. Phew! That's it. No more of that filthy little 'majka'. I'm sick of it. Fuck it from top to bottom – it was late Sunday evening, and Krzysiek was just finishing up his math "teaching aids." To be precise, it was early Monday morning, but everyone except Krzysiek was already (or maybe still) asleep; no one really cared. Well, almost everyone. Our hero, like any respectable student of the 3rd Secondary School, wanted to know something about tomorrow's math exam. Especially since he was participating, and not just in terms of organization. Unfortunately, even though Krzysiek tried his hardest, his true nature got the better of him (as usual). After all, no true skater would rot in his house on the weekend while his friends partied at some cult party. Maybe some poser would allow himself to do something like that, but KILLER – for that was Mr. Krzysztof B.'s nickname – never would. To his pride and the glory of his baggy trousers, he spent two evenings (well, actually, two days) at intense hip-hop parties, while also indulging in various delicacies.
"...damn it," Killer cursed, "I'm going to have another year in first grade." Hmm, that's the fourth year in a row. Damn, those medieval times had it good." They wanted something, so they called "Uncle Downstairs," threw a complete fire sale of their soul shares, and had a wild party for the rest of their lives. It's not like it used to be. Our society is too atheistic. When Daddy and Uncle saw this, they took their gang and went to another sandbox. – These were the thoughts that came to Krzyś, but it was no surprise, because he always got such cravings after too much acid.
Suddenly, there was a bang and the air reeked of sulfur.
"GOOD MORNING, SIR," said the man in the elegant tailcoat. "MY NAME IS LUCIFER, DARK LORD OF LIGHT. I HEARD YOU CALLED ME." Killer stared at him as if hypnotized. "
Oh, what a fucking craze!" He scratched his head, then asked, "Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house?
" "YOU'RE ALREADY I TOLD YOU – replied the newcomer politely – MY NAME IS LUCIFER AND I HAVE COME AT YOUR CALL.
– Okay, okay, Lucek, don't play me for a fool. I know full well that there are no devils. The Church invented them a long time ago to exercise control over the rest of humanity, and if someone jumped too high, they gave him a free stake.
– SOME RESPECT, HAM – roared the enraged Lucifer – MAYBE I'M NOT AS POWERFUL AS GOD, BUT I HAVE ENOUGH STRENGTH TO PUNCH A punk LIKE YOU… SO WHAT ARE WE DOING A DEAL WITH OR NOT? I'M TIRED OF THIS WASTE OF TIME!
– Okay, calm down, Lucek, don't get upset.
– AND DON'T CALL ME LUCEK. MY NAME IS…
– I know, I know. Damn it, Lucifer, where's your cool? You don't even glow base!!!
- NOT SMOKING WHAT?
- BAZY, you idiot, that means you don't understand this climate. A person has to be loose here to survive. What have you fallen from the moon?
- NO, THAT'S NOT MY BUSINESS. TWARDOWSKI IS GUARDED BY BEELZEBUB. THIS ONE HAS IT FINE, HE'S JUST GOING AROUND... BUT WHAT DID YOU SAY, "DON'T UNDERSTAND THE BAZY"?
- Don't glow.
- OH YES... "DON'T GLOW"
- For God's sake...
- WELL, WELL, DON'T INSULT ME HERE, NOTHING DIVINE THERE
- Okay, sorry. What the hell are you doing there? You're not up to date at all.
- OH, YOU KNOW IT'S TOUGH. THERE ARE MORE AND MORE DAMNED, AND THE STAFF ARE NOT ADDING. IT'S A REALLY DIFFICULT PIECE OF BREAD. YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I THINK THAT ETERNAL TORTURE IS A HORRIBLE TORTURE FOR THE TORTURING PERSON…
"You probably meant to say," Krzyś interrupted him politely, "for the tortured person.
" "DON'T INTERRUPT ME," Lucifer shouted. "I KNOW WHAT I WANTED TO SAY. SO WHAT WAS I SAYING?...AND I KNOW NOW. YOU DON'T EVEN REALIZE HOW HORRIBLE IT IS. I'M TELLING YOU, YOU CAN DIE FROM BOREDOM. BUT I GOT TOO LONG TO TALK, AND TIME IS PRESSING. COME ON, DECIDE, HURRY."
"You know what, Lucek. I have an idea. You'll solve my problems on Earth. And I'll introduce you to today's atmosphere. What do you think?"
"HMM, I DON'T KNOW," Lucifer mused
. "Chill out, man. It'll be light. Finally, something new
." "ALL RIGHT… LET IT GO, THE DEAL'S STANDING.
" "Bravo Lucek, you're a brave guy. Now grab a pen and sign the contract.
" "BUT…
" "No buts. One, two. Remember, time's running out . "OK,
I'M SIGNING IT."
"Now give me the contract." Krzysiek rolled up the document and put it in his pocket.
"YOU KNOW… YOU'RE A KILLER.
" "WHAT A KILLER?" Krzysiek roared, his voice changed beyond recognition. "HOW DEAR MR. KILLER!
" "But…" Lucifer groaned in response. "
SHUT UP, YOU INGRATED MAN, REMEMBER YOU SIGNED THE DEAL." NOW YOUR SOUL BELONGS TO ME. BUT FOR NOW GET OUT. I'M TIRED OF THIS GIRL. AND I'D FORGET. FIX MY PROBLEMS AT SCHOOL TOMORROW. AND THEN... WE'LL THINK, WE'LL THINK—
" Killer heard the roar, and his nightly visitor was gone. The roar sounded again. Slowly, it dawned on him that it wasn't a roar at all, but an alarm clock. "Damn," he woke up instantly, "he'll be late for school again." "Wow, what a huge thrill. The acid was really strong. And by the way, something smells strange here—hmm—like sulfur..."
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