I got up early, before sunrise, and walked out onto the escarpment. Along the way, I heard only the rustle of my sandals on the dry earth. I saw little, but enough to figure out exactly what I was passing through. Along the way, I passed a rock. I walked along its right side. I stroked it with my fingers. I knew it very well.
When I reached the escarpment, I sat near its edge and began to pray. By the time I finished, the sun had long since set above the horizon. I sat and thought. About the world, about people, about what would come. It was all so strange. I lived in constant motion. I had become a vagabond by choice. Staying in one place for long was pointless. I had to keep moving. My friends and I. We walked as if we were soldiers taking a census. We passed through villages and towns. We spent so much time together. We already knew each other very well. Everyone knew what to expect from each other. Only I was a certain unknown for you. Paradoxically.
Because you don't really know me well yet, my dear friends. And I don't know you well enough either. Although I know. I'm absolutely certain that the time will come when I understand you perfectly. But that still takes some time.
I certainly seem to you as someone who wants to live alone. Oh! Do you think I don't like many women? Do I underestimate their beauty? Their modesty? Their wisdom—oh my goodness! Their natural grace, their smooth features, their delicacy? I know full well that I could be married. Wouldn't I be a good husband? I would care for her. I would give her a sense of security. I would manage our assets responsibly. I would make decisions, and at the same time, I would bear the consequences. Would any of these women whose qualities I mentioned demand more from their husbands? Oh! How many we met during our journey, as we explored regions near and far. We wandered as if we were being hunted! As if every person we've ever been with were kicking us out or throwing us away, like throwing away used fabric! Although, of course, that wasn't the case.
You probably think I have a very restless soul. Yes, I do. How can I be calm? Which doesn't mean I'm impulsive. You know yourselves how much I love you. And you, too, have such great affection for me.
And now, as I sit here on this escarpment, watching the sun rise, wouldn't I want to wake up in the morning next to my beloved, my one and only? Always in the same room? Cuddle and play with my own children? Meet the neighbors at parties in the evenings? But of course I do! Although staying in this world isn't generally a pleasure in itself. Sometimes it's so hard for me. Sometimes I'm overcome with fear. Though you're probably wondering how that's possible. I'm afraid!
I love and hate this world. I love you and this world, but I hate the sin within you. And that is the only reason I am here. You think I have come to restore the kingdom. Yes, indeed. Although the way I will do it, and what kind of kingdom it is, will put you all to a great test. I am already afraid of it.
For I am here to save you. To rescue you. Like a father offering a hand to a son falling into a cliff. Like a mother holding a child to her breast, shielding it from impact. Like a captain guiding a ship out of a storm. Like a friend, I stand in the path of the bullet destined for you.
And do you think I wouldn't want to stay with the Father and not come here at all? That I take pleasure in enduring the malice and insults of those I created? Oh, how many of them uphold law and piety! And do you think I rejoice in this?
But I have come down here to lay down my life for you. Because that is what I want. Voluntarily lay it down for you. No one takes it from me. I give it to you myself. Because I love you more than my own life. Because it breaks my heart to see you struggling for thousands of years in this hopeless and unequal battle with sin and its creator, the devil. For only I can stop it. Now you are ripe for this, so I am.
And I go. I truly run. To become sin. To rejoice with you in a place you cannot even imagine. So that you can rejoice. So that you can be what you cannot even dream of being. That is why we allowed you to fall, and that is why we want to raise you.
So here I am. To reign above kings, to serve the least of our servants. Because I love you so much.
That is why I do not complain. And just as parents never say a word to a child about how much it cost them to raise them, so I will never tell you how much what I am doing now cost me. And you will never know. You will never be able to understand.
Ah, you are coming to me, my beloved. Yes, it's time to get up and go on.
"And very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he rose and went out to a deserted place, and there he prayed. Simon and those with him followed him. And when they found him, they said to him, "Everyone is looking for you." And he said to them, "Let us go somewhere else, into the surrounding villages, that I may preach there also; for that is why I came." So he went and preached in their synagogues throughout all Galilee, and cast out demons."
Mark 1:35-39
Brak komentarzy:
Prześlij komentarz