Sławek Rdestowicz

Sławomir Rdestowicz was leaving the school grounds. Suddenly, several tall guys attacked him. As he fled, he tripped over a rock and fell into the school pond. His vision swirled, and he fell into a strange lethargy.

Sławek was sitting in a tent with several other people. The tent was strange, because firstly, it housed grotesque creatures (more on that in a moment), and secondly, it was oddly constructed. The round shape isn't surprising, of course, but the vines with every imaginable flower, from water lilies to roses, instead of supporting rods, are food for thought. Furthermore, the interior was clad in lead panels with only a single window, through which one could see crayfish pretending to be Vikings, gorging on shrimp. People were staring into that window. And there were many of them, from a toddler constantly shouting, "Shark! Shark!" to a bearded man wearing a purple beret. But the most striking were the blue lions with yellow spots and the aquamarine gorillas, calculating something. Next to the gorillas sat a lute player, singing operas and reciting poems. Every so often, a boy dressed in rags would stuff a bundle of hundred-dollar bills into the lute player's pocket. They had been sitting like that for several hours, yawning. At some point, the crab general entered the tent and said,

"Judah, you have to come here immediately! I've been calling you for hours, and instead of developing a strategy for dealing with rooks and terriers, you're studying some other theory of Janek's. Follow me!"

All the gorillas rose heavily, put leashes on the lions, and ordered them to follow. The tent was lowered single file. Yes, but it wasn't a tent! Sławek looked back and instead of a tent, he saw a rotten tree stump! The gorillas had left the people and lions in the aviary. The parrots there were telling silly jokes, and if anyone interrupted them, they'd say you shouldn't interrupt mid-sentence. And when the "unmannered" one asked who they thought they were, they refused to give their age. The lute player found Viking clothes in the birdhouses, which they were soon all wearing. They escaped from the aviary and sat down with the crayfish to a feast under the open sky. They gorged on shrimp, because there was nothing else on the table but shrimp and salty seawater. Seagulls flew above the table, stealing food from the diners. And the crayfish sang a slow bass song:

We feast with the crayfish,

We feast with the Vikings,

The gulls will get hit in the head with their boathooks,

Because the crayfish feast with the Vikings!

We feast with shrimp,

And we clink glasses,

The gulls will get hit in the head with their boathooks,

Because the crayfish feast with the Vikings!

We don't deal with kittens,

but we deal with raids.

Seagulls will be hit in the head with barefoot hooks,

because a crayfish feasts with Vikings!

But it was really difficult to determine who was a crayfish and who was a Viking. Initially, a bearded man in a purple beret checked who was singing and who wasn't (crayfish don't sing), but everyone sang without exception (of course, the escapees from the tent were only pretending, mouthing off, because how could they possibly know the song of crayfish and Vikings?). Then old friends from the tent—gorillas and lions—arrived. They pulled Sławek and the others from the crowd and carried them into the courtroom. A striking feature in the courtroom was a huge shoebox on which the judges—gorillas and crayfish—were sitting in rows. Sitting in their shoes, arranged along the sides of the courtroom, sat elegant, gilded cutlery, seemingly serving as a jury. The accused themselves—the people from the tent—sat astride broken willow stools. Instead of a door, there was an oak gate carved with scales and camels, guarded by lions. The prosecutor—one of the gorillas—gave his speech:

"The accused escaped from the aviary, injured a parrot, stole clothes, and attended a feast without an invitation. I recommend the sentence of exile to Badyłów Dziki."

"I support this," the gorillas shouted in unison

. "Wait a minute, witnesses, gentlemen," said one of the crayfish.

"You're welcome. Skrzyp-Nożyk, speak up!

" "They feasted, as they did, I was two tables away..." said Skrzyp-Nożyk

. "How do you know so much, you clever bastard?

" "Because I saw you carry him away."

As you can see, the crayfish's arguments were so convincing that after a half-hour debate, the judges called the next witness:

"Guardian, speak up!"

"I saw them commit all the crimes." Send them to Badyłów Dziki!

"Confirmed!" the jury shouted.

The accused were carried from the courtroom, which from the outside looked like a circus tent. They walked along a narrow sidewalk with the guards. They arrived at the station and paid their entrance fee. They sat on pouffes made of dried pumpkins. They were waiting for the train to Ananasów, the Viking Express. Suddenly, an announcement came over the loudspeaker:

Hello! The Viking Express is coming soon! Grab tickets! Ku-ku! Ku-ku! Trelediju-diju, oh, grab tickets, tickets! Quick! Help! Save yourself, whoever can!

Immediately afterward, an avalanche of telephone books descended on the station. Fortunately, all the convicts and guards managed to grab one. It was time to leave; the train arrived at the platform. However, there was a problem: the train had brought chickens to the station, which were wandering around the platform, then boarding, then leaving, then returning, making boarding for new passengers much more difficult and time-consuming. Terriers armed with rifles* were also exiting the train. Fortunately, thanks to the railway workers' roosters, after about an hour everyone boarded the steam train. The train slowly made its way to Ananasowo. Unfortunately, it turned out that the guards and convicts had been placed in a compartment already filled with vegetables, and only the guards had enough seats. As for the vegetables, the radish was bored by the fact that there was no electricity or running water in Ananasowo and listed all the downsides. The cucumber, tomato, and carrot slept soundly, snoring loudly, and the cauliflower smoked a cigar, producing a terrible smoke. The chicken problem didn't end there either: they continued to wander the compartments, gossiping. A few even flew into the compartment through the roof window. At some point, a guy selling Coke and candy bars arrived, lugging a creaky cart behind him. They bought some to cheer themselves up, but they still carelessly started grumbling about the exceptionally poor travel conditions, increasingly favoring the radish. The guards didn't protest at first, but then, when they looked at the bill, their eyes filled with tears. A half-badger, half-apes emerged from the corridor. At first, he carefully examined each passenger in turn through his sunglasses and his many other pairs of glasses, of which he must have had two hundred. To speed up the procedure, he put on four glasses at a time. Later, he scribbled portraits of all the passengers in the compartment in his notebook, and then checked everyone's phone books. On his way out, he took vegetables with him, after all, they had phone books from five years ago. Just as the condemned were about to sit down, crowds of frightened passengers ran through the corridor. They quickly escaped the compartment and somehow managed to get to the exit. They emerged and saw—the bridge had collapsed! The locomotive had sunk into the depths of the lake, but fortunately, all three drivers had managed to climb the slope and stood staring at the empty coal wagon hanging forlornly. The chickens, unwisely, immediately threw themselves into the lake; in fact, everyone jumped in after them, and no one remained on the shore. All the water-logged passengers looked like the proverbial soaked chickens, except, of course, for whom this could be said literally. They were greeted by hawks perched on the branches of the forest trees into which the soaked swimmers would now have entered. The biggest hawk said,

"You drowned badly. I wonder if Edek checked your train thoroughly back in Garnkowo Morskie. Poor things, weren't you cold?" "

Ever since you were fired from your job at the railway, you've been whining like an old grump," another one replied.

"What are you arguing about?" the first one fussed.

"Do you always have to argue?" the third one interjected slowly, forcefully. "Guys, come on, let's show the drowned people our tunnels."

"I think it's a good idea. Darek and Edek won't have an excuse to argue," said the oldest, now wearing his glasses.

After a debate lasting several minutes, the travelers were given a meal of twelve hares per wagon and, after an unplanned picnic, they were led to a deep, dark ditch. The only lighting came from ropes soaked in resin dangling from above. The hawks had a long haggle with the cats that lived there, because who else would transport the unfortunate passengers? And they had to pay again, this time to the cats. The tunnel was very small; a cat could barely get through it with one of the customers. On the sides were windows where cats sold hot dogs and drinks, which hampered traffic: people stopped constantly, causing annoying traffic jams. One lion's mane almost caught on fire as he passed under a string of lights. However, they had no choice. Who wanted to stay with the hawks? At the picnic, they argued, made up, then argued again, and so on, and there was no time to talk to the still-soaked travelers. It was just constant arguing, agreeing, arguing, agreeing, arguing... As they passed, they lost track of time, only to find themselves in Ananasowo at night. A semi-conscious guard sat on a bench, suddenly waking up:

"Password!"

"Pineapple!" the cats replied in unison.

"A fantastic fruit!" the night guard sighed with a forced smile.

The guard himself was a pineapple, and his legs were cucumbers. He wore brown trousers and a black cloth, which he draped over his back. And, of course, a kerosene lamp. Ananasów itself consisted of pineapple-shaped houses, roads lined with bananas, and palm trees dotted here and there. However, now, not even the street lamps were burning in Ananasów (Ananasów didn't have any street lamps yet), so the guard led the travelers to his hut, which, of course, was shaped like a pineapple. It was then that the convicts asked the guards watching over them, who initially scoffed at them so as not to interrupt the guards and the night watchman, who were alternately complaining, but finally answered:

"Why are we in Ananasów and not Badylów Dziki?"

"Don't you know that Badylów Dziki is hundreds, if not thousands, of kilometers away?" Surely you can't complain about being over-informed.

At dawn, the guards rented the cheapest hotel room, but they were already out of money. So they sent the convicts out for three days to earn money for a carriage to take them on their journey. First, the men went to a side alley lined only with palm fronds to confer. They agreed that Sławek was to borrow a bull from a farmer for the bullfighting races; a lute player was to offer to drive his vehicle in the donkey races; a bearded man in a purple beret was to pull a wild boar from the forest and sell it to the zoo; and a boy in rags with a baby was to collect donations for a child bitten by a shark. The plan was clever, but only a plan... Sławek went out into the street, looking for a farm, but he saw nothing, only pineapple-shaped houses and palm trees, numerous coconut-shaped markets, but no sign of any farms. Finally, he asked a local resident his age,

"Hello, where are the farms around here?"

"In the suburbs. Why do you ask?"

"Because I'm looking for a farm my dad could buy, goodbye," Sławek lied.

He turned off the main street, which he saw was Obrońców Ananasowa Street, and sat on a bench, wondering how to get to the suburbs. At first, he decided that the suburbs surrounded the city itself on all sides, so whichever way he went, he would end up in the suburbs. He intuitively determined which way to go and set off. He came across Stolarska Street, from which he turned onto Leśna Street and turned onto Farmerska Street. Right onto Farmerska Street! Here, too, stood pineapple-shaped houses, but they were enclosed by banana fences. He could hear the grunting of pigs, and whole flocks of chickens roamed the sandy street. Sławek chose a farm at random. He knocked.

"Hello." My name is Sławomir Rdestowicz. I'd like to borrow your bull for three days.

"Ha, I know, I know, junior races today. I've run out of bulls. But go to the farm across the street and let me know. I'm Ryszard Ananasocki. Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

Sławek headed for the farm across the street. He knocked too. "

Good morning. Ryszard Ananasocki sent me, and my name is Sławomir Rdestowicz. I'd like to borrow your bull for three days.

" "Aha, you're a lucky bachelor, I have the last one. Will you be attending the races for the first time?

" "Yes, sir."

"So, can I teach you for a fee?"

"No, I've ridden before, but not in competitions. Just tell me how to spur a horse.

" "Oh, right, and a whip. Wait here, I'll bring the bull in a moment."

Sławek waited for about fifteen minutes, wondering how lucky he was and how he would fare in the competition.

"Here's your bull," said the farmer.

-Just please, where should I go?

-As soon as I lend it to you, run quickly to Stolarska Street and turn onto Kolejowa Street.

-Goodbye.

"Goodbye! First place and have fun!"

Sławek mounted the bull and turned it back to Stolarska Street, where Kolejowa Street was opposite Leśna Street. Along the way, he greeted a lute player who was racing through the streets of Ananasów. He entered the registration area and signed in. After fifteen minutes, everyone was on the Burta River, the river that flows through Ananasów. The start was 20 meters from the town gates. The task was to float themselves and the bull to the other end of the town down the river in the shortest time possible. When all the crews were lined up, the judge asked, "

Everyone ready?"

"Like a pineapple in the oven!

" "Well then... start!"

I don't know if this can be considered a race or a swimming race. Nothing could be seen or heard, because the huge, ten-meter waves obscured everything, and amid the unimaginable splashing, nothing could be heard. The race was over! Great news! Sławek was third! He accidentally found a linen bag and surreptitiously put it in his pocket. Suddenly he heard:

"Third place... Attention... Sławomir Rdestowicz! Come to me."

Sławek, stunned, rose, walked to the podium, and stood on the third step. His expression was so comical that the audience burst into laughter. He received flowers and a cash prize, then sat down at the table. He took out a linen sack and secretly stuffed food into it as he ate. When he returned, the convicts ate dinner and went to bed.

After three days, they returned to the guards, who had moved to a three-star hotel to supplement their income. They immediately took a taxi to the outskirts of the city and rented a ladder truck to the nearby forests. After a full day of driving on a dirt road, they entered the forest. Shortly after, they stopped, pulled over to the side of the road, tethered their horses, and built a fire. In the light of the flames, they cobbled together a few shabby huts and extinguished the fire. After a short conversation in the dark, everyone fell asleep.

The campers were awakened by the chirping of morning birds. They set off again. Suddenly, the driver stopped the horses and carefully read the inscription on the roadside sign: "

Which way you go, you'll find

the Eagle brothers. It's best

to turn right, though.

" The driver asked in surprise:

"Where exactly are we going?"

"To the forester."

"What's the forester's name?"

"Henryk Orzeł.

" "Aha."

The driver turned right, and after a few seconds of sudden turbulence, they arrived in front of a hut. One guard got down from the wagon and, holding the others back with his hand, knocked. An eagle dressed in green and brown clothes emerged from the door.

"How are you, Adam! Are you bringing back some rascals? What have they done?"

"I don't remember, but anyway, they got into trouble with the monkeys, and you know, the ones from Eryk and Hubert."

-Listen, we're going to gossip here like Wanda from Ananasowiki, invite your friends and convicts here.

They all entered the two-room cottage. In addition to Mirosław, who greeted them, there was Henryk, a less exuberant character, studying maps. Immediately afterward, they drank hot cocoa. Henryk brought maps from the attic (in addition to the two downstairs rooms, there was also a bedroom upstairs). Many interesting places were marked on this map: Lake Brzozowe, from which the Burta River flows, the Tumeny Mountains, the castles of Stanisław and Mścisław, and the states of Wieńczysław and Romutry. With the help of the rangers, the guards penciled the route on which Mirosława would accompany them. However, they would spend the next two days preparing here.

The next day, they learned of the dreaded marauders – the bush crawlers. They had the body of a snake, a miniature lion's head, and hundreds, if not thousands, of small legs the size of pins. If it weren't for the head and legs, you'd say they were an exceptionally long garden hose. During the day, the bush crawlers crawled through the bushes in search of worms. But at night... They robbed people, wild beehives, squirrel and woodpecker holes, rabbit and hamster burrows, even bear dens and hawk nests (even the hawks that had saved the Viking Express passengers complained about bush crawlers). Just as everyone was starting to pack their bags, someone knocked on the door. "Wood crawlers!" roared a baby.

The forester opened the door calmly. Several hunters entered.

"Can we hunt wild boar in your forests? Today, the hunting club announced the beginning of the wild boar hunting season, which will end in a week. Only... could you lend us a few men for the hunt?"

"We need to talk. Gentlemen, sit down at the table," Henryk replied.

It was no wonder the hunters arrived so early. The hunts had to take place before noon, because the residents of Ananasów come to the forest for walks in the afternoon. Sławek and the escapees whiled away the time by gossiping about the eldest hunter's exploits with a pipe. At first, he smoked his pipe calmly, but that stopped after a moment. He left the table and began swinging it vigorously, which he did for a minute, then sat down with a bemused expression. Lost in thought, he held the pipe in his mouth for so long that his face puffed out. Finally, he took it out and, in one puff, spat out so much smoke that it filled the entire room. Everyone began to sneeze violently, and one of the hunters (you couldn't even tell which one was which) yelled something about stupidity and about smoking "pipe smokers." When the smoke cleared, they saw the old hunter with a burning pipe cleaner. He gave Mirosław the pipe cleaner to hold, then took out two torches and lit them both. He put the ash-burned pipe cleaner in his pocket. Torches illuminated the dark room, despite the day, which was darkened by the horn-plated windows.*

Henryk took off his glasses and said,

"You can hunt until the end of the boar-catching season; but my hunt will end the day after tomorrow at eleven o'clock."

The hunters nodded, said goodbye, and left.

The next day, the convicts learned the Tukan and Ushat languages, knowledge of which would prove useful in two hostile mountain strongholds. These languages ​​were so different that learning was extremely difficult. When Sławek was asked to say, using Ushat, "Marysia had a little lamb," he said, "

Marysia, just beat her, owihu.

" He said half the sentence in Tukan and had to repeat the exam from the beginning. Finally, evening came. They had to get some sleep before the hunt.

While Sławek thought the shooters would get them and wait in the bushes for the game, the hunters ordered them to sound the horn and run towards the boars, making a lot of noise, and surround them on three sides; the hunters, armed with firearms, would block their escape route from the fourth side. After half an hour, the dogs scented the boars. A dull sound of the horn rang out. Everyone sprang into action. The hunt rushed into the grass where the boars were digging and dug into the ground itself. The hunters shot a squirrel and a gang of bushbabies; they also accidentally felled several newly planted oak trees. The hunt was a failure.

The hunters, unable to believe the hunt had ended so unluckily, quickly galloped home. Meanwhile, a wagon arrived, intended to bring the convicts and guards closer to their destination: Badylów Dziki. They climbed in and chatted: about Master Hedgehog, who instead of spikes had nails, screws, hammers, screwdrivers, and other tools; about Szop Pracz, who supposedly owned the "Racoon" chain of laundries, claiming that Master Hedgehog had to embark on a several-year escapade in search of herbs to provide him with tools for his workshop; and about the herd of elephants called "Złota trąba" (Golden Trunk). Suddenly, a sign with the name of the village appeared before them: Słonice (Elephants). "

The malicious claim is that the village is called Słońce (Sunset), and that the old, legendary elephant, Musketeer, misspelled the name." "Mirosław laughed. "I think that even if she got something wrong, it was to pay homage to her fellow elephants."

They stopped by a house with a sign reading "Needle Hedgehog." They all went to the door and knocked. A hedgehog answered, matching Master Hedgehog's description exactly.

"Help me! Someone stole my barrel of old nails!" said the clearly distressed Master Hedgehog.

They started searching the house but found nothing. Just as they were going to bed, Master Hedgehog went to look for the barrel in the yard. After a while, screams of "Help! Help!" began, continuing until morning. When they woke up, they heard a conversation shouting: "

You're here! " "

A rhinoceros dragged me here!" "

I'm not a rhinoceros! " "

Then who are you, you monster?!

A Needle Hedgehog!"

"How are you, Master Hedgehog?" The voice became friendlier and quieter.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not Master Hedgehog?"

Master Hedgehog's temporary tenants ran towards the noise. The matter was solved – the elephants had taken the handyman's barrel of nails, grabbed a bucket from somewhere, and thrown everything into a hole they called a rhino trap. Master Hedgehog fell into the hole and, unfortunately, fell into his own barrel, which, surprisingly, was empty, a fact the unfortunate searcher only noticed later. Trying to break the barrel, he put the bucket on himself and began calling for help. Raccoon was supposed to check if anything had been caught in the trap. When Master Hedgehog heard footsteps, he stood up so abruptly that the bucket landed on Raccoon's head. As a result, the elephants were searching for Master Hedgehog's nails.

The next day, they saw a self-propelled washtub on one of the streets of Słonice. It seemed strange, but the fact that the tub was being carried by ants and inside was mud and a half-fish, half-crocodile surpassed all expectations. When Crocodiscorpion (for that's what the elephants called him) emerged from the mud, he asked with a clear parody of fear:

"What are these creatures? Soap? Come closer.

" "This, this..." Master Hedgehog himself wasn't quite sure - convicts. "

A hundred thousand soap bubbles! And why do I have to meet future prisoners?! Shame, Hedgehog, shame!" Crocodiscorpion was clearly disgusted. "I have to eat something!"

And then he did something that would disgust the least squeamish man - he sank into the mud and pulled out a bar of soap. He swallowed it whole and began bleating like a sheep, then sank back to the bottom, where he let out a loud thud. Then came wild roars, rumblings, and squeals, which, as Master Hedgehog said, were orders to the ants carrying them. Imagine eating a whole bar of soap in one gulp! "

Tell them your story," Master Hedgehog said after a long silence.

The crocodyscorpion sang a song that went something like this:

The winter dragon runs at top speed,

The Screaming Knight chases him.

The dragon ate about a hundred black elephants,

The Knight saved the rest of their lives.

The piranha cacti had the keys,

They drowned them immediately.

The ant knows crow habits,

He carries a bowl, with cheese in the bowl.

And into the bowl, the crocodyscorpion!

The ant calls for his companions,

They'll soon drown him in the mud!

"Little mice, listen to me!"

The dragon still runs at top speed,

The Screaming Knight chases him.

The dragon ate about a hundred black elephants,

The Knight saved the rest of their lives.

"Explain it to them yourself, Jeżyrul." (A new series of noises and squeals.) See you soon! Oh, and send the convicts back to prison as quickly as possible!

Master Hedgehog waved to his friend until he disappeared over the horizon (which took quite a while, because the ants could barely carry everything), but then he continued:

"Master Lisa's ancestor built an iron dragon, but it turned out to be dangerous. So he went to Musketeer to have it frozen for him."

"What does it mean to freeze?" asked the man in the purple beret.

"Well, there's cooling, aging, freezing, and shaving, and she did it according to something she called the Freezing Tablet.

" "Aha.

" "So the dragon was frozen. However, during the winter, it broke through the ice and began to torment everything it could reach with its jaws. The Vikings were summoned for help: they didn't respond. They only begged the Screaming Knight, who was passing by, and began chasing the monster with a wild scream. In revenge, the dragon exterminated the kurosłonies—hairy chickens with elephant trunks and ears—in the area. On February thirty-first, the last day of winter, the Screaming Knight and the Winter Dragon disappeared under unknown circumstances.

"But February has twenty-eight days!" "Sławek corrected after a moment (it's hard to blame the delay, after all he'd seen and heard so many strange things). "

He has forty days in a leap year," Master Hedgehog scolded him.

"That's impossible!

" "Oh... Oh my! Oh my! To catch Master Fox, to catch Master Fox!" and he ran at lightning speed into the forest.

The convicts stared in amazement at the direction where the hedgehog had disappeared into the forest. Finally, the lute player became indignant:

"He's defending himself against being called Master Hedgehog, and he calls this one Master Fox. Don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you."

("Don't moralize like that," Sławek whispered, scolding him.)

"Because that one really is Master Fox. He comes from a family of tinkerers." When Master Hedgehog told everyone about his rival, everything got twisted, and they called him Master Hedgehog, which stuck. Only Crocodiscorpion calls him by his old name, and that's why they're loyal friends," said Mirosław. "

And what's he trying to get to?" asked Sławek. "

For the patent." They have a 'curse': if one thinks of something, the next one comes up with the same idea within half a minute. You can figure out the rest yourself," he said mysteriously.

In the meantime, they had to prepare to continue their march. However, they had to wait for Master Hedgehog. He returned very breathless in the evening. From the very doorstep, he was shouting:

"I have a patent for a refrigerator with a music box!"

"And who needs a music box in the refrigerator?!

Who's saying that?!

(I don't even know who said that, but I suspect it was one of the parrots Master Hedgehog had fifty-three of) "

We're getting ready, Master... Jeżyrul," said one of the guards. "

But first, go to Gawron's bank." "

Of course we will," replied the guard, turning to the convicts. "Let's go!"

They left Master Hedgehog's house and headed for the bank. Although the name "bank" is rather arbitrary, as it consisted of a large piggy bank, a rook acting as banker, and tweezers, with which the rook extracted modest sums from the box. When they arrived, the rook began to withdraw the money. After two hours, while both the convicts and the guards were sleeping under a tree, they were suddenly awakened by a hoarse voice:

"I have one!" the rook shouted as loudly as he could. "

How much?" one of the guards asked in a sleepy voice.

"One second," the banker replied, and after a long stare at the coin, he replied: "Two zlotys!

So be it," the guard surrendered.

Then they set off into the steppe. The terror he evoked exceeded the absurdity of the rook's behavior a hundredfold. The sun-baked wasteland was bare except for tall, razor-sharp grass (somewhat reminiscent of Australian spenifex) and small, pug-sized ostriches boasting their teeth. When one approached a camel caravan, the infant would become terrified and assume they were "xaco-walkers." Fortunately, the steppe was as large as a zoo. After crossing, they came upon a chasm and several waterfalls.

"Could you, gentlemen, suggest anything about getting to the other side?" one of the convicts, a bearded man in a purple beret, asked seriously. "

Here's the bridge!" the guards replied in unison, pointing with their fingers, paws, or claws at an old wooden bridge with several large holes. The first to cross was a lute player, who, while singing another opera, gracefully jumped through the holes, almost oblivious to the elements. The others had some trouble, but the guards threatened to throw the coward into the water. So after a while, everyone was on the other side and entered the dense jungle.

To ignore the darkness that reigned in the forest, Sławek engaged in a conversation with a bearded man in a purple beret named Hieronim.

"Sir, are there tigers or parrots in this jungle?"

"No tigers, but parrots do—just try squawking."

Sławek squawked and immediately attracted hordes of parrots and colorful flying fish.

"Where did the flying fish come from?"

"The leopards scared them away, and they fly, but they have to come to a puddle to catch their breath every fifteen minutes.

" "I've heard of flying fish in the ocean, but not in the tropical rainforest... I wonder...

When did the high mountains rise before them?

" "Is that the Tumens?" Sławek asked.

"Yes, it's the Tumens," Mirosław replied. "

How many times do I have to tell you not to talk to convicts!" "—the guard yelled.

"If it weren't for me and my brother, you would have drowned in the waterfall of Birch Lake, from sheer despair!" Mirosław replied.

And an argument broke out. As they walked, they grew increasingly angry with each other, until Mirosław threatened:

"Or I'll take your people!"

The guards ordered everyone to stop, then went off the path a few hundred meters and disappeared into a hole. This is their conversation in the hideout: "

I told you, you should have drowned them in the waterfall, come back and say they were gone."

"We would have had to spend the night at Henryk's anyway, and Mirosław certainly wouldn't have died himself!

" "But we could have spared Mirek!

" "Then he would have told Henryk! Wait, are you thinking the same thing I'm thinking?

" "No. That's a stupid idea; he'll see the light quickly. And how do you even know when he's gone far enough away to not hear a human scream?

" "A man in danger screams so loudly that he'd probably have to go back to Słonice to avoid hearing it!" another man laughed churlishly. "

Be careful, or I'll do something to you, and in such a way that... Wait, what are you suggesting, Lieutenant?"

"I think we'll keep going with them until we get the chance. And why do we have to go back then?" We can get a job with the local police!

"Fine."

Mirosław leaped over several rock ledges like a mountain goat. He'd heard everything! This band of capricious bandits plans to kill the convicts, and him too. What to do, what to do? He signaled the guards' intentions to the convicts. They greeted the news with a sad sigh.

Meanwhile, the guards returned from the meeting. They were confident, no longer arguing. They continued on their way. Suddenly, with a great surprise, they entered a thick fog. One of the guards gave the command: "Now!" The guards attacked each other with whips and revolvers and began fighting. The convicts and Mirosław were very lucky, each finding their comrade; only one, disoriented, was wandering around in circles. They realized this luck later, however, because now, terrified, they were cowering in nearby crevices. Hours passed. The fog slowly lifted. A terrible sight was revealed. The guards lay unconscious on the path, only one of them sound asleep. Those who were theoretically targeted for the attack were slowly recovering, but were still afraid to leave their hiding places.

Just then, red and navy blue badgers arrived on horseback. Sławek guessed they were the "traveling authorities" of the Tukan fortress. He barely managed to utter "Rescue" in Tukan, and remembered the polite phrase that translated as "Uszat w bezrelewiu" (and did). The riders stopped and pulled the unfortunate man from the steep ravine. When they learned that many men were still trapped, the search began. They found the last one only at dusk, so to avoid risking a night's journey, they set up camp. At dawn, a terrifying scream woke them, and they ran along the road. Mirosław remembered the guards fighting there. And indeed, it turned out that one of them had been kidnapped by a snow leopard*. They began to chase the furious beast, but the cat was faster. After an hour, they abandoned the chase. The guard was missing. This caused, on the one hand, euphoria among the condemned,on the other, the despair of the guards.

Despite this rather important event for the expedition, it was necessary not to stray from the trail. Let's leave everything behind for a moment to say a few words about Tukan and Uszat. These were two mountain powers engaged in a fierce war over a question that had plagued everyone for centuries: "Which is better: a cat or a dog?" Tukan favored cats, Uszat preferred dogs. A "traveling authority" roamed the mountains, exploring every nook and cranny and reporting everything to the military. Convicts, guards, and riders slowly approached the Tukan capital, Kocurov. The roads were no longer gravel, but paved. Cats roamed around, cared for by the locals—as I mentioned earlier, red and navy blue badgers. They saw the city walls and a gate, where an armed guard stood. However, the riders must have been his friends, because he let everyone in without any customs inspection.

The streets of Kocurów were, of course, full of cats, and there were also many horse-drawn carriages, though there were also a few relatively modern off-road vehicles. They were tightly lined with multi-story houses, the ground floor of which usually housed shops. Occasionally, there were parks of coniferous trees, though the ground was usually covered only with lichen. Soon they reached the market square, from which they headed towards Mruczalska Street and saw a rather modest royal palace. The horses remained in the stables, while the expedition followed a narrow path to the military barracks. They entered trenches partially covered with boards and old sheets. It was already dusk. One of the riders said (in Tukan, of course),

"Stay here, don't eavesdrop, wait! Military secret!"

Everyone responded with a sleepy grunt, and the riders continued on through the exposed tunnels, leaving the rest to the dim light of the lamp. Sławek then remembered sitting in the tent. He didn't know how or when he'd gotten there. The guards, on the other hand, despite their apparent exhaustion and dejection, were clear-headed. They were pondering whether it would be a good idea to carry out the plan they'd hatched in the mountains. They all understood each other without words. One look was enough—after all, they'd been doing this dirty work for years. But... If the soldiers heard, they might think they were spies. If a stray cat wandered here and they accidentally shot it, even if the soldiers turned a blind eye to the humans, they would be strangled or drowned for the cat without a trial or a lawyer. "But if now, then when?" was the silent conversation of the guards. Hours passed. Soon the last guard fell asleep. At dawn, instead of a rooster crowing, they heard a faint squeaking. And then everyone, without exception, joined in a moment of violent, uncontrollable laughter. A kitten had given birth in the largest pocket of Mirosław's jacket. Just then, yesterday's riders arrived with serious expressions. But upon seeing the cat and the kittens, one of them took off the sweater he was wearing and made a makeshift bed out of it, on which he laid the mother and the newborns. Only then did they give the order:

"The sergeant is giving interviews, follow us! Order!"

And so they went. When they met the sergeant in his room, sparsely furnished with a few broken chairs and a paint-stained table, they encountered a dozen or so other human convicts. It was clear they all had to go through something. But the question was: what? The bunker-like concrete vault didn't bode well. After a few words with all the guards, they emerged through a hidden exit. It was a chilly morning. The guards ordered the convicts to put on the warmest, most airtight clothing they had. Soon they came upon a cave, which turned out to be a very long drop. They walked and walked, getting darker and colder