Lost happiness

 

The rain rustles softly among the heavy spruce branches. The trees soak peacefully, without a word of complaint. Soft, dark green. Day dawns slowly, lazily illuminating the gray air. Today everything looks different.

Silence assaults my senses, devoid of thought.

I don't know if it was a good idea. I've been walking for three days, and all around me is the same forest. Gloomy. But something still tells me, "Go."

So I go.

The ground rises. Higher and higher. The rain has stopped.

I couldn't help her, not then. Memories overwhelm me again. Why didn't I do anything? What really happened? That's why I have to go now. Again.

The wind suddenly ripped through the trees. Heavy, pearly drops left the coniferous branches in a steady whisper. The whisper of her words.

It was already night. That night. After many days of drought, a violent storm had swept over the city. But at dusk, the rain stopped. The air had the unique scent of summer. We stepped out onto the terrace. Darkness and wind surrounded us.

"Why are you drawing out your words?" Elia's face was filled with mild concern.

I didn't even speak. What could I have said then?

"You're hiding something from me," she said after a moment in a cold voice. She moved away from the railing and stood in the middle of the terrace, her back to me. I was still staring ahead, at the black sky above the city. The flashes of a distant storm quivered on the horizon.

"It's so quiet..." I could already sense a certain unease in her voice.

"I know," I replied

. Time cannot be turned back

. "I've been waiting for this... I didn't know, I couldn't... And yet I have. Ever since you returned from Windobona." Her voice trembled, and I felt an unbearable pain in my chest. I stood paralyzed. I remained silent again. Elia looked at me, turning her head away. Dark eyes full of sadness.

"Say it," she demanded.

"Caesar... Caesar wants me to break up..." Elia turned her face away. I couldn't say anything more.

"The engagement... ours..." she suddenly rustled her dress and left the terrace.

A darkness I had never known enveloped me. It gripped my heart, touched my soul.

I followed my beloved into the familiar chambers. Elia sat in a chair, her face buried in her hands. She tried to hold back her tears. I approached her, knelt down, and took her small, pale hands, wet with tears.

"Elia," I began, whispering as softly as the air itself, "we can still leave. Leave the city, this turmoil." I saw uncertainty in her eyes, but also a glimmer of hope. "Let's go to Baetica," I added, trying to ignite even a small spark in myself to cling to. But Elia looked away after a moment. Suffering returned to her face.

"And what will become of my mother, my family? Have you thought about your brother? Will you protect them from Domitian's wrath?"

I knew Caesar was taking revenge on the families of his enemies. But I hoped she wouldn't remind me.

A rumble of thunder rolled over Rome. The wind crept into the room, filling the curtains with the faint breath of night. Elia shuddered.

"We can't do anything. Go away. Leave me!" Her voice was harsh with despair. At that moment, I heard footsteps. So I stood up, missing Elia's final touch. Two praetorians entered the room. One of them recognized the other prefect, Julius Agricola. I didn't know him personally, but I knew he was an ambitious and greedy man. He owed his position to being the first to greet Domitian with the cry "Ave Caesar" after Titus's sudden death. The second soldier was Petilius Cerialis, whom I knew well from his service in the 5th Legion on the Rhine. He was a good friend; I hadn't expected to meet him among the praetorians. As soon as Petilius noticed me, he averted his gaze.

There was a moment of silence. I heard only Elia's uncertain breathing. Julius spoke first.

"Lady," he turned to Elia, "divine Caesar desires to see you." He looked not at her face, but at mine as he spoke. Elia rose stiffly, and I stood between her and the soldiers. Julius's lips tightened in a grimace of anger. He took a step forward. I didn't yield. A tense silence fell.

"Cornelius, leave now." Elia's pale voice touched me like ice. I turned to her when I heard the prefect's voice from behind me.

"Cornelius Crassus?" The words sounded ominous, especially as I heard Petilius's heavy sigh. When I didn't answer, the clang of a drawn sword could be heard. I didn't even have a dagger hidden under my white tunic.

"By Caesar's orders, I am to detain you, Cornelius Crassus." – I could already guess that. Elia looked at me with pleading eyes.

“Run!” she whispered. “Nothing will happen to me…”

I hesitated, but as soon as I heard footsteps, I rushed toward the terrace. Behind me, I heard the prefect’s quick orders. One leap, and darkness enveloped me. I returned to the embrace of night.

The embrace of night and loneliness. The same night that envelops me now as I gaze at the evening sky. I saw Venus rising over the mountains. Can my Elia still enjoy the glow of the stars?