Humiliated

 

For many years he built. Perhaps not alone, he couldn't have managed this construction alone. Many helped. Together, they built something beautiful. They created, looking back on their creations with indescribable joy. Their inner selves seemed pure; together they formed a perfect, unbeatable group.

...

A monster emerged from the deepest depths of his mind. Swiftly and imperceptibly, it began to destroy what the host had built so far. No, not in an obvious and direct way. It reached the level of its host, slowly maturing over many years. And that was its strength.

At some point, the beast became the host, and the host became the beast. No one around him suspected it. The monster was brilliant and made the host consider himself exceptional. He sowed his seed in the minds of those closest to him. A seed of lies, self-deception, and devastation. Rarely did the last glimmers of the host's true, former consciousness force him to think. "Two figures are constantly fighting in the same body," he wrote. And then, as if aware of his inevitable defeat, he added, "Two figures hang with him, you can sleep peacefully, <FRIEND>." These moments passed quickly. The host often had the illusion that he was winning the war against the monster. The monster weakened, surrendered, and finally perished somewhere deep in his mind.

The overgrown beast, lurking and invisible, waited only for the right moment to attack with redoubled force. But the very thing that allowed him to put "friend" in quotation marks also allowed him to realize that the monster could only perish with his mind. There was something intriguing in these momentary flashes. Realizing he had no friends, he simultaneously grew in strength and a certain pride, as if he were automatically allowing himself to be consumed by the monster. His friends, unaware of his inner war and their own problems, unknowingly helped the monster. But it was he himself who was the most dangerous. Despite being food for the monster, his "friends" helped him constantly feed it. Only in this. As if just to give them an excuse to leave.

For

many years, he built his hell, at first with pride, later with indifference. Many helped, praising him, hiding the truth. Those who refused to help had long since been pushed aside. His interior was no longer pure, but shimmered with the magnificent colors of the rainbow. He viewed himself and the world through a soap bubble, and the world was about to burst that bubble

.

The monster, saving itself from the death of its mind, filled its devoured emotions with a fetid mass. The love that had kept it alive vanished first, giving way to hatred. A powerful reaction began, the effects of which no one could predict. The monster felt dissatisfied. It was now without an opponent, for this helpless piece of flesh that had once thought could no longer fight it. But it could fight people. By destroying the already shattered lives of its "friends," it created a vacuum around itself. Others began to recede like stars from the center of the universe. And he felt as if he were within it. The monster was toying with him. This toying continued until the darkness around him prevented him from seeing anything but his own mutilated body. His overloaded mind refused to obey, and even the monster could control his mood swings. A desperate struggle began. The combined forces of the monster and its host tried to keep him alive. His poisoned mind mixed reality with fiction, and at a certain point, neither of them could realize what was happening or who they were.

…

A beautiful morning began. The rustle of trees and the chirping of birds made it impossible to pass by a small clearing, where green grass and a tree felled by a three-day storm reminded one of the approaching autumn. But today, there was no one here. For two weeks, there had been no one. Except for him. He decided he wouldn't build, he wouldn't tear down. He wouldn't fight. He'd given up. Another day alone. How much longer? Besides, the severed vertebrae would eventually pierce his strained neck twice, and when they found him, no one would remember him.

…