MONSTER

 

My Monster woke up this morning with me. He usually sleeps until noon, while I've been bustling around the apartment since the early morning hours, trying to clean and nervously rolling a cigarette that had been half-smoked in the ashtray. "

Get up, we're going shopping!" I call to the Monster, but he stares at me with one eye and refuses to budge. I know my Monster and I haven't been working together well lately. But I'm doing my best, because my life depends on him. We have to work together.

We leave the house before ten, I hold the Monster on a leash, he looks around, wagging his tail the size of a large banana, just as crooked. Today he has six pairs of eyes, two snouts that drool, and ten pairs of ears I'd rather not even mention. Three pairs of hairy legs with curved claws briskly lead the Monster forward. His fur is red, sometimes turning blue, but mostly he's black, like my thoughts when I want to kick his ass.

While waiting in line at the checkout, I often observe other people's Monsters. There are very few of them, occasionally a man or woman walking their pets on a leash, but each one is different; one might even say that each one was created in a different image. Every day, the Monsters change their form.

I sit at my desk and try to write something, start a sentence, but I can't do anything, nothing, nothing... I furiously peek into the next room to see how my Monster is feeling today. He must be utterly exhausted, because he's lying on his back, breathing heavily. Today, he has slightly purple fur and enormous buffalo horns, the sight of which makes me nauseous. I go to the store for a bottle of vodka.

Oh yes! The alcohol is coursing through my veins, and I eagerly begin to write. Vodka, let me live! I want to scream at the top of my lungs, but the neighbors are already asleep, so I shut up my crazy thoughts and take another shot of vodka. Four pages, five, six, seven pages... The Monster runs around the room as if drinking with me, crazy thoughts swirling around my head along with the Monster! If this is what my whole life is going to be like, then I want to live forever, forever, forever! I hugged my Monster and kissed his crocodile face!

I'm happy!

Another sad day.

Maybe it's the gray, cold autumn? I haven't done anything all week, and yet I have to make a living. I'm in a terrible mental breakdown, and the alcohol isn't helping anymore. I'm walking through the park, holding the Monster on a leash, and he barely follows me. He looks seriously ill. I can't lose him. I'll have a nervous breakdown and shoot myself in the head, that's for sure.

I meet a friend who also writes. His Monster is strong, standing confidently in the yellow autumn grass, stained with rotten leaves, and urinating on a roadside tree. He's covered in yellow scales, his eyes are like those of a toad, and his tail ends in a lead ball with protruding spikes. The guy is lucky; he clearly doesn't worry about anything. His forehead is lifted proudly, his hair is luxuriant, his face is smiling. He's puffing on a pipe held firmly between his teeth. I approach my friend and look enviously at his Monster.

"He looks good," I say to him, though it's hard to hide the envy that drips like venom from my lips.

"I've had some creative inspiration lately, I admit," he replies with a slight smile and scratches his Monster's neck. "And how's your pet?"

I don't answer. Jealousy and a sense of defeat are winning. I'm running through the park, away from the people and their Monsters! I'm holding a leash that feels strangely light. After a moment, I stop, terrified, but I don't dare look back, not even for a second. But I have to, I have to! I can't just stand there forever, staring into the distance!

I turned around and froze in horror.

The end of the leash dragged on the ground like a dead snake, and an empty collar was attached to it. The Monster was gone. He'd left me forever.

Although he might come back someday; they always come back, you just have to try really, really hard.

For now, I'll focus on something else.