I can?

The sun flooded every corner of the city. End of vacation… – tired leaves rustled, barely clinging to the life-giving branches. Watching it all, I felt a pang of regret that I would once again have to blend into the crowd of those "big," "intelligent," students of my beloved shack. These two months were a time when I could shed my mask of a calm and thoughtful girl. I lived in the moment, not thinking about the day when that measured half-smile would grace my face again.

Thinking about the coming days, I sat on a worn-out bench, absorbing the beauty that had unexpectedly filled the city park. I took out a beer, immediately lighting a cigarette.

“And to think that a few years ago I smoked my first one here… how much laughter there was…” Images from the past flooded my mind. I took a drag. “And my first beer? Also in the same park. How childish I was then,” I said, laughing out loud.

"Friend, are you having a good time today..." I heard a male voice approaching from just behind me. I turned and studied the intruders. Four men older than me also gave me curious glances, but didn't utter any other words that could be considered a greeting or anything of the sort. "We'll sit nearby. I hope we're not disturbing you," he continued, moving with his group towards the next bench. I nodded, exhaling smoke, which they probably interpreted as complete ignorance. "Oh well," I thought, "I don't feel like talking to such..." Unable to find the right word, I looked at them again.

They sat down on the worn-out boards. Still laughing, they took out their phones, cigarettes ("mmm..." I said quietly, "they have good taste"), lighters, and some oblong object. Intrigued, I squinted, because it looked remarkably similar to... I'm not mistaken! A black, already tanned pipe was in the hand of one of the amused guys.

"And your friends, I see, prefer something stronger," I stated rather than asked. Not expecting any response, I began to drink the rest of my beer, thinking about the arranged meeting. I threw away the butt and slowly rose.

"You're welcome, if you'd like," said the one holding the pipe. "You're welcome."

I couldn't believe my ears. Only another invitation worked, and as if enchanted, I sat down next to them. The silence was broken by the boy sitting next to me.

"I'm Krzysiek." And so, one by one, I learned their names and ages.

"May I?" I looked questioningly at the black object.

"Ah...sure, sure. Here. Here's a lighter." He handed me a small red object, and then a pipe. I took it. Unsure why, my hands were sweating, and my breathing quickened slightly. A moment of hesitation. I looked straight into Arek's eyes. I could see he wanted to say something, warn me. What if this wasn't just the first time? I glanced around.

"Come on, kid, don't panic! Haven't you smoked yet?" the one in the blue shirt asked. I nodded. "Haven't you?! So what are you waiting for? Smoke it like a cigarette, just take a deep drag and hold it in as long as possible.

" "Smoking cigarettes isn't easy," I thought. "This is your only chance." I exhaled. I put my mouth to the narrow opening, and lit the other one with Krzysiek's lighter. I smoked it. He filled it for me again. I started choking, coughing. Then I'd choke again, cough, and laugh, laugh, laugh... I'd never felt so good. I laughed at every word, every situation, every thought. I laughed at my problems, my sorrows, my failures... I simply couldn't stop it.

Months passed, and every day I rediscovered the joys of smoking weed. Then came amphetamines. It was just that during one outing with my buddies (the ones from the park had become my friends. The only people I could still talk to), one of them pulled out a bag of white dust.

"Can I?" I asked, looking at the new stuff. And I felt better again, but this was something I wanted. More energy, I felt so smart and intelligent. There were no situations I couldn't solve. It was so beautiful...

Amphetamines were my sister. I saw her more and more often. I saw her at the expense of school, friends, family, and my health. I became psychologically addicted. A mental zero, a nobody. Eyes devoid of their former expression, dark circles under them, worn out by lack of sleep. An emaciated corpse wandered the streets, gazing unseeingly. It was time for other drugs… I was sinking lower and lower. But I wasn't a drug addict. If someone had called me that, I could have killed them. The truth hurt so much…

I was sitting with my friends in the park. It was my birthday. We sat down on a bench and pulled out the stuff.

"Is that all?" I asked reproachfully, looking at the bag clutched in Maciek's hand. "Weed? Where's the speed?" I said. At that very moment, I had a huge craving for a line of dust. A craving I couldn't resist. "Weed? A drug for little brats! I need..." I didn't finish.

"Do you need it? God, girl, chill out a bit and let it go. Either take a drink or get lost and don't ruin our day with your sulking," Maciek yelled. He looked at me with an irritating smile. "Here," he tossed a bag of weed at my feet. "We don't have time to wait for you to decide to smoke. We're leaving. Call me when you're better."

The three of them walked away, laughing loudly. I heard their silly giggles for a long time until they disappeared from my sight. What should I do? I took out a cigarette, took a drag, and froze. A girl stood in front of me, a short brunette in a black skirt.

"What do you want, you little brat?! What are you staring at?" silence answered. "What, are you deaf or something?! Speak up!" Tears of rage welled up in my eyes. "Fine. If she's pretending not to hear, then I'm ignoring her too. Or maybe... no! I can see her. I can't imagine it. This is real. Or not... Or a trip. Maybe... acid... Nooooo!!!" I exclaimed loudly. The frightened birds left their hiding place in the cool treetops.

The girl's face began to undulate dangerously. I turned my back. I opened my eyes cautiously. She was gone. Relief. I turned around again. No! She was still standing there! She started shifting nervously from foot to foot. Finally, I heard her.

"Is something wrong?" I nodded. It was much better. "

Ever since I approached you, you've been acting so strange," she continued. "You were shouting something, and when I answered, you shouted even louder..." She stopped. "Besides, I'm not a brat!" she added firmly.

"Oh yes... I'm sorry," I said in a hoarse voice. I regained control. "So what do you want, standing in front of me and staring as if you didn't see a human?

" "A human?" she muttered ironically. She thought I wouldn't hear it. It hurt.

"So, who am I?" a thought crossed my mind.

Ignoring the unwanted company, I pulled out the barrel, loaded it, and fired it. And to think that yesterday I was sucking in dust through it, and today I have to play with some weed. I cursed. I'd had enough of this! Enough of these so-called friends, enough of pretending, enough of myself…

"I'm Majka," the little girl said loudly. She sat down next to me and stared nervously into my eyes. "And you?

" "Anna," I replied after a moment of thought. My mind was working slower with each passing day. Today, however, it was taking a complete vacation.

"Nice name," I heard her whisper. I know it's nice… at least I used to think so.

"May I?" Maja asked boldly, pointing to the smoking pipe. Silence. "May I?" she repeated louder. A moment of reflection. I said calmly.

"Sure. Here," I said instinctively, handing her the equipment. I noticed she was afraid. Just like me. But when was that?... I told her what and how. She took a drag. She smoked quite a few. Later, we walked arm in arm along the park paths. We laughed at boring passersby, bare branches, each other's stories… Majka. She was 16 then. A year younger than me. We became friends. Inseparable.

Then it was time for our joint hit in the canal. The queen of them all. Heroin flowed through our veins, constricted our pupils, gave us a reason to live. We drifted apart. I spent too much time circulating cash for the stuff. Increasingly, small disagreements escalated into huge arguments. And then it happened. Majka met a new friend, Martyna. She was the same age as Maja. But she'd never used before.

I saw them today. They were walking to our favorite park. Martyna was laughing, Majka with blurry eyes. Martyna still has a chance to say NO. She might still forget what drugs, addiction, desire, hunger mean. But I know that will never happen. Beginnings are always beautiful and innocent. Soon, Martyna will become someone's teacher, show them the colorful world of drugs, generously give them their first fix.

I wonder... who will be next?