly with joy, she shouldn't even look at us! You also shouldn't let her quote "Wysokie Łobcasy" or "Życie na smoczy" (The Hot Life), because that's where they'll learn how to screw up the shepherd's life! If the hunter really annoys us, we can punish her to stop her from doing it again. It's best to shave her completely at the beginning of winter; then the frost will take its toll. Another method, equally effective, is to confine her to her yard for days and nights. When sadness and longing overwhelm her, we can give her a good thrashing. If the hunter is drawn to a stinking sheep at night, we can cut off her hooves, which would teach her to be a psychopath!

I hope I managed to briefly present the most important advice, and you should know that these are truths passed down from shepherd to shepherd. And, dogs of the pasture, I'd like to invite you to my shepherd's hut! Try the Łoscypek (lower-skinned sheep) and the delicious buttermilk! Because everyone knows it's wonderful... and... and... inexpensive! So, Panocki, I invite you to my place, right here in Bukowina Tatsanska, and remember: Łowiecka is your greatest treasure!

The shepherd who's groping!

"Ala has a cat, the police have a stick,

Ala has a stick, the police have a cat,

the cat has a stick, the police have Ala,

But Ala is rolling in feces,

The police station is our home,

The police station is in our house,

A new hamster came out in Gdańsk,

Skiba is a real lunatic.

Earflaps, a guarantee of alliances,

When you fire a Katyusha, your ears swell,

The party program won't worry us,

The Soviet army has been with you since childhood.

We want to go to Alaska with the army,

Longer sticks, lighter helmets,

The state feeds and clothes him,

Don't burden him, die!

What's this song about?

Show me if your hands are clean,

Brawny hands, empty head,

It's a waste of money.

An old shepherd walks down the road,

Everyone in Poland has a hangover,

Lots of happiness and sweets,

God will settle accounts with the party.

Towards the roar, the antenna of the scream,

More truth, less bullshit,

Greetings from the underground,

Goodbye, the world is changing,

Tanks to the Volga, erection to the east,

We have plenty of ideas.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what a stupid song!

Big Cyc "Durna Piosenka"

CHAPTER IV

TEDDY BEARS.

A very controversial issue. Often, as I've noticed recently, the Teddy Bears themselves don't know they are Teddy Bears. That's why I grabbed a pen (a pen, but I wrote the pen to look cool – so poetic) to quickly make people aware of what this is all about. Some people might not like this and find it so boring that they'll start playing with their faces while reading. I'll do my best to avoid that. Chinese dictators of the 15th century said that by properly meditating, we could scratch our calves and eliminate an itch behind the ears. I don't know to what extent this is true, and I certainly won't attempt to verify the authenticity of this statement. We need to address something much more important right now. Namely, the categorization of Teddy Bears. It's not available anywhere else! It's the most reliable in the entire Podhale region. I'll briefly (or perhaps more fully) describe each Teddy Bear level, starting with the 1st and ending with the 3rd (there are also 4th and 5th, but more on that later).

Teddy Bear Level 1 – These Teddy Bears are the most numerous! They fill our daily lives and all the bars in the city. Very charming, and interestingly, insidious beasts (well, okay, monsters), trustworthy on the Judas scale. It sometimes happens that information entrusted to a 1st-degree Bear circulates around all 1st- and 2nd-degree Bears (not 3rd-degree Bears) the next day, causing numerous orgasms and adrenaline surges. The fact that these Bears are the lowest in the hierarchy makes them so common, but on a larger scale, they shouldn't cause any harm. They are certainly worthy of an invitation for a beer, an 18th-anniversary celebration, a half-date, or a group sexual orgies, and they will definitely make our time more enjoyable :P. In the event of any emotional problems, we should provide them with prompt help and spiritual and physical support. 1st-degree Bears don't have distinctive attire, just like higher-level Bears. They shouldn't be scolded or exposed to prolonged sunlight. These Teddy Bears are 25% sweet on the pink candy scale. They don't need much effort to advance to a Level 2 Teddy Bear, and they often do it unconsciously!

Second-Grade Teddy Bears – And here we're dealing with a much more serious matter. Second-Grade Teddy Bears possess all the traits of their predecessors, plus those that place them on a higher rung. These Teddy Bears are 90% trustworthy (on a 100% scale) and 2 degrees of Judas trust. They advance primarily due to their openness to the world and high sexual and metaphysical attractiveness. They aren't sad, don't get sad often, and are generally fantastic. They can sometimes be inquisitive and listen to good music. You can rely on them and count on help, although most often it comes in the form of an objective assessment of the situation. They are chubby and just beg to be hugged, which should be done if the right opportunity arises. The great leader of the Revolution, Lenin, used to say, "Teddy Bears of the Second Grade are our path to socialist cooperation and unity," and he was right! They are moderately reliable and strive to see everything through to the end (including sexual intercourse, even with lizards and tigers). Sometimes you come across models with S&M tendencies, but you need a lot of luck to find one. A second-degree bear is very sensitive and affectionate and requires a lot of care. You have to be careful not to hurt them, as this can seriously affect their sweetness, which is, mind you, 75%! Second-degree bears sometimes like to sit and gaze sweetly at a certain point. They also have a fantastic facial expression. They are often very surprised by something, but after a moment they understand what's going on. In moments of temporary breakdown, they like to rest their head on our shoulder or simply snuggle up in a teddy bear-like manner. In such moments, God forbid, you reject these Teddy bear behaviors! You will often be asked to solve Teddy's problem. In such cases, you should try to find a solution or at least suggest a way forward. Second-degree Teddy Bears also like to sigh deeply and complain about how hard their lives are. This sends us a message like, "Actually, it's great, but I'd like to be a comforting Teddy Bear." We fulfill this wish immediately.

Third-degree Teddy Bear – The highest in the hierarchy. They possess the characteristics of their predecessors. Third-degree Teddy Bears aren't that numerous anymore. It's a matter of 2-3 individuals. Furthermore, each of us has a Fourth-degree Teddy Bear with a predisposition to become a Fourth-degree Teddy Bear (which I'll discuss later). They are the sweetest (100%), utilizing the characteristics of first and second-degree Teddy Bears, amplifying them and bringing a new quality to them. Third-degree Teddy Bears often call us "Teddy Bears," which reflects them in the best possible way. They can be sweet-toothed, but that's rare. They have beautiful eyes that always speak for themselves. Many people are crazy about their beautiful hooves, and they're truly worth the hype, as you can sometimes experience firsthand. Grade 3 teddy bears have a wonderful voice that will knock even the biggest Superman off his feet, because they're truly beautiful!