Eviction

October 17, 1974:

Socialism is the best system in Eurasia since the Paleolithic era. I am the wonderful child of

a worker and a peasant. I have a job where I don't have to do anything. I have an apartment for which

I barely pay. We have a soccer team that the whole world fears. Poland is among

the ten richest countries in the world. We produce the best and cheapest vodka in the world.

Our magnificent militia effectively crushes all secretive capitalist reaction.

The world is beautiful. If socialism is so wonderful, what will happen when, with the combined forces

of the brotherly nations of the Soviet Union, we build communism? Paradise on socialist soil. Since

I'm naturally impatient, I'm about to be frozen in a capsule as an experiment

to ensure our talented youth's bright and harmonious development in the spirit of

Marxism-Leninism, socialist democracy, and peaceful coexistence with the brotherly

nations of the Soviet Union, socialist communities, and oppressed Black people in the

United States. They'll unfreeze me in 50 years, when we'll surely have built

communism, unfortunately without my participation.

September 12, 2003.

Instead of communism in 2024, I woke up in the middle of the street in capitalist Warsaw.

After asking around, I learned that socialism had collapsed, that we had democracy, that credit

was dead, that the crisis was over, and that those who don't pay don't drink. Poland joined NATO, and the Warsaw Pact

ceased to exist. There wasn't enough money to keep me in ice, so the capitalist,

reactionary government gave up on financing me. The building owner, in accordance with

capitalist, imperialist laws that oppress workers and peasants, evicted

my capsule with me inside onto the sidewalk! And that's where I thawed out! This lousy

democracy is a terrible system!

September 13, 2003,

I managed to temporarily move into my brother's son's house. Unfortunately, in the filthy

capitalist world, you can never be sure of tomorrow, so my nephew asked me

to find something quickly, because if a private investor fired him, he wouldn't be able to support

my family and me. I went out into the streets to find a job. It turns out that in this sick

system, there's no obligation to work! The capitalists don't care whether you have food or not.

There are, of course, no jobs, because the former champions of labor, instead of working for the good and bright future

of the country, are working for themselves. Such a pseudo-champion takes multiple jobs just so

someone honest can't earn a living.

September 14, 2003

When I was walking down a street destroyed by democracy, I was looking for an undemanding

In the face of the work, a group of teenagers raised on capitalist ideals and role models,

with knee-high knees and oversized sweatshirts with bulldogs drawn on them, began to

verbally harass me. They shouted that I was a faggot and that I should get off their street. They wanted to resort to physical violence,

so I started running away. Fortunately,

the unruly youth, raised on capitalist food and an imperialist lifestyle, didn't have the strength to catch up with me. I guess

they didn't like my Kazimierz Deyna-style haircut. Yes, today not everyone is a prodigy

of the worker and peasant, who, under the enlightened leadership of our Party, in the spirit

of the guidelines of the last Plenum, is sweating away to create the foundations of a future socialist

working intelligentsia in cities and villages. The effects of the reactionaries' new policies are immediately visible.

Such behavior was once unthinkable.

September 17, 2003:

No! I thought it was impossible! And yet! It happened! Those disgusting capitalist pigs

went so far! They began to change history. On the anniversary of the invincible

Red Army's entry into Polish lands to fight the fascist invader, they published news of

the anniversary of the "attack" and "stab in the back" we supposedly received from our eastern brothers.

The initiative and internationalist commitment of members and candidates of the Polish United Workers' Party were in vain

! In my time, students were even provided with

regular afternoon lectures by professors from the Evening University of

Marxism-Leninism. All this to spread truth and progressive messages. The importance

the Party attached to spreading truth and strengthening friendship with fraternal nations is

also evidenced by the trips of young people on friendship trains to the Lithuanian Soviet Socialist Republic

, the Czechoslovak Socialist Republic, and the Ukrainian

Soviet Socialist Republic. There, during

commemorative events held jointly with local pioneers to commemorate the outbreak of the Great

October Socialist Revolution and mutual acts of fraternal assistance, such as the one on September 17, 1939, many

papers with progressive content were presented. The authors of the most outstanding and ideologically correct papers

were later recognized at school assemblies. All this was for nothing; all the effort is now

wasted before my helpless eyes!

September 25, 2003

I understand, or rather, I am getting used to, that much can be ruined. I am no longer

impressed by the disastrous state of the state, the lack of culture among the youth, and the falsification of history.

After all, the capitalists have only been ruining the achievements of the glorious years of socialism for 14 years. I can

forgive a lot, but not this! I don't know how they managed it, and I don't want to know. It seemed

impossible even for the capitalists. They destroyed Polish football!

Just a month ago, it would seem, we were the third-place team in the world, and that was only

because we were cheated by the imperialists from West Germany in the semifinals. We finished

first in a group with Argentina and Italy, and everyone in the world was in awe of us. And

now? Nothing. We lose or miraculously squeak out victories against Latvia or Estonia. We don't

qualify for major events. There used to be tens of thousands of

cultured people at First League matches. Now, a few groups of thugs come to the stadium just to

fight. Our clubs are losing to weaklings from Macedonia and the aforementioned Latvia. Nothing,

just start cheering on the Senegalese national team. At least they try to maintain the appearance

that they care about the team.

September 26, 2003.

In the old socialist days, our economy flourished. We built mines, factories,

power plants, and roads. Five-year plans were always exceeded. If we had continued

to develop at this rate, Poland would now be on par with the United States. Instead of

drawing heavily on proven socialist models, the capitalists are trying their own

methods. Infrastructure is supposedly handled by the worst minister in Eurasia since the Paleolithic era.

There are no roads, and what exists is full of holes, cars are supposedly supposed to run on rapeseed oil, mines are

closing, factories are being liquidated, and unemployment is rising. The healthcare system is still alive,

but instead of healing it, the government wonders how all the hospitals haven't

gone bankrupt yet. In short, a general recession combined with backwardness and a dark age. But the best part

is that in this capitalist parody of a state, the finance minister for a long time was

a tiger! They didn't even feed it properly, they just fed it sprouts! They called him

a tiger on sprouts, and some journalists were very amused. Currently, we have one

minister from Pole and another from Zoo. These imperialists are crazy about animals.

If it's not a tiger, then a lion or a duck. Recently, they devoted half the news to a story about

Rywin the lion, who is supposedly contributing to the Prime Minister's resignation. Some

Kacze or Kaczyńskie (I don't know how to pronounce it, I would write "kacze" but on TV

they say "Kaczyńskie") circles are very insistent on this. One of the main oppositionists is also a Kaczor, but

Donald. Capitalists are truly strange people.

September 28, 2003.

Ever since the unpleasant incident with the local youth representatives, I've decided to stay

home from my family. Who knows what might happen to me in this inhospitable world?

I spend my time reading newspapers, searching for job offers, watching television, listening to the radio

—basically, I'm everywhere around my nephew's apartment. Actually,

this kind of life suits me, because I'm a homebody by nature, and in the glorious socialist past,

I also spent my after-work time with the newspaper and the TV. Incidentally, this capitalist

music is awful. Songs in the imperialist, filthy language are constantly playing,

but the worst are the songs sung by people similar to those who attacked me back then.

They try to speak humanely, but they're not very successful. Yes, even in this

aspect of everyday life, socialism leaves the capitalists far behind. To be

fair, I must mention that cinema, especially Western cinema, has advanced

significantly.

October 1, 2003

My nephew said he started his own company, and now, apparently, we'll finally live like

humans. This intrigued me, as I didn't notice any shortcomings. Everyone in

the house was properly dressed, there was a color TV, and there was

ham in the fridge every day. What's more, he managed to get fruit quite often, and I never once saw

anyone in the apartment eating bread with lard. What could be better?

November 3, 2003

My nephew found me a managerial job! I'll be a senior manager at his company.

Admittedly, that's already a high bar. And it's also a good springboard for

launching a future career in the business world. I must admit, capitalism does have

its advantages.

November 4, 2003

I learned that a tiger on a sprout is a human being after all. It doesn't resemble a tiger at all,

and what's more, it's been several months since he was a minister. They didn't take the minister from Pola

from the field, but he has such a strange name and behavior. Whose idea was it to pay taxes on

everything? In the good old days, you didn't have to pay taxes to the state at all. Now

the one from Pola has come up with the idea of ​​paying taxes on driving on

roads that don't yet exist.

November 5, 2003

My new workplace is near the center of Warsaw. I must admit,

the capitalists have changed this city for the better. On my first trip, I simply

stumbled upon a bad neighborhood. Here, the buildings are nice, the roads are intact, and the cars are modern.

There's even a palm tree at one intersection. While no one knows what it's doing there,

it looks nice. It's hard to believe, but the capital looks better than it did in 1974.

November 6, 2003

I've noticed that these capitalist media tend to distort reality.

It turns out that the government is staffed by people, not animals. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating;

the government is staffed by people who look human. You can find work if you

want it and have a bit of luck. Mines are being closed because the socialists built too

many of them. But laid-off miners are being offered other jobs or money to start

their own businesses. It's not as bad as the newspapers make it out to be.

November 8, 2003

I'm starting to doubt whether my socialism was truly as wonderful as I thought.

Capitalism probably offers a healthier approach to the world than communism. It's better for everyone

to get what they deserve and work for, not what everyone else gets. What do I care if

some slacker doesn't want to work? I found a job there without a problem, so others

should be able to too, if they wanted to.

November 9, 2003

I shared my observations with my nephew. He said he was glad I'd finally

matured enough for capitalism, because he was tired of my, as he put it, communist slogans and

chants. He also told me that capitalists don't often use the term

"capitalist" as an epithet. They tend to use words like

"contemporary," "current," and "present" to describe their era. I'll try to adapt. As a reward, he promoted me

to his deputy at the company!

November 10, 2003

On my new work computer (incidentally, the greatest achievement

of capitalism, in my opinion), I downloaded some contemporary music from the internet. Most of it is much better

than the old, socialist music. Only on the radio and television do they play this strange,

discouraging kind. This seems to be some deliberate tactic by circles close to the

ruling party, carried out to weaken the position of certain

radio stations so they can later buy them cheaper and add them to their media empire.

November 11, 2003

I no longer have any doubts; capitalism and democracy are definitely superior to

socialism. I read this in a weekly magazine. I also learned there that Balcerowicz

must resign. They provided statistics from the socialist era and contemporary data. This suggests that 30

years ago, the state-owned media deliberately misled their audiences to

boost the government's ratings. Some people still do this today, and they consider socialism the pinnacle of political power.

An achievement in human history. These people are strange. Perhaps it's a result of the media

once working for the government and now trying to discredit it? Could they, however,

limit these somewhat justified criticisms and be more objective? But one thing

is certain: our football is terrible right now.