Stanzas from the Past - Part 2 (2)

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I felt sick. I really didn't feel well. I dragged myself to the bus stop, sleepless, with a dull headache. The aftermath of the party. I'd only had one drink, so I couldn't have a hangover. My miserable state was probably a result of many small factors. First, the excitement, a little stress, then the disappointment of my first ever teenage party, the alcohol, which I wasn't used to even in small quantities, the noise (it was still buzzing in my head), and the marijuana. It was probably the marijuana that was causing my idiotic thoughts. Even though I got home before midnight, I couldn't fall asleep until three. I tossed and turned, my mind racing with impossible associations, ideas, visions. I had a delusion that Czaki was definitely homosexual, and not only had a crush on Marti but was also looking at me with interest. Suddenly, it seemed obvious to me why he was staring at me so often. No wonder I felt embarrassed under his persistent gaze. And those winks, those mysterious smiles… I spent at least an hour pondering how I should react. Should I break up with Czak? I didn't want to, but wouldn't being around him make me stressed? Completely exhausted and despondent, I finally fell asleep in the early hours of the morning. I struggled to pull myself back to sleep when the alarm went off. In the bathroom mirror, I saw my pale face with dark circles under my eyes. Even cold water didn't help. In the kitchen, Mom watched suspiciously as I struggled to chew my sandwich.

"What were you doing there?" she asked. "All your clothes stink.

" "Everyone smoked," I muttered.

"You too?

" "Mom, you know I don't smoke!" At that moment, I remembered the marijuana and felt like a fraud.

I left the house, furious with myself. I pushed my sunglasses up onto my nose. I felt nauseous. Now I dragged myself to the bus stop, shuffling my feet on the sidewalk, as if unable to lift my feet off the ground. Fortunately, the bus wasn't late. I got on and stood by the open window, so that as we pulled away, the rush of air hit me in the face. My first instinct was to move away, but the crisp morning air felt like a slap in the face, meant to wake someone up. I stuck my head out the window and let the wind blow through my hair. It was wonderful. It was like getting some fresh air. The bad thoughts and bad mood suddenly left me. I jumped off the bus and walked with a spring in my step toward school. I laughed out loud, remembering my late-night thoughts. I must have gone a bit crazy! To suspect Czak of homosexuality! What an idiot I am. It was obvious, Czaki was jealous of Marti, because they'd been best friends for many, many years, and the boy was afraid he'd lose his friend to some girl. And I still thought Czaki was into me! He simply loved people-watching. He wasn't just staring at me, and the fact that I was getting flustered under his gaze was my problem, not his. I should be more worried about myself, especially my mental health, not Czaki.

I decided not to worry about it. It was definitely a consequence of smoking marijuana. No one would ever convince me to do that again.

When I walked through the school door, I felt fine. The nausea and headache had subsided. I only felt the urge to yawn a little. In the hallway, by the window, I saw Robcio standing alone. He was leafing through a biology book.

"Hey!" I called from afar. He was happy to see me.

"Hi Piotr," he said, putting the book in his backpack.

"Why didn't you come yesterday?" I asked.

"Where?

" "To Aśka's party

." "Was there a party?" "I didn't know anything.

For a moment I had no idea what to say.

"I called you, but you weren't home," I mumbled. I felt somehow stupid.

"The dentist appointment got extended," he explained. "What kind of party was that?"

"Nothing special. Aśka's birthday.

" "Uh-huh..." Something in Robi's voice made my heart clench. Why didn't anyone tell him about the party?

"How was it?" Robi asked.

"Uh-huh, just like that." I knew it sounded stupid. It was as if I wanted to comfort Robi that even though no one invited him, there was nothing to regret.

I wanted him to drop the subject, but he masochistically probed it.

"Who came?" he asked.

At the last moment, I bit my tongue to avoid saying "everyone."

"Some people from our class and some of Aśka's friends," I lied.

Before Robi could ask another question, I noticed Marti, Czak, and Konrad approaching us. Konrad was yawning enormously.

"How was the party?" Robi blurted out, to my surprise.

"How was the party?!" Marti repeated with a sarcastic tone. "You should have come to find out, and you just stood us up and now you're probably laughing at us." He stood in front of Robi, put his hands on his hips, and began rocking steadily from side to side. "It was great fun," he continued. "After an hour, most people were completely drunk or high, acting like a bunch of idiots and talking nonsense. Until yesterday, I didn't know that to have a good time, you had to get extremely drunk and push yourself around in a dark room, shining flashlights in each other's eyes. Exciting! When we left, those who weren't puking were lying unconscious on the floor. Great! How did you know not to come?

" "I didn't know." Robi smiled sadly. "It's just that no one invited me."

Silence fell. Robi lowered his gaze, blushing slightly, as if it were his fault. The mischievous smile vanished from Marti's face. His lips parted slightly in surprise, he stared at Robcio. Czaki clenched his jaw until it cracked. I felt terribly sad.

"Yesterday I skipped my last class," Robi explained, "and Asia probably invited everyone after I left."

Perhaps that was the case, but I had the impression that the girl had only invited a select few. Not all the people from our class were at the party, as she'd promised. The less popular and less popular were left out.

Konrad didn't give in to the bad mood that had suddenly gripped us. He slapped Robcio on the back with such force that the boy staggered.

"You were lucky, son!" he shouted in his ear.

"Was it really bad, or are you just saying that so I wouldn't feel bad?" "Robi asked

. "Personally, I was terribly bored." Czaki approached Robcio and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I missed a certain intelligent, witty guy who would entertain the crowd," he said, looking into his friend's eyes.

Robi blushed again. This time with joy. I really liked Czaki's gesture.

"As for me, I'm not signing up for anything like that again," Konrad added. "For me, fun should be dancing, fooling around, pranks... I don't know, even a little madness, but not decadence like that.

" "Decadence, decay, rot..." Marti laughed.

"Ooh, we found a smartass!" Konrad feigned offense. "You must have liked it when most of the girls were chasing you all night. Ho, ho, the things I've heard about you! And what plans do some of the girls have for you!

" "What plans?" Marti asked in surprise

. Konrad just waved his hand dismissively.

"Don't play innocent, I know exactly what you were doing there," he continued.

"Don't be silly..." Marti was a little confused.

"Am I being silly?" Kondi persisted. "And who was smoking marijuana in the kitchen?

" "You were smoking marijuana?!" Robi exclaimed.

"Louder, Rob, louder!" Konrad slapped him, "because it didn't reach the principal's office. "

Robi covered his mouth with his hand and looked at us with round, astonished eyes.

"It's Piotrek's fault!" Marti pointed at me as if I were the culprit.

"What?!" I was stunned

. Marti modestly lowered his gaze, blushing slightly.

"Yeah, because..." he stammered, "I thought if I didn't try that joint, you'd laugh at me, that I was some kind of wimp, a numbskull, or something... You were acting like a complete coolhead and... and I guess I wanted to prove to you that I could do it too. If you weren't there, I probably wouldn't have been ashamed to refuse." What are you laughing at?

I had a sudden fit of indecent laughter. While mumbling these explanations, Marti looked like a little boy who'd just done something wrong and was afraid of a beating. This Marti who impressed me so much!

"You know what," I gasped between fits of laughter, "I, on the other hand, was ashamed of you and wanted to prove to you that such things are normal for me.

" "Really?" Marti grinned.

"Oh, guys, guys," Konrad nodded disapprovingly. "Be yourselves, instead of worrying about what others think."

"Now that I'm sick from all that pot, I definitely won't worry about anyone," Marti admitted.

"You too?" I rejoiced. "I'm still nauseous! "

We all burst out laughing.

"They'd poison each other to impress each other," Czaki said

. "And why did you smoke?" Marti asked

. Czak shrugged.

"I wanted to see what it's like to be high

." "Wow!" Konrad dramatically grabbed his head. "Bunch of lunatics!"

Across the hall, girls from our class passed by—Aśka, Marta, and Ewa. They waved at us, exclaiming,

"That was one hell of a party, wasn't it?

" "Oh yeah!" Konrad shouted back, while we laughed foolishly at each other. They didn't even notice the sarcasm in his voice.

***

"I'm raising a toast to the fact that we've successfully made it to the end of the school year," Konrad announced solemnly

. We were sitting in Robi's room, sipping chilled, sparkling wine that served as a substitute for champagne. We were dressed in our formal attire, having just returned from the graduation ceremony. Speeches, thank-yous, flowers for teachers, farewells – an annual ritual. How pleasant it was to think of two months of freedom, without tests and quizzes.

"And now Kondzio will personally devour this huge chocolate bar." Konrad unwrapped an incredibly long Toblerone chocolate bar, in the characteristic pyramid shape.

We bought it for him together—Robi, Czaki, and I—because thanks to his training, we got decent grades in PE. Konrad looked at us with a mischievous look. He opened his mouth wide, pretending to eat the entire bar at once. Robi swallowed unnaturally loudly.

"Would you like a piece?" Konrad asked.

"No, no, how dare we…" Robi pretended to cry.

Konrad sighed deeply, then divided the bar into five equal parts.

"We're just fooling around, it's really just for you," I protested.

"I couldn't stomach it with you hovering over me like vultures," he replied

. We didn't persist any longer. The chocolate disappeared in a flash. Czak was concentrating on comparing our report cards. I don't know if he was genuinely interested in grades or if he wanted to bask in his own success. This morning, at the main graduation ceremony, he received a special award from the principal as the best first-grader and one of the best students in the school. There were fifteen such talented students in total. For years, the school had been providing awards to the most talented students – usually valuable albums, dictionaries, encyclopedias. Czak received the Norman Davis story. He looked amusing receiving it in the middle of the gym, in a row with the typical nerdy, elegantly dressed, and well-groomed "proper" students. I saw some in the crowd stand on tiptoe and peek between heads to get a better look at him. His white shirt was mercilessly wrinkled, his gray cargo pants worn white at the knees, and the black scarf around his neck was certainly no substitute for a tie. The principal gave him a critical look. Someone with that look shouldn't be held up as an example to others. I was incredibly proud of Czaki and strutted like a peacock that such an extraordinary boy was my friend.

"Would you like some tea?" Robi suggested.

"Oh, that's exactly what I've been missing!" Marti perked up. "Traditional tea at Robi's.

" "What kind of tea would you like, my dears?" Robi beamed with joy.

"I'll have a plain, bitter, strong one with your grandmother's jam," Konrad announced.

"With orange for me," Marti asked

. "For me too." Czaki set our report cards aside.

"That's for me too," I said. I wasn't a fan of fruit teas, but I had a craving.

"I'm making it now, and in the meantime, you can see my new stamps; they're in the green binder on the shelf.

" "Robi, who in their right mind would want to look at those colorful pieces of paper?" Czaki laughed.

"Piotr!" Everyone looked at me. "Yes, I've looked at these stamps before."

When Robi left, Czak moved closer to me .

"Are you really interested in philately, or did Robi just force you to look at his entire collection one time?" he asked.

"I hate stamps," I laughed, "but I didn't want to upset him.

" "Oh, poor thing, you should have defended yourself!" Marti laughed. "Robcio forces everyone who comes to his place to look through those stamp albums. A first-class, hours-long torture!

" "What are you laughing at?" Robi, oblivious, entered the room, carrying a tray of tea in front of him.

"At you, of course!" Konrad blurted out.

"Okay, okay," Robcio said doubtfully, and we, by no means, had any intention of correcting him.

The pleasant aroma of freshly brewed tea and orange peels filled the room. It turned out to be no ordinary fruit tea from the store, but a special blend prepared by Robcio's grandmother. It's nice to have such a grandmother. The jam was delicious too. The sun began to shine directly through the windows, so Robi drew the linen blinds. A sort of golden twilight descended on the room. We sat on the couch or on the floor, sipping tea from tall glasses with silver handles. I looked at my friends' faces in that extraordinary light, at their sparkling eyes, and for a moment I felt a twinge of eternity. I knew that this moment and the atmosphere of that summer afternoon would remain in my memory for a long time.

"Listen," Marti set down his glass and then lay back on the bed, propped up on his elbows. "Wouldn't you all like to spend a few days together this summer? "

We looked at him, a little surprised.

"We're all going somewhere..." I mumbled.

"Yeah, but only for a few days, maybe a week," Marti argued.

"They definitely won't let me go," Robi said

. "What makes you so sure?" "Konrad chimed in.

"I know, I've asked the family before." The boy sighed.

"They won't let you go even with us, your best friends?" Marti asked, surprised

. "Unfortunately.

" "We could come to your place, to the seaside." Marti said

. "Hey, why are you so excited?" Konrad asked

. Marti looked at our faces. He looked confused for a moment, but quickly covered it with a smile.

"It's just fun spending time with you," he explained. "I wouldn't want to be separated for two whole months."

It sounded so simple and natural. It was nice. I thought about my vacation. Grandma's plot of land, old friends, the same faces, family, fruit picking, light gardening, walks in the neighborhood, at best a trip to the mountains with my parents. Was it possible that everything would change radically this year? Yes, because it did. A year ago, after passing my high school entrance exams, I was overjoyed—it was finally over, I didn't have to see my classmates anymore, I had vacation, I was free, free from all the ties I'd built up during elementary school. I didn't know what awaited me, but I didn't regret for a moment what I was leaving behind. Now I had vacation again, and although I looked forward to it, deep down I felt a pang of regret. It seemed that from now on, few things would compare to the pleasure of being with friends.

"You know what," Robi said after a moment's thought, "Marti's idea is quite nice. You could really come to my place in Władysławowo." My family always rents from the Fraseniuks, and their villa is booked all summer long, but the neighboring plot often has vacancies. We could book you in. Through connections and at an affordable price.

"Oh, great!" Marti said happily. "Are you up for it?

" "Aha!" I nodded. I didn't want to make any final declarations; after all, there's no telling what my parents will say.

"If nothing else comes up…" Konrad began. "No! What am I doing?!" he dramatically grabbed his head. "I'm subjecting myself to your company, even on vacation! I'm sick in the head! I need treatment! I'm completely out of my mind!

" "Quiet, Kondi." Czaki shook his head disapprovingly, then sighed. "Only now has the truth sunk in, poor boy."

Konrad pretended to grind his teeth in anger. Robcio paid no attention to the banter. He was already living for the trip.

"Do you know how much fun it's going to be?" – he broadcast. – In nice weather, we'll be splashing in the water, lounging on the beach, and in the afternoons, hanging out in fish and chip shops or cafes…

– Summer in a fish and chip shop! – Konrad snorted

. – …and if the weather turns bad – Robi continued – we'll be walking around town, inhaling iodine, you could go to a disco, or play some games…

– Gosh, Robi, stop before you completely discourage us! – Marti groaned.

– What's the point? – the boy was genuinely surprised.

– Pensioners do things like that – Konrad explained. – We're mainly interested in girls! Beautiful, chocolate-tanned, long-legged goddesses in colorful costumes…

– No way! – Marti was disgusted. – If not a fan of walking and inhaling iodine, then a erotomaniac. I take back what I said earlier, I don't want to know you for the next two months!

"You forgot about Piti," Czaki interjected. I gave him a surprised look. He didn't care. He continued with that smirk of his. "Piti stands quietly on the sidelines, doesn't say much, and who knows what he's hiding. It might turn out he's the most twisted of us all.

" "Well, Czaki, you've figured me out," I said. "I really am a bit different from everyone else. It's especially obvious during the full moon, when I grow fur, fangs, and claws."

Czaki's left eyebrow rose slightly, perhaps in admiration for my quick reaction to his provocative remark. I don't know where such thoughts came from. A few months ago, I would have cowered inwardly, full of suspicion about my friend's intentions.

"And you, Czaki, don't you have any secrets?" I decided to attack the boy with his own weapon. "You're sitting on the sidelines, observing, taking notes, maybe you're a spy?

" "Yes, a spy!" – he snorted unnaturally.

“I’ve known for a long time that he has our files,” Konrad interjected. “Seriously, what exactly are you doing scribbling all the time?

” “Exactly,” Robi joined in. “You drew so beautifully, but you never showed us your work, you just ruined everything. Now you write in every free moment, and we don’t know what about it again. If it’s some personal matter, a diary or something, then fine, we won’t insist .

” Czaki looked at us, unable to hide his confusion. I felt sorry for him. I shouldn’t have mentioned it.

“Czak writes poetry,” Marti announced unexpectedly. His friend shot him a glare. His face darkened.

“Seriously, have you been touched by the muse?” Konrad asked .

“No, it’s just… thoughts,” he muttered

. I wasn’t really surprised. Maybe I even expected such information. What else could such a sensitive, intelligent boy be doing? By the way, I’d really like to read those poems.

"Don't you want to show us?" Robcio stated more than asked.

"Uhu..." Czaki hesitated. "They... aren't suitable for reading.

" "Okay, I understand, you write poems that aren't suitable for reading. I have no more questions." Konrad's voice was laced with bitterness.

Czaki flinched as if something had stung him. In an instant, he regained his former self-confidence.

"Sorry, Konrad, but everyone has the right to privacy, even between loved ones," he said in a sharper tone.

"Sure! I'm not saying anything anymore."

I sensed Konrad harbored a grudge against his friend. Just like that time, on the trip to Kampinos, when Czak and Marti kept to themselves and whispered about their own affairs. Well, Marti certainly read his friend's poetry. But I couldn't get angry at Czak. Despite all the understatements, something drew me to him. Maybe we were similar in some way? I felt like I could tell him some of my thoughts and fears, and he would understand.

A rather unpleasant atmosphere prevailed. Konrad pretended nothing had happened, but he was failing miserably at it. Marti stood there with a miserable expression, having blurted out his friend's secret, and Czak, oblivious to everyone, smoked a cigarette. Robi and I felt like two pegs in a fence. Something had to be done.

"Hey, let's not argue, right?" "

Nobody's arguing," Konrad stated icily

. "Whatever you call it, you're turning up your noses at each other," Robi agreed. "Come on, shake hands politely, smile, and so on. We're not going to part in anger.

" "I'm not angry with anyone," Konrad declared. "I'm not even complaining about Czak trying to poison me with cigarette smoke."

The familiar, malicious note returned to Konrad's voice. Czak stubbed out his cigarette. Marti timidly sat down next to his friend.

"Traitor," Czak muttered under his breath. Marti's eyes lit up with joy. He affectionately ruffled his friend's unruly hair. Everything returned to normal.

***

I woke up, and the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was an incredible brightness outside the window. Another sunny, hot day. The weather this summer was truly exceptional. The scientists who say the Earth's climate is warming are probably right. You can easily immerse yourself in the Baltic Sea without fear of paralysis caused by the piercing cold. This year, the sea was exceptionally calm, with small waves allowing for swimming.

Wow, I was by the sea! Incredible. I was lying on a bed in a cozy attic room, and Czaki, Marti, and Kondi were sleeping next to me. I propped myself up on my elbow and surveyed the room, savoring the moment. Sunlight streaked across the sloping ceiling and walls. There was no furniture inside. The hosts had only recently built the house, and the attic wasn't finished yet. Due to the influx of vacationers attracted by the wonderful weather, this was the only place we managed to find. Fortunately, we paid a pittance for these spartan conditions, and the lack of comfort didn't bother us at all. We basically just came here to sleep, spending entire days outdoors. Sleeping in a sleeping bag on a mattress also had its charm. Admittedly, the things scattered on the floor—backpacks, clothes, cosmetics, juice bottles, empty crisp and cookie bags, a radio, a stack of cassettes and CDs—made our place look a bit like a den, but it still felt like the nicest place in the world.

We arrived a few days ago. The trip was truly crazy. I had no contact with friends for the entire month of July. First, I spent two weeks in Szczyrk with my parents, and for the rest of the summer, we were supposed to commute to my grandmother's plot of land. My grandmother has a plot of land near Warsaw, and theoretically, we could live there, but we only sleep on weekends. My parents work, and it would be inconvenient for them to move in with my grandmother for the summer. They wanted my sister and I to stay with my grandmother for the summer, but I managed to wriggle out of it. My grandmother hates loud music, and we don't have cable TV. Yes, I usually get addicted to TV in the summer. I can binge on MTV from morning till night. I was just flipping through the channels one day, bored, when Konrad called and asked if I was going to Robcio's. I was completely surprised. I thought the idea had died a natural death. Aside from a conversation at the end of the school year, we hadn't discussed or arranged anything. That's when I asked my parents if they would let me go. Their lukewarm reaction made me realize it would be difficult to convince them. They probably wouldn't have agreed to the trip if it weren't for the crazy speed at which things were moving. After Konrad's call, I told my family that my friends were going to the seaside and I'd really like to go with them.

"What do you mean? Where are they going? With whom?" My mother was clearly surprised.

"To Władysławowo," I explained. "Robert is on vacation there with his family. He booked a room for us in a house. Very cheap.

" "Wait a minute," my father interjected. "Who would go with you?

" "Classmates, you know—Konrad, Marcin, and Czarek." I've saved up some money, I'll pay for everything myself – I tried my best, but my parents were against the idea. Once they recovered from their surprise, they launched their attack.

"How do you imagine that?" my mother said. "You'll fall on people's heads, and they'll have to take care of you."

"No," I protested, "we're only going to Robie's because he can't go anywhere on his own. We'll live separately. We won't bother anyone.

" "Yes? And transportation? And food? And if something happens, how will you manage? No, what am I even talking about! No way!

" "I'm not a child," I protested. "We'll take the train, grab some canned goods, and there are so many shops, pubs, and fish and chips that we definitely won't starve. It could be a test of my independence.

" "I can tell you right now how independent you are…"

I had to listen to a whole litany of accusations: that I don't do anything at home, that I only come home ready-made, that everything is shoved under my nose, that everything is taken care of for me, that I definitely won't manage, that I'm childish, that my head is in the clouds, and so on. Dad joined in, talking about various threats, about banditry and drugs, implying that if we weren't attacked, robbed, and beaten, a drug dealer or a dangerous cult would recruit us. After such a sermon, I completely broke down. Nothing to do but lie down in my coffin!

Offended and furious with my parents, I locked myself in my room and spent the rest of the day listening to debilitating Alice in Chains records. That evening, Marti called, so I told him not to bother me. Childishly, I decided to spite my parents and ruin the rest of their summer. I planned to show my bad temper and try to get out of going to Grandma's at every opportunity. And, of course, to watch as much MTV as possible, because that was what annoyed them the most. Fortunately, I didn't have time to put my plans into action.

In the morning, I received another call – this time from Czak. He asked why I couldn't go. I poured out all my frustrations. At least I felt lighter.

In the afternoon, Kondi, Czaki, and Marti showed up in person. And with a train ticket for me, too. I was as astonished as my parents. As we sat together at the table in the living room, I kept my hands under the tablecloth so they wouldn't show how they were shaking. On the one hand, I was thrilled and touched by my friends' gesture, but on the other, I was afraid the old couple wouldn't accept my extravagant friends. Up until then, they'd heard nothing but praise about them. I guessed from their faces that they had a different idea of ​​the best students in their class.

"We'd like to apologize for the unexpected visit," Konrad began. "We've come to ask for permission for Piotrek to go to the seaside with us. We know you don't know us yet and might have reservations, especially at the sight of this individual who looks as if he doesn't have a mirror or a comb at home."

Czaki lowered his eyes modestly. Konrad continued:

"But that particular disheveled kid is one of the best students in the entire school. Besides his penchant for dressing up as a tramp, he's a very sensible guy. We went to various camps together and always got along well. Now we feel like we can go out on our own, without adult supervision.

" "Well, not exactly," Marti interjected. "We have a friend with his family at the seaside, and if we need anything, we can turn to them for help."

Mom was full of doubts. She asked about accommodations, meals, and transportation, and the boys answered everything politely. My parents were embarrassed by the whole situation, so they didn't bring up any serious arguments. Fortunately, they didn't mention the fact that I'd never gone anywhere alone. They tried to find any problems that would ruin my plans, like not having enough time, not knowing where my camping gear was stashed, not having suitable clothing, and so on. In a sweet voice, I promised to search the closets for a mattress and a sleeping bag. I also explained that, in principle, I could wear just one blouse and jeans. My mother tried to shake my conscience by mentioning my sister, who would be left alone, but my father cut her off, probably realizing that such comments might make me look ridiculous in front of my friends.

"Fine," he said. "We'll see how you manage."

I couldn't believe my luck. I was in a frenzy. After my friends left, I ran around the house like a madman, searching through wardrobes and dumping their contents on the floor. Although my parents weren't entirely convinced, they helped me. My mother ironed my clothes and prepared a lunch, my father showed me how to inflate the mattress, and then together we packed our things into a backpack. The next morning, I was rushing by train to the seaside.

Robi was waiting for us at the station in Władysławowo. He was overjoyed to see us. I guess he was pretty bored on vacation with his family. As soon as we left our stuff in the attic room, he showed us around the city and pointed out the most interesting attractions. Konrad, however, insisted on going to the beach and swimming in the sea that same day. So we went back for blankets, towels, and underwear. We arrived at the beach late in the afternoon, when most people were already leaving. We'd barely spread out the blanket when Konrad shed his clothes and ran towards the water. He immediately stepped in up to his waist, turned to us, and started waving at us. We sat a little awkwardly. We didn't want to be seen wearing white among the sun-tanned beachgoers. Even Robi was brown. He looked great in colorful Bermuda shorts and sunglasses. A true vacationer.

"Are you going for a dip?" Marti asked.

"Sure!" Robcio said happily. "I swim three times a day. The water's really warm.

" "Later," Czaki muttered

. I glanced at him sideways. He was sitting in his favorite pose, knees under his chin, watching the waves.

"Go ahead, we'll be there soon," I said.

Robi pulled off his Bermuda shorts, leaving him in his briefs, his round belly sticking out comically. They looked funny together walking along the beach – tall, slim Marti and chubby Robcio.

Czaki and I had also shed our clothes. The heat was still pouring down. Czaki lay on his back, putting his hands behind his head. His pale skin sagged over his stomach and stretched out at the sides, exposing his bones.

"Wow, you could count all your ribs!" I laughed.

The boy jumped up as if scalded, grabbed his shirt, and threw it back over his shoulders. I was completely surprised by this behavior.

"I'm joking," I explained.

He sat for a moment, staring at the sand. I wondered if I should apologize for the awkward remark.

"I'm too skinny," he said in a strange voice. "I eat, but I'm not gaining weight. That's just my metabolism." I work out, I exercise, but I can't find any muscles on me. I know I look disgusting, just skin and bones.

"What are you talking about?!" I said, outraged

. "I'm probably terribly vain," he continued, "but I'd like to look good. I wouldn't have to be like…Marti, a completely ordinary appearance would be enough, so that people wouldn't turn to me and say, 'What a skeleton.'

" "Nobody says that about you," I tried to protest. "You're just thinner than others."

He looked me straight in the eye. He smiled sadly.

"I know, you want to tell me something nice. Don't worry, I'll get through my awful appearance somehow. I have more serious flaws, anyway."

I nodded in disbelief. I didn't think Czaki could have such insecurities. He seemed rather confident, rebellious, provocative. Now I was beginning to understand that it was just a facade, a form of defense against the world. But where exactly did this low self-esteem come from? Was someone making fun of him? In fact, I still didn't know much about him.

Marti came running from the sea. He stood over us, dripping wet.

"Hey, come swim with us. You don't have to watch these clothes; no one will steal them."

Czaki cringed, moving to the end of the blanket.

"Be careful, it's dripping off you," he muttered .

Marti wrung out the ends of his hair, and the water splashed from his hand directly onto Czaki. In response, he grabbed a handful of sand and threw it toward his friend. With a single leap, Marti reached Czaki, grabbed his wrists, and pinned him to the blanket. Czaki tried in vain to wriggle free. He groaned, expressing his helplessness. At the same moment, Marti's grip loosened.

"Did I do something to you?" he asked, concern in his voice.

"Yes, you bastard," Czaki gasped. "You're embarrassing me for the whole beach!

" "Aha!" You're asking for it, Marti said happily, and then started tickling Czak, who was writhing and laughing hysterically.

Looking at them, I thought they shared a special kind of friendship, a deep, almost brotherly feeling. That day on the beach, I realized that even though we were one group, there were different relationships between us. Marti had an incredible influence on Czaki. He could turn his scowl into laughter in an instant, but I was beginning to suspect that, despite their closeness, Czaki would rather share his problems with me than with him.

Today, on this hot summer morning, lying on the floor in our cozy attic room, I was completely convinced of it. Last night, Czaki gave me some of his poems to read. I already knew what he was hiding from us.