LONG LIVE THE BALL!

The girl slowly smoothed her long, curly hair, the color of sunburnt straw. She glanced flirtatiously at the man sitting at the desk, dressed in a tasteful, dark suit. He was well-built, slightly balding, and handsome in his own way. He could have been thirty-five, maybe forty. She wet her lips seductively with her tongue, then stood up and, with a slightly exaggerated sway of her hips, walked to the bar. She poured two glasses of dry red wine.

Krzysztof gazed at her shapely buttocks, clasped in a tight, cream miniskirt, through which her black thong was visible. He felt desire grow within him. Marta was a very attractive, slender twenty-three-year-old. Sex with her was always an incredible experience.

She approached him with a smile that revealed her small, white teeth. She handed him a glass of wine and sat on his lap. Krzysztof unconsciously lowered his gaze to the girl's rounded breasts, which Marta noticed.

"Did you bring photos from your student days?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his neck and taking a sip of alcohol.

"Of course. I'll show you in a moment."

He pulled a large metal-trimmed album from a drawer, placed it on the counter, and opened it. On the first page was a photo of three broadly smiling boys in a state of intoxication.

"This is Birdie," he pointed at the dark-haired hunk, "this is Alex, and this is me—all three of us famous guys from the dorm.

" "What was your nickname?

" "The Joker," he replied with a smile.

"I wonder why?" she asked, drawing out the words. "Could it have come from your...

" "No," he laughed loudly. "It's because I was the best joker in the class.

" "Aha," she smiled sweetly. "Who's this?" She pointed to the second photo, in which a tall blond man was holding onto the doorframe, his mouth wide open as if singing.

"That's Śpiewak, my friend from year. Whenever he got drunk, he'd sing Rodowiczka's songs. I took this photo on New Year's Eve around 2 a.m. He burst into our room where we were having a party. He was absolutely drunk, of course. He was talking for a few minutes, I don't know what, because I couldn't understand him. Then he staggered, hit his head on the doorframe, and something must have snapped in his head, because he started singing "Long live the ball," repeating only those three words. He was terribly off-key, and secondly, he wouldn't stop, so after about ten minutes of listening to his screams, our patience ran out and we threw him out the door. Around 5 p.m., I went to walk my girlfriend home, and on my way back, I noticed him standing next to the dorm. He was leaning against the fence, peeing. His pants were down to his shoes, he was standing there with his ass and the family jewels exposed in the minus fifteen temperature, smiling from ear to ear, waving at me and singing, "Long live the prom."

"He's a good guy," she laughed cheerfully. "It's a shame you didn't take a picture of him peeing.

" "I wish I had. The singer and I had some pretty good sketches. We once went to the river in the summer, stocked up on good, cheap wine...

" "Is there such a thing as good, cheap wine?" she interrupted, surprised.

"Sure. Cheap wine is good because it's good and cheap. Or at least that's what we thought back then." So we were drinking this wine by the river, and then the singer, obviously very drunk, said, "Look at this cute girl in the meadow!" We looked around—no girl anywhere. Then the singer got up and ran to this imaginary girl. It's a good thing Alex was relatively sober and brought him back by force, because it turned out that this supposed girl was a bull already preparing to attack the intruder.

"We should have left him alone with that girl. I wonder who would have screwed whom?"

They both laughed. Marta turned a page in the album.

"And who's that guy with the Mohawk? A punk in his forties?" she asked with a glint of interest in her eyes.

"Punk, but only for a day. We were going to Jarocin for a concert, so we bought a few bottles of wine for the trip.

" "Good and cheap?

" "Exactly. We still had a few hours until the train left, so we decided to wait it out at the train station. A friend. We met his neighbor in the stairwell, the one in the photo. We started talking and kept him company until we finally drank all the wine. Then he said he had a whole carboy of this noble drink at home and invited us over. We drank with him. At one point, he asked why we needed these backpacks? We replied that we were going to Jarocin. Then the neighbor got excited about the concert and insisted on going with us. He got a beautiful Mohawk cut and got ready to go. But it didn't work out because he overdid it a bit – he fell asleep twice on the stairs on the way down, and then collapsed on the lawn in front of the building and fell asleep. We couldn't wake him up.

"It had to be some kind of punk imitation. The real thing would have died down in Jarocin."

"I remember another hair-related sketch. Once, after a drunken party at a friend's, we made a promise to each other that the last one of us who didn't lose it would cut everyone's hair, cutting a strip down the middle of their heads. During that long, heady night, we ran out of vodka, so Alex went to the all-you-can-eat store for zero-seven firewater, and we fell asleep in the meantime. When he came back, he cut me and three other friends' hair with his razors and then went to bed. When we got up in the morning, without even looking at each other, we noticed Alex sleeping under the table, so of course we cut him off, and he had really long hair back then. The trick was great, but when I went to the bathroom after playing barber, I wasn't laughing at all. My friend wasn't either. Pissed, we cut off his eyebrows to make it funnier. You know, a little revenge. It was an unforgettable party."

"Oh, that picture's great too," the girl looked at the photo of five guys carrying a brunette man with his eyes closed out of the bar like a coffin.

"Yeah, that was a real blast too. In Zakopane, we went out drinking at some pub. When Ptasiek lost his touch and fell asleep at the table, we decided to end the party. We were carrying him out when he suddenly woke up and shouted to the girls in the bar, "Babes, I'll lick your pan anyway," and then fell back asleep. The next morning, still very drunk, he went out to the hallway to relieve himself, completely naked. There was only one communal bathroom on the first floor. A moment later, he returned and said, surprised, "You're some customer stalking me." The poor guy thought he was home.

"That customer had quite a view," Marta commented, sipping wine.

"I have a nice view too," Krzysztof said, unbuttoning the girl's transparent white shirt and peering down her neckline. "I like it when you don't wear a bra.

" "Where are you looking? You're not allowed!" She feigned indignation, pushing his head away. "You'd better tell me who that girl is in that picture lying next to you? She's not too pretty," she laughed mockingly.

"It's a rather sad story." Krzysztof drained his wine and made a sour face. At St. Andrew's Day, I got terribly drunk. Then, taking advantage of my moment of weakness, a certain woman started hitting on me, the very same pâté from the photo. And since I was, so to speak, a bit intoxicated... I agreed to everything... It's hard for me to talk about it... In the morning, I woke up with an ugly woman lying next to me. I'm telling you, it was a total disaster! After that party, I decided I wouldn't drink anymore...

" "That's a promise you simply can't keep," she smiled at him.

"Just like you said. After that tragic night, I didn't speak to that woman for a while. Until New Year's Eve. You know, it's unbecoming not to drink on a night like that, so I got completely drunk. It turned out that my crush from St. Andrew's Day was also at the party... From stories my friends told me later, I learned that I was on my knees apologizing to her for not speaking... I woke up in the morning with... a certain woman I knew, lying next to me in bed. Horrible! That was the first and last time I ran away from a party.

" "A classmate of mine had a similar experience. He got drunk as a starling at a disco once and had no idea what was going on. He's quite handsome, so some woman in her forties, four feet tall, and wearing a hat, hit on him. He invited her over and had sex with her. We still laugh about it to this day.

" "It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has such experiences," the man turned a page in the album. "Look at the blonde in the picture." I'll never forget her.

"And why is that? Could she be your ex-girlfriend?

" "No, nothing like that. We were on a hiking trip together at the University of Technology. There were about eighty of us. We slept in the barn on hay. We drank heavily, and when we were getting ready for bed in the pitch black, we suddenly heard a desperate, feminine scream: "Fuck, oh fuck, someone's fucking me from behind!" It was the girl in the photo. It was never revealed who had taken advantage of her.

"It's truly impossible to forget that girl," Marta stood up and went to get a bottle of wine.

After a moment, she returned and settled back on the man's lap, hugging him tenderly. Krzysztof placed his hand on the girl's bare thigh and wrapped his other arm around her waist.

"I, on the other hand, will always remember the class trip to Częstochowa before our final exams," the girl said. "On the way, one guy got so drunk that we left him on the bus—he'll sleep it off, it'll go away." After returning to the bus, the client vanished. We scattered around Częstochowa, searching for the missing man. We finally found him in a park, sitting on a bench with a sad expression. It turned out he had been raped by some locals! This was later confirmed by a doctor.

"Oh, the horror!" Krzysztof shouted. "I think that girl from the rally had a more pleasant experience after all." He poured wine into both glasses and handed the glass to Marta.

"And look at this photo." The man showed a photo of the boy sitting on a chair in the middle of the street, with cars driving past. "Krynica Morska, the summer after his third year of university. One evening, five of us were sitting at a bar, drinking beer after beer. Suddenly, one of the guys fell asleep. That's when I had a brilliant idea. At one in the morning, we carried him and his chair out to the main street and set him down in the middle of the street. He sat there for a good fifteen minutes, avoided by cars. And we watched it from the bushes, laughing our heads off.

"I'll tell you a better trick," the girl tapped him on the shoulder. "A friend of mine, the owner of a certain company, started dating his employee. The woman invited him to her wedding. After drinking heavily, she grabbed the guy's cell phone and called his wife, screaming, 'Get the fuck away from him, you old whore! You've had it with him! Now it's my turn!'" It ended up that the divorce hasn't been finalized to this day, and my friend, to alleviate the crisis, as he put it, and to protect himself, went away for a few days. He's no longer dating the employee, and as far as I know, the girl never made a career at his company because she was fired.

" "Good, really good," Krzysztof laughed loudly. "I remember a sketch where my friends in the room—a terrible basement, by the way—had one free spot. A young guy who was just starting college moved in there." They were already old students, in their fourth year, so they tricked the guy into buying in and buying something. They started drinking with him, and since the young man arrived already a bit tipsy, he didn't need much. He quickly collapsed onto his back on the bed and slept soundly. Meanwhile, his friends came up with an original idea. They pulled down his pants and underwear, stuffed a sausage up his butt, and called the owner's German shepherd. The client woke up to the huge dog licking his butt. It was a real laugh, and the client moved out after two days.

"That was cruel! I wouldn't want friends like that. You drink with them, and you never know what they'll put up your ass when you fall asleep!

" "I completely agree with you! When I found out what they did to the young man, I never drank with them again.

" "I was once in a village at a festival with my family. Before that, there was a children's fair and some cheap carousels, including a chairlift." The owner would take down the chairs in the evening and come back for the rest the next day. Since we, our whole crazy crew, were already well-stocked, we had to come up with some fun. We were all clinging to the carousel like bats and spinning around for a good few hours. One guy sat at the very top with a mug of beer, grinning sheepishly, while the other slept on the bottom in some spinning wheels. Then he crawled out covered in grease. The next day, upon seeing the carousel's bent tubes, the owner commented with one very telling sentence: "What a motherfucking village, I'll never fucking come here again!!!" In fact, he never showed up again. "

He's a cool guy. I like guys with a good word." Krzysztof poured himself a glass of alcohol and grabbed Marta's breasts. The girl didn't react and continued talking.

"In the same village, there used to be a disco, and next door, a beer bar, where the local bums hung out. And of course, we did. To avoid any misunderstandings, we didn't identify with those bums. Maybe two weeks after the carousel incident, we went to a disco, and when it ended, to a bar. Eventually, the bar closed too, so a few friends and I sat on the curb and drank the beers we'd bought earlier. When we had nothing left, I categorically stated that I didn't have the strength to walk the three kilometers home. I told the guys to find me some transportation. And since the owner of the disco was parking, there was an excavator and a Russian Zil parked there. So we started to get to the Zil. It was pretty well secured—a padlock on the driver's door, the battery under the seat, and the ignition hidden somewhere deep in the glove compartment. But we managed to disarm it all and drove home." Later, my cousin took that Zil somewhere out into the fields, and the next day the police and emergency medical services were dragging him out. The following week, we wanted to go for a ride in the excavator, but unfortunately, nothing happened there.

"You're a real joker. I have a feeling we'd be pulling such hilarious skits together in college, it's crazy.

" "I think so too. It's a shame you finished your education a long time ago," she laughed loudly.

"Speaking of transportation. Once, after the academic year started, five of us met in my room. We hadn't seen each other for a while, so we had to celebrate somehow. We drank what we all had with us, but unfortunately, it wasn't enough. The only thing left for us to do was go for a ride around the city. We booked a ticket, and before we left, we agreed on a price with the taxi driver, and off we went. He must have forgotten we had an appointment and started driving us around, thinking that drunk we wouldn't notice. However, my friend, Alex, famously strong-headed, noticed the clever maneuvering of this capitalist pig and asked why we were going this way. At that very moment, he had an epiphany: the price was the same, regardless of the route. He immediately told the taxi driver that if he wanted, he could go to that bar through Suwałki, and we'd still pay him the agreed price. The driver got so angry that he stopped the car and told us to get lost. I won't lie, it pissed us off, but it wasn't far from the bar. Only Alex couldn't get over it and wanted to beat the old man. We had to drag him away.

"It wasn't necessary. The conman deserved it." But I had a better experience. Last year, I was at a party in Kudowa. We were drinking that evening, and the next morning I woke up—surprisingly—in my own bed. Everything would have been fine if it weren't for the camera. After developing it, it turned out we'd driven to Prague and back that night. This is what I call sightseeing

- Travel broadens the mind - Krzysztof pulled the girl's shirt out of her skirt and put his hands under it, gently stroking her bare breasts.

"Well, it depends. When I was still a full-time student, we went to a camp in Świnoujście. From there, I went on a trip to Germany with my friends. In some town, I don't remember the name, we met a street painter. We were absolutely convinced that no one there spoke Polish, so we started a naughty discussion. "I wonder how much a portrait like that costs?" "Hmm... maybe he'd give it to me for a blowjob?" "No, come on, at least two!" "Three!" To which the fourth friend replied: "I'm not into that, I have a boyfriend." As we were leaving, amused, we heard the painter say goodbye: "Bye, girls!" We wanted to run away.

"See, Poles are everywhere!" Krzysztof was very amused.

"And who are those naked people?" Marta pulled out a photo from the album of a boy standing on a table, embracing a girl. They were both naked, as nature intended.

"Oh, it's from a certain eighteenth-century girl." We rented a room at the club for the birthday boy. We had a fantastic time with about twenty people, in a mixed crowd, of course. The alcohol flowed, and everyone was in high spirits. At one point, someone suggested the birthday boy do a striptease. It was a gift from the host to the girls as a token of affection. So the birthday boy went all out, to the beat of the music. After a full striptease, he asked his best friend, also very intoxicated, to join him. She didn't take long to ask, so in the finale, they danced naked on the table together. We were all pretty pumped up by then, so we cheered loudly. No one remembered it, but there was a camera somewhere off to the side that someone hadn't turned off, and it recorded everything. Additional proof was this photo after I developed the film.

Krzysztof took off his tie and threw it on the floor. A moment later, his jacket landed there too.

"If you're having fun, you're having fun!" the blonde shouted. "It's a bit embarrassing to admit it, but it's good, I'll tell you." Last year, my friends and I went to a friend's house in Berlin. There were about thirty of us in total. It was really fun, but after three hours, we ran out of alcohol, so we went to a club and stayed there for quite a while... The next day, we all woke up completely naked in some girls' house, naked in pairs, of course, next to each other on the floor... There were signs of activity, but after waking up, no one remembered anything or even wanted to comment; we just went home. Afterward, I had a moral hangover.

"That must have been a great party."

"Thanks for these parties," the girl slowly unbuttoned his shirt.

"That's nothing." One guy told me that after the party, he slept in a large double bed with his girlfriend and some stranger. Suddenly, he woke up and saw his girlfriend giving this strange guy a blowjob. She was so drunk, she mistook her boyfriend's bird for another one!

"I wouldn't be entirely sure if it was a mistake or intentional," Marta smiled, showing off her beautiful teeth.

"A few days ago, my friend Andrzej told me an even better sketch. He was in London with two friends on a saxophone. One day, the three of them went to a pub and picked up three girls, each of a different nationality: an Irishwoman, a Scottishwoman, and an Englishwoman. They all took the bus home, completely drunk. They each had their own room, so it was okay, privacy, one bed per couple. Czarek had to get up at six-thirty in the morning. Andrzej fucked his girlfriend right after waking up and went downstairs to the bathroom around seven. He noticed through the half-open door that the girl was sleeping with her back to the entrance. He lay down behind her, hugged her, and grabbed her breast, but she was still lying on her side with her back to him. So he started fucking her." And then the girl said, "Oh, get going, Czarek, to work, you'll be late."

"You see, guys aren't that different from each other." The girl sat astride Krzysztof's lap, facing him.

"Maybe most are, but I'm definitely different, and I think in a good way." The man unbuttoned Marta's shirt and began kissing her neck, slowly moving down towards her nice, perky breasts.

"You know, you're a much nicer guy in person than you are at work. Cheerful and laid-back.

" "I love it when you don't wear a bra," he purred.

"You've already said that. And I love staying with you after hours, boss. I work especially hard then.

" "Oh yes, you're about to work very hard." He took one nipple in his mouth, playing with the other with his fingers. "You have a great breast, so firm and tanned..."

"I sunbathed especially for you." I know you hate white spots on your body." The blonde wrapped her arms around Krzysztof's neck and surrendered to his caresses.

"Topless on a solarium?

" "No, completely naked, on the balcony.

" "You shameless thing," he whispered in her ear. "I adore you."

He stood up, holding her hips, and placed her on the desk, clearing away a pile of papers and newspapers in the process. He pulled off her miniskirt, not caring that he hadn't taken off her shoes. He was taking off his pants when he heard a pounding on the door.

"Director, how much longer?!" an old cleaning woman shouted from the hallway in a sharp, unpleasant voice. "I wanted to clean the director's office and go home!

" "Fifteen more minutes!

" "Fifteen minutes, fifteen minutes," the woman grumbled. "I've been standing by the door for half an hour, waiting for them to leave, and all they do is talk about parties, fucking, tits, and naked sunbathing." "They think I don't know what they're doing in there..." she added, her voice quieter. "The great director and his secretary. They're damn busy! And you, man, stand there and wait for your lordship!" – Sodom and Gomorrah!

"Do you know what this means in Chinese: 'Fuj wan sun'?" Krzysztof turned to Marta, ignoring the annoying cleaning lady's whining and assuming a position between the blonde's thighs, convenient for an attack.

"What?

" "Long live the ball!