A few days passed. We'd see each other occasionally. We mostly reminisced about the times we'd spent together. Sometimes we'd even spend long periods of silence together. I guess it was good. Although sometimes I longed for what had once been. I longed for him. I wanted our lips to meet again... for our tongues to engage in a whirlwind of madness. Yes, that's what I wanted, but was I striving for it...? No. I left that move to him. I sometimes saw him wanting to kiss, but he was afraid. Maybe he thought I'd be angry. The important thing was that somehow we managed to find common ground again, that we could talk normally again. I was also afraid it was all for show, that everything would be fun and good for a month, and then it would be the same again. No time, a hundred other things to do besides me... heh... yeah, that's how it was. He'd go to Grandma's, leaving me alone. He'd supposedly go to see friends... but as many as possible. Yeah, friends. That was also a problem, and he had so many problems because of them. It's because of them that he's lost so much... it's because of them that he's perceived as evil. I don't want to write here that he's perfect... oh no, he's not at all, to everyone around him he's a nobody... I still believe he'll be someone for me. I believe he'll succeed in life... if not with me, then with someone else. I want to help him. I want things to be like they were before, so we can enjoy each other's company again... I love him... even though things weren't always rosy. I've felt shame and fear because of him many times. I was always there for him... even when he was lying there after all those things... I tried to make things as good as possible... unfortunately, my efforts, sometimes, were simply ignored. I forgave him. Sometimes he shouted terrible things. He screamed, I cried. Later, he apologized for this, that. Sometimes I wondered what it was like. Why was I with him...? But I loved him. I knew he loved me. I knew what he said and when, what he regretted, when he wished he could turn back the clock. Maybe it was just attachment... and breakups are a desire to try something different... -another person... During that time... I never once physically cheated on him. I stayed by his side. I was faithful to him even when we weren't together. I believe he was too.
We were sitting in the park. He took my hand. The way he looked at me once. A shiver ran through me. He began to speak... so gently, calmly, quietly, as if afraid he might offend someone with his words.
"You know... this might seem silly to you... but... I want... I mean, I want you to come back. I want things to be like they used to be. I'll change. I promise. I won't be selfish. I won't say words I'll regret later; there won't be moments like before. Now I'll try to make things as good as possible. I won't hurt you anymore. I'm lost without you. Is there still a chance for me, for us?"
I sat there like an idiot... staring at nothing. His words echoed in my ears. I wanted to. I wanted to go back. I was overjoyed in my heart. I was jumping for joy. Did I believe him, what he was saying...? I tried.
"I have to think about it. Please, take me home."
I wanted to be home already. This decision needed to be considered. In fact, I was sure I'd come back to him... but I was afraid... that these were just promises... only... And a fool's joy...
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