Emptiness

.

Scraps of thought toss the remnants of consciousness scattered across the stone floor. It's as cold as my memories of the last dozen or so hours. Only occasionally do slides, frozen in abstract poses, make themselves known, giving the impression they were born in entirely different minds. In thousands of minds.

Slowly, slowly, I focus on the present… Every few moments, a new image is added to the puzzle… They're all strange, so disjointed… A green garden - ... - a dark corridor - ... - an abyss - and... silence... A brain-piercing, sick, unnatural silence... I'm in it. I hang between the right and left sides of nothingness.

I'm not cold. I think I know why... I've often heard of such places: Soundless, seemingly insignificant. People, madmen, spoke volumes about immense love, peace, and warmth. But here, there's not a shred of love... Only silence...

Now I can move my head... but something is blocking my movements. It's pain. Terrible pain, muscles frozen in unnatural positions. I open my eyes... Are you sure? I'm so tired...

A faint tapping sound reaches my ears from nowhere. Perhaps it was there, with me all along, I don't know... I shift my dead gaze into the void... No, it doesn't make sense; in this darkness, I can't even estimate the size of the room, let alone identify the source of the sound.

Tap... tap... tap... I turn my head helplessly, observing the impenetrable particles of the abyss over and over again. How is it possible that not even the slightest ray of light can enter here?... Unanswered questions. How did I get here?... It's all for nothing. I need a point of reference, a solid foundation to build a coherent scenario. What is this place?

I touch the floor. It's slippery, uniform, and... sticky. Sticky? I place my hands in one spot, move further, further still. Everywhere. I support my torso with my hands and sit down, leaning against the wall. It takes a lot of strength to change position. But something's wrong... I turn around, put my hand up, and... with my fingertips I feel a gelatinous substance spread across the damp plaster. What is it? I bring my wet hand to my nose, touch my fingers with the tip of my tongue... is it, is it... blood...? BLOOD?!.

"Oh, mother, where am I... where am I?!

I gather all my strength... I want to get up... All my clothes are probably smeared with blood. Only now do I detect its scent. Heavy. Nauseating. With the last of my strength, I push myself to my feet.

"Arhh!" A searing pain in my lower back, knees, and feet.

I struggle to take the first, terribly painful step. I have to make the effort, I have to...

Emptiness.

A faint twilight gently caresses my lowered eyelids… Am I… dreaming? I open my eyes slightly… I wish… I wish it were all as simple as a simple dream can seem.

Or maybe this is one of those dreams from which you can't wake up?

With a partial glance, I tear out small, blurry fragments of space. It's strange, through squinted eyes, everything looks as if reflected in the surface of a lake… so… shallow, flat.

My eyes are adjusting to the brightness. After a long time in the dark, light…

Light?

Only now does it dawn on me. I force my eyelids open. How dazzling! I look around the room frantically… Now I see. This… cell I find myself in is a perfectly cubic stone cage. As if someone, with the utmost precision, carved a space out of a huge rock. On the walls is old, wet plaster; I don't know who applied it or why… The floor and ceiling are perfectly smooth cobblestones. God… Everything, every wall, the ceiling, every square centimeter of the surface is smeared with blood. Black, half-dried, congealed blood… In the center of the room stands an old-fashioned oil lamp… It's the one that casts a barely perceptible light. How did it get here? What nightmarish place is this?!

Wait… I've been here before. I wanted… to escape. I don't remember much, I didn't have the strength to remember. I must have fallen and fallen asleep. And before that? Nothing… As if I'd arisen in the place I woke up in.

A lamp… how did it get here…

An exit! Someone must have brought a lamp; things don't just appear. And if someone brought it, there must be a way out!

I look around the room. No door, no trapdoor, nothing… But… wait, something here… I approach the wall. Beneath the layer of bloody mud, there's something… signs scrawled in black paint. Letters. With the utmost disgust, I reveal part of the inscription. Words. Was… this thing once human? Phrases...

Finding yourself is like looking for the house you're standing in.

How can you find it?

It's everywhere . It's

all you know.

There's no other point of reference.

What the hell is this supposed to mean? No, no, no, no, no... It's all too cliché... Sick... What kind of fucking game is this?! What's happening? God, what's happening to me?!

The void.

The lamp flame grows smaller with each passing second... What is a second in this place? A minute, an hour, a year? Questions... it doesn't matter anyway. I've lost faith that I'll ever get out of here... It's terribly strange that despite the constant passage of time, I feel no hunger, no thirst... Maybe this is what hell is like, and I'm atone for my sins?

One thing is certain... Whatever this place is, it's my own world now. A world where I am the sole king... Isn't that what I wanted?

But why must I rule such a terrible place, full of blood, misunderstanding, and chaos? It seems too high a price to pay… I don't know what's worse. To be an inferior individual among billions of others, or to be the only one and rule over rot. Rot… in that case, God… God is God only for Himself…

Suddenly, words appear on the walls. As if someone were writing them with an invisible hand… Before, I might have been scared, but now the only feeling I have is curiosity. Pure curiosity… I'm surprised, my reaction is so inhuman…

…the door to freedom will open when darkness returns…

The lamp flame goes out…

Doctor! DOCTOR!!! Quick! Another attack, do something! We're losing him… we're losing him…